From the Publisher
"Girls you really need to read this book. It's to the point, funny, and separates relationship truths from fiction. Just put it in your bag and take it wherever you go. Then, the next time you're in any kind of dating situation you can take it out and get some clarity."
Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bees and Wannabes and cofounder of the Empower Program
"Read this book! It will encourage you to honor you and to stay strong. Your presence whole and healthy is necessary!"
Terrie M. Williams, author of Stay Strong: Simple Life Lessons for Teens
School Library Journal
Gr 7 Up-A motivational speaker sets forth her rules for teen girls. Each one begins with a scenario and question ("I met a guy in a teen chat room, and he seems really cool. Should I meet him in person?"), followed by Shiraz's advice ("Cyberdating is here, but you still have to be sensible"); a brief discussion; "My Testimony," where Shiraz shares something from her personal experience; the "Blueprint" plan of action; and, finally, "Your Testimony," which offers an opportunity for self-application. The issues raised relate to relationships with boyfriends, ex-boyfriends, current girlfriends, and parents, and deal with privacy, jealousy, violence, self-esteem, and sexual relations. The author cuts through common myths and self-justification, stating clearly that "Oral sex is sex," for instance. She writes in a sometimes too-cool jargon ("Me and my girls never did each other wrong when it came to guys"). More problematic is the occasional lapse of continuity between the initial question and the following discussion. A question about how to know if one is a lesbian includes a discussion of Shiraz's conversations with teens who are afraid to use the school's restrooms due to aggressive sexual behavior from other girls. The blueprint states, "Even if it appears that lesbians have become more popular, that does not mean that liking girls is for me," which fails to address the initial question. Judith Peacock's Dating and Sex (Capstone, 2000) offers a more traditional, straightforward take, and Annie Fox's Can You Relate? (Free Spirit, 2000) covers the same topics with a comfortably chatty approach.-Joyce Adams Burner, Hillcrest Library, Prairie Village, KS Copyright 2005 Reed Business Information.
Read an Excerpt
Chapter One: Phase 1
The beginning phase of every good relationship is the time in which you get to know each other. In this phase you learn about each other's thoughts, fears, and feelings. It's the foundation of a relationship that could blossom in the future. Without any pressures or expectations, dating can be a rewarding experience.
How will I ever get a boyfriend if
all the girls in school are prettier or
dress better than I do?
Comparing yourself to other girls is a dead end.
She sits across from you in math class. Every time you have on a new outfit, so does she. Every time you come to school with a fly hairdo, she arrives the next day with an even better one. It seems like everything you do, she's doing, and everything you want to do, she's doing. You can't outdo her, but it seems like she's outdoing you without any effort. But there's one point that you're forgetting: your life is not about the girl in math class. Your life is not about anybody but you. The only person that you should ever be willing to compare yourself to is YOU. And not only that, the person that you are comparing yourself to is probably also comparing herself to you. No matter how perfect someone seems on the outside, everyone has insecurities. The key is to get over them and love yourself anyway.
I'm five-three, and I used to be obsessed with being taller. It seemed to me that girls who were three or four inches taller looked so much better in their clothes. In high school, I worried about the length of my hair. It was shoulder length, but if I looked at a girl whose hair was longer, I felt that my hair was not long enough. When I started dating, I compared myself to other girls even more because I wanted to know what kind of girls guys liked. But when I reached my junior year in high school, I decided to focus on the things that I felt made me stand out and feel good about me. I began to cherish certain aspects about myself that I hadn't seemed to care about before, like my smile, having dimples, the natural waves in my hair. Then I started getting compliments on my hairstyles, the clothes that I wore, and how I carried myself. The more I took interest in myself, the more I realized that God created me the way He wanted me to be. And if guys weren't gonna like me for who I was, then they didn't deserve me anyway.
I can't focus on what other girls look like. God made me the way that I am.
Is there a girl who you often compare yourself to at school? Put yourself in her shoes and make a list of the things she probably admires about you.
Copyright © 2005 by Yasmin Shiraz