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This is a true story.
In The Burn Journals, Runyon describes that devastating suicide attempt and his recovery over the following year. He takes us into the Burn Unit in a children’s hospital and through painful burn care and skin-grafting procedures. Then to a rehabilitation hospital, for intensive physical, occupational, and psychological therapy. And then finally back home, to the frightening prospect of entering high school.
But more importantly, Runyon takes us into his own mind. He shares his thoughts and hopes and fears with such unflinching honesty that we understand—with a terrible clarity—what it means to want to kill yourself and how it feels to struggle back toward normality.
Intense, exposed, insightful, The Burn Journals is a deeply personal story with universal reach. It is impossible to look away. Impossible to remain unmoved.
This truly riveting memoir is a spectacular debut for a talented new writer.
When seventh period is finally over, I run to my locker and put all my books inside. I won’t need them anymore. I grab my lock-picking set and a spare Ace of Spades that I have lying around.
At the end of the hallway, I can see Stephen talking to Megan, the girl we both have a crush on. I walk up to them and say hi. She smiles at me and I try to smile back. He looks a little suspicious.
I don’t really want to say anything, I don’t want to tell them what I’m going to do. I hand him the Ace of Spades and say, “Good-bye,” and I walk away. I hope they’ll be happy together.
I see my friend Jake at his locker and give him the lock-picking set. “Use them wisely,” I say, and head toward the bus.
Laura walks with me down D hall. She says, “Hey, I heard you set that fire in gym class.”
“Yeah.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to set myself on fire.” She stops at her locker, and I keep walking.
On the bus ride home, I sit by myself. I lean my head against the cold glass window and try not to think about all the stupid things I’ve done, all the bad things I’ve done, and all the pain I’ve caused everyone.
My brother is playing basketball outside the house when I get home. He’s shooting free throws.
I rebound the ball for him and throw it back. I don’t want to take any shots. I tell him the whole story, about what I did and what they’re going to do to me. I don’t tell him what I’m going to do to myself.
When I’m done talking, he says, “That sucks,” and I go inside the house. I don’t have to write a note anymore. Craig knows everything.
I walk out to the shed to get the gas can. I bring it inside to the bathroom at the top of the stairs because that’s the room with the most locks. I go back downstairs and get the matches from the kitchen.
I take off all my clothes and put on the pair of red boxers with glow-in-the-dark lips that my mom bought for me at the mall last weekend. I bring my bathrobe into the shower and I pour the gasoline all over it. The gas can is only about a quarter full, but it seems like enough.
I step into the bathtub and I put the bathrobe over my shoulders. It’s wet and heavy, but there’s something kind of comforting about the smell, like going on a long car trip. I hold the box of matches out in front of me in my left hand.
I take out a strike-anywhere match and hold it against the box.
Should I do it?
Yes. Do it.
I strike the match, but it doesn’t light. Try again.
I light the match. Nothing happens. I bring it closer to my wrist and then it goes up, all over me, eating through me everywhere. I can’t breathe. I’m screaming, “Craig! Craig!”
I fall down. I’m going to die. I’m going to find out what death is like. I’m going to know. But nothing’s happening.
This hurts too much. I need to stop it. I need to get up. I stand. I don’t know how I stand, but I do, and I turn on the shower. I’m breathing water and smoke. I unlock the door and open it. My hand is all black. I walk out. There’s Craig with Rusty, our dog, next to him. They have the same expression on their faces.
Craig yells something and runs downstairs. I think he’s calling 911. I’m following him. He hands me the phone and runs off. There’s a woman on the phone asking me questions. I try to tell her what’s happened, but my voice sounds choked and brittle. There’s something wrong with my voice.
The woman on the phone says the fire trucks and ambulances are on their way. Somehow she knows my address. Craig is gone now, gone to get Mom, and Rusty is hiding somewhere. Smoke is coming from the bathroom upstairs and I can see that the whole room has turned black. I look down and see my flesh is charred and flaking and the glow-in-the-dark boxer shorts are burnt into my skin.
The woman on the phone says everything is going to be all right, and I believe her. She has a nice voice. She keeps asking me if I’m still on fire and I say, “I don’t think so.”
I’m walking around the kitchen, waiting for the ambulance to come. I can see my reflection in the microwave. Where’s my hair? Where did my hair go? Is that my face?
We used to put marshmallows in the microwave. We used to watch them get bigger and bigger and then shrink down.
“Oh God, just tell them to get here, just tell them to get here, okay?”
She says, “It’s okay. They’re coming. They’re almost there.”
“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay, that’s okay.”
I can hear the sirens in the distance now.
I say, “I want to lie down. I’m going to lie down.” It hurts to talk. I think there’s something wrong in my throat.
“You can’t lie down.”
“But I have to.”
“Okay, you can lie down.”
The men are here. The firemen are here. They’re putting me on a plastic sheet. They say I’m going to be okay. One of them puts something over my face. That feels good. That feels so good. The cold air feels so good going into my lungs.
What are they talking about? What are they saying? They’re giving me a shot. They say it’s going to make the pain go away. Make the pain go away.
I’m looking at the faces of all the men who are gathered around me. Their eyes are so blue and so clear.
I turn my head and see Craig in the front hall. He’s yelling and punching the walls. He’s angry.
And my mom is here, and she’s smiling and saying she loves me, and her eyes, which are green like my eyes, are the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.
Excerpted from The Burn Journals by Brent Runyon Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
2. Brent's description of his mother's eyes moments after the disaster-"her eyes . . . are the most beautiful things I've ever seen" [p. 18]-echoes studies on newborns' reactions to their mothers' eyes moments after birth. To what extent is Brent's suicide an attempt to revert to an infantile state in which he will be unconditionally loved? Are all suicides overtures toward rebirth?
3. How does Brent's nebulous adolescent understanding of his own sexuality play into his depression? Do his thwarted attempts at intimacy with women and girls read as comical or disturbing? Does he mature in this area over the course of the memoir?
4. Brent recounts several episodes that seem to suggest a lack of sensitivity on the part of his parents to his violent tendencies, even after his release from rehab. In one, his father employs Brent's reluctant help in bludgeoning a possum to death. In another, his father buys Brent boxing gloves and allows Brent to knock him to the ground. In a third, Brent ponders his childhood practice of mutilating toys, a habit obviously unnoticed by his parents: "Poor Papa Smurf. . . . Sometimes we used to light a can of Lysol and spray him with fire. . . . We also tore the arms off of Cobra Commander and put his head in a vise. We took Duke, from G.I. Joe, and twisted him around until his spine snapped. . . . And then we set them on fire too. Why did we do that?" [p. 288] Are these passages intended to impugn Brent's parents on some level? Or are they meant simply to pinpoint Brent's growing awareness of violence and its ramifications? Why do you think he includes them?
5. Brent struggles to find a means to articulate his sorrow and regret over the disaster to his family. Yet when presented with family therapy specifically tailored to facilitating this kind of dialogue, Brent becomes reticent, unyielding, and sarcastic. Why?
6. Brent writes of his burn treatments: "There are two kinds of people in this world. People that have to lie on their stomachs for ten days straight and people that don't. And the lucky bastards that don't have to lie on their stomachs for ten motherfucking days are the ones that get to skate through life like they have their own personal Zamboni smoothing the way for them" [p. 82]. How much responsibility does Brent accept for his injury? To what extent does he blame fate?
7. Brent's mantra, "I hate myself," continues well after the fire. How much of this can be attributed to the normal pains of adolescence? What are the signs that his self-loathing is abating or shifting by the time he returns to school?
8. Some of the memoir's most excruciating dialogues occur in the context of psychological evaluation. In the presence of a family therapist, Brent has a bizarre argument with his mother over whether five or ten minutes of silence have passed [p. 136]. During a session with two psychologists, Brent accuses one of the doctors of saying "scarcastic" instead of "sarcastic" [p. 216]. Do these episodes suggest true madness, or does Brent purposefully warp his ostensible grasp on reality in order to get attention? What sort of agony do you think therapy sessions like those Brent describes can invoke for a teenage boy?
9. In Darkness Visible, his memoir of mental illness, William Styron writes, "Depression is a disorder of mood, so mysteriously painful and elusive in the way it becomes known to the self-to the mediating intellect-as to verge close to being beyond description. It thus remains nearly incomprehensible to those who have not experienced it in its extreme mode." Does The Burn Journals succeed in rendering Runyon's depression comprehensible to readers? Is this book an appropriate cautionary or helpful tale for depressed teenagers to read?
10. One reviewer wrote of The Burn Journals: "[Brent] isn't spared the sight of the pain felt by his family and friends, as he would have been had he died. In accepting the burden of the anguish he caused them, he finds healing and a new depth to his relationships" ["The Burn Journals A Gripping Must-Read" by Karyn Saemann, The Capital Times, November 5, 2004]. Is this an accurate assessment? If so, what evidence is there of Brent's healing? Which relationships are deepened and renewed?
11. When Brent's parents ask him if he is involved in the occult, Brent is overwhelmed and hurt by their ignorance of him. "They know nothing about me. Nothing at all. . . . Why don't they love me? Why don't they take care of me? Why don't they act like I'm their son? . . . I can't believe how little they know me" [p. 192]. Does Brent ever convey this sense of betrayal to them? Does this issue of misinterpretation reach a denouement?
12. When Brent is given permission to forgo his plastic face mask when he goes back to school, why does he hesitate?
13. Which of Brent's caregivers makes the most lasting difference in his recovery process? Why?
14. The passages that describe Brent's burn care routine in the hospital are graphic, even grisly. What role do they play in the memoir?
15. When a nurse suggests that Brent ought to be grateful for his lapses in memory after the fire, Brent's mental response is, "I don't want to forget anything. I don't care if they are terrible memories. They're mine" [p. 86]. To what extent is Brent's journey out of darkness a process of reclamation? What societal forces could cause an upper-middle-class white teenager to feel disenfranchised or in need of reclaiming what is rightfully his?
About This Book
To fourteen-year-old Brent Runyon, life has become a haze of small failures. He hates himself for liking the same girl his best friend likes. His recent suicide attempts-sliced wrists, handfuls of pills, hangings-have left him very much alive and feeling stupid. And now the threat of disciplinary action by the principal looms large, ever since Brent set a school locker on fire just for the hell of it. There seems to be no choice but to do something from which he can't turn back, something that will amend for all the bad things he's done, all the pain he's caused everyone. After seventh period one day, he says good-bye to a few friends, takes the bus home, chats with his brother in their driveway, then steps into the shower, puts on a gasoline-doused bathrobe, and lights a match.
The Burn Journals chronicles Brent's harrowing recovery, from the fragmented reality of his months spent in the burn unit of a Washington, D.C., children's hospital, to the tedium of full-time physical and psychological rehabilitation, and finally to his unsettling return home, where his old life awaits him, both gratifyingly familiar and terrifyingly foreign. Written in the dispassionate style of a young teen barely able to grasp his own complex web of emotions, this memoir offers an explicit, honest, and painfully unsentimental portrait of remorse and hope. As Brent struggles to convey to his parents-and to himself-his reasons for wanting to die, he slowly pieces together a tenuous but viable blueprint for wanting to live again.
Suggested Reading
Margaret Bullitt-Jonas, Holy Hunger; Augusten Burroughs, Running with Scissors; Frank Conroy, Stop-Time; Nick Flynn, Another Bullshit Night in Suck City; Lucy Grealy, Autobiography of a Face; Kay Redfield Jamison, Night Falls Fast; Mary Karr, Cherry; Susanna Kaysen, Girl, Interrupted; Brad Land, Goat; J. D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye; Andrew Solomon, The Noonday Demon; William Styron, Darkness Visible; Miriam Toews, A Complicated Kindness.
About the Author
Brent Runyon is a regular contributor to public radio programs including This American Life. He lives on Cape Cod, Massachusetts.
The Burn Journals by Brent Runyon was an incredible book. All 325 pages of the book were so important, they were bits of his life. This book is unique, I feel like it gives people an inside to what people with depression go through and how they deal with it. I really enjoyed that the author told it as it is, he didn't try and cover it with frosting. He told the true story and that takes a lot of courage. I don't think the author did anything to stray from the subject. I liked this book a lot, it opened up my eyes to I guess something that most people judge on, and I think it made me understand and be more open minded. I would say this book is appropriate for reading to people who are mature, it's not a light matter and you have to be ready for that. Parts of the book get a bit gruesome, so be prepared for that, but overall it's great!
2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.kk1234
Posted January 29, 2012
The Burn Journals
By Brent Runyon
My Book Rating: B-
When Brent Runyon, a fourteen year old boy, sets himself on fire for a reason he cannot even remember, his whole life is changed forever. He must go through many different kinds of hospitals in order to attempt to get his life back. Although Brent knows he will never be the same mentally, he must believe that he can restore himself physically. Through Brent's long and painful journey, he finally realizes that he is and had always been loved and needed by his family and friends.
In The Burn Journal, Brent Runyon is able to write an incredibly true story about the most painful point in his life. He wrote about his suicide attempt and how he overcame it. Brent's purpose for writing this book is to help show and explain how horrible and pointless suicide is. He wants his readers to know and understand that the people in their life love and care for them.
The author, Brent Runyon, has a very important goal for this book and himself. He hoped that by writing this book he could explain, even if only to himself, how and why his depression and recovery worked the way they did. He wanted to finally put it all at rest and to never have to worry and stress about it again.
The Burn Journals is extremely different compared to others on the subject. The Burn Journals is much more detailed than many other books on the same topic. Many times books about suicide do not go into too much detail because they do not want to scare their audience. The Burn Journals is different because it is so well revealed and the story is so well written that the reader feels as if they were actually witnessing the story live. The Burn Journals allows for it's audience to feel the pain Brent had to go through and understand the reasoning behind it.
I rated this book a B- because although it teaches a major lesson, it is also a little strange at certain parts. For example, Brent uses a lot of foul language in his vocabulary. Usually I can take a little curse words in the books I read, but The Burn Journals just has way too many. Other than that, the book is a very interesting read. I definitely enjoyed reading The Burn Journals.
The Burn Journals is an incredible book that everyone should read. It teaches the reader so much, which should always be an author's goal. When the reader puts down the book, they will walk away full of useful knowledge. I would definitely recommend this book to someone else because of the immense power and strength that radiates off the book. The Burn Journals is an extremely powerful novel that teaches some of the most important things about life.
1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
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Posted February 18, 2011
if anyone is struggling with their self confidence just reading this book made me realize how everyhing we live for is more than meets the eye. this great book covered every aspect and was a true eyeopener
1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
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Posted March 30, 2010
The Burn Journals is an amazing read. Brent takes you through every emotion from extreme sadness and depression, and the desire to just be loved. The Burn Journals is heart wrenching,true,funny,and amazingly written!
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted October 19, 2005
I love this book! The Burn Journals is a very moving story about Brent, a fourteen year-old who tries to commit suicide by setting himself on fire. The book reveals what he was feeling before, during and after the incident. It also describes his recovery for the following year. Some of the details make me cringe, but they are important to the story because they help me understand what Brent had to endure. This story is fascinating because it is written from Brent¿s point of view. His comments make you realize that it could happen to almost anybody. Before the fire, nobody suspected that Brent was unhappy. He seemed like a completely normal teenager. This is why teachers and parents need to read this book: You can never know for sure how a person is feeling. Teenagers will love this book because it is a moving story about someone just like them.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted January 30, 2012
The Burn Journals by Brent Runyon is an exceptionally well-written re4ad about his attempted suicide. As an eighth grader, Brent decides to make the gut-wrenching decision to set him self on fire. Thankfully his attempt was not successful and he was able to live through the scarring event. Thought the topic of his story is a difficult read, he makes it easier to handle with his awkward sense of humor. Runyon’s style of writing makes it difficult to put the book down. With his novel, he manages to create a masterpiece that touches the heart of any age of reader.
The Burn Journals is by no means an easy read, nor should it by read by the faint-hearted. He tends to use very detailed passages to help the reader understand exactly what he was going through and how he felt during this point of his life. He takes you into the world of a teenage troublemaker who is unable to control his occasional suicidal intentions. Afer narrowly escaping the wrath of his school’s principal, Runyon shows us how he was so afraid of disappointing people and landing himself in trouble he convinced himself that death would be the best and only possible choice for him. As an author, he seems to paint a beautiful tone for the rest of the story within the first few pages of this book. The memoir is clearly written from a fourteen year old boy’s perspective and makes it simple enough for a person of any age to read.
Runyon’s story is down to earth a true; readers can’t help to do anything but love it. You somehow get lost in the world he paints for you that is ultimately realistic. It’s hard to put this book down. He chooses a very controversial topic to write about, and shares his side freely. Most people are able to feel for and relate to Brent’s feelings. Even though who have never had any form of suicidal thoughts have no problem understanding the difficult decisions he was forced to make. No worries, though. A lot of good laughs are uttered along the way. Not only is his story a good read, but it also has a valuable moral. He give his readers a deeper meaning of the clichéd moral of thinking before you act. He makes it clear he never expected to hurt so many people, nor did he expect to come out of the traumatizing event so mentally and physically scarred yet so stable. Brent Runyon’s story really makes the readers ask themselves what is really worth the worry in life.
Anonymous
Posted January 29, 2012
The burn journals was one of the most moving books i have ever read. The story takes you into a fourteen year old boys mind after he sets himself on fire. The story plays with your emotions and pulls you into the book. I could not put it down. I would recommend this to anyone.
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Posted January 29, 2012
In this thought-provoking memoir by Brent Runyon a true story is told through grim details and the mindset of a fourteen-year-old boy. The Burn Journals is written in the first-person view of Brent, as he struggles to recover from an attempted suicide, after he sets himself on fire in 1991. He endures a long journey of rehabilitation physically and mentally. Along the way, every little triumph is a huge victory in his battle. His struggle ends with hope and a new beginning. Brent Runyon’s story is written in a way that is moving to anyone who may come across it.
One of the most important aspects of the book is the unique way it is written. Even though Brent does not write about his tragedy until he is much older, he rebuilds his thoughts from when he was fourteen. There is some missing information because of this. However, it really allows the reader to understand Brent’s feelings and reasoning. Unfortunately, we are unable to see the author’s current feelings while writing the book. We are also most likely missing certain details from his memory at the time. But these things are blocked out by the strange feeling that occurs when you read this book. It is almost like you are Brent. Another important feature in The Burn Journals is that Brent does not censor his feelings in his writing. This allows for a more emotional and moving story. Every time he feels pain, sorrow, happiness, or confusion, the reader will know. Brent Runyon makes his emotions clear in The Burn Journals.
In conclusion, The Burn Journals shows the consequences of suicide and desolation like no other book does. Brent Runyon’s story of survival shows strength and courage. It is also a good read for teens because they can relate to Brent’s fourteen-year-old thoughts. If someone were looking for a truly moving memoir, I would certainly recommend The Burn Journals because of its unique style of writing, intense emotional experience, and informative portrayal of suicide. B+
iliketoread123
Posted January 29, 2012
Have you ever cheated death before? Brent Runyon author of The Burn Journals knows exactly what it is like. The main issue that Brent is presenting in this book is that Brent attempts to commit suicide by lighting himself on fire because he has so many school and personal problems. Miraculously, he survives. His book is showing his experience by emotionally and physically overcoming his conditions.
This book is written as a memoir and the style is written almost like a journal (hence the title). Brent’s purpose for writing this is not to make the reader feel sad or sorry for him but to show you can overcome anything, even death. Brent is approaching this topic as a journalist writing as much detail as he can about his experience. Teens that are enduring hardships is the audience for this book. As a reader, I see the author relate to a struggling teen very well.
Details and feelings are clearly shown in this book. He is making you feel like you are dealing with this tragedy. The author achieves his goal by improving emotionally and physically, but also performing a normal life again. On page sixteen Brent is proving how easy it is to let life slip away from just a few bumps on the road. “I have this guilt feeling all over me, like oil on one of those birds in Alaska.” Brent is proving that he learning his lesson slowly. Compared to other books this particular one has a very deep and complex feeling to it. I love the detail and how the author reaches the reader heart-to-heart. However, I do not like how the author includes unnecessary thoughts that have nothing to do with the main point.
I noticed that while I was reading the afterword of the book he talks about his life now as an adult and how he still has minor depression from time to time. He says that he has thought about suicide again which proves that even with all the counselors and medical treatment, he still has not fully recovered mentally. The theme in the afterword and throughout the book is to look before you fall which means to think about what you’re doing before you do because it could change and impact your entire life. It also shows how powerful the mind is when you go through an experience like this and has the ability to haunt you and stay by you forever no matter how much help you get.
In conclusion, I believe this dark; in depth book will leave you feeling heartbroken but at the same time, strong because you have seen, based on evidence, that you can achieve anything with just a little hope and faith. I encourage everyone to read this book when it seems as if you have lost everything or you are going through a tough phase or depression. It will make you realize that you are not alone and there is a better path to choose than killing yourself and taking yourself from the world, because it is not your life to take. God has given you a gift of life and your gift back to Him is the choices you make on how you live it.
kkp123
Posted January 29, 2012
In Brent Runyon’s memoir The Burn Journals he tells his true recollection of the faithless afternoon he ignites himself into flames, the only true escape. He has burned most of his body and Runyon shares the pain and suffering he went through to recover from his mistake. Also he shares what it is like to actually want to kill yourself and what happens once you decide to do it.
This truly is an inspiring book of one boy’s mistake and the many challenges he faces to fix it. It is one I will never forget, an uprising recollection of the will to live and the effects suicide can have on himself, friends, family and peers around him.
The part of the book I liked the best was the message and emotion behind it all, along with the recount of a boy’s will to live and recovery. The part of the book I liked the least was the reaction of the characters and the main character’s (Runyon) emotions toward other people. I feel that even if this was a true story that there must have been more emotions and feelings that occurred in the real situation then he actually cared to share in his book. Also while reading I found many of his actions to be quite distasteful and I do not understand why he chose to do such things. For example in the hospital during recovery, he did many things that were not needed. He cares only for whether he looks okay or that he can still do this with a girl, he uses foul language every chance he gets, and shared some very personal actions that I do not think the rest of the world needed to hear. Many of the things he did focused on the demands of the male gender and were not appropriate for a younger audience. Why wouldn’t he be focused on his recovery? Instead he focused on disgusting things/actions that should have not mattered to him at the time.
Brent Runyon was able to capture an amazing recount of a true story that occurred to him so many years ago of a recovered suicide. I hope to see other stories from this fulfilling author.
Anonymous
Posted January 8, 2012
This book is one of the best books i have honestly ever picked up i sat there for hours reading this book!!!!!
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Posted January 1, 2012
It was so-so
0 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
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Posted December 25, 2011
I litterally got ALL my friends to read this at school :)
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Posted December 25, 2011
Just as its geting boring it gets good and you just cant stop reading
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Posted December 9, 2011
I really enjoyed reading this book. It had everything I liked in it, a lot of great dialogue and great suspense. Every time I turned the page there was always something new happening to the main character or something with his family. But what I like the best about the book is that at the beginning of the book it grabs your attention with the characters dialogue and actions. Overall it was a great read and I would recommend this book to juniors and seniors in high school.
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Posted November 25, 2011
It s a really good book a must read
0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted August 25, 2011
Not my age group
0 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
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Posted August 25, 2011
Dont know what else there is to say about this book other than it being beyond amazing.. love this
0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted August 22, 2011
Very intriuging
0 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
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Posted August 20, 2011
I loved this book. It killed me to know this lil boy was hurting so bad that he actually tried to take his life. It got me crying a few times, maybe i am sesitive cause i have two boys around the same age. Anyway it was a great book i think for teens and parents alike, it lets you get into the head of a hurting soul.
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Overview
BRENT RUNYON WAS 14 years old when he set himself on fire.This is a true story.
In The Burn Journals, Runyon describes that devastating suicide attempt and his recovery over the following year. He takes us into the Burn Unit in a children’s hospital and through painful burn care and skin-grafting procedures. Then to a rehabilitation hospital, for intensive physical, occupational, and psychological therapy. And then finally back home, to the frightening prospect of entering high school.
But more importantly, Runyon takes us into his own mind. He shares his thoughts and hopes and fears with such unflinching honesty that ...