Captain Bayley's Heir: A Tale of the Gold Fields of California

"Go Runningpaw, warn the clan! I'll hold off Riverclan!" Runningpaw took off into the forest,

I woke up just before dawn. 'Good' i thought. 'If im early maybe Scarheart wont be so mean.' I gave my fur a quick cleaning then headed to the camp entrance. Scarheart was wating for me. 'Good job, Stormpaw. I wasn't expecting you yet.' He said. 'Lets go do some training.' He pads out of camp & i hurry to catch up. When we get to the training hollow Scarheart turns & says to me, "i'll attack you. You block me & then try to attack me instead." "Okay" i mew. He goes to one side & attacks my left side. Before i can react he swerves, attacks my right side & pins me to the ground. I feign unconciousness & he flips me on my back. Insantly i shot out my back legs with all my strength. He flies offme & lands hard on his feet. He looks at me & says with a mixture of surprise & pride in his voice, "you dont need any training. StarClan has blessed you tremendously. I shall tell Clawstar this. Maybe this will get him to believe in StarClan." We walk back to the camp & Scarheart went straight to Clawstar's den. A bit later he called everycat to the Bonehill for a clan meeting. We gathered around & Clawstar spoke. "Scarheart has informed me of somthing that has almost caused me to believe in StarClan. Not completely though. Stormpaw has somehow already learned every bit of her training. Therefore, Stormpaw, as well as Blackpaw, Angrypaw & Darkpaw will become warrors." He paused for breath, then continued. "Stormpaw, Blackpaw, Angrypaw & Darkpaw, piease sep forward. I steeped up to the Bonehill with the other apprentices. Clawstar spoke to me first. "Stormpaw, do you solemnly promise to understand & keep the warrior code?" "I do." I said. He looked at Scarheart. "Scarheart, has Stormpaw understood & upheld the warrior code?" "She has." "Then from this day forward you shall be know as Stormpatch." As the cats chanted my name, I stepped forward & respectfully licked Clawstar's shoulder. "Blackpaw, do you solemnly promise to understand & keep the warrior code? "I do" the solid black tom said. Clawstar turned to a white shecat with hard grey eyes. "Rockeyes, has Blackpaw understood & upheld the warrior code?" "He has." Rockeyes barked. "Then from this day forward you shall be know as Blackfang." After Blackfang had licked Clawstar's shoulder Blackfang turned & searched the crowd until he was looking straight at me. A shudder rippled through my body as our eyes met & i fell insantly in love. He walked over & sat beside me, his tail resting on my back. I heard nothing else but my own thoughts as Angrypaw became Angryclaw & Darkpaw became Darkface. When the meeting was over Blackfang went with me & the others to sit vigil in front of the camp. When the sun rose Blackfang & i went to a hidden corner & mated. It was the best day of my life. All my previous worries about my clan had melted away. I was as happy as a lark. (Hope you like this. Read chapter one at write first result.) •Stormpatch•

The two Shells circle my tree, sniffing the air like hounds. The look up and seem to stand there a few moments. I hold my breath, knowing that if l move even slightly, they will see me. For a moment, l believe they see me, for they begin making growling noises. But they soon turn and shamble slowly onto the street. I let out a small breath, my head pounding. I swallow, my mouth dry. I realize that l need water and food, but the Shells are too close. They'll surely smell me before they even see me. I rack my brain for a plan, knowing that at nightfall, l will have nowhere to stay. I dig around in my pockets before pulling out my knife. I unfold it and stare intensely at it. The knife alone can't help me, because there are too many Shells. I get an idea,maybe not a prefectly sound one, but it's an idea. I begin quietly sawing at a branch, going painfully slow so l make no noise to attract Shells. I'm not even half way through when l hear gunshots and screaming, as well as growling. I throw caution to the wind, and l saw viciously at the branch. It snaps off, and l cut the smaller branches away from it, forming a spear. I sharpen both ends, the bark and dirt rubbing off into my hands. I have to repeatedly wipe them on my pants to keep a good grip on it. Finally, l have a very sharp weapon. I peek out through the leaves to see the Shells swarming around the police station. A few fall every couple of moments, being shot from the roof. But more take their place, like a Hydra in mythology. I bite my lip and am about to climb down when l hear a car's engine. Several engines. A line of cars equipped with armor speed down the street, knocking Shells aside. Men sitting on the top spray bullets around, killing Shells everywhere. I instantly feel relieved, knowing that my home and friends are saved. I suddenly hear growling, and l look down to see Shells crowding around my tree. They jump up, failing to climb but succeeding in scaring the wits out of me. I climb up another branch, not paying attention so when l place my full weight on it, l don't realize that it has broken until l've hit the ground, gasping for air. The Shells begin making their way to ne, and l scramble backwards, still on the ground. I feel pain in my ankle, but l ignore it as l stand up. I start running/limping for the house, only to find the front door locked. I look behind to see the Shells pursuing me, and l head to the backyard. It is fenced off, and the fence is wooden. I keep on running, looking for a gate. I find one and shove, feeling relieved to find it is unlocked. I dart in and shut the gate, locking it. I back up, and l hear the Shells growling beyond it. I'm about to turn around when l see a figure in the corner of my eye, shuffling towards me.(end of Chapter two)

Chapter 15 I reach desperately for something to catch myself. There's a rope rail on both sides of the bridge. It hadn't fallen with the bridge. I manage to grab it, and dangle over the floor. "Okay, Terran, just climb across. We're right behind you." Pax calls. I began moving to the other side, putting one hand in front of the other. When I reach the other side, I reach out and wrap my arms around one of the wooden posts that hold up the ropes. I pull myself onto the platform. Jonah, Finnick, and Pax climb after me. Jonah reaches me first. He watches me, his gray eyes flickering with amusement. Finnick joins us, then Pax. We walk across the wobbling platform, to find the far side is blocked off by wooden planks. "What's with that? Are they still building it?" Jonah asks. "No. We're supposed to break through. Without activating whatever guardian they have today." Pax explains. "Okay." I say, and step up to the front. I start prying the wood away. Whatever I can't pull away, I kick off. When it's open, we're staring into darkness. Pax frowns. "I don't know what this is." He says. Something that sounds like a scream comes from the dark, echoing. "It must be deep. A pit." Finnick says, leaning over to look in. I grab his arm and pull him back. The scream is nearer. Something about it isn't right. It isn't continuous. Just an occasional wail. Short, quick, and echoing. It sounds almost...inhuman. Ringing all the way up to us. More of the horrid cries join the first. It changes, now. To savage, high-pitched screeches that fill the pit, making everything echo with that horrible chorus. It's joined by terrified screams. Even in all that noise, I pick one scream up. One horrified wail that makes my heart pound and adrenaline race through my veins. I whisper the name, run towards the edge. I scream the name into the abyss. "Lark!"

Keep going!Your story is a perfect cliff hanger.I loved mystery cats!~Spottedtail

Amazing! Please continue!!!

It was ok. I didn't like how you almost never said anything about any warriors. Almost all of them were kits and apprentices. Once you write the story, you should also go back and work on any miss spelling. You may also want to work on how they talk. On some places, they where talking with having any " in the begining and/or the end. Read a redwall or warriors book and nodiss how its writen. That may help. You could also try writing it on your computer. Because it should say if a words miss spelled or just done wrong. Please do make the second chapter. Hope i helped!

Plot could be better and it wasnt very exciting. There were grammar mistakes but other than that pretty good.

Firebreak asked blowturn if she wanted to go hunting with him? Blowturn nodded. They went to the end of the terrioty. A evil cat named Shadowfire lurked in the woods. His eyes glaring. He turned to his father. He mouthed 'go' and shadfire and other evil cats ran torwards the Firebreak and Blowturn. Shadowfire pinned his siblings. "Well, well, well!" He spat. Blowturn gasped "shadowkit!!" And Firebreak growled. "Hes not one of us!" Shadowfire growled back. "Its Shadowfire! And yes our brother is correct im NOT on your side!" Blowturn eyes widen. "Why?!" Firebreak stuggled out. And pushed him off their sister. Blowturn looked around. There were Evil Within cats circled around. Viperclaws voice enetered the quite circle. "We kill you!" Viperclaw growled. Firebreak growled. "Come out! And fight like a real warrior!!" Viperclaw chuckled. "Im not a warrior. Im a shadow!" Vipercaw enetred the circle. Blowturn saggered back. "Dad!!" She growled. "Im gonna kill you and Firebreak!" Firebreak roared and charged forward. He bit at Viperclaws neck. Shadowfire growled and and ran at Blowturn. She bit his neck. Viperclaw fell down. And firebreak snapped his neck. The last thing he said was "your gonna pay! Shadowstar will kill you! He is now the leader....." he stuggled to say the last then his head drew back and he died. Shadiwfire now shadowstar growled fericley! "You killed your own Father!!" Then he and his clan left. "We'll be back!!" He yelled. And firebreak and blowturn ran back into camp. Shinestar looked at there cuts and wounds and yelled "MEDCAT!!! ASAP!! what happened!!!"....

All the cats there were paralyzed after hearing what Pinestar had said. Finally Dragonstar recovered enough to say. "We shall help you Pinestar." The other 2 leaders nodded as well. "Is everyone finished?" Dragonstar asked. Flamestar Greenstar and Pinestar all said they were finished. "Then call this Gathering to a close. May StarClan light your paths." And with a nod Dragonstar leaped off the tree. Pinestar slowly bunched himself up then gave a small leap. He landed staggered then caught his balence. Flamestar leaped off and almost landed on his face. Muffled mrrrs of laughter came from all the clans. Greenstar leapt fearlessly off the tree ad landed not far from the head of LeafClan. Dragonstar again nodded to all the cats then yowled. "DragonClan,fly!" Suddenly they all took off as fast and fleet as a dragons flight. Pinestar croaked. "TreeClan,let us return." They ran as fast as they could even though hunger and sickness slowed them down. PhoenixClan left next. Flamestar yowled. "PhoenixClan,lets soar!" They ran out almost as fast as the DragonClan cats. Greenstar called. "LeafClan,blow away!" All the cats ran for the entrance then scattered. It was a custom among LeafClan to decide who would band together after the Gathering and try to help his/hers teamates get home the fastest. When Dragonclan reached home Featherflight slowly came out of the nursury. It looked like she would have her kits any day now but Windwhisper said it would be at least another 7days. "How was the Gathering?" She asked Dragonflywing. "TreeClan barely survived this winter. Im not suprised. Its the worst winter we've had in 4 seasons. Many warriors and elders have died. TreeClan can not catch enough prey to survive. They asked all the clans to give them a little prey each day. All 3 leaders said they would. Now some of us will go to deliver some prey tomorrow. Also PhoenixClan will soon have new aprentices and kits. LeafClan doesnt have anything to report but their prey is increasing slowly. They looked a bit thin though but nowhere near as thin as TreeClan. Every cats ribs poked through ther bones." Featherflight exclaimed. "Those poor cats!" "I know," Dragonflywing said grimly. "It was terrible the way they looked. Ther pelts were thin and 3 cats were coughing. I think their herb supply is running low and they probally catch less then a peice a day no matter what Pinestar says." Featherflight nodded then yawned and said. "Im going to bed Dragonflywing. You should too. Its getting late." Dragonflywing said. "Just a second Featherflight. I just want to look at the moon. Its really big and bright tonight." Featherflight nodded and went into the nursury. Dragonflywing stared at the stars and mumered. "Oh mother,why wont you answer me?" By Lilyfang. Should i continue? Does it sound good?

It will come out tommorrow

Bite her now" Sunnystrike was fun but can be strict "why" "because Tigerkits not ready" Tigerkit thought Im ready. Trixiekit sank her fangs into Gatorkit neck as Tigerkit watched in horrer. Gatorkit woke up. Tigerkit started to cry.

Is not that good. To me sorry. You need more detaikes. Like wat happend to the kit and why wone whitewing help her.

Silverpaw gazed at the night sky sadly. She was searching for Fernsnow. It was a moon after the shecat's death, but Silverpaw still believes it to be her fault. "Silverpaw!" Firefern called from the nursery. "COMING!" Silverpaw yowled irritably and stomped in. Featherwing was contorting her face in pain while Foxtail paced around, his bright red tail fluffed in fear. "She's kitting. Fernsnow explained, giving Featherwing borage. Featherwing gulped it down, and a spasm rippled down her stomach. Warmpaw, Featherwing and Foxtail's first kit, and Silverpaw's best friend poked her head in. "How ya doing mom?" She asked winking at silverpaw. Silverpaw grinned. "Fine." featherwing gasped out. "Ok. Call me when you are done!" Warmpaw called, waved goodbye to silverpaw and padded out. Featherwings stomach rippled again and the stick in her mouth cracked. A kit slid out, it was a black tom with smoky gray patches. Firefern cusioned it with her paws, nipped the sac, and passed it to silverpaw."lick!" She told her. Silverpaw nodded and licked the kit furiously. Featherwing spasmed again and a gray shekit slid out. Featherwing bit the sac again and passed it to Foxtail. She took silverpaw's kit. "You do the next one!" She said. silverpaw nodded nervously and positioned her paws. When featherwings belly rippled, silverpaw caught the last kit, a silver secat like her, but instead of pure silver, the kit had black spots on her tail. She wasn't breathing so Silverpaw licked her until she started breathing. Featherwing sighed in relief. "Thank you so much!" She glanced at foxfoot. "The first shecats name is Echokit." Foxtail smiled. "The tom is Hawkkit." Featherwing smiled at silverpaw. "And the last kit is silverkit, for the cat that delivered her!" Silverpaw blushed, and looked at silverkit, warmth filling her heart. See, I amifegiving, not deathgiving! She thought, and joy filled her as she gazed at thundercaln's new kits. End of chapter 3, please rate and review! Next book will be chapter four. If you like our stories, spread the word!

Whitenose looked up. Oh uh. Time to go to the Gathering. He woke up Featherfur, Nightheart, and Smallpaw and left to join Applestar. "Lets see what Eaglestar has to say for himself this time. Harepaw, Foxflight, and Owlpaw smelled WindClan again!" The deputy Kitepelt nodded. Whitenose sighed and followed them into the night. At the Gathering, Birdstar of ThunderClan called the meeting to order. "ThunderClan has been doing well and Clawpaw is now Clawtail!" She announced and cheers of congragulatement echoed around the hollow. Next was Streamstar. "RiverClan has lost and elder, Fishberry. But new kits have been born to Dawnfur and Yewclaw! Please welcome Acornkit, Dustkit, Troutkit, and Littlekit!" Yowls of happines erupted from the gatherd Cats. Surprisingly it was Snakestar who came next. "Hunting is good for ShadowClan. We have four new apprentances; Darkpaw, Firepaw, Wavepaw, and Fawnpaw!" Greystar stepped forward. "Only Hardfrost has died this moon. But WindClan is thriving, and this recent week our leader Eaglestar lost his last life." Whitenose heard sad meows and looked at Applestar. She was shocked. Applestar stepped forward.

Everything is good except for a lot of grammar issues like capitalizing names and appostraphies to show someone or something owning something else.

Good mini series

Go to 2nd page 5th result to see my story.

But make sure to make it flawless.

"Violetpaw, your mentor will be bubblewhisker. Bubblewhisker, i hope tou can show all of your skills passed down from your mentor, redfeather, who is no longer with us." Lilystar said, her eyes clouded with grief. Redfeather died only three sunrises ago, in an attack with swiftclan. Violetpaw ran up to bubblewhisker. "What do we do today?" She asked. Bubblewhisker purred. I thought we would practice our hunting techniques with riverpaw and Wildfur. Bubblewhisker said. Riverpaw ran up to them. Ok! At this point, i will do ANYTHING to be a warrior! Bubblewhisker sighed. The apprentice was to full of energy to get her warrior name yet, the leader said. I suggest hunting near tallpines, or near the thunderpath. Wildfur suggested. They all went down near the thunderpath. Riverpaw's eyes locked. She was looking at a mouse. She started stalking, then pounced. She buryed her catch and went on. Wildfur was in the middle of the thunderpath. A monster was coming. Riverpaw jumped up from her catch to protect wildfur. The monstar didnt slow down. Suddenly, wildfur looked up and ran. Riverpaw was to distracted. Then, after a shrill screech, bubblewhisker looked up. The thunderpath? She wondered. Then wildfur ran out, speechless. Her friend was in the middle of the path, her neck and her shoulder gushing blood. The leg under her injured shoulder looked oddly twisted, and her eyes were gazed with pure starclan. Bubblewhisker bent down and picked up her friend. I just finished with- what happened? Violetpaw asked. Bublblewhisker and violetpaw and wildfur ran back to camp. Starlingwind, the medicine cat, put riverpaw in ger den. She layed cobwebs all over riverpaw's neck and shoulder, then looked at her leg. She felt it with her gray paw. Her leg is broken. The medicine cat said. Bubblewhisker and violetpaw, go and tell lilystar. Wildfur looked at the apprentice. Her eyes were open! She was trying to sat something, but what?

Not bad coul b better!