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Blonde Bombshell
     

Blonde Bombshell

4.4 25
by Tom Holt
 

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The third planet out from the star was blue, with green splodges. Dirt. Oh, the bomb thought. And then its courage, determination and nobility-of-spirit subroutines cut in, overriding everything else, adrenalizing its command functions and bypassing its cyberphrenetic nodes. Here goes, said the bomb to itself. Calibrate navigational pod. Engage primary thrusters.

Overview

The third planet out from the star was blue, with green splodges. Dirt. Oh, the bomb thought. And then its courage, determination and nobility-of-spirit subroutines cut in, overriding everything else, adrenalizing its command functions and bypassing its cyberphrenetic nodes. Here goes, said the bomb to itself. Calibrate navigational pod. Engage primary thrusters. Ready auxiliary drive. It knew, in that moment, that its own doom was near; because it was giving itself orders, and it wasn't putting in any 'the's. That was what you did, apparently, when the moment came. You could also turn on a flashing red beacon and a siren, but mercifully these were optional. Oh #//+! thought the bomb, and surged on towards Dirt like an avenging angel.

Editorial Reviews

Kirkus Reviews
Riotous science-fiction social commentary, from the author of May Contain Traces of Magic (2009, etc.). In Novosibirsk, genius scientist turned banker George Stetchkin wonders, during his bouts of sobriety, how somebody has removed, without trace, $50 trillion from various bank vaults around the world. Not far away, industrialist Lucy Pavlov ponders why she has no memory of her childhood despite the fact that she's a computer-programming whiz whose products have conquered the world. Meanwhile, in space far above Novosibirsk, Mark Two, an intelligent planet-busting bomb dispatched by Ostar, a world where dogs rule and humans fetch sticks, speculates why its predecessor, Mark One, failed to explode and eliminate the planet as ordered. The Ostar, you see, are so distracted by human pop music that they're practically unable to think. Just as George figures out where the missing money went, two aliens appear and shoot him. Curious about the snippets of Ostar computer code (1,000 years more advanced than human code) embedded in Lucy's programs, the Mark Two-unfortunately, it's clueless about humans-whips up an inconspicuous probe, the human-shaped Mark Twain, who's so weird and geeky he's immediately accepted as a programmer by George's bank. Lucy, however, isn't as easily convinced. While eventually linking all this together, Holt's wicked blasts range far beyond bankers and programmers. What's missing here-and what his often estimable work has always lacked-is a compelling theme, like Discworld or Hitchhiker's Guide. Tons of wonderful confetti, but the flashbulbs don't pop.
Publishers Weekly
Driven mad by the “lethally insidious... toxic aural garbage” that is Terran music, the canine inhabitants of the planet Ostar send Mark Two, a bomb so smart it composes violin sonatas, to blow up Earth. Insatiably curious, Mark Two delays its mission, takes human form, and explores Earth to find out why the Mark One bomb vanished. After encountering software revolutionary Lucy Pavlov, a unicorn, two men who probably aren’t werewolves, and drunken corporate stooge George Stetchkin, Mark decides not to complete his mission, precipitating confrontations with a third bomb (named Bob) and the entire Ostar war fleet. Holt, well-known in the U.K. for historical flights of fancy, is set to make a splash in the U.S. with this wickedly funny, take-no-prisoners mashup of love, Armageddon, activists, and one of the universe’s most valuable commodities: octopi. (June)

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9780753186725
Publisher:
Isis Publishing Ltd
Publication date:
09/01/2010
Series:
ISIS-H
Edition description:
Large Print Edition
Pages:
528
Product dimensions:
6.30(w) x 9.45(h) x (d)

Meet the Author

Tom Holt was born in London in 1961. At Oxford he studied bar billiards, ancient Greek agriculture and the care and feeding of small, temperamental Japanese motorcycle engines; interests which led him, perhaps inevitably, to qualify as a solicitor and emigrate to Somerset, where he specialized in death and taxes for seven years before going straight in 1995. He lives in Chard, Somerset, with his wife and daughter.

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Blonde Bombshell 4.4 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 25 reviews.
Murph 11 months ago
Love it
Anonymous 12 months ago
Very enjoyable. Can't wait for next one
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
An enjoyable read with a nice combination of sci-fi and humor!
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Ricky01 More than 1 year ago
Hilarious book. I loved the internal monologues of the characters.
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harstan More than 1 year ago
In Novosibirsk, in between being intoxicated former scientist turned banker George Stetchkin ponders how $50 trillion from various bank vaults around the world could be stolen without anyone or cameras witnessing the thefts. At the same time programming guru Lucy Pavlov, whose computer programs owns the global market place, cannot comprehend why she has no memory of her childhood. Out in space on planet Ostar, the canine sentient rulers fearing further distraction by human pop music, debate why Mark One failed to explode and eradicate intelligence on planet earth. They agree that humans should be walked as pets and not piss away a planet. As they launch Mark Two, George figures out the missing money riddle only to have two aliens shoot him. Meanwhile the Mark Two finds Ostar coding in Lucy's programs so sends the Mark Twain probe to learn how an earth human obtained their canine coding. George's bank assumes Twain is a programmer and hires him while Lucy has doubts about this Twain fellow. This is a zany over the top of Olympus Mons societal satire that rips the international financial programming government complex skewering all and much more for their me-me top line attitudes. Fast-paced, the frantic story line is jocular although lacks a cohesive focus making it difficult to comprehend. Still fans who relish a dog eat human Armageddon science fiction will relish the Ostar solution to the too big to fail problem. Harriet Klausner