Límites: Cuando decir sí, cuando decir no, tome el control de su vida (Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life) [NOOK Book]

Overview

Escrito por Cloud y Townsend, autores de Límites para nuestros hijos, este libro cuenta con consejos bíblicos y prácticos para todo cristiano.
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Límites: Cuando decir sí, cuando decir no, tome el control de su vida (Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life)

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Overview

Escrito por Cloud y Townsend, autores de Límites para nuestros hijos, este libro cuenta con consejos bíblicos y prácticos para todo cristiano.
Read More Show Less

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780829780437
  • Publisher: Vida
  • Publication date: 6/26/2009
  • Language: Spanish
  • Sold by: Zondervan Publishing
  • Format: eBook
  • Edition description: Spanish-language Edition
  • Pages: 360
  • Sales rank: 574,860
  • File size: 3 MB

Meet the Author

El Dr. Henry Cloud es un conferenciante de gran popularidad. Con el Dr. John Townsend es anfitrión del programa de radio New Life Live!, además de ambos ser fundadores de la Clínica Cloud-Townsend y de la organización Cloud-Townsend Resources. Es el autor de varios libros premiados con el reconocimiento Medalla de Oro, entre ellos «Límites» y «El poder transformador de los grupos pequeños». El Dr. Cloud, su esposa y sus dos hijas radican en el Sur de California.
El Dr. John Townsend es un popular conferencista y un famosísimo autor de éxito de ventas. Es graduado de psicología clínica en Rosemead Graduate School of Psychology de Biola University. Además es coautor de numerosos libros incluyendo el ganador de la Medalla de Oro Límites. Él es coanfitrión del programa radial emitido a nivel nacional New Life Live!
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Read an Excerpt

Limites / Boundaries
By Henry Cloud Editorial Vida

Copyright © 2001 Henry Cloud
All right reserved.

ISBN: 9780829728965


Chapter One


Session One


What Is a Boundary?

BEFORE YOU LEAD

Key Points

Boundaries define what is me and what is not me. Boundaries also protect us
from the bad.

Skin, words (especially the word no), truth about God and about who you are,
time (as in "time away from"), geographical distance, emotional distance,
other people, and consequences are some examples of boundaries.

We are responsible for our feelings, attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, choices,
thoughts, values, limits, talents, desires, and love, all of which lie within our
boundaries.

The concept of boundaries comes from the nature of God himself.

Boundaries allow us to care for ourselves and others.

Boundaries result in freedom, which leads to love.

Synopsis

We begin our study of boundaries by answering the question, "What is a boundary?" Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows where each individual ends and someone else begins, leading each person to a sense of ownership and responsibility. These boundaries, or "fences" need to have gates so that we can let good in and bad out.

Just as homeowners setphysical property lines around their land, we need to set mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual boundaries for our lives to help us distinguish what is our responsibility and what isn't. Skin, words (especially the word no), truth about God and about who you are, time (as in "time away from"), geographical distance, emotional distance, other people, and consequences are some examples of boundaries. Feelings, attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, choices, thoughts, values, limits, talents, desires, and love all lie within our boundaries.

The concept of boundaries comes from the very nature of God. God defines himself as a distinct being separate from his creation and from us. He has boundaries within the Trinity. The Father, the Son, and the Spirit are one, but at the same time they are distinct persons with their own boundaries. God also limits what he will allow in his "yard." He confronts sin and allows consequences for behavior. He guards his house and will not allow evil things to go on there. He invites people in who will love him, and he lets his love flow outward to them at the same time.

Created in God's likeness, we too have personal responsibilities within limits-within boundaries-that we set and maintain. Part of taking responsibility, or ownership, is knowing what is our job and what isn't. It takes wisdom to know what we should be doing and what we shouldn't.

Consider the importance of boundaries. Knowing what we are to own and take responsibility for gives us freedom. If we each know where our yard begins and ends, we are free to do with it what we like. But boundaries do more than just allow us to care for ourselves; they also help us care for others in a healthy, Christlike way.

Maintaining boundaries-or, put differently, taking responsibility for your life-opens up many different options. After all, if you're in control of your life, you'll recognize that you have choices. You'll no longer be limited by circumstances or the control of others. You'll find that you have greater control of your time, energy, and resources. And with that greater control comes freedom to serve others in ways that you choose: to whom you will give, what you will give, and how much you will give.

In turn, the freedom that comes with knowing boundaries leads to love because love requires freedom. If you have to do something for someone and don't have a choice about the matter, you are doing it under compulsion rather than acting in love (2 Cor. 9:7). You are doing it in fear of either the person's withdrawal or attack or to avoid your own feelings of guilt. But if you are free to say no, then when you do choose to give, you are giving out of love, and your service will be truly Christlike.

Recommended Reading

"A Day in a Boundaryless Life" and "What Does a Boundary Look Like?" chapters 1 and 2 in Boundaries

INTRODUCTION

(3 Minutes)

Welcome

1. Call the group together.

2. Welcome the participants to Session 1 of the Boundaries course: "What Is a Boundary?"

3. Introduce yourself: Tell the group your name, a little about yourself, and
why you are excited about teaching this course.

Opening Prayer (1 Minute)

Heavenly Father, thank you for the people who have gathered here and for what you have for us to learn. May we hear your truth with our hearts as well as our ears and apply it to our lives in new and freeing ways. Jesus, we look to you to be our guide and our teacher as we begin learning more about boundaries and your design for our lives. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Overview (1 Minute)

Participant's Guide page 9.

Note: On each facing right-hand page is a copy of the corresponding Participant's Guide page(s).

For the next nine sessions we are going to look at boundaries-what they are and how they can help us live a life that honors and glorifies God. This course is based on Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend's best-selling book Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life.

Hold up the book. At this point you may wish to offer this book for sale as an additional resource or simply mention where a copy can be obtained.


Let's turn to page 9. Today we're going to define "boundaries" and see how
boundaries allow us to care for ourselves and others. We'll look at examples of
boundaries and see what we are responsible for within our boundaries. We'll see
that the concept of boundaries comes from the nature of God himself, and, as
we move through this session, you'll come to understand how boundaries result
in freedom, which leads to love.

DISCOVERY

(38 Minutes)

Video Segment: Sherrie Without Boundaries (8 Minutes)

In this first video segment, we'll see some scenes from chapter 1 in the book Boundaries and hear from Dr. Cloud. But first, let me tell you a little bit about your Participant's Guide. During our nine sessions, we will discuss various topics as a large group. You will also meet together in small groups, talk one-on-one to the person next to you, and occasionally work alone on some exercises. The Participant's Guide will help you stay focused and keep us moving through this challenging and life-changing material.

Participant's Guide page 10.

If you turn to page 10, you'll see that the authors have listed the key points from the video segments so that you don't have to take notes while you're watching. You can use these later, if you want to, to review what was covered. Let's get started.

View Video Segment: Sherrie Without Boundaries (7 minutes)

Boundaries help us to differentiate ourselves from someone else; they show where each person begins and ends. Right now we're going to look at some examples of boundaries as well as what falls within our boundaries, those things for which each of us is responsible.

Let's Talk: Examples of Boundaries and the Responsibilities That Come with Them (15 Minutes)

Participant's Guide pages 11-14.

Please turn to pages 12-13 of your Participant's Guide. There you'll see two lists-one of types of boundaries and another of those things that fall within our boundaries.

Directions

1. In a moment, I will split you into seven small groups and assign each group a
cluster from one of the lists found on pages 12-13.

2. If your group is assigned some examples of boundaries, talk about why each is
considered a boundary and what people can do to keep that particular boundary
strong.

3. If your group is assigned some of the responsibilities that come with boundaries,
talk about what being responsible for each of these areas involves or (perhaps an
easier question to answer) what irresponsibility in each area looks like.

4. When we come back together as a large group, a spokesperson from each group
will share your small group ideas with the rest of us.

5. You'll also notice some "Boundary Building" questions at the end of each page.
You will find "Boundary Building" questions throughout this and subsequent sessions.
These important questions-intended for later, after the session-can help
you build healthy boundaries for yourself.

6. You will have 8 minutes to complete this exercise.

Any questions?

After dividing your large group into seven small groups, assign each group a cluster of topics to discuss (see clusters A-G below).


Examples of Boundaries (4 groups)

Cluster A: Skin (What good does skin keep in and what bad does it keep out?);
words (especially the word no)

Cluster B: Truth (about God and about who you are); time (as in "time away
from")

Cluster C: Geographical distance (removing yourself from a situation); emotional
distance
(guarding your heart)

Cluster D: Other people (How can other people help you set and keep boundaries?);
consequences (Why are consequences necessary to strong boundaries?)


Responsibilities That Come with Boundaries (3 groups)

Cluster E: Feelings, attitudes/beliefs, desires

Cluster F: Behaviors, choices, values, thoughts

Cluster G: Limits, talents, love/trust



Continues...


Excerpted from Limites / Boundaries by Henry Cloud Copyright © 2001 by Henry Cloud. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4.5
( 205 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(123)

4 Star

(39)

3 Star

(26)

2 Star

(5)

1 Star

(12)

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 208 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 4, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    This Book Is The Pencil That Will Help You Draw the Lines

    Wow, why didn't I ever know about this book? You don't hear much about it- I stumbled upon it browsing around Amazon one day. For people wondering if they should buy this book, get it if: <BR/><BR/>-you're not turned off by a Christian writing approach <BR/>-you feel like there's a problem because you're trying to be a good person all the time by always saying "yes" <BR/><BR/>In a nutshell, this book is for people who don't know how to set boundaries for themselves. In other words, they're always saying "yes" to things and taking responsibility for things- even when it's not their job. <BR/><BR/>And boundary lines of your responsibilities need to be present in more areas of your life than you might realize, such as... <BR/><BR/>-your family <BR/>-your friends <BR/>-your mate <BR/>-your kids <BR/>-your self <BR/><BR/>The book covers boundary conflicts in each of these areas leaving no stone unturned. Therefore, its no big deal if you have only one or two problem areas- just go to those sections. <BR/><BR/>This book will help you realize what a boundary is, why it's okay to have them and just how to develop them. So if anything in this review sounds like if might apply to you- don't hesitate to check out the book. Other neat self-help books I liked include "Finding Happiness in a Frustrating World".

    27 out of 29 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 8, 2007

    If applied correctly, its a GREAT relationship guide

    I have read the reviews on here and have a word of caution, no book should be read and applied literally with out interpreting the message and applying the message to your situation with the right intentions. This is not about ultimatums or finding reason for rigid applications to get your way! This book enlightened me to see that relationship can not grow and endure with out boundaries. I have been struggling with overly involved, overly critical in-laws and have been searching for information on how to navigate these highly emotional situations with out being disrespectful or harming the relationship in the long run. It reminds you of what can happen if boundaries are not respected and these types of unhealthy relationships are not what God intended. Being pleasing or perpetuating harmful behaviors is not loving when you are harboring feelings of irritation and anger. Its about communication and doing what right for the relationship in the long term and not what's easy for the present. Loving as God intended includes stewardship BUT doing it in a loving communicative way. Its all about intentions... if your seeking to fulfill selfish wants, negativity begets negativity, you will find a bad result! If you are seeking to fulfill your spiritual needs, love begets love, your relationships will grow stronger and your heart will find peace.

    14 out of 14 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted May 7, 2009

    Very hard to read if you are not religious

    As far as writing about boundaries goes, I would give it 5 stars, but since everything is mixed up with realigious quotes and reasons I found it extremely difficult to read. I had to search for the information that had me reach for the book in the first place in between lots of things I not only am not interested in, but often times found annoying.
    If you are not religious you might want to take lots of notes to actually be able to see what you want to see.

    10 out of 15 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted September 12, 2003

    to the angry mom

    This book definitely helps me understand the necessity of setting boundaries and it works! I definitely see more damage and hurt than love without a healthy boundary! My mom doesn't like my boundaries because she can no longer be manipulative and controlling to my life. The loving family in her mind with all the guilt trip is actually a torment for me. My boundaries setting enable me to keep mentally and spiritually healthy. We all love to have family around but not until she gets healthy and stop damaging us emotionally to meet her unhealthy needs, will I invite her to my life. And it helps my mom to communicate in a healthy way at the same time although she didn't know it at the beginning.. Honoring Mother and Father is to become someone Godly and healthy enough to serve in His name.

    10 out of 10 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted March 2, 2009

    People Needing Space - Here's how to get it APPROPRIATELY

    I had no idea how few boundaries I had, and which ones I needed, until I read this book! I knew I needed my "space", but I didn't know why I couldn't seem to get it without hurting myself or others. This book helped me identify what my particular needs are and ways I can have them fulfilled. This book presents a very healthy and honest approach to the subject. Actions - and words - have consequences. We get to choose what we will do, and whether we are willing to get the consequences - for good or for ill. I highly recommend this book, for in our culture we are not taught how to form and maintain good boundaries. This book really helps!

    8 out of 9 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted February 23, 2009

    Review of Boundaries

    This book was recommended to my wife by her counsellor. I am in counselling as well. I have never been good about sharing my feelings. I quickly realized this book was for me as well. The book discusses the importance of boundaries - what to let in and what to not let in. When to say yes and when to say no. Some relationships in life are harmful and we need to know how to limit their negative impact on us. We need relationships that help us to grow as well as provide support. I recommend this book for anyone who wants to improve their interpersonal relationships.

    8 out of 9 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 18, 2008

    A must read for any mature adult!!!

    Great book!!! I like how the content draws from the Bible. Our family has put the principles of this book into practice & as a result, my family & I are much happier. We are living a much fuller life. We put God first in our lives & His values & principles have made all the difference. We now have more money & more time to help others as God intended.

    8 out of 9 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 19, 2006

    If I could give it a zero, I would

    The book 'Boundaries' is an awful and sad reflection of our self consumed society and the breakdown of the family. There are very few nuggets of truth in this book. I feel like I just drank a gallon of poison with a teaspoon of honey in it. This book blurs the lines bewteen what is a good boundary to set- i.e. not repeatedly bailing out a person in habitual unrepentant sin- and what is a bad boundary to set- i.e. I am legally an adult and no longer need to make a relationship with my parents a priority in life. The scriptures quoted are either not applicable at all or loosely applicable. If you know your bible well, you'll find yourself saying repeatedly, 'That's not what that scripture says' or 'That's not what that scripture means.' If you are living according to the world, this will give you an inaccurate 'biblical justification' to keep living that way. If however, you really desire to set biblical boundaries and to honor biblical obligations, you will need to consult the bible. The book 'Boundaries' cannot be relied upon to present biblically accurate boundaries. It is one of the most distorted portrayals of biblical relationships I have ever come across.

    6 out of 27 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 27, 2002

    Destroying a Marriage

    Boundaries was used as a instruction guide to a bible class at the church I attend. The information taught from this book contributed to creating many problems within marriages at our church. From what I could gather this information taught someone to be unforgiving and unyielding. Most that I heard from thought the responses it taught were like an ultimatum. This certainly isn't what builds relationships.

    6 out of 17 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 10, 2010

    The Line Has Been Drawn

    I am trying to figure out what I could add to the amazing reviews so many people already have posted. There is nothing to say but buy it. I'd also recommend that you buy "When God Stopped Keeping Score," which takes an intimate look at the power of God and forgiveness. This book too will change your life.

    4 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 12, 2009

    A MUST READ!

    Great book. They have others. If you follow actual advice and make it a habbit it can change your life.

    4 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted December 15, 2008

    A Must Read for everyone

    My sister gave me this book while I was still in High School, but like most books, I put this book away, not thinking much about it. It was one of those I'll get to it books, that I pushed aside. Now 8 years later, I finally got around to read it, and I wish I read it when I first received it. The authors give us the readers, a perspective that goes deep into our lives, how we view the world, how others may have impacted us without us even knowing to what level they did... And what they say empowers the readers to really take back control of our lives, through what they call boundaries. <BR/>Boundaries is an "easy-read" because it motivates the reader to keep reading, and we can relate to the examples in this book. I must say, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, have really found a way to minister to God's people through their writings.

    4 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted May 20, 2012

    Excellent self help for anyone feeling a deep grief.

    Wonderfully and carefully written with spiritual references to back up the content. I would recommend it to anyone who feels they are expected to do it all alone; whatever it is. I will read it again and again suggesting it to others.

    3 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 5, 2010

    a must read

    everybody should read this at least once in their lifetime! Reading this book helps you build critical skills to foster healthy relationships be it family, husband, friends, work, kids, etc... It also arms you with skills to address the not so healthy relationships as well. I'll recommend it to everyone I love! By the way, you don't need to be a Christian to greatly learn from this book.

    3 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted October 18, 2009

    Boundaries teaches how to deal with life's challenges

    Boundaries is a teaching tool to help you at different times in your life. I purchased when it was recommended by my grief counselor after my husband died. It does explain the times you need to say no to people if you're too involved in other things. You don't want to say no, but if there's too many things that you are dealing with (personally or business), you must try to set those boundaries to pull your life together before being able to do things for other people.

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 28, 2014

    A must read and an occassional tune up!

    I bought this book over twenty years ago but was not ready for it. I have struggled with boundaries my whole life

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 4, 2014

    Excellent book!

    When one of my best friends gave this book to me post-divorce many years ago, I thought "Oh no - not another one of those self help books!" Well, it wasn't "another one" - it's the most helpful one I've ever read which addresses not only relationships with former spouses, but virtually every type of relationship one could have - parent/child, co-workers, friendships, etc. The advice & teaching are biblically based, practical, and helpful in many daily circumstances. As this book was given to me at a critical time in my life, I hope others with pass it on to others in need of it's timeless wisdom. It makes a great gift!

    2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 15, 2013

    Excellent

    This book does offer sound biblical advice. We all need boundaries!

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 14, 2012

    Brilliant and insightful

    This is a must read for those of us who anguish over our responsibities to ourselves, families and the other relationships in our lives The Biblical references to me are helpful to place the demands of others and our own needs into perspective the book is extremely helpful without being at all"preachy"! This read will inspire me to get my life back on track, give me "permission" to take better emotional care of myself and to stop being the "enabler" I've morphed into over the years by owning all crisis situations others create and

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted May 5, 2010

    Everyone needs to read this!

    This book is a life changing book. After you read this you will really think about the way you interact with people. It gives you a strong sense of self from a Biblical perspective. This book will definitely help you communicate more effectively with anyone you encounter in your life. I loved that it had help for every person: singles, husbands and wives, parents, etc. This is a must read, truly eye opening. I am letting all of my friends borrow this one! This book was also very well organized in presentation.

    2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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