Body Language Secrets: A Guide During Courtship and Dating


Sexual signals help you find, meet, talk with and date Mister or Ms Right using secrets of nonverbal communication. Forty photographs clearly show what to watch out for. The essence of courtship and dating conversations is to communicate, with and without words, “This is who I am. I hope you like me. Show and tell me about yourself so I can discover if I like you.”

Women, learn how you can easily get noticed, then interest and attract the right type of man, a man you can trust. ...

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Sexual signals help you find, meet, talk with and date Mister or Ms Right using secrets of nonverbal communication. Forty photographs clearly show what to watch out for. The essence of courtship and dating conversations is to communicate, with and without words, “This is who I am. I hope you like me. Show and tell me about yourself so I can discover if I like you.”

Women, learn how you can easily get noticed, then interest and attract the right type of man, a man you can trust. The way he stands or sits, touches or does not touch himself lets you know if he is telling the truth. The brutally honest chapter is titled Courtship Tactics For Women. Men, learn how you can tell from across the room if she’s interested in you just by her posture and gestures. During conversation, find out if she’s leading you on or if she’s sincerely interested in you. The brutally honest chapter is titled Courtship Tactics For Men.

Body Language Anecdote-Televised Liars. As the Watergate hearings were taking place in 1973, I was interning as a Marriage, Family and Child Counselor with Nathaniel Branden. Part of my responsibilities included learning, then teaching body language to fellow interns. In the afternoons we’d watch the daily televised testimony with sorrow and dread as our country’s President was slowly, but steadily revealed as a crook. I kept telling everyone John Mitchell, the Attorney General, was lying on the witness stand. Nobody believed, rather, wanted to believe, that America’s chief law enforcement officer would lie to the United States Senate. But, I could feel it, as corny as it sounds, deep in my bones. One day, someone turned the volume down on the television to answer the phone. We kept watching the silent screen. With the sound off, we were all able to notice that time after time, Mitchell would touch his mouth or eye when responding, or close his eyes while, or just as he finished, speaking. After he did that about three times, the entire group, especially me, screamed, “He’s lying! He’s lying!”

Later, to help recently divorced clients and clients who had inadequate social skills, Branden had me conduct Assertiveness Training For Singles. Part of the program was the Body Language Of Courtship. The aim was to teach women how to spot manipulative, lying men and to help men learn which women were attracted to them.

People Don’t Always Say What They Really Mean But Their Body Language Reveals The Truth

Who’s Lying To You And Who’s Lusting For You!

Attract, Interest And Date The Right Type Of Man

Know When To Keep Talking And When To Move On

Appear To Be Confident And Relaxed

Be Able To Tell If She’s Interested In You From Across The Room

Spot Game Players Instantly

Find Out If He’s Mr. Right Or A Lurking Mr. Hyde!

Know When You’re Coming On Too Strong

Direct Conversation So That The Other Person Is Attracted To You Discover If He’s Sincere Or Just Trying To Get Lucky

Understand When She Is Encouraging You And When She’s Leading You On Spot, Then Send Your Own Non-Verbal Signals Of Interest Let The Other Person Know You’re Attracted With Easy-To-Learn Gestures

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Editorial Reviews

Tom French
Steele has written the benchmark book of courtship body language. There's nothing that even comes close. Money well spent. -- Orange County Register
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780962067167
  • Publisher: Steel Balls Press
  • Publication date: 6/1/1996
  • Pages: 144
  • Product dimensions: 5.30 (w) x 8.30 (h) x 0.50 (d)

Read an Excerpt

Lines, Lies, Or The Truth, Chapter 1: A Sincere Man.

When he's standing, his feet are slightly apart, firmly planted on the ground. He looks you in the eyes often. When he gestures, his palms are open and up. His arms are slightly extended. His head is slightly tilted. He only glances at your breasts occasionally. He never sneaks a peek at other women. He leans toward you now and then to invade your territory. Only after you have touched him, does he touch you, and then it's completely appropriate. He does not try to dominate you by getting so close that his physical size is intimidating. When he's talking with you sitting down, it's about the same as when he's standing.

Openness Is Sincerity The wine glass is not a barrier, he's leaning forward, head slightly tilted, hands not clenching, feet flat on floor, eyes looking directly at you, and overall, he's alert and energetic. A Deceitful Man (Or Woman). When he's talking or listening, his feet are not firmly planted. One foot, or both, rests on the outside edge. Sometimes only his heel touches the ground. If he clears his throat, fidgets in the chair, touches his nose lightly, touches his mouth, tugs his ear or rubs his eye, he's probably lying to you.

Eyes Close As He Speaks. This is the same as touching one's eye or rubbing one's eyes. The liar doesn't have to look you in the eyes as he lies or just after. This gesture can also reveal disdain, contempt and pomposity. It is commonly seen in people who consider themselves better then the rest of us. Mouth Or Lip Touching. He usually barely touches his chin, lip or corner of the mouth as he speaks, or just after. With this gesture the liar declares, "I can't believe I said that," or, "I can't believe what I'm saying." Nose Touching. The liar is saying, "This stinks, even to me." The act also conveniently covers his mouth.

Lying Hands. Patting oneself gently usually means the person is trying to reassure himself. It's the same as patting a child to let him know everything's going to be okay. It may mean that the person is taking a big risk by talking with this attractive woman so he tells himself to relax "everything will be fine." Then again, it could mean that he's telling himself that it's okay to lie just this one time.

The liar often moves his hands toward his mouth or eyes during or immediately after the lie. Sometimes he rests his elbows on the table and raises his folded hands in front of his mouth and speaks from behind this barrier.

Major Cluster Of Gestures. If she's talking, this woman is telling a colossal lie. If listening, she is utterly disgusted with the person who is talking. From top to bottom, notice all the different signals she is sending. Her head is vertical, not tilted, revealing that she is not interested in the person. Her eyes are closed, indicating she's either telling a lie or does not believe what she's hearing. Her finger is touching her nose as the rest of her hand covers her mouth. This indicates "something stinks," or "I don't believe what I said," or "I don't believe what I heard." She is hunched over, not sitting up erect and alert. She has closed herself off completely by crossing her arms and crossing her legs. Only one foot is on the floor and it is not solidly planted, but rocked back on the heel.

Hand To Mouth. This gesture often begins as a slight bottom-of-the-nose rub. The hand stays and covers the mouth. That means he does not believe the speaker or he's preventing himself from saying something.

Signs Of Interest, Chapter 3

A few days after watching a video of The Thomas Crown Affair, Joanna and I were having wine and hors d'oeuvres in a quiet, romantic restaurant three months into our relationship. All of a sudden, she forever lost her doubts about the validity of body language. Between intense moments of falling deeply into love, I had shared my knowledge with her as idle conversation. She, as most people are in the beginning, was a skeptic. In a subtle attempt to convince her, I had rented the movie. A few hours after we had watched it, I rewound it to the chess match and seduction scene. I asked Joanna to focus on body language. As the attractive female investigator matched wits with Thomas Crown on the chess board, and about the robbery, she used nonverbal signals to distract him. Every time it was his turn to move, she idly but sensually, fondled her bishop. In blunt terms, she masturbated it. Crown could not take is eyes off what she was doing, lost concentration and gave up on the chess match. Joanna wasn't impressed.

Back to wine and hors d'oeuvres. As we were chatting, Joanna abruptly blurted out, "Look what I'm doing to my glass!" She was slowly, lovingly stroking the long stem, up and down, up and down.

Sexual Signals. Women, don't hesitate to use this subtle, powerful nonverbal signal to tell the man he's doing just fine as you talk. Men, the equivalent is to run your finger slowly around the rim of your glass during casual conversation. If you want to be rather blatant, casually touch the tip of your finger to your mouth now and then to lubricate the lip of the glass. From Across The Room. Women, keep that geek away! Get that guy in the red shirt to come over here and talk. Send each man an unspoken but unmistakable message.

Men, don't get shot down by approaching a woman who is not interested in you. Pay attention to what she's "saying" without words. Here are signs of interest sent from across the room. Most are applicable to both sexes. The sequence of the list approximates the courtship sequence.


Sidelong glance(s)/Never sneaks a peek

Looks at you a few times/Fleeting eye contact

Holds your gaze briefly/Looks away quickly

Downcast eyes, then away/Looks away, eyes level

Posture changes to alert/Posture unchanged

Preens, adjusts hair, attire/Does no preening

Turns body toward you/Turns body away

Tilts head/Head remains vertical

Narrows eyes slightly/Eyes remain normal

Twists, tugs at ring/Shows ring-back of hand

Smiles/Neutral, polite face

Matches your posture/Posture unchanged

Eyes sparkle/Normal or dull eyes

Licks her lips/Keeps mouth closed

Moves hand to her hip/Posture unchanged

Thrusts breasts/Sags to de-emphasize breasts

From Across The Room. In the first photo, she looks at the man she wants with a slight smile on her face. Notice that her wine glass is not directly in front of her as a barrier. Also notice that her empty hand is relaxed on her lap, not gripping her knee, because that indicates getting hold of herself. In the second photo, she has looked at him again. She has removed her glasses (barrier) and has barely tilted her head. Her smile is slightly bigger. In the third photo, she has put her glass and her glasses down. Her posture has shifted from relaxed to erect and ready. She has turned so that her breasts face the man directly. Notice the open hand on her lap and uncrossed legs with feet flat on the floor, signs of openness and readiness. Finally, notice she is preening by checking her ear rings. That action also flashes her palm at the man.

Sidelong Glance. Both men and women announce their interest by sneaking a peek. It begins with a look out of the corner of their eyes. The next time they look at you, they turn their head in your direction ever so slightly. The first sidelong glance is to see if you're worth looking at again. The second glance is to verify what they saw out of the corner of their eyes. When they look at you again, they are deciding if you are worth interacting with.

Holds Your Gaze Briefly. The person stares at you until you look at them, then they hold your gaze for longer than is socially appropriate. Note that the way a woman breaks off this type of eye contact is significant. Downcast Eyes. Women, if you are interested, break off sustained eye contact by looking down before looking away. This your first act of submission and your first sign of reassurance that he will not be hurt if he comes over and talks with you.

Posture Changes To Erect. When anyone becomes interested, they shift from casual and relaxed, to energized and erect even when seated. This movement is among the most reliable single gestures. Although it's a slight change, you will notice if you are paying attention.

Preening. After noticing someone attractive, we all adjust ourselves. Some common gestures: men fix their ties, women fluff their hair. Both sexes check their jewelry to be certain it is properly displayed. Quite reliable when following initial sustained eye-contact.

Smiles. From across the room, any smile is good, a definite sign of interest. However, the best smile is not a big, broad, friendly smile even though that's a great beginning. The smile you want to see is a sensual one. The person's eyes are narrowed and their eyes are smiling but their mouth is only slightly open and not much of their teeth show. Hard to miss! Extremely reliable when following any other signs of interest.

In Summary. Frequency of eye contact, the more the better. Amount of time she, or he, holds your gaze, the longer the better. How she breaks off eye contact, down before away is great! Shine of the eyes, the brighter the better. Direction of body, toward you, good, away, bad. Overall posture, erect and alert are good. Tilt of head, vertical is bad, increased tilt is great. Where the drink is held, high in front as a barrier, that's bad. Hand activity, clenched, squeezing or pinching is bad, open, caressing or stroking is great.

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Table of Contents

Lines, Lies Or The Truth

What Is Body Language?

Signs Of Interest

What Is Courtship?

Commandments Of Meeting

First Conversation Without Words

Second Conversations Without Words

On Shaking Hands

Meeting Mister Or Ms Right

Reluctance, Resistance And Tests

Courtship Tactics For Women

Courtship Tactics For Men

What To Talk About


On Not Being Too Nice

Helpful Hints

Brain Wiring

Abnormal Happens

Sex Is Number Four

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Sort by: Showing all of 15 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 17, 2008

    Opened my eyes

    Christ, if only I knew all this back in high school. Talk about blind! I feel like I have the key to a whole new world of communication - the silent one that's going on around me all the time, that I had never really noticed or understood!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 18, 2007

    Life Changing. Buy all three of his books

    I have three of Steele's books and you can't find a better value anywhere on body language or courtship/dating info. I recently became single again and I am buying all three of his books for a second time, as the others are in storage. The information is priceless.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 30, 2006

    Is a good book for men.

    If your a man wanting to read up on body language then this book would be good for you, but for women you would prob not get much out of it. I just think it should let you know its more for men so women don't purchase it without knowing

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 28, 2006

    Decoding made easy

    Murmured just beneath the surface of the din of gratuitous conversation is a chorus of language unspoken. Movements, inflections, the lilting of a head, the grasp of a hand all convey meaning, often heard more loudly than words. This the silent world of body language, the telegraph of romance and lust. In this book, Steele explains the movements and actions, subtle and unconscious, that determine if a woman wants a man or not. Her body language shouts in silence important messages, but it takes a trained eye and patience to hear the muted message. This book is the code-breaker and an indispensable tool for meeting and dating women of all ages.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 26, 2004

    Over simplified the subject

    There was some useful information provided in the book. However, I believe the author over simplified and tried to make body language 'cut and dry'. I believe this book is worth reading as long as it is not your only source for information on body langauge.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 12, 2004

    Great Body Language Reference Manual

    This book contains the fundamentals of body language for dating. It offers many examples and has useful pictures. Everytime I read this book, I learn something new that I did not know before. I realized that communication occurs more through body language than through verbal communication. Very useful book for dealing with people.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 26, 2004


    Steele is the Don of Love and Romance. Both he and Kevin Doyle have provided me with the 411 to upgrade the quality of my dating life.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 19, 2004

    the best courtship guide for men and women

    The author explains the powerful reality of body language in a very clear way. There are lots of very helpful pictures ilustrating the concept. Great for men because it helps them find out if a woman is interested in them, and great for women because it helps them find out if a man is lying to them.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted July 4, 2003

    Another Steele book for the 60+ Crowd

    The older one gets, the more help one needs when dealing with the woman thing. We have had years of opportunity to observe their seemingly meaningless behavior and now there is this great book that sort of puts it all into perspective. A fun, safe way to become aquainted with Dons programs.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 19, 2002

    SECRET you need to know is Don't Buy This Book

    Out of 190+ pages only first 36 pages have some information the rest is a bunch of advertising for Steele's other endeavors. Need a better book see HOW TO READ A PERSON LIKE A BOOK. It is much cheaper and basically has the same information without all the garbage.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 17, 2001

    First 37 pages

    First 37 pages very helpful. Gives easy to follow illustrations and analysis of differnt body language signals. After that it is all down hill. He doesen't spend anymore time covering body langage signals.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 14, 1999

    Overpriced Recycling of His Earlier Work

    Large sections of this book are not about body language but instead are repeatings from his How to Date Young Women book. Less expensive and better body language books are available. Like his other books this one is rather crude and haphazardly edited.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 16, 2008

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted January 20, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted January 2, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

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