The Botox Diaries

( 26 )

Overview

Between them, authors Janice Kaplan and Lynn Schnurnberger have lived in three countries, married four times, raised three children, and published seven books. They've produced hundreds of hours of network television shows and written articles for just about every women's magazine in America. Both have appeared regularly on television shows including Oprah, Good Morning America, and Today. Each is happily married and living in New York. This is their first collaboration. ...
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Botox Diaries

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Overview

Between them, authors Janice Kaplan and Lynn Schnurnberger have lived in three countries, married four times, raised three children, and published seven books. They've produced hundreds of hours of network television shows and written articles for just about every women's magazine in America. Both have appeared regularly on television shows including Oprah, Good Morning America, and Today. Each is happily married and living in New York. This is their first collaboration.
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Editorial Reviews

Julia Livshin
Fast-paced and with a zinger on every page, The Botox Diaries is good summer fun.
The Washington Post
Publishers Weekly
Moneyed suburban moms are the belles of this midlife romantic comedy. Divorced Jess Taylor saw the back side of 40 a few years ago, but doesn't much care. She's got her bubbly 10-year-old daughter, Jen, a house in New York City suburb Pine Hills and a fulfilling job at the Arts Council for Kids. She's also got a similarly equipped best friend-except Lucy has a glamorous TV producer gig, loving husband Dan, and now, suddenly, a famous TV show host lover. Jess is appalled, but secretly she wonders if she's not missing out. Enter Jacques, long-ago ex-husband, who's just as unsuitable-and sexy-as ever. Sprightly Jen is determined to get her mom hitched, up to and including booking her on a reality dating show. Meanwhile, Jess has to get New York City's wealthy and aptly named Alpha Moms together to cast their children alongside project kids in a small-scale benefit production of My Fair Lady, which somehow ends up taking place at Lincoln Center. This amiable, good-natured comedy will put the reader in mind of her favorite flannel pajamas-not sexy, exactly, but comfortable and fun. Agent, Jane Gelfman. (June) Forecast: The novel mines the same tired territory as a host of Nanny Diaries imitators, but will fit the bill for those still mourning the end of Sex and the City. Copyright 2004 Reed Business Information.
Kirkus Reviews
Forty-plus and loving it-well, sort of. A rambling tale of two New York friends, Jessica Taylor (a single, suburban mother of an 11-year-old daughter) and Lucy Baldor (a TV producer), who have shrieky, girlfriendy conversations at all hours about life and womanhood and shoe sales and, um, other stuff. Lots of other stuff. (Too bad they don't get a funny or sophisticated or even just plain bitchy line once in a while.) The plot: Lucy, a well-preserved 41, is having a fling. Never mind that her husband Dan is nice, sexy, and smart, though apparently clueless. Bedeviled by sensual dreams of Jacques, her French ex-husband, Jessica can't help wondering whether she should fool around with Dan. Then daughter Jen schemes to get her mom on a pick-a-bachelor show, where Jessica meets a muscular loverboy from Colorado-but, darn it, that's just not her scene. Yes, unlike actual, genuinely obnoxious-and-proud-of-it New Yorkers, these two cardboard characters never, ever swear: they say darn, heck, and gosh. And they don't ever say mean things. Ho-hum debut supposedly set in Manhattan-the place names and designer brands are right-but totally lacking in attitude, hustle, and flavor. Agent: Jane Gelfman/Gelfman Schneider
From the Publisher
“Warning! Reading this book could cause laugh lines! May also lead to sleep deprivation—since once you start, you won’t be able to stop. I loved it.”
—LAUREN WEISBERGER, author of The Devil Wears Prada

“Janice Kaplan and Lynn Schnurnberger may have written the Ur Post-Chick-lit novel. The Botox Diaries is a romp that lauds the ‘tender’ virtues we all embrace. Try not to deepen your laugh lines as you follow the adventures of these two lovable grownup girls.”
—JACQUELYN MITCHARD, author of The Deep End of the Ocean

“A sexy, sophisticated romp guaranteed to keep you entertained. Highest ratings to the hilarious TV tales, told with an insider’s wry and loving eye. A great read!”
—DICK CLARK

“What midlife crisis? The Botox Diaries is the perfect antidote to scalpel scandals and yoga yuppies . . . and far, far more satisfying than a carb-free éclair will ever be.”
—KAREN MOLINE, author of Belladonna

“Talk about a lift! The Botox Diaries is a potent injection of humor and insight.”
—JEANNE WOLF, Jeanne Wolf’s Hollywood

From the Hardcover edition.

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780739312759
  • Publisher: Random House Audio Publishing Group
  • Publication date: 6/1/2004
  • Format: MP3
  • Edition description: Abridged
  • Sales rank: 1,165,534
  • Ships to U.S.and APO/FPO addresses only.

Meet the Author

Between them, authors Janice Kaplan and Lynn Schnurnberger have lived in three countries, married four times, raised three children, and published seven books. They've produced hundreds of hours of network television shows and written articles for just about every women's magazine in America. Both have appeared regularly on television shows including Oprah, Good Morning America, and Today. Each is happily married and living in New York. This is their first collaboration.

Between them, authors Janice Kaplan and Lynn Schnurnberger have lived in three countries, married four times, raised three children, and published seven books. They've produced hundreds of hours of network television shows and written articles for just about every women's magazine in America. Both have appeared regularly on television shows including Oprah, Good Morning America, and Today. Each is happily married and living in New York. This is their first collaboration.

Between them, authors Janice Kaplan and Lynn Schnurnberger have lived in three countries, married four times, raised three children, and published seven books. They've produced hundreds of hours of network television shows and written articles for just about every women's magazine in America. Both have appeared regularly on television shows including Oprah, Good Morning America, and Today. Each is happily married and living in New York. This is their first collaboration.

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Read an Excerpt

Chapter One

champagne corks are popping and it's only five a.m.

"Darling," Lucy trills as I groggily cradle the phone between my ear and my goose down pillow. "I didn't wake you, did I?"

Of course not. Why would I be asleep at this hour when I could be up repotting the azaleas?

"Where are you?" I ask, fumbling for the Brite-Lite clock on the night table to confirm that, yes, it's still two hours until my alarm goes off. "Traveling?"

"L.A., darling," Lucy says. "Working."

I knew that. When she's in New York, Lucy lives around the corner in a big Tudor house, but she regularly packs off to Burbank to produce glamorous TV shows. Being on the opposite coast causes her to sink into saying "darling" too much.

"Everything okay?" I ask, awake enough now for my worry genes to have kicked in.

"Absolutely, yes," Lucy says as I hear what I swear is another champagne cork popping in the background. She bursts into giggles, covers the phone, and calls out, "Watch it, darling!"

"What's going on there?" I ask.

"It's not what you think. We're rehearsing for a show and there's a scene with Dom Perignon. We're using real French champagne, even for the sound check."

French champagne. I sit up abruptly realizing that when the phone rang, I had been dreaming about Jacques, my very own Frenchman. We were lying naked, with our arms wrapped around each other at the edge of a warm, sunny beach. He was kissing me passionately as the waves lapped over us. Wait a minute. Didn't I see that same scene in some old movie? I put the phone down and notice the TV across the room is still flickering. I must have fallen asleep watching From Here to Eternity. Again.

"Yoo-hoo, " Lucy calls impatiently. "Earth to Jess. You still with me?"

I clear my throat. "Jacques," I say. "We were making love."

"Jacques? Jacques is there?" Lucy screams so loudly across the country that she doesn't even need her brand-new cherry red Nokia 120000RICH cell phone.

"No, Jacques isn't here. Of course not. We were on the beach." That's not what I meant to say. "I mean I was dreaming about him on the beach. Nude." I manage to stop myself before I get to the climax. Of the story. Next topic. I realize it's two a.m. on her coast so I say, "But anyway, you're working late."

"I know. All night. Everyone thinks my life is all poolside meetings with Ben Affleck, but all I do out here is work, work, work." Lucy sounds awfully cheerful for a poor working girl. But then again, she's downing champagne while I'm cozying up to a blue plastic tumbler of tepid bathroom water.

"So what's going on?" I ask, wondering why this call couldn't have waited for daybreak--on either coast.

"I'm so sorry to bother you, " Lucy says, taking a deep breath, "but it's about the bake sale."

Ah, right. The fifth-grade bake sale. Now that's certainly worth a call at five a.m. In fact, I bet she's halted shooting on her million-dollar production in order to get this handled.

"I need a favor, darling," Lucy says. "Dan said he'd pick up something for Lily to bring, but that means it will be store-bought. Uck. I'll look like a bad mother. So two questions. What are you making for Jen to take, and would you mind very much making double?"

Double what? I haven't even given it a thought. I've just barely recovered from making nachos to send to school last week for International Lunch Day....

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4.5
( 26 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(16)

4 Star

(7)

3 Star

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2 Star

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(2)

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 26 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 7, 2005

    As funny as they say it is!

    This book pokes fun at the inane things we women go through in the name of beauty. Sharp, smart and laugh-out-loud funny, this is a don't miss!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 20, 2012

    Eh

    I thought it was good but not amazing.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted July 25, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    botox diaries not worth giving a shot

    Just didn't pass the fine chick-lit test. Characters didn't focus on the fight for aging and the story was not inspiring or particularly funny. For someone that has has a long love affair with chick-lit and an introduction to botox - this one just didn't deliver results.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 26, 2008

    love it

    i really loved botox diaries i feel like you can almost know lucy and jess. it is funny keeps your intrest. will deffently be reading more of there books!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 22, 2006

    Very Enjoyable Read

    I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It kept my interest from the very first page. Parts of it made me laugh out loud. Made me think of the friendship between my best friend and I and the things we have gone through together over the years. It was a fun and humorous read. I would recommend this for anyone who wants to just tune out of their everyday lives and escape into one of friendhip and humor.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 30, 2006

    Made Me Laugh Out Loud!

    I loved this book! Every page made me laugh and think about my girlfriends. This is the perfect summer read for women of all ages.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted November 29, 2005

    I wish I could give it less stars!

    This book was terrible, I was struggling to get through it. Not worth it at all. I wouldnt even recommend it at the library.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 17, 2005

    Page turner but no wow factor

    I read 'Mine are Spectacular' first so my expectations were extremely high for the Botox Diaries. It was still amusing and enjoyable but not the 'LOVE IT' value that Mine are Spectacular had.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 13, 2005

    A Collaboration of Lame and Lamer

    My guess is that the authors must have had a really good friend in the publishing biz. The jokes are pathetic. The literary / linguistic references are, to put it kindly, sophomoric. The editing is so bad that apparently nobody even bothered to check the (incorrect) French, or to catch the use of 'Coventry' Garden for Covent Garden. Sheesh! Here's another guess: this opus made the bestseller list by becoming a hit among chick lit fans like myself, who kept reading it simply to see if it could possibly get any worse.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted September 19, 2004

    A Humorous Female Portrayal...

    I could, ahem, relate to this book! A must have for mommies and those of us holding onto our youth! If not for you, buy for a loved one this Christmas!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 9, 2004

    Takes You Away From It All

    If you're looking for an engaging, warm story about believable characters 'The Botox Diaries' is for you. It's a realistic story about suburban life, but it's also a send-up. (My favorite detail comest at the moment when the doctor who is about to give out injections at a 'botox party' first wipes his sweaty hands on his trousers.) And the writing is so smooth- so seamless--that once you start reading this book,you can't put it down. A perfect escape.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 12, 2004

    a fab read

    The Botox Diaries is a fabulous book about two women in their forties, Jess and Lucy, which is breezy, fun and more. Lucy goes through a mid-life crisis and ends up in an affair with a famous TV star -whose name I just loved!- Hunter Green. Jess' French ex-husband, Jacques, has come back to New York and is chasing her again. The plot is fast paced and funny and you really end up caring about Jess and Lucy and their friendship. This is a fabulous book which is perfect for all of us who loved 'The Devil Wears Prada' and 'Sex and the City'. LOVED IT.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 25, 2004

    So Much Fun

    Sophisticated, funny and delightful! Rare that you can find a novel that makes you laugh out loud-but that also has intelligence and wisdom behind it. The main characters-Lucy and Jess-are such very real people that by the end of the book, they feel like your best friends. The writing is quick and clever-but never obvious. Constant surprises in the story keep you turning the pages. I finished it and wanted to start over again. The book is smart fun on every page. Highest recommendation!!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 19, 2004

    Well worth reading

    While in Burbank Lucy Balder asks her best friend Jessica Taylor back in New York to bake something for her fifth grade daughter when the she makes something for her own child to take to school. While Lucy is happily married to Dan and has two other children, Jessica still dreams of her ex Jacques. She still desires him though his babyish behavior ended their marriage. Afterward she adopted her child..................................... Lucy informs Jess that she has taken on a lover. Since Jess likes Dan, she is concerned about what her friend is doing to what seemed a stable contented marriage. From work, Josh Gordon wants Jess, but Jacques is back and in her mind no one measures up to her former French spouse. Josh plans to prove otherwise that he, Jess and her daughter belong together instead of the unreliable French lover......................................... . THE BOTOX DAIRIES is an interesting character study that looks deep into the souls of two women closing in on middle age. The story line focuses more on Jess, but also provides the audience insight into Lucy. The secondary cast, especially the males, enable the audience to glimpse even more so than normal into the respective essences of the two female friends. Though there is very little action, fans of powerfully insightful life stories will appreciate the profound collaborative effort of Janice Kaplan and Lynn Schnurnberger. ................................ Harriet Klausner

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 9, 2004

    Can¿t Put it Down!!

    I picked up a copy of ¿The Botox Diaries¿ and read it practically straight through, it is that funny! I loved all the dishy stuff = like the bagels and Botox party, the behind the scene TV machinations= but I especially loved the heroines, two hilarious and lovingly drawn characters who face the trials and tribulations of mid life with humor spunk. Two thumbs up!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted September 6, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted December 16, 2008

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted November 13, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted May 29, 2012

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted January 26, 2012

    No text was provided for this review.

See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 26 Customer Reviews

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