By The Time You Read This, I'll Be Dead

By The Time You Read This, I'll Be Dead

4.3 243
by Julie Anne Peters

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After a lifetime of being bullied, Daelyn is broken beyond repair. She has tried to kill herself before, and is determined to get it right this time. Though her parents think they can protect her, she finds a Web site for "completers" that seems made just for her. She blogs on its forums, purging her harrowing history. At her private Catholic school, the only

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After a lifetime of being bullied, Daelyn is broken beyond repair. She has tried to kill herself before, and is determined to get it right this time. Though her parents think they can protect her, she finds a Web site for "completers" that seems made just for her. She blogs on its forums, purging her harrowing history. At her private Catholic school, the only person who interacts with her is a boy named Santana. No matter how poorly she treats him, he just won't leave her alone. And it's too late for Daelyn to be letting people into her life . . . isn't it?

In this harrowing, compelling novel, Julie Anne Peters shines a light on what might make a teenager want to kill herself, as well as how she might start to bring herself back from the edge. A discussion guide and resource list prepared by "bullycide" expert C. J. Bott are included in the back matter.

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Publication date:
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Product dimensions:
5.30(w) x 8.20(h) x 0.60(d)
Age Range:
13 - 17 Years

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By the Time You Read This, I'll Be Dead 4.3 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 243 reviews.
Bibliophiles_Paradise More than 1 year ago
This book brought a tear to my eye, well I say a tear it was more like a rainfall. I feel for Daelyn, it's hard being a teenager nowadays. Kids are so cruel today and nobody should be bullied for their weight or anything else. No one has the right to make someone else feel like less of a person. When I first started this book it reminded me of Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson although the topic at hand and plot are completely different. They spoke of suffering, pain, and loss. I had a friend that I knew for several years kill herself. Nobody knew she was hurting except her boyfriend but by the time she actually said she was going to do it, it was to late. I wish I knew or had paid more attention, maybe I could have picked up on her suffering. If it was my daughter I would give her everything I had to make her happy, if she wanted to be home schooled so be it. I would not make her stay somewhere she did not feel safe or happy at. Daelyn has tried to kill herself many times and the only reason she is still alive is because her parents walked in and she did not give herself enough time to complete her "goal" or "wish." She gives herself 23 days then she will complete her "goal." During that time a boy with his own secret, Santana, enters her life and she fights the feeling she starts having for him, kids still bully her, and she faces the memories that made her want to kill herself in the first place. No one knows what she is feeling, thinking, but her family tries although I wish they would have tried harder. The plot was well thought out and the book was a real page turner. I could not wait to finish it mainly because I wanted to see if Santana could save her. This was a very intense book and the emotions are so strong that some people might not be able to take it, mainly because you feel bad that you can't help her or be the friend she needed.
mamafox More than 1 year ago
After reading this novel, I'm a mass of jumbled emotions. There is so much emotion packed into this short book- and it is REAL emotion. Daelyn is a very interesting character because she doesn't speak through the book. We learn about her through her thoughts and her memories as she tells us what has driven her to this place in her life. She is in high school and has moved several times because her parents felt if she could find a new place to live, things would be better for her. Through her memories though, it is clear that moving isn't going to fix things for her. She has seen therapists and doctors who have no idea what to do for her. Her parents don't know what to do for her either and now have to watch her very closely because she is a danger to herself. She is on 24-hour suicide watch and is never alone. Daelyn finds a website that offers her a place to discuss and read about people who are in the same place emotionally and want to commit suicide. The site is an anonymous blog for those looking for a way out of this life and the majority of the book is set around what she finds within the site. It does provide her with a place to share all of her pain and what led her here. Ultimately, bullying pushed her to feeling like she was worthless. She was a "fat kid" and no one ever accepted her- she was physically and emotionally abused by classmates and adults never listened or believed her when she reached out for help. She never felt like anyone heard her or wanted to hear her because they didn't know what to do to fix it for her. If they ignored it or made it her fault, it wasn't something they had to take responsibility for. Fat Camp wasn't the answer to her weight problem- it was an abusive, horrible experience and school has never been a comfortable, safe place for her. Daelyn felt ignored and denied for so long that she saw no other way out, but her few attempts were not successful, so she went looking for help. She ends up meeting someone who turns her life upside down and shows her another side to life and death that she never considered. She has to decide whether or not to let him get close enough to really get to know her- does she want to know him when she is ready to kill herself? Why does he care? And then she sees a girl at school who is being treated poorly because she is heavy and she offers her the only comfort she can at the time, but now she has a friend which further complicates her plans. This is worth the time and read- if you are recommending the book to someone who is younger, discussion should be part of it too. There is so much to consider and much of the issues it touched on for me brought tears to my eyes with memories of being in high school and my own feelings. Well done!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is so harsh. And raw. And wrong. And cruel. And depressing. And sick. Oh, and I loved, loved, loved it. Even though my stomach sometimes didn't. I had physical ache while reading, that's how amazing it was. Seriously, I believe every person alive should read it. If you dare to read something so heart-wrenching that will most likely stick with you. It leaves a great message. BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS, I'LL BE DEAD is a powerful and heart-wrenching story of one girl as she makes the hardest decisions of her life. How will she end her life and what will she do with her last 23 days? This is a short book at only 198 pages. It is easily a one-sitting read and well worth the time. The author, Julie Anne Peters, also includes a lot of factual information at the back of the book. There are 19 Discussion Questions as well as sections about Bullying, Suicide, Warning Signs, and Prevention Hot Line Information. I was quickly connected with Daelyn because she was an easy character to understand. Her whole life has been based on cruel bullying from her classmates and even people who were supposed to help her. After several failed attempts of suicide, she seeks help from a website for people who will complete their journey to the "light." Each chapter starts with the remaining time of days she has left to end her existence. I was at the edge of my seat anticipating what Daelyn's next move was going to be. My favorite part of the book is when she encounters Santana, he was a fresh breath of air. He was such an inspirational character yet funny and sarcastic as well.    
Jasmyn9 More than 1 year ago
Daelyn feels like a broken person. Her latest failure has left her in a confining neck brace and unable to speak. She's under constant watch by her parents and school, but she is determined that next time she won't fail. Next time she will succeed in killing herself. Santana is a young man that notices Daelyn as she waits for her ride home after school one day. He decides she needs a friend, and as much as she resists, he continues to try and get her to open up. The story follows Daelyn as she plans her next attempt. We get to see inside her mind to whatmotivates her and what may hold her back. This may sound grim and depressing, but at the same time it is also very mind opening. We see how things we don't even think about can deeply affect the lives of others. The story was very real and the ending is very unexpected. I can't say how without giving too much away. 5/5
krissy2011 More than 1 year ago
I find that the book by the time you read this ill be dead involved a great plot to it and was very suspensful but at the same time very heart breaking. the author not only includes mystery but also a hint of romance.the book is short only 200 pages but its worth it. the character daeylyn really wants to die since she hates her life. after 2 failed attempts shes determined to get this one like. her charcter to me just makes me want to jump in the story and tell what to do. the character santana provides a bit of humor to a very derious book. the ending leaves you wanting more. however i only reccomend this for mature readers because it talks alot about suicide and ways to die.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I thought it was uniquely written. I've never read a book before where the character couldn't talk, so you're actually just reading all her thoughts. We all know that suicide and bullying happens in our society but I don't think it's taken serious enough. Daelyn wants to commit suicide while a boy she meets named Santana is struggling to stay alive because he has cancer. You really want these two to find love and friendship in each other. I was a little confused with the ending but it makes you put your own thoughts into what you think happens to her. Does she choose to end her own life and commit suicide or does she choose to begin a new life with a clean slate.
EMK31 More than 1 year ago
I was immediately enthralled by the cover of BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS, I'LL BE DEAD. It was a quick read at only 200 pages, yet it also was an uncomfortable read. I couldn't read it in one sitting because I wanted time to really analyze what I was reading. Julie Anne Peters does such a wonderful job diving into the head of teenager who feels hopeless. There were times I could feel Daelyn's pain jumping off of the pages at me. Daelyn is trapped in a life she cannot stand. She has tried numerous times to end her own life, and her resulting failures only add to her anguish that she shouldn't exist. The plot is centered on a message board that Daelyn stumbles across during an internet search. It turns out to be a message board of all individuals who are contemplating ending their own lives. Once she enters the website, she has only 23 days until the Date of Determination. Each chapter counts back as the days tick away. I read this book trying to incorporate two points of view. I wanted to consider the impact of bullying on the receiver. The similarities to what Daelyn lived through--her own private hell during her primary years--was eerily similar to some of the teasing I can recall as a young student. For this reason alone, the novel feels real. She hears so many negative comments from her peers, mostly directed towards her weight that she begins to believe them to be true. However, I also wanted to read this book from the point of view of a parent/educator. What were the warning signs Daelyn gave for her deep depression? She was so isolated, she never made eye contact with anyone, and her self-esteem had plummeted. How could the influential adults in her life not notice she is once again contemplating her own death? For this reason, also, the novel felt real. Every day suicide occurs among young adults and there are typically warning signs gone unnoticed. For this novel, I would want to know more about the reader. It gives numerous ways to end one's life, and even goes as far as to tell how painful the deed would be. On one hand, I wouldn't want to put this book into the hands of a student who feels similar to Daelyn, completely hopeless. However, there are several useful resources listed in the back for bullying and suicide that would be helpful knowledge for most young adults. I do love the way the author tries to portray Daelyn as a stronger person towards the end of the novel. I was certainly left with questions lingering, which educators will love. There is room to be creative. The discussion questions at the end are also really helpful to dive into the novel and examine your own predefined notions. More importantly though it will allow anyone who has noticed bullying, been bullied, or is a bully see how devastating and detrimental that teasing someone can be. You'll love Santanna and Emily. These characters were well developed by Peters. They become somewhat like guardian angels for Daelyn. But, more importantly, they give Daelyn back her self-worth. The only negative things I can say about BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS, I'LL BE DEAD are: * Each participant of the message board is assigned a Jane Doe user name; it can become confusing at times when the writers are changing' * This novel also uses quite a bit of profanity, but does not allude to any sexual connotations. * I didn't like the ending; I wanted to know more.
NightofLullabys More than 1 year ago
A brilliant, beautifully written book that takes us into perspective of the suicidal teenager... and better yet, the book has a some-what happy ending. A book reccommended for anyone, specifically those that lack self-esteem.
so_death_bye More than 1 year ago
this is a real book with teens who have this problem. (which is a real problem with teens to day we watched A video on it at school.) i sure as hell have this problem and many of my friends. a book like this make you think what your leaving behind if you take that final step. but the great thing about this book that most writers dont write this way. putting you throught the emotions of A person trying to off themselves. thay sometime and most of the time have a 2nd person solving the Quetion of why? and who? kill him/her. it's funny that the girl dose NOT talk, but you still know her. if you read this book and not feel like you know her your slow. but im slower but i can relate because i went thought the EMOtions.
TeensReadToo More than 1 year ago
Daelyn has suffered major psychological damage from years of being bullied. The torment and embarrassment she received because of her weight started her downhill slide into despair. She has lost her desire to live and failed at several attempts to end her life. Her latest failure has left her unable to talk and on 24-hour suicide watch. Her parents barely trust her to go to school. Daelyn is biding her time. She only has 23 days until her Date of Determination. She discovers the Through the Light website by accident, but finds it to be a welcome change of pace compared to the other suicide websites and discussion boards she's visited in the past. Instead of preaching and warning her against her decision, the website provides rational and informational posts and discussions about ending her life. BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS, I'LL BE DEAD is a powerful and heart-wrenching story of one girl as she makes the hardest decisions of her life. How will she end her life and what will she do with her last 23 days? Daelyn thinks she has it all figured out until she meets a strange boy while she waits for her parents to pick her up after school. Santana is persistent when it comes to making friends with Daelyn, but with only 23 days to live does she really have time? This is a short book at only 198 pages. It is easily a one-sitting read and well worth the time. The author, Julie Anne Peters, also includes a lot of factual information at the back of the book. There are 19 Discussion Questions as well as sections about Bullying, Suicide, Warning Signs, and Prevention Hot Line Information. Your heart will break for Daelyn and the ending is thought-provoking.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book has been my favorite book for 2 years and I have re-read it about eight times and each time it feels new. The reason this book is so important to me is because struggling with depression myself, Daelyn reminds me exactly of myself and my thoughts. I do not recommend letting someone who is already depressed or suicidal with this book, because in the book there are suicide methods right down to how much pain you will experiance. I am a depressed teenager myself (15 year old female) and have tried ending my life before, but instead of this book bringing any "suicidal urges" it actually made me stronger. I just don't know how it would work out for anyone else like me, though. Daelyn feels like my best friend and although the ending did make me sad, it was a raw, emotional, real book, unlike other books on this kind of subject. I loved Santana but was saddened at the end because he could not save her, and Emily was sweet and could have been a great friend to Daelyn, if Daelyn could have just let them in. I recommend this to teenagers 13 and above, since it may be too much for young kids. 5/5
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Loved this boo& no she didnt die .
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Victoria Ragusa More than 1 year ago
i love it and especially santana who is amazingly awesome!!!!!! i think im in love haha
Carolyn Goodman More than 1 year ago
this is such a good book!
Blue_Bear More than 1 year ago
this book was the bomb. i luved santana! he was hilarious. the ending made me mad....yea
Maddy Keating More than 1 year ago
i love sananta, he is so important for her last 23 days on earth
JUDY FINCH-JOHNSON More than 1 year ago
this book was fantastic, I couldnt put it down!!!!!+
Katie62491 More than 1 year ago
I didn't really think that i would get into this book as much as i did. it was a fantastic readd. i would reccomend to anyone looking for a great book on a touchy subject =]
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
this was one of the few books that could make me cry. The story was unique and i loved every page of this book.What more is there to say?
danibookworm91 More than 1 year ago
What a stunning, powerful story. This book left me speechless. While reading this book I laughed, I cried and even did both at the same time. A story full of emotions, By the Time You Read This, I'll Be Dead is a stunning book that will stay with. While the main character, Daelyn, might not be able to physically speak, she says so much. Julie Anne Peters takes you into the mind of Daelyn, showing you all the pain she has suffered in her life and why she believes death is the only way out. Daelyn has suffered horrible verbal and physical attacks from bullies her whole life and this novel truly demonstrates the extreme side effects of bullying. While this book is fiction, Daelyn's story could be the story of any number of teens that have suffered from bullying. How the story unfolded was one of my favorite things about this book. While the reader knows Daelyn has attempted suicide, we do not know the reasons behind the attempts and how she ended up injured in the beginning of the story. Through a website Daelyn finds, the read slowly gets glimpses into Daelyn's past and the reasons for her wanting to end her life are slowly revealed. While the website is a suicide site, I felt that it was not there to aid people to end their lives. The website became a way for Daelyn to open up and expose her secrets and real the inner demons she was with which she struggled. Even though this book deals with a multitude of extremely serious issues, Juile Anne Peters is able to offer some comic relief through the character Santana. I loved Santana. Even though Daelyn cannot speak, Santana is relentless in trying to draw her out and form some sort of connection with her. He provides much need relief from the serious and sad thoughts of Daelyn. He tries various ways to engage Daelyn, even enlisting the help of his pet rat. I cried when Santana revealed what was wrong with him. Santana is such an important character in this book, helping Daelyn even though she does not want help. This book was just amazing. It captured so many emotions, demonstrates the extreme side effects of bullying, and deals with suicide efficiently. The ending of the book was one those ending that I hate, yet love, leaving it up to the reader. This book was beautifully written and truly captured the pain that comes from bullying and belongs up on shelves with books such as Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson and 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
this is a warning for anyone who is getting this off of the nook. The description for the nook version of this book is completely wrong. I bought this book off of the description and was shocked when it was nothing like that. That being said, the story wasn't bad. It wasn't my favorite topic and I found myself yelling at the main character over her planned suicide but i liked some of the character, especially Santana.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
i loe this boook, u reaally get drawn in, " your termination date is sceduled 23 days from now" was the most sspensful point in the boook, it really gets in the mond of a emotionally distressed teen and captivates just WHA THE HECK IS going on! ITs AMAZING , it feels like every scene every understanding mindset and thought comes right from the horses mouth as if it were a 14 yr old girl wrigting from her point of view! ITS JUST WOW:) definately buy it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it takes alot to impress me and this boook mad me shut up really quick :)
Korkor More than 1 year ago
This book made me cry!!! I have NEVER read a book that has mad me cry, and I have read a ton of books! It's wonderful and very realistic. It's sad to know that things like this actually happen. I wish the book had been longer, just when Daeylyn opens up to people, it ends. I read this book a in one day, I couldn't put it down. LOVED IT!!!
TheChesireCat More than 1 year ago
It isn't often I can that a book sucks me to the point that I feel everything the main character does, but this time I did. While the story is sad, it was incredibly well written and full of emotion. I look forward to reading other stories by Ms. Peters.