Boy Vey!: The Shiksa's Guide to Dating Jewish Men [NOOK Book]

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Boy Vey!: The Shiksa's Guide to Dating Jewish Men

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Editorial Reviews

Library Journal
Grish, a shiksa (non-Jewish woman) and founding fashion editor at Sports Illustrated Women, offers a playful little guide to understanding and snagging the perfect Jewish male. The informative yet funny text explains why the Jewish man is so desirable, why neurosis and guilt are part of his DNA, and why antacids are his fifth food group. Clearly, Grish is engaging in a bit of stereotyping, but it is not offensive; many readers will be left longing for a Jewish man of their own. Grish spends a whole chapter detailing strategies to win over his mother and even provides recipes to make him come back for more. This is a fun, hard-to-put-down read. Recommended for all public libraries where there would be demand. Copyright 2005 Reed Business Information.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781439188088
  • Publisher: Gallery Books
  • Publication date: 11/24/2009
  • Sold by: SIMON & SCHUSTER
  • Format: eBook
  • Pages: 176
  • Sales rank: 671,536
  • File size: 4 MB

Meet the Author


Kristina Grish is the author of three books, including Simon Spotlight Entertainment's Boy Vey! The Shiksa's Guide to Dating Jewish Men. She's currently a contributing editor to Marie Claire and has written for Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, Teen Vogue, Outside, and Vibe, among others. She lives in New York City. Visit Kristina at kristinagrish.com.
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Read an Excerpt

Chapter One: Why Choose the Chosen Ones

Oh, admit it: At some point in your adult life, you've wanted to snag a Hebrew honey. Or maybe you already have. Or maybe you're snuggled next to him right now, reading this sentence and wishing you'd thought of this book idea before I did.

In any case, who can blame you? There's a lot to love about a guy who makes your laughter his priority, who talks about your relationship more than you do, who's wildly intense inside the bedroom and out, who thinks nudging him up the corporate ladder is a sign of affection. Jewish men feed your mind and appetite, and they are the ultimate caretakers without a hint of machismo. They're also generous and thoughtful, thanks to a matriarchal culture that's taught them to appreciate women's strength, candor, humor, and intelligence. And because Jewish men value professional drive, your mom can finally tell neighbors that you're dating a doctor, lawyer, or entrepreneur. And she'll mean it this time.

Of course, dating a nice Jewish boy comes with its caveats -- most obvious, the whole Messiah thing. The good news is that if you're dating a Jew, he's likely either Reform or simply acculturated, and thus, open-minded about mixing it up a bit. (Unless conversion is your idea of a hot first-date topic, don't waste your time with Conservative and Orthodox observances.) Whether your love mensch is super religious is seldom the issue. I've found that interfaith coupling gets most sticky -- and believe me, this Presbyterian has dated enough Jews to make their ancestors shvitz in their graves -- when wondering how to navigate daily interactions: how to deal with his obsessive hand-wringing, what toexpect from his sex drive, how to survive his mom's verbal hemophilia. Interfaith relationship snafus arise because Jewish cultural nuances are ingrained in his psyche and not in yours. So if you want to hang with a Jew, you need to identify with his faith and lifestyle.

So what's a Shiksa? Well, you. The word is simply Yiddish for a non-Jewish woman, though the term carries a long history of cultural weight that's far too academic and arguable for the attention span of dating-guide devotees (myself included). Suffice it to say that Shiksas are traditionally viewed as the attractive, mysterious, and forbidden other -- and not always in a flattering way. However, most of the young, Jewish studs I meet insist that the femme fatale rep is an antiquated ideal that's upheld more by their older parents and grandparents than by today's cooler Bens, Joshes, and Andrews. Thank heaven! When it comes to compatibility issues, your religion (or lack thereof) is but one part of your gorgeous profile -- and ranks right up there with charisma, looks, education, family, ethnicity, and bra size. Honestly, your cutie doesn't adore you because he wants to explore your hidden temptress or piss off his family. And if you suspect he does, dump the loser and hide his yarmulke. Because you, my dear, can do better.

Since you bought this book, I'm going to assume you have an elementary knowledge of the Jewish faith and its lingo (or at least a piqued interest). Beyond apologies for your beliefs or stereotypes about his, here's what you won't find in these pages: basic Judaic principles, long history lessons, Hebrew prayer translations, funeral downers, extreme holiday traditions like Purim or Simchas Torah, or three cheers for interfaith marriage. Boy Vey!: The Shiksa's Guide to Dating Jewish Men is simply that -- a fun dating guide written for outsiders, by an outsider. Not to mention, one who's proved to be a natural at the Jewish dating shtick (or so the exes and mothers say)...and sees no reason why you can't be too!

Copyright © 2005 by Kristina Grish

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Table of Contents

Contents

Foreword: "About a Girl," by Ben Kaplan Acknowledgments Chapter 1: Why Choose the Chosen Ones?

Chapter 2: You Probably Won't Meet Him in Wyoming...

Chapter 3: Summer Camp Is Not a Cult (and Other Honest Mistakes)

Chapter 4: Because Neurosis and Guilt Are Part of His DNA Chapter 5: The First Shtup Chapter 6: Why Antacids Are the Fifth Food Group Chapter 7: Talk Yiddish to Me Chapter 8: The Jewish Mother Chapter 9: Mishpocheh and the Hanukkah Bush Afterword: Boy Vey! You're Practically Jewish!

Sources


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First Chapter

Chapter One: Why Choose the Chosen Ones

Oh, admit it: At some point in your adult life, you've wanted to snag a Hebrew honey. Or maybe you already have. Or maybe you're snuggled next to him right now, reading this sentence and wishing you'd thought of this book idea before I did.

In any case, who can blame you? There's a lot to love about a guy who makes your laughter his priority, who talks about your relationship more than you do, who's wildly intense inside the bedroom and out, who thinks nudging him up the corporate ladder is a sign of affection. Jewish men feed your mind and appetite, and they are the ultimate caretakers without a hint of machismo. They're also generous and thoughtful, thanks to a matriarchal culture that's taught them to appreciate women's strength, candor, humor, and intelligence. And because Jewish men value professional drive, your mom can finally tell neighbors that you're dating a doctor, lawyer, or entrepreneur. And she'll mean it this time.

Of course, dating a nice Jewish boy comes with its caveats -- most obvious, the whole Messiah thing. The good news is that if you're dating a Jew, he's likely either Reform or simply acculturated, and thus, open-minded about mixing it up a bit. (Unless conversion is your idea of a hot first-date topic, don't waste your time with Conservative and Orthodox observances.) Whether your love mensch is super religious is seldom the issue. I've found that interfaith coupling gets most sticky -- and believe me, this Presbyterian has dated enough Jews to make their ancestors shvitz in their graves -- when wondering how to navigate daily interactions: how to deal with his obsessivehand-wringing, what to expect from his sex drive, how to survive his mom's verbal hemophilia. Interfaith relationship snafus arise because Jewish cultural nuances are ingrained in his psyche and not in yours. So if you want to hang with a Jew, you need to identify with his faith and lifestyle.

So what's a Shiksa? Well, you. The word is simply Yiddish for a non-Jewish woman, though the term carries a long history of cultural weight that's far too academic and arguable for the attention span of dating-guide devotees (myself included). Suffice it to say that Shiksas are traditionally viewed as the attractive, mysterious, and forbidden other -- and not always in a flattering way. However, most of the young, Jewish studs I meet insist that the femme fatale rep is an antiquated ideal that's upheld more by their older parents and grandparents than by today's cooler Bens, Joshes, and Andrews. Thank heaven! When it comes to compatibility issues, your religion (or lack thereof) is but one part of your gorgeous profile -- and ranks right up there with charisma, looks, education, family, ethnicity, and bra size. Honestly, your cutie doesn't adore you because he wants to explore your hidden temptress or piss off his family. And if you suspect he does, dump the loser and hide his yarmulke. Because you, my dear, can do better.

Since you bought this book, I'm going to assume you have an elementary knowledge of the Jewish faith and its lingo (or at least a piqued interest). Beyond apologies for your beliefs or stereotypes about his, here's what you won't find in these pages: basic Judaic principles, long history lessons, Hebrew prayer translations, funeral downers, extreme holiday traditions like Purim or Simchas Torah, or three cheers for interfaith marriage. Boy Vey!: The Shiksa's Guide to Dating Jewish Men is simply that -- a fun dating guide written for outsiders, by an outsider. Not to mention, one who's proved to be a natural at the Jewish dating shtick (or so the exes and mothers say)...and sees no reason why you can't be too!

Who's Who in Every Jewish Man's Heart

To land an interested Jew, it helps to know the icons that color his worldview. According to one of my exes, Ben, a journalist now living in Toronto with his Greek Orthodox girlfriend, you're bound to impress by memorizing a few Jewish star-studded majors. Since circumcision, Ben's only dated non-Jews -- and fancies himself "something of an expert at getting crossover chicks up to speed about members of the tribe. This includes celebrity hitters that make up our common soul." Here, Ben's reckless intro into what he claims is the carefully narrow, frighteningly like-minded Jewish male POV.

The Reason Your Boyfriend Chases Shiksas Like You:

Tori Spelling

The Interfaith Duo He Admires Most:

Ben Stiller and Christine Taylor

Who He Thinks Would Play Him in a Movie:

Jake Gyllenhaal

More Likely, Even on a Good Day:

David Schwimmer

The Jewish Comedian He Thinks He Channels:

Jon Stewart

The Jewish Comedian He Really Channels:

Larry David

His Jewish Fight Song:

Adam Sandler's "Chanukah Song"

His Jewish Bible:

Portnoy's Complaint by Philip Roth

His Jewish God:

Woody Allen, circa Manhattan

His Jewish Colin Powell:

Madeleine Albright

The Only Jew Cool Enough to Be Friends with Jack Kerouac:

Allen Ginsberg

Another Cool Jew:

Lenny Bruce

An Off-Again, On-Again Cool Jew Who's Kind of Like Lenny Bruce:

Howard Stern

The Lapsed Catholic He Thinks Is Turning Judaism into Scientology:

Madonna

Her Jewish Friend Who Can Do No Wrong:

Gwyneth Paltrow

The Jew All Jews Wish They Could Give Back:

David Berkowitz, Son of Sam

"Did You Hear About...?"

Joanna, a Methodist editor from Michigan, grew up in an über-WASP town but was always drawn to Jewish men. "I casually dated a Jewish guy sophomore year, then another for a year and a half. I'm approaching a year with my most recent Jewish boyfriend," she recounts. "I guess you could call that a type." A type that Joanna says is "passionate and really deep" -- especially when it comes to analyzing identity, religion, life, and death. "My Catholic and Protestant exes were into acting really chill and cool, but never funny or philosophical," she says. Although someone who's never experienced Joanna's dating life might consider this stereotyping, she insists her Jewish boyfriends can dish it and take it. "When I dated my first serious boyfriend, he made me watch Annie Hall with him. He joked that he was Woody Allen, and that I was Annie -- which annoyed me a little, because Annie's kind of a bitch." Sounds like Joanna's not the only one who typecasts....

Shadchen, Shadchen, Make Me a Shiddach

Barbie Adler is president and CEO of Selective Search Inc., the nation's leading upscale matchmaking firm. Barbie, raised on the North Shore of Chicago, is also an authentic Shadchen (Yiddish for "matchmaker") who's shared relationship advice with Fortune, Forbes, Oprah, and CNN Headline News. Since pairing happy duos is Barbie's biz, she's created eight Jewish bachelor/Shiksa profiles for us. How much do you really know about interfaith compatibility? Make your matches, then compare to Barbie's picks!

Meet the Dating Pool

Bachelor One: Jeffrey

Age: 31

Job Title: Vice President, Investments

Hometown: New York, New York

Likes: Heady family dinners at the club, New York Times op-ed columns

Best Qualities: Exceptional golfer, avid reader, knows Thomas Pink sales staff by name

Last Relationship: Met last girlfriend at the "Break the Fast" dance at the Waldorf Astoria

Profile: Works in mergers and acquisitions. Confident, sarcastic, tidy. Bought brownstone to rent out on recommendation of Mom, a real estate broker.

Bachelor Two: Avi

Age: 24

Job Title: Internet Producer by day, Party Promoter by night

Hometown: San Francisco, California

Likes: Obsessively checking his BlackBerry, VIP rooms, and velvet ropes

Best Qualities: Hot, charming, connected

Last Relationship: Six months of office sex with his assistant art director

Profile: Son of a catering mogul, but plans to franchise when he inherits the business. He loves all things new, fast, and highly interactive (women and technology). Likes to be "in the know," so he subscribes to Forbes and Us Weekly.

Bachelor Three: Adrien

Age: 28

Job Title: TV Editor turned Stand-up Comic

Hometown: Princeton, New Jersey

Likes: Karaoke, skiing, vending machine snacks

Best Qualities: Silliness, adventurous spirit, no edit button

Last Relationship: Two weeks with a Minneapolis figure skater

Profile: Performs at bar mitzvahs, hospitals, and funerals. Peers at film school and news stations giggled at him, not with him. Misunderstood Adrien now chases his funny bone full time. He'd also be happy playing Mr. Mom before age thirty.

Bachelor Four: Jacob

Age: 34

Job Title: Attorney

Hometown: Highland Park, Illinois

Likes: Travel, a healthy debate, anything with a Zagat rating

Best Qualities: Loyal, sophisticated, great work ethic

Last Relationship: Three years with an interior decorator who left him for a woman

Profile: Dates for fun, but wants to date for marriage. Works late hours, but enjoys cocktails with devoted friends and fleeting romantic interests. Donates to museums, fund-raisers, the Democratic Party.

Shiksa One: Julie

Age: 32

Job Title: Elementary School Teacher

Hometown: Potomac, Maryland

Likes: Current events, gallery hopping, poetry readings

Longest Relationship: Three years with her college sweetheart

Profile: Adores intellectual, artsy, and awkward men. Loves children and dressing up -- from Easter dinners to Sunday brunches. Spends summers snorkeling in the Keys.

Shiksa Two: Tiffany

Age: 22

Job Title: Account Executive

Hometown: Santa Monica, California

Likes: Lunching, shopping, partying

Longest Relationship: Three weeks with the red BMW Daddy bought her

Profile: Lives in Beverly Hills, works at her father's company handling PR. Stress busters include Botox and Fred Segal. Wants to open an orphanage in Africa. Until then, she jets to Vegas and South Beach.

Shiksa Three: Katie

Age: 27

Job Title: Research Associate

Hometown: Boston, Massachusetts

Likes: The three R's: Red Sox, Ralph Lauren, Resorts

Longest Relationship: Eight months with a trust-fund kid she met on an Aspen holiday

Profile: Works for her state senator, volunteers for nonprofits. Shops seasonally with Grace Kelly as her muse. Spends weekends in Nantucket, Christmas in Maui. Soft, demure, poised.

Shiksa Four: Megan

Age: 24

Job Title: Veterinarian

Hometown: Tucson, Arizona

Likes: Trips to the herbalist, adopting cows from veal farms, dreadlocks on stoner boys

Longest relationship: Five years with her brother's best friend

Profile: Works at a small hospital, but put herself through vet school as a day care nanny on an Alaskan cruise line. Ideal date is dinner and the aquarium. Wants 2.5 kids and a picket fence -- made of hemp.

Meet the Happy Couples

Jeffrey and Katie

Barbie Says: Jeffrey's WASP-y Jew style lends itself to Katie's J.Crew fantasies. She's great eye candy for his business dinners. Will have more throw pillows than sex on an overpriced antique bed.

Avi and Tiffany

Barbie Says: They'll have a nice life...on Page Six. As a publicist and Daddy's little girl, Tiffany knows how to be entertaining and opportunistic. Avi appreciates her upkeep: career, smooth skin, and Beamer.

Jacob and Julie

Barbie Says: He's upwardly mobile; she's happily grounded. Julie's student stories are a refreshing sub for family dinner debates. Especially when in-laws want grandkids, pronto.

Adrien and Megan

Barbie Says: Stand-up comedy isn't easy, even if your people have years of irony under their Borscht Belt. Adrien needs a nurturer like Megan to quell insecurities and bolster self-confidence. Curious and accepting, he'll support her PETA passions. Karaoke skills will entertain kids.

Copyright © 2005 by Kristina Grish

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