Black Love Signs: An Astrological Guide to Passion, Romance, and Relationships for African Americans

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Introduction: ASTROLOGY CAN ENHANCE YOUR ROMANTIC AND SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS

Astrology can help you find that all-important person, that soul mate, the love of your life. I know some will say, "I don't care what the sign is — there are jerks in all twelve signs." So true. But before you write off this whole concept, read further. I too was the skeptic. However, once I started to pay attention to the various signs, talk to people directly, and discover personality traits all on my own, I began to think, hey, there may be something to this. And there was — for me, anyway.

The point of this section is to let you, the reader, know what's up with Black Love Signs: how you can use this book as a reference, an owner's manual, or simply for information about twelve signs of the zodiac in general and the gory details of sex, love, and romance.

Writing this book was interesting to say the least. The response was overwhelming from both the men and women. But what was most interesting to me was the differences in perception between men and women about what makes for good romance, sex, and love. Take one couple that I interviewed, first separately and then together. Initially, the man told me he liked to make love for at least two hours. I mentioned his comments casually to his companion, not for verification, but in conjunction with another question. The female promptly corrected me by saying that the two hours included dinner, listening to music, and bathing. Thank you very much!

Some of the interviews were, of course, over the top, but I believe that many of the responses were strictly for shock value. Of course, my goal was to keep my poker face on because, after all, I thought I should be in control of the situation. But many times I wasn't at all, so I would simply leave the room for a minute, holler out aloud, compose myself, re-enter the room, and resume the interview.

For the purposes of this book, the Sun sign aspect of astrology, the most noted and popular portion of the zodiac, will be examined. The sun is the central most important celestial body; therefore, your Sun sign is the most important aspect of your birth chart. (Your birth chart is determined by the position of all the planets at the time of your birth.)

The sun moves around the earth each year and travels through all twelve signs of the zodiac. The Sun sign is the astrological sign that the sun is moving through at the time of your birth. For instance, the sun will move into the sign of Aquarius on January 20 and exit on February 18, so anyone born between January 23 and February 18 is known as an Aquarian, the sign of the water bearer.

From an astrological standpoint, the Sun sign controls your personality, style, general demeanor, and outward appearance. For example, if you're a Sagittarian, you are usually prone to casual dress and an over-the-top sense of humor. Therefore, you may be attracted to members of the opposite sex, or in the case of gays or lesbians, who have a great sense of humor, for instance, Cancers — and they to you. But generally, Sagittarians and Cancers are not compatible. The initial appreciation making everyone laugh may be what draws these two together, but little else will hold their attention. Cancer is a water sign and Sag is a fire sign. And the water sign will be quick to put out the flame of the fire sign. In other words, water and fire don't mix.

Here's how the mix works. There are twelve signs of the zodiac, and those signs are divided into the four elements of the universe: earth, water, fire, and air. The earth signs are Capricorn, Virgo, and Taurus. The water signs are Cancer, Pisces, and Scorpio. The fire signs are Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius. And the air signs are Aquarius, Gemini, and Libra. Each element — earth, fire, water, and air — also reveals tidbits about the twelve Sun signs. Now consider these elements for a moment. We don't need a Ph.D. from the School of Astrology before we can pick up juicy and illuminating clues about a person's behavior.

Earth signs: Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn. You're down to earth, practical, and cautious. Basically, you're always the same — predictable, reliable, grounded, (Ground-ed, ground, earth — get it?)

Fire signs: Leo, Sagittarius, Aries. Like the element of fire, you're unpredictable, feisty, aggressive, impulsive, and hard to control. (To put it more bluntly, it's going to be your way or no way at all!)

Water signs: Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces. In reality, people generally love to be close to lakes, river, oceans, and ponds. If you're a water sign, people love to be close to you because you're reassuring, emotional, intuitive, soothing, and nonthreatening.

Air Signs: Gemini, Libra, Aquarius. If you're an air sign, you're independent, aloof, analytical, intriguing and very hard to keep up with. You must have freedom. Like air itself, you cannot be contained, harnessed, or backed into a corner. If this happens, you'll simply disappear.

From a practical standpoint, earth and water signs make beautiful mud together. And fire and air make a bonfire that's hard to put out.

Here's the breakdown of the Sun Signs:

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Leo (July 23-August 22)

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

Libra (September 23-October 22)

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

Compatible mates:

Aries works best with Sagittarius, Leo, Gemini, and Aquarius.

Taurus is compatible with Virgo, Capricorn, Cancer, and Pisces.

Gemini is more suited to Leo, Aries, Aquarius, and Libra.

Cancer is better with Pisces, Scorpio, Virgo, and Taurus.

The four signs listed within each group are also compatible and interchangeable. In addition to Cancer, for example, Scorpios are compatible with Virgo, Taurus, and Pisces.

And please, please, please don't send those cards and letters declaring that you and your husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner of twenty years are not listed here as being compatible. I didn't say all of this astrology business is foolproof. I'm simply saying that this method will enable you to leap over some of the many frogs before you meet the prince or princess of your dreams.

Your opposite sign is generally about six months from your birth date, or directly across from your sign on the circular horoscope. The following signs are opposites:

Aries-Libra

Taurus-Scorpio

Gemini-Sagittarius

Cancer-Capricorn

Leo-Aquarius

Virgo-Pisces

If you pay attention to astrology or know the birth date of your companion, you will probably realize that you're constantly meeting your opposite and the encounters are usually quite interesting. The conversations are stimulating; there's definitely chemistry. As you're trying to emphatically leave this courtship, exchange, date, or whatever, you'll constantly get this "Wait a minute, baby" plea. The magnetic attraction is so deep that to accept that the relationship ain't working! And you'll spend most of your time making up. But on the real tip, you know that after the morning after, reality sets in. You need to give it up and you know it!!!

Understanding astrology may clarify a few issues and help you bring closure to a relationship or make it blossom. But if homeboy or homegirl is certifiable, then astrology or numerology or the psychic hotline won't help. Use common sense, and get the hell out of Dodge City while there's still time!

Here's how to use Black Love Signs. At the beginning of each chapter the positive and negative love traits for that sign are listed. But bear in mind that when I list "kinky" or "S & M" as a negative trait, this is open to interpretation. By and large the concept of what is negative or positive is all relative. It's really up to the reader to decide what's negative or positive.

Each chapter includes an overview of the sign and then some general information about both the man and woman and how to attract these creatures that we assume you can't live without!

Next is the Guide to a Love Connection, which includes a breakdown of the sign with the eleven other signs. This section cuts to the chase: Before you even start reading all that "stuff" on the man or woman you're planning a life with, it tells you whether you should even bother reading further.

The Romance section for each sign is next. This section is a quick study in how to be romantic. You may already be romantic, but just in case you need some help, and need it quick, fast, and in a hurry, you can turn to this section.

Then comes the Sex section — presumably the most popular section. Here's where to find out what your companion will and will not do.

After you've recovered from your long, sweaty hours in the sack, you can check out Money Matters, Pampering Tips, and Gift Ideas for your companion. You've definitely got to keep the groove going, so pay attention to these sections!

Once you've determined what all of the commotion is about with your companion, then you'll see tangible results. And I do mean tangible: She or he won't want to leave your side.

Black Love Signs will also save you and your partner some embarrassing moments. For example, if you like swinging from the chandelier and she doesn't, some foreknowledge about her sexual leanings may help you keep the egg off your face. So chill out, and enjoy the book for what it is — an exercise in fun!

P.S. One area I overlooked was that fine Lord-have-mercy-motor-scooter mate, where there is no rhyme or reason why you are in the relationship. Don't ask me for an explanation — that's a whole other talk show!

We talked so much about sex, romance, and love that I forgot to mention one other important issue — safe sex. Hopefully, being adults, we all know what safe sex is all about. It's called using a condom (the male or female variety). No matter what the astrological sign is, sexually transmitted diseases are an ever-present danger. So listen up! Protect yourself. I wanted to include a condom in every book to bring home my point. However, I didn't want the context of the book to be overshadowed by the content. So in two words — Be safe!

Copyright © 1999 by Thelma Balfour

From Chapter 1: ARIES

(March 21 to April 19)

Symbol: The Ram

Positive love traits: Passionate, sensual, spontaneous, insatiable lover, and one of the stars of the freak show.

Negative love traits: Selfish, sadistic, impatient lover; kinky, master-slave inclinations.

Ruling planet: Mars is associated with initiative and courage.

Word to the wise: The faint of heart need not apply. Ranting and raving are a way of life for the ram.

When you first meet Aries people, you won't have any trouble recognizing them. They're usually the ones in the room talking and laughing the loudest, telling a story, including every gory detail. If you've got all day to listen, that's fine. If you don't, no matter. All they need is an audience of one to continue. You'll find Aries people where the action is, provided they're not at home resting up for the next adventure. They love sports, horseback riding, theater, poetry readings, listening to or performing music, and any other outlet where there are hordes of people.

Their ruling planet is Mars, which means they're cheerful, enthusiastic, and gung ho about everything in which they're involved, including a budding or impending relationship with you, provided that they're interested. If you catch their eye and they're interested, both men and women go in for the "kill" early and don't waste precious time. While you're stalling and thinking about it, they're already planning their next move.

If the Aries isn't interested, then I would suggest not trying to force the issue. Aries people have definitely been known to be pretty blunt. And believe me, they will tell you in no uncertain terms that initiating a date or a conversation is an exercise in futility. The conversation will go like this: "Baby, I wish we could have a relationship, but you're kind of too slow for me. You don't want to do anything, but you call me all the time. I just can't have that. You need to find something else to do."

Aries is the first sign of the zodiac, and these rams expect to be first in everything they do. And that also includes having your undivided attention. The symbol is the ram, an animal that is very aggressive and able to climb to great heights. Now if you plan to soar with the eagles, uh, excuse me, rams, you better read further.

The ruling planet of Aries is Mars, which is associated with initiative and courage. One thing you can count on with an Aries, they are never thin-skinned when it comes to taking chances and trying new ideas. For example, an Aries saleswoman discovered that a friend owned several commercial lawn mowers for maintaining lawns of companies and apartment complexes. The Aries sister convinced her friend to start a lawn service business. She put the marketing plan together and wrote the sales pitches and ended up getting clients for the company. But unbeknown to the Aries, her friend had a drug problem, and instead of providing the lawn service for customers, he stayed home most days with his crack pipe. Undaunted, the Aries sister contacted several other companies. And now she's marketing director for a number of lawn service concerns.

The element for Aries is fire, and like the element, Arians are bold, hot-tempered, and hard to control. With these rams, there will also be a lot of ranting and raving going on. They simply can't help it. In an effort to make their point, their voices automatically go up at least two levels. When the noise starts, just ignore it, and don't take it personally.

For the most part, these fire signs are loners. Getting to know an Aries may be difficult sometimes. They feel very comfortable with themselves. They can also be totally self-absorbed and preoccupied with whatever they're about. If you point out that the ram is selfish, he readily agrees. But that doesn't mean he's going to do better. They mean well, but they can't help it. An Aries key word is "self," meaning whatever the situation is, the Aries should be the first considered. For example, an Aries man who was acting like Scrooge before Christmas would not accompany his Cancer wife to the woods, chop down an evergreen, and play the total Christmas scene with her and his stepson. When his wife came on with the flood of tears, Mr. Ram was unimpressed. His only retort was "I am not going because I don't feel like it. I don't care if you're crying. Now cry, cry, cry!"

With both the men and women of this sign, it's going to be their way or the highway. These fire signs are very demanding, domineering, and opinionated about most things. A Scorpio wife said her Aries husband was a blockhead about most things, unless it was something he wanted to do.

Physically, Aries people are quite striking. They're usually medium tall to tall. They have larger than average heads, with lots of hair. If you look a bit closer, there's probably a scar or mark from some accidental injury. Both the men and women have broad shoulders. They have an unmistakable charm and a winning smile.

Arians are the cheerleaders of the zodiac. They're usually charged up about most projects that they start and never finish. They can be wonderful, too — but they have to want to be. So don't frustrate yourself with questions like "How could he say that to me?" or "She was supposed to bring the paper goods for the party and she didn't show up!" Charge it to their heads and certainly not their hearts.

The Aries Man

When you first meet this brother, the first thing you'll notice is his confidence. He definitely does have a sense of style. But many Aries men wear outdated clothing. This brother may even show up in a leisure suit or bell-bottom pants. They simply don't take the time to shop for clothes. They can usually think of a million and one things to do other than the mundane and boring task of shopping. It's only when they're standing in front of the closet, trying to determine what to wear to a club or some other function, that they realize that they haven't been shopping for months — even years. His mate is on the sidelines, doggin' the brother out and saying, "I can't help you find anything. Every time I want you to go shopping with me, you don't have time, and you know you don't want to spend any money on clothes."

Besides, Arians feel that clothes don't make the man because they feel like their unmistakable charm, sense of adventure, and bedroom maneuvers are basically all that they need.

These brothers, whose sense of adventure is ever-present, are attracted to women who are independent thinkers and those sisters who want a sense of adventure in their lives no matter what their age. For example, your ram may decide impulsively that he wants to photograph you in the nude, with the trees, grass, and setting sun as the backdrop. While you're protesting all along the way, he will reassure you by agreeing to undress as well, as he's taking pictures of you in all of your "every which way but loose" poses. Much to your chagrin, the photos will be pleasing to the eye and create for you an off-the-cuff sexual sense of yourself. Chill out, you may enjoy the experience.

If you are a clingy type and want to know the Aries brother's every move, well, I suggest you move on to another section of the book. If you're a homebody, you're going to be home alone. You won't ever know his every move because half the time he doesn't either. Aries brothers will want, and encourage, you to do your own thing.

A Libra literary agent who had a platonic relationship with an Aries man, or so she thought, overheard him mention to someone else that his girlfriend nagged all the time. "I realized after a while that he was talking about me. It was the first I had heard that I was his girlfriend." Well, now.

The Aries brother invented the power of persuasion. While you're trying to collect yourself and figure out whether you're going to agree to the initial date, the brother may be at your door demanding to talk with you. You had better be careful. One of his favorite lines is "I'm on my way over there!" Besides, he knows that if he can simply have an audience with you, it will be all over but the shouting.

Since he's at your door demanding entry, you've probably passed the test. Aries men are attracted to women who are independent thinkers and those sisters who want a sense of adventure in their lives. He simply doesn't plan to see or be with you every day of your life. Even if you're married to an Aries, he will have a room that he considers his domain, complete with porno movies, old sports tapes, his favorite music, and old pieces of furniture from his college days or stint in the military.

As husbands or lovers, they will never give you a dull moment. He will sweep you off your feet with cards every day, phone calls, and information about what's in store for the week. Your only requirement is to be ready, willing, and able for this nonstop roller-coaster ride. For example, you may get a call on your job from your eager Aries announcing that the two of you will go out of town with his college roommate. The Aries agreed to drive his roommate's car back home because his friend was leaving for overseas in two days. Of course, the drive is fifteen hours one way. And never mind that he wants to stop along the way to have sex, whether indoors or out. And you'll be expected to help drive, cajole his roommate, and have sex with the ram, too. Don't forget, you must be enthusiastic. And so it goes.

The Aries brother demands the direct approach. "Are we in a relationship?" he will want to know. "If we are, well, when are we going to bed?" During the initial phase of the relationship, if you don't plan to deliver, don't accept an invitation to his apartment. He will interpret any flirting or teasing as an open invitation. He'll put on a few erotic videos and charm the pants, or dress, right off you. The Aries man will overwhelm you with his philosophy on relationships, his approach to courtship, and his over-the-top antics in the bedroom. And if you're still around after that scene, well, you may be able to hang in for the long haul.

His enthusiasm for any new relationship is similar to a boy with a brand-new toy. He'll approach the courtship as though you're his first and only love. But if it doesn't work, he'll be off again writing more poems for his new lady love with the same passion and commitment he once had for you. When the relationship is over, he's the first to say good-bye. He'll probably be the first to know it's over, too.

On the other hand, if he's in the doghouse and hasn't been as attentive, he knows exactly how to get your attention. You may get a card and stuffed animal with a note of apology in your mailbox. Or he may show up at your house with a full meal that he prepared himself, along with wine and a single rose. After the meal, of course, he'll clean the kitchen. He'll then declare that he's your sex slave, offering himself as dessert.

Oh, by the way, his memory about details is not very sharp because he's usually involved in too many projects to keep up with all the promises he's made. The best approach in dealing with an Aries and his empty promises is not to rely too heavily on his involvement during any special occasion. For example, don't put Mr. Ram in charge of disc-jockeying for the family reunion or the surprise party for your cousin. He may show up when it finally hits him, two hours later, after you've made several frantic phone calls, paged him (he probably left his pager on the dresser), or filed a missing persons report with the police.

Whenever he arrives, he's going to be the life of the party. But save yourself some frustration. Also, ladies, save your breath, this Aries is only going to do exactly what he wants to do. Don't take it personally. The fact that he didn't show up at all or showed up at the eleventh hour has very little to do with you. The same scenario could be played out at a family wedding, church banquet, or his best friend's bachelor party.

Oh yes, Aries brothers are extremely jealous. They figure you have no reason in the world to be flirting shamelessly with another man when you have him. Your Aries will boldly walk right over to you while you're talking to Mr. All That and demand an explanation. Although he was showing all thirty-two teeth when Miss Miniskirt Mama approached him, he'll still want an explanation from you, and with a quickness!

Copyright © 1999 by Thelma Balfour