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This is a true story.
In The Burn Journals, Runyon describes that devastating suicide attempt and his recovery over the following year. He takes us into the Burn Unit in a children’s hospital and through painful burn care and skin-grafting procedures. Then to a rehabilitation hospital, for intensive physical, occupational, and psychological therapy. And then finally back home, to the frightening prospect of entering high school.
But more importantly, Runyon takes us into his own mind. He shares his thoughts and hopes and fears with such unflinching honesty that we understand—with a terrible clarity—what it means to want to kill yourself and how it feels to struggle back toward normality.
Intense, exposed, insightful, The Burn Journals is a deeply personal story with universal reach. It is impossible to look away. Impossible to remain unmoved.
This truly riveting memoir is a spectacular debut for a talented new writer.
When seventh period is finally over, I run to my locker and put all my books inside. I won’t need them anymore. I grab my lock-picking set and a spare Ace of Spades that I have lying around.
At the end of the hallway, I can see Stephen talking to Megan, the girl we both have a crush on. I walk up to them and say hi. She smiles at me and I try to smile back. He looks a little suspicious.
I don’t really want to say anything, I don’t want to tell them what I’m going to do. I hand him the Ace of Spades and say, “Good-bye,” and I walk away. I hope they’ll be happy together.
I see my friend Jake at his locker and give him the lock-picking set. “Use them wisely,” I say, and head toward the bus.
Laura walks with me down D hall. She says, “Hey, I heard you set that fire in gym class.”
“Yeah.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to set myself on fire.” She stops at her locker, and I keep walking.
On the bus ride home, I sit by myself. I lean my head against the cold glass window and try not to think about all the stupid things I’ve done, all the bad things I’ve done, and all the pain I’ve caused everyone.
My brother is playing basketball outside the house when I get home. He’s shooting free throws.
I rebound the ball for him and throw it back. I don’t want to take any shots. I tell him the whole story, about what I did and what they’re going to do to me. I don’t tell him what I’m going to do to myself.
When I’m done talking, he says, “That sucks,” and I go inside the house. I don’t have to write a note anymore. Craig knows everything.
I walk out to the shed to get the gas can. I bring it inside to the bathroom at the top of the stairs because that’s the room with the most locks. I go back downstairs and get the matches from the kitchen.
I take off all my clothes and put on the pair of red boxers with glow-in-the-dark lips that my mom bought for me at the mall last weekend. I bring my bathrobe into the shower and I pour the gasoline all over it. The gas can is only about a quarter full, but it seems like enough.
I step into the bathtub and I put the bathrobe over my shoulders. It’s wet and heavy, but there’s something kind of comforting about the smell, like going on a long car trip. I hold the box of matches out in front of me in my left hand.
I take out a strike-anywhere match and hold it against the box.
Should I do it?
Yes. Do it.
I strike the match, but it doesn’t light. Try again.
I light the match. Nothing happens. I bring it closer to my wrist and then it goes up, all over me, eating through me everywhere. I can’t breathe. I’m screaming, “Craig! Craig!”
I fall down. I’m going to die. I’m going to find out what death is like. I’m going to know. But nothing’s happening.
This hurts too much. I need to stop it. I need to get up. I stand. I don’t know how I stand, but I do, and I turn on the shower. I’m breathing water and smoke. I unlock the door and open it. My hand is all black. I walk out. There’s Craig with Rusty, our dog, next to him. They have the same expression on their faces.
Craig yells something and runs downstairs. I think he’s calling 911. I’m following him. He hands me the phone and runs off. There’s a woman on the phone asking me questions. I try to tell her what’s happened, but my voice sounds choked and brittle. There’s something wrong with my voice.
The woman on the phone says the fire trucks and ambulances are on their way. Somehow she knows my address. Craig is gone now, gone to get Mom, and Rusty is hiding somewhere. Smoke is coming from the bathroom upstairs and I can see that the whole room has turned black. I look down and see my flesh is charred and flaking and the glow-in-the-dark boxer shorts are burnt into my skin.
The woman on the phone says everything is going to be all right, and I believe her. She has a nice voice. She keeps asking me if I’m still on fire and I say, “I don’t think so.”
I’m walking around the kitchen, waiting for the ambulance to come. I can see my reflection in the microwave. Where’s my hair? Where did my hair go? Is that my face?
We used to put marshmallows in the microwave. We used to watch them get bigger and bigger and then shrink down.
“Oh God, just tell them to get here, just tell them to get here, okay?”
She says, “It’s okay. They’re coming. They’re almost there.”
“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay, that’s okay.”
I can hear the sirens in the distance now.
I say, “I want to lie down. I’m going to lie down.” It hurts to talk. I think there’s something wrong in my throat.
“You can’t lie down.”
“But I have to.”
“Okay, you can lie down.”
The men are here. The firemen are here. They’re putting me on a plastic sheet. They say I’m going to be okay. One of them puts something over my face. That feels good. That feels so good. The cold air feels so good going into my lungs.
What are they talking about? What are they saying? They’re giving me a shot. They say it’s going to make the pain go away. Make the pain go away.
I’m looking at the faces of all the men who are gathered around me. Their eyes are so blue and so clear.
I turn my head and see Craig in the front hall. He’s yelling and punching the walls. He’s angry.
And my mom is here, and she’s smiling and saying she loves me, and her eyes, which are green like my eyes, are the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.
Excerpted from The Burn Journals by Brent Runyon Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
2. Brent's description of his mother's eyes moments after the disaster-"her eyes . . . are the most beautiful things I've ever seen" [p. 18]-echoes studies on newborns' reactions to their mothers' eyes moments after birth. To what extent is Brent's suicide an attempt to revert to an infantile state in which he will be unconditionally loved? Are all suicides overtures toward rebirth?
3. How does Brent's nebulous adolescent understanding of his own sexuality play into his depression? Do his thwarted attempts at intimacy with women and girls read as comical or disturbing? Does he mature in this area over the course of the memoir?
4. Brent recounts several episodes that seem to suggest a lack of sensitivity on the part of his parents to his violent tendencies, even after his release from rehab. In one, his father employs Brent's reluctant help in bludgeoning a possum to death. In another, his father buys Brent boxing gloves and allows Brent to knock him to the ground. In a third, Brent ponders his childhood practice of mutilating toys, a habit obviously unnoticed by his parents: "Poor Papa Smurf. . . . Sometimes we used to light a can of Lysol and spray him with fire. . . . We also tore the arms off of Cobra Commander and put his head in a vise. We took Duke, from G.I. Joe, and twisted him around until his spine snapped. . . . And then we set them on fire too. Why did we do that?" [p. 288] Are these passages intended to impugn Brent's parents on some level? Or are they meant simply to pinpoint Brent's growing awareness of violence and its ramifications? Why do you think he includes them?
5. Brent struggles to find a means to articulate his sorrow and regret over the disaster to his family. Yet when presented with family therapy specifically tailored to facilitating this kind of dialogue, Brent becomes reticent, unyielding, and sarcastic. Why?
6. Brent writes of his burn treatments: "There are two kinds of people in this world. People that have to lie on their stomachs for ten days straight and people that don't. And the lucky bastards that don't have to lie on their stomachs for ten motherfucking days are the ones that get to skate through life like they have their own personal Zamboni smoothing the way for them" [p. 82]. How much responsibility does Brent accept for his injury? To what extent does he blame fate?
7. Brent's mantra, "I hate myself," continues well after the fire. How much of this can be attributed to the normal pains of adolescence? What are the signs that his self-loathing is abating or shifting by the time he returns to school?
8. Some of the memoir's most excruciating dialogues occur in the context of psychological evaluation. In the presence of a family therapist, Brent has a bizarre argument with his mother over whether five or ten minutes of silence have passed [p. 136]. During a session with two psychologists, Brent accuses one of the doctors of saying "scarcastic" instead of "sarcastic" [p. 216]. Do these episodes suggest true madness, or does Brent purposefully warp his ostensible grasp on reality in order to get attention? What sort of agony do you think therapy sessions like those Brent describes can invoke for a teenage boy?
9. In Darkness Visible, his memoir of mental illness, William Styron writes, "Depression is a disorder of mood, so mysteriously painful and elusive in the way it becomes known to the self-to the mediating intellect-as to verge close to being beyond description. It thus remains nearly incomprehensible to those who have not experienced it in its extreme mode." Does The Burn Journals succeed in rendering Runyon's depression comprehensible to readers? Is this book an appropriate cautionary or helpful tale for depressed teenagers to read?
10. One reviewer wrote of The Burn Journals: "[Brent] isn't spared the sight of the pain felt by his family and friends, as he would have been had he died. In accepting the burden of the anguish he caused them, he finds healing and a new depth to his relationships" ["The Burn Journals A Gripping Must-Read" by Karyn Saemann, The Capital Times, November 5, 2004]. Is this an accurate assessment? If so, what evidence is there of Brent's healing? Which relationships are deepened and renewed?
11. When Brent's parents ask him if he is involved in the occult, Brent is overwhelmed and hurt by their ignorance of him. "They know nothing about me. Nothing at all. . . . Why don't they love me? Why don't they take care of me? Why don't they act like I'm their son? . . . I can't believe how little they know me" [p. 192]. Does Brent ever convey this sense of betrayal to them? Does this issue of misinterpretation reach a denouement?
12. When Brent is given permission to forgo his plastic face mask when he goes back to school, why does he hesitate?
13. Which of Brent's caregivers makes the most lasting difference in his recovery process? Why?
14. The passages that describe Brent's burn care routine in the hospital are graphic, even grisly. What role do they play in the memoir?
15. When a nurse suggests that Brent ought to be grateful for his lapses in memory after the fire, Brent's mental response is, "I don't want to forget anything. I don't care if they are terrible memories. They're mine" [p. 86]. To what extent is Brent's journey out of darkness a process of reclamation? What societal forces could cause an upper-middle-class white teenager to feel disenfranchised or in need of reclaiming what is rightfully his?
About This Book
To fourteen-year-old Brent Runyon, life has become a haze of small failures. He hates himself for liking the same girl his best friend likes. His recent suicide attempts-sliced wrists, handfuls of pills, hangings-have left him very much alive and feeling stupid. And now the threat of disciplinary action by the principal looms large, ever since Brent set a school locker on fire just for the hell of it. There seems to be no choice but to do something from which he can't turn back, something that will amend for all the bad things he's done, all the pain he's caused everyone. After seventh period one day, he says good-bye to a few friends, takes the bus home, chats with his brother in their driveway, then steps into the shower, puts on a gasoline-doused bathrobe, and lights a match.
The Burn Journals chronicles Brent's harrowing recovery, from the fragmented reality of his months spent in the burn unit of a Washington, D.C., children's hospital, to the tedium of full-time physical and psychological rehabilitation, and finally to his unsettling return home, where his old life awaits him, both gratifyingly familiar and terrifyingly foreign. Written in the dispassionate style of a young teen barely able to grasp his own complex web of emotions, this memoir offers an explicit, honest, and painfully unsentimental portrait of remorse and hope. As Brent struggles to convey to his parents-and to himself-his reasons for wanting to die, he slowly pieces together a tenuous but viable blueprint for wanting to live again.
Suggested Reading
Margaret Bullitt-Jonas, Holy Hunger; Augusten Burroughs, Running with Scissors; Frank Conroy, Stop-Time; Nick Flynn, Another Bullshit Night in Suck City; Lucy Grealy, Autobiography of a Face; Kay Redfield Jamison, Night Falls Fast; Mary Karr, Cherry; Susanna Kaysen, Girl, Interrupted; Brad Land, Goat; J. D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye; Andrew Solomon, The Noonday Demon; William Styron, Darkness Visible; Miriam Toews, A Complicated Kindness.
About the Author
Brent Runyon is a regular contributor to public radio programs including This American Life. He lives on Cape Cod, Massachusetts.
The Burn Journals by Brent Runyon was an incredible book. All 325 pages of the book were so important, they were bits of his life. This book is unique, I feel like it gives people an inside to what people with depression go through and how they deal with it. I really enjoyed that the author told it as it is, he didn't try and cover it with frosting. He told the true story and that takes a lot of courage. I don't think the author did anything to stray from the subject. I liked this book a lot, it opened up my eyes to I guess something that most people judge on, and I think it made me understand and be more open minded. I would say this book is appropriate for reading to people who are mature, it's not a light matter and you have to be ready for that. Parts of the book get a bit gruesome, so be prepared for that, but overall it's great!
13 out of 13 people found this review helpful.
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Posted February 18, 2011
if anyone is struggling with their self confidence just reading this book made me realize how everyhing we live for is more than meets the eye. this great book covered every aspect and was a true eyeopener
7 out of 8 people found this review helpful.
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Posted September 24, 2012
This book was on my nook under the heading "teen "angst". I had not seen that particular selection before and decided to check out tge selectiohs. I'm glad i did.
This book is written in the first person and follows a teenage boy who tries to kill himself with fire. What a frightening thought! I can't imagine the pain of the fire and the pain of reliving it in the words written on these pages.
As a mom, it scares me to think that such a thing is possible. That such a talented child would think that death was the only option.
It was heartbreaking to feel the pain in Brent's words; to imagine the pain his parents suffered watching him go through recovery.
My only reason for not giving this book 5 stars is because of the frequent f-bombs. This book was both easy to read and hard to read at the same time. Sad, scary.....impossible to put down.
6 out of 7 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.kk1234
Posted January 29, 2012
The Burn Journals
By Brent Runyon
My Book Rating: B-
When Brent Runyon, a fourteen year old boy, sets himself on fire for a reason he cannot even remember, his whole life is changed forever. He must go through many different kinds of hospitals in order to attempt to get his life back. Although Brent knows he will never be the same mentally, he must believe that he can restore himself physically. Through Brent's long and painful journey, he finally realizes that he is and had always been loved and needed by his family and friends.
In The Burn Journal, Brent Runyon is able to write an incredibly true story about the most painful point in his life. He wrote about his suicide attempt and how he overcame it. Brent's purpose for writing this book is to help show and explain how horrible and pointless suicide is. He wants his readers to know and understand that the people in their life love and care for them.
The author, Brent Runyon, has a very important goal for this book and himself. He hoped that by writing this book he could explain, even if only to himself, how and why his depression and recovery worked the way they did. He wanted to finally put it all at rest and to never have to worry and stress about it again.
The Burn Journals is extremely different compared to others on the subject. The Burn Journals is much more detailed than many other books on the same topic. Many times books about suicide do not go into too much detail because they do not want to scare their audience. The Burn Journals is different because it is so well revealed and the story is so well written that the reader feels as if they were actually witnessing the story live. The Burn Journals allows for it's audience to feel the pain Brent had to go through and understand the reasoning behind it.
I rated this book a B- because although it teaches a major lesson, it is also a little strange at certain parts. For example, Brent uses a lot of foul language in his vocabulary. Usually I can take a little curse words in the books I read, but The Burn Journals just has way too many. Other than that, the book is a very interesting read. I definitely enjoyed reading The Burn Journals.
The Burn Journals is an incredible book that everyone should read. It teaches the reader so much, which should always be an author's goal. When the reader puts down the book, they will walk away full of useful knowledge. I would definitely recommend this book to someone else because of the immense power and strength that radiates off the book. The Burn Journals is an extremely powerful novel that teaches some of the most important things about life.
4 out of 8 people found this review helpful.
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Posted March 30, 2010
The Burn Journals is an amazing read. Brent takes you through every emotion from extreme sadness and depression, and the desire to just be loved. The Burn Journals is heart wrenching,true,funny,and amazingly written!
4 out of 4 people found this review helpful.
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Posted September 27, 2012
I agree with u person under me. Im a seventh grader and i approve this message lol ^.^
3 out of 4 people found this review helpful.
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Posted October 19, 2005
I love this book! The Burn Journals is a very moving story about Brent, a fourteen year-old who tries to commit suicide by setting himself on fire. The book reveals what he was feeling before, during and after the incident. It also describes his recovery for the following year. Some of the details make me cringe, but they are important to the story because they help me understand what Brent had to endure. This story is fascinating because it is written from Brent¿s point of view. His comments make you realize that it could happen to almost anybody. Before the fire, nobody suspected that Brent was unhappy. He seemed like a completely normal teenager. This is why teachers and parents need to read this book: You can never know for sure how a person is feeling. Teenagers will love this book because it is a moving story about someone just like them.
3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.
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Posted November 6, 2010
This book is a firsthand look into a teenage boy's head. There is a lot of thought and emotion put into this book, such as going through all the hospitals and theripists and puberty and the feeling of being left behind because of a bad "mistake". I would read this book again any day, and reccomend it to tons of people!
2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
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Posted November 21, 2008
I Also Recommend:
I absolutely adore this book. I only have four top favorite books of all time, and this is one of them. It made me cry at some times, and I feel such a connection with the author. It amazes me how this is a true story, and Brent lived through all of that. This book made me think, because of all the emotion Brent poured into it, which is why I cried sometimes. I loved the writing style too. Deffinetly something to read. But it's NOT for younger readers. It's one of the most perverted, suicidal, and bad-word filled books I've ever read. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't read it.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted November 5, 2008
An absolute must-read that is gripping from page 1 to page 374. This book is packed with emotions and angst that apply to not only teens and adolescents but adults as well. The lessons Brent learns in the hospital and out of the hospital are applicable to many aspects of life. The Burn Journals is a true representation of what it's like to be depressed, and what it's like to realize how you've hurt other people. I highly recommend this book. And to the teacher who said the book is too mature for junior high-ers...this all happened to Brent Runyon as a junior high school student, so it's obviously not too mature.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted March 23, 2008
I bought this not expecting much, but there was a difference in this book that seperated it from others- I realized that is was because this book is totally HONEST. I could relate to the emotions and I really felt like I was inside Runyon's head. This was a unique topic and I enjoyed it more than I have with many books- and I read a TON. I wouldn't pass this up.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted May 24, 2013
Have you ever considered committing suicide before. The book The Burn Journals by Brent Runyon is about him trying to kill himself by burning himself. One day at school he lit a pack of matches on fire in the locker room, and started a shirt on fire. Then a teacher found out, and called Brent's parents and his life would be over. So instead of his parents hurting him, he wanted to hurt himself. Brent went home from school that day, drenched his bathrobe in gasoline, put it on and lit a match, but it hurt him so much he turned on the shower because he was in the bathtub. When he woke up he was laying in a hospital bed with third-degree burns over 85 percent of his body. He spent every day recovering in rehab facilities and hospitals for seven months. Everyday he’d get up, and lay there all day. Then once removed from the hospital he goes back home to his normal life. The theme of this book is expressed through the tone.
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Posted May 23, 2013
Imagine of being so guilty of something, you light yourself on fire. The Burn Journals by Brent Runyon is sad and funny. This is a true story about a boy who has tried to kill himself by just the flick of a match. The main characters name is Brent and he is also the author of the book. The book is about Brent recovering in the hospital and all of the new friends he made. He is falling in love with one of the nurses that take care of him. This author has a very unique way of writing. If you are going through a rough time don’t take it out on yourself, tell someone. I enjoyed this book because it was kind of a mystery about if he is going to live after what happened and how will he recover. I would recommend this book for teenage girls/boys because I think they would enjoy the suspense.
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Posted May 23, 2013
He wakes up and sees that he is covered in burns, some of his skin is even burned off. Having to deal with the burns, the pain, serious surgery... all because he didn’t want to be here anymore. Brent Runyon went into his bathroom, put on a bathrobe and pour gasoline all over his body and lit himself on fire. Runyon realizes the pain he caused himself and his family and he thinks “Why would I even think of doing this to myself?” I enjoyed this book because it goes into great detail about his experience and really shows that you need to think before you do something so irrational. Any type or gender in their teen-aged years would enjoy this book because a lot could relate to the authors feelings.
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Posted May 23, 2013
There’s thick black smoke in the air. The burning gasoline all over my body. It hurts so badly. This is where it all begins. The Burn Journals by Brent Runyan is about a boy who has all these depressing feelings and is always trying to kill himself. And one day he decided to dose his bathrobe in gasoline and set him on fire. Once he realized what he was doing was stupid he called for help and his brother Craig called 911. He was in treatment at the Children’s Hospital for about 5 months and then moved to a different hospital for therapy for four months. After he got released he started having a tutor and in the end started going to regular high school. Throughout the whole book he tells the reader with a sarcastic, but angry tone: his happy memories, his regrets, and why he decided to set himself on fire. Which starts creating the theme of the book. When people are having all these feelings they shouldn't keep it to themselves and bottle it up: they should open the bottle and let it all out and tell someone. I enjoyed this book because there was a lot of tension whether he was going to get better or not. I would recommend this book for teenage boys because it shows if they ever decided to do anything like Brent did how to get through it.
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Posted April 24, 2013
Im only on the 13th page of the book, and its already sad, depressing, creepy, disterbing, and upsetting. I would say only read this if your in your late 14's, maybe 15's.
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Posted April 23, 2013
I cant lend you book unless i know your full information(last name email etc)
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Posted March 3, 2013
This book is so suspensful It gets hard to put it down
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Posted February 25, 2013
:D
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Posted January 29, 2013
I have a friend who keeps on trying to commit suiside sso had a really serious talk with her telling her how important she was to me her other friends and family wich was really hard beacuse her family dosent care about her. But he ws som what convinved
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Overview
This is a true story.
In The Burn Journals, Runyon describes that devastating suicide attempt and his recovery over the following year. He takes us into the Burn Unit in a children’s hospital and through painful burn care and skin-grafting procedures. Then to a rehabilitation hospital, for intensive physical, occupational, and psychological therapy. ...