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Bro Code for Parents: What to Expect When You're Awesome
     

Bro Code for Parents: What to Expect When You're Awesome

4.5 40
by Barney Stinson, Matt Kuhn (With)
 

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The newest book in the New York Times bestselling “Barney Stinson” canon teaches prospective parents everything they need to know to have a legendary kid.

So you’re going to be a parent.

You might be asking yourself a series of important questions:

Will I be a good parent? • Will I be able to afford

Overview

The newest book in the New York Times bestselling “Barney Stinson” canon teaches prospective parents everything they need to know to have a legendary kid.

So you’re going to be a parent.

You might be asking yourself a series of important questions:

Will I be a good parent? • Will I be able to afford this? • Can I ever have sex again?

Well, the answer to all these questions is a rock-solid no. But just because your existence is now a petrifying turd on the canvas of life doesn’t mean your kid has to be as lame as you’re about to become. That’s why I’ve written this book—to teach you how to be an awesomommy or legendaddy.

The Bro Code for Parents will help you:

Choose a baby name that won’t get your kid stuffed into a junior high locker •

Interview and hire a smokin’ hot nanny • Teach your child instant classics like “The Boobs on the Bus” and “Bro, Bro, Bro Your Boat”

With full-color illustrations, interactive work sheets, and even suggestions for how to turn a stroller into a broller, The Bro Code for Parents gives you all the tools you’ll need to raise your child to be almost as awesome as I am. Almost.

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9781451690583
Publisher:
Touchstone
Publication date:
10/02/2012
Edition description:
Original
Pages:
176
Sales rank:
305,645
Product dimensions:
7.38(w) x 8.30(h) x 0.48(d)

Related Subjects

Read an Excerpt

WHY I WROTE THIS AWESOME BOOK

You might be wondering why I, Barney “the Cooter King” Stinson, have written a book about pregnancy and parenthood when I’m not a father and have, in fact, spent the lion’s share of my adult life cunningly avoiding exactly this type of life-destroying affliction. The answer is simple: money, bitches! Just kidding. I also wrote it because when my good friends Marshall and Lily gave birth to their first child, I realized that without me he’d never learn important lifelong skills like “setting insects on fire” or “learning to go upskirt” or “strategic boner concealment.”

And why do I want to help others? Because I care.

I care about the countless young parents who senselessly sacrifice their lives only to raise kids who believe soccer is a legitimate sport.

I care about the millions of children who are taught “sharing” and “listening” instead of real-world skills like “lying” and “using people to get what you want.”

And most important, I care about America.

That’s right, when people think of Barney Stinson, they immediately think of one thing: “giant multiorgasmic penis.” The next thing they think is “God-fearing patriot . . . who happens to have a giant multiorgasmic penis.” You see, I believe that the next generation of Americans can overcome the many shortcomings of their lame parents and one day be as awesome as I am. Then we will be not only the greatest nation on the planet, but also the best dressed.1

In short, I’m writing this book because the so-called parenting experts have been leading our children down the wrong path. And I’m not at all writing this book because my friends Marshall and Lily just had a baby and I’m terrified that I won’t be important to them anymore unless it seems like I know lots of cool stuff about babies . . . so I don’t see why you’re even suggesting that.

1 Note to foreign readers: Please don’t be offended by my patriotism. If there’s one thing we’ve all learned over the last decade it’s that everyone the world over loves America . . . and whether you like it or not, that includes you.
INTRODUCTION

Congratulations! If you’re reading this very important book, then you’ve made the momentous decision to cannonball headfirst into the waterless pool of parenthood. Your world is about to fundamentally and permanently change in ways you could never have anticipated. You’re excited, overwhelmed, and probably a little scared at the prospect of raising a child and no doubt riddled with serious concerns about your future:

Will I be a good parent?

Can I afford to give my child the life she deserves?

Will I ever have pleasurable sex again?

After I squeeze this kid out of my uterus, will I ever regain my slamming hot bod?

Can I really ever love this child as much as I love my own life?

Rest at ease because the answer to all of these questions is a rock-solid no. Your life is over, Bro. Done. Curtains. Guess what? We all took a vote and you’re the new mayor of Loserville. I mean . . . obviously I didn’t vote, because I’m not a loser. But you know who is? You. A big, fat, dumb one.

But there is hope. Just because your existence is suddenly a petrifying turd on the canvas of life doesn’t mean your kid has to be the insecure, socially inept, unhygienic basket case you’re about to become. And that’s why I’ve written this book—to help you raise an awesome, kickass kid who will live the legendary life you no longer can because of the emotionally and financially crippling decision you just made. But seriously, thanks for buying the book.

Meet the Author

Barney Stinson is awesome. He works for a powerful bank in New York City but somehow finds time to “suit up” and help the less fortunate, in particular his lovelorn and all together pathetic bro Ted Mosby—seriously, that dude’s got probs. When Barney’s not staging private bikini calendar shoots, test-driving tanks, or elbow-deep in another legendary activity, like riding a tiger bareback or blowing up a guitar, he can be seen on the hit CBS show How I Met Your Mother with his friends Ted, Robin, Lily, and Marshall.

Matt Kuhn is a staff writer for the CBS hit show How I Met Your Mother and also produces Barney’s Blog for the show’s website. He lives in Los Angeles, California, which is conveniently where he works.

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Bro Code for Parents: What to Expect When You're Awesome 4.5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 30 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Hi there...
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
It jennie :) go to our book
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Oh... why did he leave?
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Is you sister julia because i know where she is
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Heyy
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Cool
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Lol..yeah
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Hey
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Tia. Runs in crying hard. Aubbri. Tia im sorry please honestly. Tia. Liar leave me alone u dont care u want me dead tesrs fall just stay away. Aubbri im really sorry tia. Tia i dont velieve u please just give me space please she says tears falling.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Just wish Hazel a happy birthday.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Tosses everyone a nerf gun "EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!" He shouts then stoots nerf darts at samntha
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Heyyyy.. I know, I know.. Noone wants to talk to the newbies.. but if you know ashleey.. yaah.. i am her cuzin (: lol Sooo.. WAAAAZZZZUP?
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
No clueO.o
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Is in the house ppl!!!!!!! Whats up???????
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Paul?
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Hey
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
*bored.*
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Suop
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
-He got from his bed and marked the calender.-
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Your welcome! (: