Black and Single: Meeting and Choosing a Partner Who's Right for You

Black and Single: Meeting and Choosing a Partner Who's Right for You

by Larry E. Davis
     
 

Meeting and Choosing a Partner Who's Right for You

Tired of the man-bashing and woman-hating drama of the modern dating game? In Black and Single, Dr. Larry E. Davis—a social psychologist and voice of reason—reconciles the sexes, providing an indispensable buyers' guide for the romantic marketplace. His unique ideas start with…  See more details below

Overview

Meeting and Choosing a Partner Who's Right for You

Tired of the man-bashing and woman-hating drama of the modern dating game? In Black and Single, Dr. Larry E. Davis—a social psychologist and voice of reason—reconciles the sexes, providing an indispensable buyers' guide for the romantic marketplace. His unique ideas start with appraising your Romantic Market Value (RMV), then assessing what your romantic budget can reasonably handle, determining the want vs. need ratio of the make, model, and type of mate you desire, and ultimately deciding how much power and handling you require. Inside, you will discover:


  • How to manage expectations from past successes and failures
  • The differences between liking, loving, and lusting
  • What color and perceived beauty have to do with everything
  • Why the most may not be the best for you
  • How to alter traditional roles to suit a changing you
  • Straightforward advice for avoiding the pitfalls that lead to heartbreak


With entertaining and thought-provoking examples from the real dating world, Black and Single is a practical, one-of-a-kind tool that will help you find the love you deserve.

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Editorial Reviews

Bill Curtis

Nineties Romantic Journey
—a Bill Curtis Book Review

In the revised, updated book, Black and Single—Meeting and Choosing a Partner Who's Right For You, Dr. Larry E. Davis takes on the formidable, if not near impossible, task of writing about contemporary Black romance heading toward the 21st century.

Black and Single—Meeting and Choosing a Partner Who's Right For You is an intelligent presentation of a subject that typically triggers emotional mortal combat between the sexes. Usually, the women bash the men and the men bash the women, but Dr. Davis takes the high road by coupling research data with social theory to weave explanations, tips and dating-approach information to bring order to romantic chaos. If the reader is ready to stop the bashing-game, then Black and Single—Meeting and Choosing a Partner Who's Right For You could prove worth the read.

Perceiving fairness and experiencing happiness is the key to beginning to understand successful romance dynamics. Dr. Davis deals with the intangible, non-material question of "fairness." According to Dr. Davis, "fairness is the feeling that you are receiving as much as you feel you deserve, even when your rewards may differ from what outsiders expect. This is especially true when considering qualities of an emotional nature, such as caring and support. But the principle remains the same—there must be a sense of fairness."

Fairness requires deliberate thought. "Understanding the dynamics of fairness", says Dr. Davis, "is "crucial for Black couples, because they so often are faced with situations that are unconventional in terms of the mainstream white society". He goes on to say that "changes in employment opportunities available for Black males and Black females, even more so than for whites, require that Black couples contribute to their relationships what they can, and ignore gender expectations as to who should contribute what."

Black and Single—Meeting and Choosing a Partner Who's Right For You exposes a myriad of behaviors and vitalizing ideas useful to successfully navigate a 90's romantic journey. Some given treatment include power; attitude; dating with children; love, like or merely lust; and dating scene mechanics.

Dr. Davis respects reader intelligence. He raises reader expectations regarding successful romantic possibility; however, if the romance falls short of success, then at least the journey was an adventure. Equally useful to singles and married couples, this book speaks volumes to the strengths of successful romance. If you can stand your mind being stretched from the shape of what you think you already know, then Black and Single—Meeting and Choosing a Partner Who's Right For You could turn your head to look at an old problem from some very new angles. Must-Read-Reading: MRR***1/2


Bill Curtis' commentaries and reviews have been published in the Afro-American, The Baltimore Chronicle, The Baltimore Press, The Baltimore Times, The Baltimore Sun, Financial Independence Magazine, Every Wednesday, Blind Alleys, African-American News & World Report, and at Barnes and Noble on the internet. Contact Mr. Curtis at WebReady@theglobe.com or P.O. Box 2043, Baltimore, MD 21203-2043.
Publishers Weekly
Sociologist Larry E. Davis probes the sociological nuances of relationships in Black and Single: Meeting and Choosing a Partner Who's Right for You, an analytical look at the "Black romantic market." Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information.

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Product Details

ISBN-13:
9781879360297
Publisher:
Noble Press, Incorporated, The
Publication date:
10/01/1993
Pages:
214
Product dimensions:
5.46(w) x 8.48(h) x 0.62(d)

Read an Excerpt

"Black women have become the men that their mothers wanted them to marry." This comment, made to me by a female news reporter, is one of the most powerful I've heard on Black male-female relations. It captures the complexity of romantic relations for Black Americans as they enter into the twenty-first century. It suggests that Black women have increasingly had to be independent, strong, and must frequently assume the role of sole financial provider. It also suggests that Black men are in a very serious struggle to be, and to present themselves as, good potential mates. No other racial group in America has as many single adults as do African Americans. Roughly two thirds of Black people are single, while two thirds of white people are married. Most certainly it is this reality that contributes to Blacks spending so much of their time talking, thinking, and reading about Black male-female romantic relationships. And, despite the barrage of negative press about the Black community being a wild, crazy, and promiscuous place, most Blacks are really quite traditional in their beliefs about sex, dating, and marriage. Indeed research continues to indicate that although the majority of Black Americans are currently single, the vast majority of these singles aspire to marry.

Unfortunately no one has the power to change the often-unpleasant reality confronting you as a Black single. I cannot alter the low number of eligible Black males in relation to Black females, for example. But I can offer you advice to increase your probabilities of finding and sustaining romance--despite what at times must appear to be insurmountable odds.

"Probabilities" is the key word here. My foremost goalis to increase your chances of obtaining greater romantic satisfaction. Your chances of finding romance can be greatly enhanced first by having a better understanding of why you like and are liked by others, and second by recognizing and appreciating those things that make you want to enter and stay in romantic relationships. It is reasonable to assume that a greater understanding of the dynamics of romance will enhance your probability of finding and sustaining romantic happiness. At the same time, no one ever acquires sufficient mastery of romantic relationships so as to be successful every time--no one wins them all! It's important to accept this fact early on. Sometimes you will be successful in getting a certain person to like you, and other times you won't be. Accepting this is important, because it should decrease the amount of time you spend in pursuit of those people who may never really respond to you. Also, recognizing this fact early increases
the probability that you will spend more time on those persons who do have sufficient interest in you. The pain and frustration of chasing someone not at all interested in you is an unhappy experience we all have shared. Such apparent losses are inevitable, because some people you might like to know better simply do not value those personal attributes you have to offer.

It was not one of my primary goals to provide information that would "fix" preexisting problematic relationships. In fact, I address only slightly ways to salvage a troubled romance. Instead this book is designed to help you meet and choose new romantic partners. However, in no way do I wish to suggest that beginning a relationship is more important than sustaining one. I elected to focus on the beginning phase of relationships because many people have tremendous difficulty getting romances started. Also, getting off to a good start is so very important to sustaining a successful long-term romantic relationship.

When I appear on talk shows or lecture panels, people often ask me if I have ever experienced difficulties with my own romantic relationships. My answer is "Of course!" I, too, have been a Black single, and have been married, divorced, and now recently remarried. Like everyone else, I have struggled with my romantic life. When I acknowledge this fact to audiences, I am often greeted with another question: "If you presumably know so much about romance, then why have you also experienced romantic ups and downs?" I respond to this humbling question in the following way: in some respects understanding romantic relationships is a little bit like understanding electricity. Being knowledgeable about electricity does not exempt me from its effects. In the same way, regardless of the extent of my knowledge, I am subject to the erratic power of romance and its currents.

Having a better understanding of romance should reduce our probabilities of experiencing repeatedly the same type and number of romantic difficulties. More specifically, an enhanced understanding of the dynamics of dating should increase your ability to obtain greater romantic happiness. Yet romance will probably never be so completely under your control as to not require your ongoing attention.

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