Límites en el noviazgo: Cuándo decir sí, cuándo decir no, tome el control de su vida (Boundaries in Dating) [NOOK Book]

Overview

Límites en el Noviazgo presenta como pensar, resolver los problemas, y disfrutar de los beneficios del noviazgo en totalidad, incluyendo la capacidad de encontrar y comprometerse al matrimonio.
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Límites en el noviazgo: Cuándo decir sí, cuándo decir no, tome el control de su vida (Boundaries in Dating)

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Overview

Límites en el Noviazgo presenta como pensar, resolver los problemas, y disfrutar de los beneficios del noviazgo en totalidad, incluyendo la capacidad de encontrar y comprometerse al matrimonio.
Read More Show Less

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780829781434
  • Publisher: Vida
  • Publication date: 2/23/2010
  • Language: Spanish
  • Sold by: Zondervan Publishing
  • Format: eBook
  • Edition description: Spanish-language Edition
  • Pages: 288
  • File size: 497 KB

Meet the Author

El Dr. Henry Cloud es un conferenciante de gran popularidad. Con el Dr. John Townsend es anfitrión del programa de radio New Life Live!, además de ambos ser fundadores de la Clínica Cloud-Townsend y de la organización Cloud-Townsend Resources. Es el autor de varios libros premiados con el reconocimiento Medalla de Oro, entre ellos «Límites» y «El poder transformador de los grupos pequeños». El Dr. Cloud, su esposa y sus dos hijas radican en el Sur de California.
El Dr. John Townsend es un popular conferencista y un famosísimo autor de éxito de ventas. Es graduado de psicología clínica en Rosemead Graduate School of Psychology de Biola University. Además es coautor de numerosos libros incluyendo el ganador de la Medalla de Oro Límites. Él es coanfitrión del programa radial emitido a nivel nacional New Life Live!
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Read an Excerpt

Límites en el Noviazgo

When to say YES. When to say NO. Take control of your life.
By Henry Cloud John Towsend

Zondervan

Copyright © 2004 Zondervan
All right reserved.

ISBN: 0-8297-3557-7


Chapter One

¿POR QUÉ LAS CITAS?

Hace varios años atrás estaba dando un seminario para solteros en la región central oeste de los Estados Unidos, cuando de la audiencia surgió una pregunta:

-Dr. Cloud, ¿cuál es la postura bíblica con relación a las citas?

Al principio pensé que había escuchado mal la pregunta, así que le pedí a la joven que la repitiera. Y la repitió de la misma manera.

-¿A qué se refiere usted con "la postura bíblica"? -pregunté.

-Bueno, ¿piensa que acudir a una cita es algo que la Biblia aprueba? -explicó la dama.

Una vez que oí su pregunta, pensé que estaba bromeando, pero pronto me percaté de que no era así. Había escuchado a la gente preguntar sobre la postura bíblica con respecto a la pena capital o a la eutanasia, pero nunca con respecto a las citas amo-rosas.

-No creo que la Biblia nos dé una "postura" con relación a las citas -le dije-. Tener citas amorosas es una actividad que llevan a cabo las personas, y como con otras muchas cosas, la Biblia no habla de esto. De lo que habla la Biblia es de ser personas amorosas y sinceras en cualquier cosa que hagamos. Así que mi respuesta sería que la postura bíblica en este tema tiene que ver más con la persona que uno es y en la que se está convirtiendo que con si puede o no salir a una cita. La postura bíblica con respecto a tener una cita sería que debe llevarse a cabo de una manera santa. Por cierto, Dios hace que la gente crezca a través de las relaciones en las citas de la misma manera que las hace crecer por medio de muchas otras actividades de la vida. La cuestión no es si se debe o no tener una cita. Las preguntas están más entrelíneas: "¿Quién eres en tus citas? ¿En quién te estás convirtiendo como resultado de tus citas? ¿Cuál es el fruto de tus citas para ti y para la gente con la que sales? ¿Cómo las tratas? ¿Qué estás aprendiendo?" Y otra gran cantidad de asuntos sobre los que la Biblia es muy clara. Esto tiene que ver mayormente con el desarrollo del carácter y con cómo tratamos a las personas?"

-Entonces, ¿usted cree que está bien salir a una cita? -siguió presionando.

-Claro que sí, pero está bien tener citas dentro de los pará-metros bíblicos, los que, a propósito, no son agobiantes. Estos parámetros le salvarán la vida y le ayudarán a estar segura de encontrar a una buena persona para casarse -le dije, riéndome por dentro al pensar con cuánta frecuencia los cristianos quieren una regla.

Pensé que este era el final del asunto hasta que la misma pregunta seguía surgiendo en cualquier lugar en que hablaba a personas solteras. Una y otra vez me preguntaban si tener una cita era algo correcto o no. Sentí curiosidad de saber por qué la gente seguía haciendo la misma pregunta.

Así que, un buen día, pregunté de dónde estaban surgiendo estas preguntas. Y me enteré de un movimiento que se estaba organizando basado en el libro I Kissed Dating Goodbye [Le dije adiós a las citas] de Joshua Harris. La premisa del libro es que tener citas no es una buena idea y que mucha gente está dejando de hacerlo. Mientras seguía investigando, me di cuenta que en algunos círculos el movimiento iba mucho más lejos. Muchos cristianos estaban afirmando que tener citas era pecaminoso en sí mismo; otros, al menos, estaban sintiendo que las personas que aceptaban salir a una cita eran menos espirituales que las que no lo hacían. Se estaba tornando un asunto "cristiano" el renunciar a las citas. Al principio pensé que esto era solo en algunos círculos, pero mientras más viajaba por todo el país, más oía sobre esto.

Así que leímos Le dije adiós a las citas y en este capítulo presentaremos algunas de nuestras reacciones. Por varias razones, estamos en total desacuerdo con la premisa de que todo el mundo debe abstenerse de tener citas amorosas. Pero antes de entrar en detalles específicos, queremos validar las razones detrás de este movimiento.

Nadie se opondría de esta manera a las citas sin tener una buena razón, y la razón por la que mucha gente está renunciando a esto parece ser esta: dolor, desilusión y efectos perjudiciales para sus vidas espirituales. En otras palabras, las citas no los han ayudado a crecer, encontrar una pareja, o transformarse en una persona más espiritual. Entonces, sí tiene sentido despedirse de las citas.

Y sentimos empatía por este dolor. Como hemos visto a través de los años trabajando con muchos solteros, y al ser nosotros mismos solteros por mucho tiempo (ambos nos mantuvimos solteros hasta bien entrados los treinta), las citas pueden causar mucho dolor y sufrimiento. Muchas personas se desilusionan en el proceso y sienten que no saben qué hacer para que funcionen. Se les hace trizas el corazón, escogen repetidamente al "tipo equivocado", no pueden encontrar al "tipo correcto", o encuentran al "tipo correcto" pero no les gusta tanto como el chico o la chica equivocada. Tienen problemas para integrar su vida espiritual a las citas. Se preguntan qué hacer con la atracción física y los límites morales, y también se cuestionan cuándo deben pasar de las citas casuales a una relación más importante.

Para mucha gente el dolor y el sufrimiento que obtienen al tener citas amorosas se vuelve demasiado grande y están listos para buscar alguna alternativa. Y partiendo de esta motivación, coincidimos con los seguidores del movimiento de no citas y con quienes lo proponen. El dolor de una cita no vale la pena si no nos lleva a nada bueno. Entendemos el motivo del Sr. Harris para escribir este libro. Sin embargo, diferimos de su conclusión. Aunque estamos de acuerdo en que el dolor debe terminar, no pensamos que las citas son el problema. Creemos que es la gente. De la misma manera que los carros no matan a las personas, pero sí los conductores borrachos, las citas no lastiman, pero sí lo hace no tener control en las citas. El consejo de Pablo a los colosenses es muy acertado: "Si con Cristo ustedes ya han muerto a los principios de este mundo, ¿por qué, como si todavía pertenecieran al mundo, se someten a preceptos tales como: "No tomes en tus manos, no pruebes, no toques?" Estos preceptos, basados en reglas y ense-ñanzas humanas, se refieren a cosas que van a desaparecer con el uso. Tienen sin duda apariencia de sabiduría, con su afectada piedad, falsa humanidad y severo trato del cuerpo, pero de nada sirven frente a los apetitos de la naturaleza pecaminosa" (Colosenses 2:20-23, cursivas nuestras). Pablo le advirtió a los colosenses que hacer reglas y abstenerse de ciertas prácticas no desarrollaría la madurez que necesitaban para vivir la vida.

Los problemas humanos son asuntos del corazón, del alma, de la orientación individual hacia Dios, y de una inmensa gama de otros asuntos relacionados con la madurez. Como dice Pablo, evitar ciertas cosas en las que te puedes involucrar peligrosamente, no cura el problema básico de inmadurez, que es interno y no externo. Quizás seas inmaduro y no estás listo para lidiar con las citas, así que te abstienes de ellas. Pero, al menos que hagas algo para crecer, seguirás siendo inmaduro y llevarás esa inmadurez hasta el matrimonio.

Evitar las citas no es la cura para los problemas que se encuentran en ellas. La cura es la misma cura bíblica para todos los problemas de la vida; esta es, el crecimiento espiritual que lleva a la madurez. Aprender a amar, seguir a Dios, ser íntegro y responsable, tratar a otros como quieres que te traten, desarrollar el autocontrol y construir vidas satisfactorias son mane-ras de asegurar que el proceso de las citas sea mejor.

Antes de decir en este libro cómo tener buenas citas, queremos señalar algunas razones por las que pensamos que no debes decirles adiós y varios motivos por los que creemos que este proceso es muy bueno.

En el capítulo "Los siete hábitos de las citas altamente defectuosas", Joshua Harris habla de las siguientes tendencias negativas de las salidas a citas románticas:

1. Conducen a la intimidad pero no necesariamente al compromiso.

2. Tienden a provocar que se salte el paso de la "amistad" en una relación.

3. Con frecuencia, confunden la relación física con el amor.

4. Alejan a la pareja de otras relaciones vitales.

5. En muchos casos, distraen a los adultos jóvenes de su responsabilidad primordial de prepararse para el futuro.

6. Pueden causar descontento con el don divino de la soltería.

7. Crean un ambiente artificial para evaluar el carácter de otra persona.

Todos estos problemas son causados por las personas y la manera en que participan de las citas. A lo largo de este libro

(Continues...)



Excerpted from Límites en el Noviazgo by Henry Cloud John Towsend Copyright © 2004 by Zondervan. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Reconocimientos 9
Por que las citas? 11
Parte 1 Tu y tus limites
1. Por que los limites en las citas? 27
2. Exige y personifica la verdad 37
3. Llevate a Dios a tu cita 51
4. Las citas no curan un corazon solitario 73
5. No repitas el pasado 79
Parte 2 Con quien debo salir?
6. Con que puedes vivir y con que no 93
7. No te enamores de alguien a quien no considerarias para ser tu amigo 109
8. No arruines una amistad por tu soledad 123
9. Ten cuidado cuando los opuestos se atraen 135
Parte 3 Como solucionar los problemas en las citas... cuando eres parte del problema
10. Acostumbrate ahora, paga despues 153
11. Demasiado y muy aprisa 161
12. No permitas que te secuestren 175
13. Despidete de las falsas esperanzas 189
14. Limites en la culpa 205
Parte 4 Como solucionar los problemas en las citas... cuando tu pareja es el problema
15. Dile no a la falta de respeto 221
16. Cortalo antes de que crezca 235
17. Establece los limites fisicos apropiados 241
18. Establece un cuarto de detencion 261
Conclusion 281
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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4.5
( 34 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(22)

4 Star

(8)

3 Star

(2)

2 Star

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1 Star

(1)

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 34 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 3, 2005

    In depth and articulate

    Cloud and Townsend examine dating issues in such a thorough and intelligent way in this book, I came away from it feeling extremely confident in my choices about relationships, dating and the single life. To their credit, they don't waiver from a solid Christian perspective and their points were explored in detail. Very accessible and good examples were given to encapsulate their arguments. Number one on a list of five books I've read on this subject.

    5 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 6, 2004

    Not What I Expected

    A friend recommended this book as a great tool - however, I was caught off guard by the number of biblical references and plugs for the author's other books. It was as if there were infomercials throughout.

    3 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted April 10, 2012

    very good book

    we got this for our daughter and I must say it was a steal at the cost.
    full of information I knew, but hadn't even thought of to mention. a real personal eye opener.

    2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted January 3, 2011

    more from this reviewer

    Pretty Cut and Dry

    I finished reading this. Now, I feel confidant that I'll finally meet a man that's a down to earth human being but a strong keeper sort. I may have to move to find one with lots in common on that, but still I think the authors notions to quickly recognize the one's that seems attractive but their more facade than substance when it comes to really caring about the relationship. When I finally found one that wanted to wait until marraige, I thought I'd found him, but after he forced a break up I saw that even degrees of too much affection without sex, can skip over fully developing a friendship. Then, though I publically say anything as it had to be non contest with my x threatening my life and to bully away custody to get money and a beautiful modern house against some unwritten promises, now I see that his mystery box ways of not not talking about serious things like chores, shared family responsibilities, bills were beyond my education to ask about religion, politics and family planning, and ended up with a little dictator who wasn't into well being, cooperating cordially about family roles, and even being very selfish about sex. I thought he had a rye sense of humor beforehand and was blinded by his straight A's in a modern high tech career and being a world expert in his stuff. Later, I saw that he was academically brilliant and careerwise something of a genius, but familywise cruel, selfish, and not a very strong keeper. Good grief, if I hadn't insisted on him sticking to the agreement to have at least one child, I wouldn't have been a mom at all. Nothing was perfect enough, all little faults where never forgotten, and never forgiven. He refused to listen to social and professional friends to stop picking on me, and refused to get involved in a church small group to get feedback on how to FireProof his marriage and instead became married to watching television, and being an extraordinary critique. I'd through in find out about the families culture. I didn't ask much about family background as I thought that true love is somewhat blind, but I thought wow, that explains a lot when I discovered I was married to the either the grandson or great grandson of the largest hacienda in his country, not to be specific, and I was called the pawn and he the King chess piece. He literally had me running errands sometimes 22 miles at a time, even when the baby came along, and trying to run a residence under such constraints with a staff of one dependable person, me not to brag, but it was humiliating. I do not know if I'll ever be able to use my summa cum laude high tech studies to do something really outstanding in the world, but I insist on the standards set by Christian dating to find a really solid keeper. To honor my ex, I guard my reputation and turn down any potential replacement that gets the dating gong as I say when he blows it and tries to disregard some sort of boundary whether it be married men making a pass, unmarried men making a pass or otherwise being irresponsible, I know I am very fortunate to have a child, many do not have that great blessing, and I won't blow my chance to be as best a mom that I can be on some heartless soul that would bring trouble to my family. Since I have smelled the decent roses and been blessed by such a union, I have a situation where I can rest easy on that forever developing laurel. It's lonely to go it alone, but better than loosing what I have.

    1 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 29, 2010

    Five Stars if I Find a True Love

    Lots have given me excellant dating and courtship advice, and this book does have some basica good notions. Nevertheless, I admit, so far it hasn't led me to a top notch husband who just as much as I totally appreciate him, he totally appreciates me. So I'll come back and write a better review if this information actually pans out. The author's must not have read I Kissed Dating Goodbye thoroughly as they think their in disagreement, when actually, I see they're very much in agreement that the core of the issue is finding a very good friend and basing the relationship on that. I wish they didn't have a lip stick mark on the front. I have learned that the best "keeper" males, as in the ones that make the most practical, faithful, responsible husbands literally most often go for the natural look or close too it. The only reason some like tattoos or the artificially attractive look is to keep sexual predators away from their innocent wives as it can be effective as an Amish farm outfit. Guess I'll keep this one anonymous, but it would be nice if there was a book that could make a woman know exactly what to do to avoid all promisuous passes and promptly attract one of the rare men that's not too toxed up to make a truly impressive keeper sort and recognize she's a great keeper, too.

    1 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 11, 2010

    Healthy & Balanced Approach for Christian singles

    This is a great book of realistic boundaries for single Christians. It is a healthy and balanced Biblical approach to relationships. It is also sheds great light on the ultra-extremist viewpoints of Josh Harris' I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Boundaries in Dating should be required reading by all single Christians, especially those who have been exposed to the pharisitical approach of Josh Harris. Unlike Harris who wrote his book when he was barely out of his teen years, Cloud and Townsend are amongst the most highly respected psychologists and counselors of the modern Christian era. I am so greatful that this book was written. I wish someone would turn it into a video series.

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 2, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    Good reading.

    This is good reading for those of us who want to find someone special and not just someone new. I really liked it and enjoyed what the author(s) were saying.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted July 6, 2007

    Great insights for us starting over and anyone dating

    This book really gives great insights into how we relate to each other and what to look for when we are dating or thinking about dating again. We all deserve God's best and this book can help us not settle for less than His best when dating. It helps to understand your weaknesses and strengths and see others as well. It will help you see the red flags and the green ones too when getting into relationships or trying to change the ones you're in right now.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 1, 2003

    This is a must read.....

    Having some questions in my 3 year dating relationship and was hooked on the book by the 3rd page....it was like this book was written just for me.....

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 27, 2001

    Great for twenty-somethings

    I thought this book had a lot of good advise, but it failed to take into account the position of a new Christian (less thana year). Most of the advise delt with looking at a persons past experiences, judging on past relationships, but a new Christian has not established those relationships, making it difficult to relate to what the authors were saying.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 6, 2014

    Saza

    Throws a spear at the elk, making it run.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 17, 2014

    JZ

    Waits with his clothes off

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 7, 2013

    Harris vs. Cloud & Townsend

    The authors a great deal of time criticizing Harris' book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" which I think is an excellent book. An important point to note is that Harris wrote the book when he was 22 and the book is written for teenagers. When Harris uses the term dating, he is really referring to serious relationships. Something that really isn't wise for most teens, even for those that are relatively mature. This book however is written for mature, single adults and the authors refer to dating in a less serious context as a way to get to know others. I felt it was unnecessary and unfair for them to criticize Harris without making these distinctions.

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  • Posted February 21, 2013

    Wish I would have read it years ago

    Great advice in areas I've always wondered about. Should I say something if it bothers me or shouldn't I? After I say something, then what? Many common dating issues are covered. Using the advice, I can say, it helped. It isn't easy to take the first step in setting a boundary, but once taken, it does get easier, and can be rewarding. I highly recommend this book to anyone dating or planning to date.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted September 4, 2012

    Wonderful Book

    Must read this book. It is wonderful and shows the real way to respect your partener and have a healthy relationship.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 19, 2003

    You have got to read this book!

    This book was a good guideline for dating as an adult or for teens!

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 25, 2000

    This Is A Terrific Book!

    Boundaries! We all need them. Thank goodness that someone has finally written a book about boundaries in marriage as well as in dating. This is a great resource for the Church or anyone contemplating marriage.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 15, 2000

    Move over Joshua Harris

    I highly recommend this book for any single christian looking for a mate. It gives practical suggestions for dating in a healty, christian way.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 3, 2000

    A MUST FOR SINGLE AGAIN CHRISTIANS

    This book addresses all the issues of conflict we feel when we are newly single again and is also excellent for young Christians just beginning dating. If you feel confused by the world; any potential date; something is not right. This book will help you in truth and spirit !!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 28, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

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