Bizarre Book

Read an Excerpt

Chapter One

THEY DIDN'T REALLY MEAN IT
Unintentional double-entendre titles

Women on the Job
Judith Buber Agassi
Lexington, Mass.: Lexington Books, 1979
A lively account of the activities of professional women.

The Resistance of Piles to Penetration
Russell V. Allin
Spon, 1935
An important treatise on a common problem.

Games You Can Play with Your Pussy
Ira Alterman
Watertown, Mass.: Ivory Tower Pub. Co., 1985

American Bottom Archaeology
Charles John Bareis and James Warren Porter
Chicago, Ill.: University of Illinois Press, 1983

How It Was Done at Stow School
Anon.
Hamilton Adams, 2nd edition, 1888
The author did not like the way it was done at all.

The Boy Fancier
Frank Townend Barton
Routledge; New York: E. P. Dutton, 1912
Tips on caring for domestic pets.

Enter Ye In
James Sidlow Baxter
Edinburgh: Marshall, Morgan and Scott, 1939
And after twenty-one years:
Going Deeper
Edinburgh: Marshall, Morgan and Scott, 1960

Couplings to the Khyber
Percy Stuart Attwood Berridge
Newton Abbot: David and Charles, 1969
Riveting tales of the railways.

"Green Balls". The Adventures of a Night Bomber
Paul Bewsher
Edinburgh: W. Blackwood and Sons, 1919

The Last Agony of the Great Bore
F.W. Bird
Boston, Mass.: Dutton, 1868
On the drilling of the Hoosac Tunnel.

The Saddle of Queens
Lida Louise Bloodgood
J.A. Allen, 1959

Enid Blyton's Gay Story Book
Enid Blyton
Hodder and Stoughton, 1946
An unusual selection by the queen of storytellers. The stories include:

The Three Sailors
Let's Play Worms
Dame Poke-Around
That Tiresome Brownie

Persevering Dick
Mary D. R. Boyd
Philadelphia, Pa.: Presbyterian Board of Publication, 1867
Richard's dogged determination does not go unrewarded.

Ball Punching
Tom Carpenter
Athletic Publications, 1923
'World's Champion All-round Ball-Puncher' — but then balls usually are round, aren't they?

Where to Say No
Rose Terry Cooke
Gall and Inglis, 1887
Miss Cooke lays down the law.

The Garden of Ignorance. The Experiences of a Woman in a Garden
Marion Cran
Herbert Jenkins, 1913
The author leads us up the garden path in this down to earth series:
The Garden of Experience
Herbert Jenkins, 1922
The Joy of the Ground
Herbert Jenkins, 1928
The Lusty Pal
Herbert Jenkins, 1930
The Story of my Ruin
Herbert Jenkins, 1924

Flashes from the Welsh Pulpit
J. Gwnoro Davies (ed.)
Hodder and Stoughton, 1889
'... it is to be hoped that these Flashes have retained sufficient heat to warm some Christian's heart.'

Penetrating Wagner's Ring
John L. Di Gaetanao
New York: Da Capo, 1978
An in-depth study of the great composer's Meisterwerk.

The Pansy Books
Ida M. Loder Donisthorpe
G. Routledge, 1887-90
(27 vols) A comprehensive library of pansiana.

Men Who Have Risen: A Book for Boys
Charles Altamont Doyle (illustrator)
J. S. Virtue, 1859

Fishing for Boys
J. H. Elliott
Harrap, 1961

Chaps and Short Pants
Herbert Farris
G. G. Swan, 1946

Vince the Rebel; or, Sanctuary in the Bog
G. Manville Fenn
Chambers, 1897

Law Relating to Carriage of Goods by Sea in a Nutshell
Marston Garsia
Sweet and Maxwell, 2nd edition, 1925

Erections on Allotments
George W. Giles and Fred M. Osborn
Central Allotments Committee, n.d.

Whippings and Lashings
The Girl Guides Association, 1977
The anonymous author of this little gem (in both senses — it measures just 3 inches by 2.5 inches) offers some sound advice: 'Always use ropes or cord of suitable thickness', and 'Do not fumble or use fancy methods'. A copy in the authors' collection has been annotated by a previous owner, with the codes '• = I can do it', and 'X = I can't do it'.

Cocktugs. A Short History of the Liverpool Screw Towing Company
W. B. Hallam
Liverpool: Printed by James Birchall and Sons, 1963

The Romance of Three Bachelors
Helen Harding
New York: n.p., c.1895

Kept for the Master's Use
F. R. Havergal
J. Nisbet, 1879

Making It in Leather
M. Vincent Hayes
New York: Drake, 1972; Newton Abbot: David and Charles, 1973
A how-to book for devotees of this specialised handicraft.

Warfare in the Enemy's Rear
O. Heilbrunn
Allen and Unwin, 1963

Handbook for the Limbless
Geoffrey Howson (ed.)
Disabled Society, 1922
With a foreword by John Galsworthy.

The Nature and Tendency of Balls, Seriously and Candidly Considered in Two Sermons
Jacob Ide
Dedham, 1818

The Chronicles of the Crutch
Blanchard Jerrold
William Tinsley, 1860

The Tory Lover
Sarah Jewett
Smith, Elder, 1901

Suggestive Thoughts for Busy Workers
J. Osborne Keen
Bible Christian Book Room, 1883

Fanny's First; or, Tender Trifles
W. Brown Kitchiner
n.p., 1829

The Big Problem of Small Organs
Alan T. Kitley
Colchester: The Author, 1966
A key difficulty solved in a noteworthy book. 'Having spent ten years devising schemes for the small organ I reluctantly decided that "there ain't no such animal", as a famous cowboy once said.' Mr Kitley then went away and wrote a book on it.

Explorations at Sodom
Melvin Grove Kyle
Religious Tract Society, 1928
Archaeological secrets uncovered.

Memorable Balls
James Laver
Derek Verschoyle, 1954
The eminent art historian recalls some fashionable Society entertainments.

Briefs Calmly Considered
'A Layman'
York: A. Barclay, 1826
The anonymous author is unaroused by his subject.

Shifts and Expedients of Camp Life
William Barry Lord and Thomas Baines
Horace Cox, 1871

The Midnight Cry; or, Signs in the Church of the Bridegroom's Second Coming
Rev. J. Lowes
Carlisle: n.p., 1800
A Sermon: 'Fire from Heaven ... has burnt up our natural heavens of joy and delight in the flesh.'

Joyful Lays
Rev. R. Lowry and W. Howard Doane
New York and Chicago: Biglow and Main, 1886

Queer Doings in the Navy
Asa M. Mattice
Cambridge, Mass.: Line Officers' Association, 1896

School Experiences of a Fag at a Private and a Public School
George Melly
Smith, Elder, 1854

Little Lays for Little Lips
Helen J. A. Miles (illustrator)
William Wells Gardner, 3rd edition, 1875
Featuring 'The Foolish Chicken'.

Motor Cycles in a Nutshell
Swinfen Bramley Moore
P. Lund Humphries, 1923
Mr Moore was also the author of several other 'In a Nutshell' books including map-reading — a skill which he clearly lost when he wrote Our Present Position: What About It? (S. W. Partridge, 1922).

The Fags, and other Poems
William Moore
Kegan Paul, Trench, Trübner, 1912

British Tits
Christopher Perrins
Collins, 1979
A book to keep one abreast of ornithological knowledge.

The Oldest Trade in the World, and Other Addresses for the Younger Folk
George H. Morrison
Oliphant, Anderson and Ferrier, 1898
A title in the Golden Nails series.

Tinklings from the Sheepfolds
Matthias Pearson (pseudonym of John William Fletcher)
Simpkin, Marshall and Co., 1871
The author of Flirtation; or, The Way into the Wilderness
(Robert Theobald, 1854) provides some interesting thoughts.

A Love Passage
Lady Harriet Phillimore
Christian Knowledge Society, 1908

Scouts in Bondage
Geoffrey Prout
Aldine Publishing Co., 1930

'Hurrah!' A Bit of Loving Talk with Soldiers
Samuel Gillespie Prout
James Nisbet and Co., 1881

What Was Said in the Woods
Gustav zu Putlitz
Longman, Brown, 1851

Report of the Committee on Relations with Junior Members
Oxford: Oxford University Gazette, 1963

Shag the Caribou
C. Bernard Rutley
Macmillan, 1949
In the same series as Peeko the Beaver, and not to be confused with:

The Romance of the Newfoundland Caribou
Arthur Radclyffe Dugmore
William Heinemann, 1913
or

Shag: Last of the Plains Buffalo
Robert M. McClung
New York: Morrow, 1960
or even

Shag: The Story of a Dog
Thomas Clark Hinkle
Arrowsmith, 1932

Camping Among Cannibals
Alfred St Johnston
Macmillan, 1883
Dangerous exploits by an eccentric explorer.

The Comings of Cousin Ann
Emma Speed Sampson
Chicago, Ill.: Reilly and Lee Co., 1923

A French Letter Writing Guide
D. Sephton
Wicklewood: Primrose, 1980

Under Two Queens
John Huntley Skrine
Macmillan, 1884

The Scrubber Strategy
Robert T. Stafford
New York: Harper and Row, 1982

Fifty Years with the Rod
John Stirling
Philip Allan, 1929
An exhausting half-century described by the President of the Scottish Anglers' Association.

Betty Hyde's Lovers; or, The Household Brigade
Ralph Stone
n.p., c. 1890

Invisible Dick
Frank Topham
D. C. Thomson and Co., 1926
'"Jeehosphat! What a disgraceful scene!" said Dick Brett, doing a series of physical jerks behind a bush, as he began to grow into visibility.'

The Hooker's Art
Jessie A. Turbayne
Atglen, Pa.: Schiffer, 1993

Keeping your Tools Tiptop
Thomas Umpleby
Detroit, Mich.: The Author, 1954

The Gay Boys of Old Yale!
John Denison Vose
New Haven, Conn.: Hunter and Co., c.1869
Carefree varsity days recalled.

The Big Book of Busts
John L. Watson
San Francisco, Ca.: Hypermodern Press, 1994
A chess — rather than chest — book.

Organ Building for Amateurs
Mark Wicks
Ward Lock, 1887
A do-it-yourself guide to bigger and better organs.

Girls of the Pansy Patrol
May Wynne
Aldine Publishing Co., 1931
May Wynne was the pseudonym of Mabel Winifred Knowles, the author of over 200 girls' stories, including Jill the Hostage (Pearson, 1925) — a perfect partner for Geoffrey Prout's Scouts in Bondage (see page 17).

Eternal Wind
Sergei Zhemaeitis
Moscow: MIR, 1975