Bringing Metal to the Children: The Complete Berzerker's Guide to World Tour Domination

( 18 )

Overview

As a twenty-five-year veteran of the Ozzy Osbourne band and Black Label Society, golden god Zakk Wylde has managed to stay alive against all odds. Now Wylde and his brother-in-Metal Eric Hendrikx take you on a Crusade of World Tour Domination, sharing deranged tales of booze-fueled destruction, laying out battle-tested Rules of the Road, and offering exclusive tips on how not to make it in the business. If you aspire to new heights of Metal mayhem, Bringing Metal to the Children will make you laugh, weep, ...

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Bringing Metal to the Children: The Complete Berserker's Guide to World Tour Domination

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Overview

As a twenty-five-year veteran of the Ozzy Osbourne band and Black Label Society, golden god Zakk Wylde has managed to stay alive against all odds. Now Wylde and his brother-in-Metal Eric Hendrikx take you on a Crusade of World Tour Domination, sharing deranged tales of booze-fueled destruction, laying out battle-tested Rules of the Road, and offering exclusive tips on how not to make it in the business. If you aspire to new heights of Metal mayhem, Bringing Metal to the Children will make you laugh, weep, vomit—and maybe even soil yourself.

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Editorial Reviews

Eddie Van Halen
“Zakk Wylde. Great Player. Great Sound. Great friend.”
Slash
“Zakk Wylde is one of the true Heavy Metal guitar heroes of his generation. They don’t come much beter than Zakk!”
Rob Zombie
“If Zakk Wylde did not exisit, we would have to build him like Frankenstein’s monster. The hands of Randy Rhoads sewn onto the body of Conan the Barbarian implanted with the brain of Larry David.”
Kerry King
“When Zakk plays, it’s like Guitarmageddon!! An audio assault coming from his fret board, the ture meaning of a guitar hero.”
William Shatner
“In my opinion, Zakk Wylde is the f*cking best guitarist in the world. He curses like a f*cking marine and knows more about f*cking music than anybody I’ve ever f*cking met. I hope you can use this f*cking opinion.”
Publishers Weekly
In 1987, Wylde roared into the world of heavy metal music at age 19 as Ozzy Osbourne’s new lead guitarist, and he hasn’t really stopped—still a partner with Ozzy, Wylde has spent the last decade on his own, selling millions of CDs to a huge fan base he calls “Berserkers,” after his beloved ancient Viking warriors who fought “like the Hulk on acid.” But that basically is the problem with this often funny inside look at Wylde’s heavy metal band, Black Label Society (“so secret we don’t even know who we are”)—it really won’t appeal to anyone outside of his fans. The bulk of the book consists of stories and lessons from various tours that are straight out of the film Spinal Tap (“Rule No. 5: Smell everything before you eat or drink it!”). Even his detailed look at how he records in his personal studio, the “Black Vatican,” which shows a clear-headed dedication to his craft, is mired in sentences like “Finding the right studio to record in is like finding the right hole to put your schlong into.” However, Wylde offers sincerely passionate words of encouragement to his teenage fans to find in themselves what “is truly yours, believe in it, and run with it.” (Oct.)
Library Journal
Longtime guitarist for Ozzy Osbourne, founder and front man of Black Label Society, and self-proclaimed Viking, Wylde lays out his guidelines for success for the benefit of all would-be warriors of heavy metal. These are expanded upon by dozens of examples from the road and studio, all of which involve some combination of drunkenness, nudity, and property damage. Regardless of whether you find those topics funny, it's clear that Wylde does, and his enthusiasm and genuine happiness are undeniable. This is one rock star who's not ashamed to say that being a rock star is awesome. Guest columns from friends and colleagues including Dave "Snake" Sabo of Skid Row and wrestler Chris Jericho add to the fun. VERDICT This is not for the faint of heart or weak of stomach, but true berserkers will get their fill of profane good times and gross-out laughs. Recommended for metalheads and lovers of tales from life on tour.—Neil Derksen, Gwinnett Cty. P.L., Lawrenceville, GA
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780062002754
  • Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
  • Publication date: 4/9/2013
  • Pages: 290
  • Sales rank: 311,714
  • Product dimensions: 5.90 (w) x 8.90 (h) x 1.00 (d)

Meet the Author

In the two decades since Ozzy Osbourne hired him away from his job at a New Jersey gas station to become his new guitarist, Zakk Wylde has established himself as a guitar icon known and revered the world over. Writing and recording with Osbourne led to multiplatinum success, inspiring him to create the now-legendary Black Label Society in 1998. Wylde has won nearly every guitar award imaginable, and is a major influence on a new battalion of rock guitarists.

Writer, photographer, and fellow Berzerker Eric Hendrikx is a notable contributor to more than a dozen books, including Forrest Griffin's New York Times bestsellers Got Fight? and Be Ready When the Sh*t Goes Down. A lifelong musician, Hendrikx playedguitar in the rock band Snake River Conspiracy. He currently lives in Southern California with his son, Stone.

In the two decades since Ozzy Osbourne hired him away from his job at a New Jersey gas station to become his new guitarist, Zakk Wylde has established himself as a guitar icon known and revered the world over. Writing and recording with Osbourne led to multiplatinum success, inspiring him to create the now-legendary Black Label Society in 1998. Wylde has won nearly every guitar award imaginable, and is a major influence on a new battalion of rock guitarists.

Writer, photographer, and fellow Berzerker Eric Hendrikx is a notable contributor to more than a dozen books, including Forrest Griffin's New York Times bestsellers Got Fight? and Be Ready When the Sh*t Goes Down. A lifelong musician, Hendrikx playedguitar in the rock band Snake River Conspiracy. He currently lives in Southern California with his son, Stone.

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Table of Contents

General Black Label Society Warning ix

Foreword Chris Jericho xi

Author's Note xiv

Preface xvii

1 The Berzerkers of Asgard 1

2 The Black Vatican 65

3 GIFD 97

4 No Shitting on the Bus 151

5 Perils of Valhalla 199

6 Pssst! Don't Tell the Warden 233

Epilogue: One for the Road 259

Acknowledgments 264

Appendix: Bonus Material 269

From the Desk of John DeServio 285

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4
( 18 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(12)

4 Star

(2)

3 Star

(2)

2 Star

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1 Star

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Sort by: Showing all of 18 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 21, 2012

    I have been a fan of Zakk since I saw him walk on stage in Charl

    I have been a fan of Zakk since I saw him walk on stage in Charlotte NC on his first tour with Ozzy. I have seen BLS 2x and have been a fan of theirs from the beginning. With that being said, I wish I would've never bought this book. My kids bought me a gift card and I thought this would be an awesome purchse since I already read I AM OZZY. (I almost chocked laughing so hard at that one, 5 *) But as for Zakk's book, one can only stand to read about him sucking someone's dick , getting F**Ked in the ass and talking about JD for so many pages and then it gets OLD real quick. I almost stopped reading but the only reason I didnt is because I didnt want to waste that money. I wouldnt recommend this book to anyone, not even a fan. I will sell it on eBay for sure. I dreaded even picking it up and tried to just read it to to get thru it. And all the Viking talk became nonsense after the 2nd chapter. It was just garbled junk. I even stopped reading the Chapter pages. Ive read tons of Rock Star books that I would recommend in a heart beat...Ozzy, The Crue, Manson, Slash, DLR, but this one I couldnt wait to be done with. 1 star isnt worth it here.

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 1, 2013

    -¿¿-Zakk Le Batt Or

    Zakk-¿¿-

    Hello, My Buddeh!! O.o As you few may know. I'm Le ONE and ONLY Zakk Le Batt! 0-o Whaa, you don't know who Zakk Le Batt is? You must be tripping. **Dies** Ish dead. Lawl. xD M'kay let's get going!! :{D <~ That Face is A Mustache face. Lawl. I MADE A MUSTACHE-OOH FACEH!! Yea! Ok. <p> Name~ Zakk Le'Fonga Bon Qui Qui Le Batt the 29th Soo, Zakk Le'Fonga Bon Qui Qui Le Batt the 29th. Can yea get all dat? Mhmmmm! O3O <p> Age~ Ok, buster. Why do YOU out of all people wanna know? Huh, SPEAK! Ok. Ok. Ok. I'm sorry. **Puppy Dog Face** Forgive me, Peas!! Yes, I like Peas. **Facepalm** <p> Looks~ I'm a white waitress. With dreads and blue eyes! Jk, Jk, Jk. I'M FU<__>CKING KIDDING WITH YOU! D-A-M-N! Dx Ok, For reals now. I'm 4'9 inches. O-o Yea, I'm small. No, but, I'm 4'9 in feet. Ok. Still small but whateves. I have shaggy black slick hair. Sometimes, I dye it a exotic color. Like HOT PINK!! I wear any-color v-necks. And any color skinny jeans with some black vans. My pants sagg. Don't hate. I'm a skater. Whatcha expect. I go skating in my birthday suit. **Chuckles** That's a good idea. I'ma do dat knoww!! **Runs off** Ok, <p> Relationship~ I am taken by the most, wonderfulest(Not a Word.), Funniest, Smartest, prettiest, lovelyist(Another. Not a word.), Beatifulist(I get it.), girl EVA! Her name is Trinity Blake. My wifeh! Yesh, we are married. Lawl. <p> Facts~ I am rped by a girl. Yes, A girl. Got a problem. I'm a transie. No, jk! I'm straight. I have a bf in rl. Forever taken! Lawl. Ok, got a problem? I'm a writer. I write for both genders. Just remwmber in the end we're all human. Sooo, if you gotta problem. I suggest talking to the people of the world. Espically, authors. It's ok being a girl and rping a guy. But, not for guy to rp a girl. O.o That's like. A girl telling a girl their pretty and the pther girl saying thank you. Then a guy telling another guy. Your so handsom. The guy reacts by saying. Are you g<__> ay? Yea, No. Like I said, I'm straight as a rainbow. Jk! Damn, you take everything so serious. T.T **His baby Watermelon pees on him** Not Agian! Bad Watermel', Bad Watermel'! O-o <p> Anything else.. Ohhhh, Yea! My Friends! My Besties are, Cali, Trinity, Alex, and Fang!! My friends are... Uhhh, theres Too Many!! **Crys in a corner** Lawl. I like to say 'Lawl' and I like pandas #Se<__>xyBeast Buh-Bye My Bi<__>tches!

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 12, 2013

    Funny if you never left middle school...

    The only reason I finished this book was because I paid for it. In the pages of this book one must wade through constant...and I mean constant references to his penis, sexual demeaning of his wife and ridiculous Viking fantasy to read a handful of decent stories. But then, you would still need to feel diarrhea stories were decent. Almost unreadable.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 1, 2012

    Courtney

    Boroklyn. Other one i thought of lives in NH or Vermont ^__^

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 27, 2012

    Izzy

    MY MOUTH HURTS

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 29, 2012

    Jimmy

    *he flips a golden sword in his hand which glows brightly*

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted November 28, 2012

    Tori

    Yawns

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 29, 2012

    Avery

    Why would you want to do that

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted November 28, 2012

    ZEUS CABIN

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 16, 2012

    SDMF GI/FD \m/\m/

    SDMF GI/FD \m/\m/

    0 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 1, 2013

    No text was provided for this review.

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    Posted February 12, 2011

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    Posted May 17, 2013

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    Posted April 16, 2012

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    Posted April 25, 2012

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    Posted May 13, 2012

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 11, 2011

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 10, 2012

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