Captains Outrageous (Hap Collins and Leonard Pine Series #6)

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Hap Collins and Leonard Pine find mucho trouble, this time in Mexico, when they come face to face with a nudist mobster, his seven-foot strong-arm, a octogenarian knife-touting fisherman, and, somehow, an armadillo.

When Hap Collins saves the life of his employer's daughter, he is rewarded with a Caribbean Cruise, and he convinces his best friend Leonard Pine to come along. However, when the cruise sails on without them, stranding them in Playa del Carmen with nothing but their ...

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Captains Outrageous (Hap Collins and Leonard Pine Series #6)

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Hap Collins and Leonard Pine find mucho trouble, this time in Mexico, when they come face to face with a nudist mobster, his seven-foot strong-arm, a octogenarian knife-touting fisherman, and, somehow, an armadillo.

When Hap Collins saves the life of his employer's daughter, he is rewarded with a Caribbean Cruise, and he convinces his best friend Leonard Pine to come along. However, when the cruise sails on without them, stranding them in Playa del Carmen with nothing but their misfortune and Leonard's new ridiculous hat, the two quickly find themselves drawn into a vicious web of sordid violence. When they return to East Texas, they find that trouble has beaten them back, and when trouble's around it doesn't take long for Hap and Leonard to find it.

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Editorial Reviews

From Barnes & Noble
The Barnes & Noble Review
Edgar Award–winning author Joe R. Lansdale brings back the wild team of Hap Collins and Leonard Pine (featured in his classic novels Rumble Tumble, Bad Chili, and Mucho Mojo), for another gritty, gutsy, action-packed adventure. Whoever said that no good deed goes unpunished must have met these two East Texas bad ol' boys on one of their better days. Working security for a chicken-processing plant pretty much guaranteed a quiet life, until Hap heard a faint cry for help from just beyond the fence and charged to the rescue of a girl in the clutches of a brutal, drug-crazed attacker. He didn't expect any reward for his knee-jerk gallantry, but the girl's father (who happened to own the chicken plant) insisted on giving him a big check and offered him and Leonard a month-long vacation to boot. Only Hap and Leonard could turn a windfall like that into a disaster…and still come out on top. On paper, the cut-rate cruise they booked had all the amenities, but in fact, the food was lousy, the entertainment was worse, and travelling the high seas on the Sea Pleasure, a former Argentine navy boat, was anything but pleasant. It was almost a relief when the boat left without them after their first landfall. Then they were jumped by muggers, rescued by a feisty fisherman with a sexy daughter, and got tangled up with mobsters, murder, and mayhem south of the border…. Sue Stone
From the Publisher
"The most consistently original and originally visceral writer the great state of Texas (or any other state for that matter) has seen in a score of flashpoint summers."—Austin Chronicle

"Lansdale gets better with each book."—Rocky Mountain News

"A storyteller in the great American tradition of Ambrose Bierce and Mark Twain."—The Boston Globe "Lansdale reaches the reader on a gut level. . . . A terrific writer."—Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine "Lansdale is a storyteller in the Texas tradition of outrageousness . . . but amped up to about 100,000 watts."—Houston Chronicle  "One of publishing's best kept secrets."—Dallas Morning News "Hap and Leonard function as a sort of Holmes and Watson — if Holmes and Watson had had more lusty appetites and less refined educations and spent their lives in east Texas. . . . Not only funny, but also slyly offer acute commentary on matters of race, friendship and love in small-town America."—The New York Times   "Lansdale has a zest for storytelling and a gimlet eye for detail."—Entertainment Weekly "As funny as all get out."—Ft. Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel 

From The Critics
Best buddies Hap Collins and Leonard Pine get into trouble more often during the course of this book than most characters could manage in an entire series. These East Texas rowdies are working as security guards for a chicken-processing plant—which makes for several almost-funny chicken jokes—when Hap saves the life of a young woman who turns out to be the plant owner's daughter. Hap is rewarded for his heroics with a large check and a Caribbean cruise, which he takes with his friend Leonard. The two are quickly abandoned by the cruise ship in a small port, mugged by off-duty cops and saved by an old fisherman who is a whiz with a machete—all this before becoming ensnared in an elaborate, sometimes improbable, plot involving murder and revenge. What makes this duo unusual is that Hap is a white heterosexual and Leonard is a black homosexual. So along with the chicken humor you also get a handful of black-white, gay-straight jokes. Lansdale's last book, The Bottoms, won the prestigious Edgar Award, but if you've never picked up his other books, you'll probably scratch your head while reading this one and wonder what the fuss is about.
—Randy Michael Signor

Publishers Weekly
Hap Collins is working as a security guard for a poultry plant when he saves a young woman from a brutal assault only to find that she is the daughter of the plant’s owner. As a reward the owner gives Hap $100,000, enough for Hap and his best friend Leonard Pine to take a vacation cruise down old Mexico way. However, when they become involved with an elderly fisherman and his beautiful daughter, they bring a world of trouble down on their heads. Lansdale’s writing is blunt, sometimes crude, and no holds barred violent, but it’s also witty, outrageously funny, and often touching. Phil Gigante’s delivery brings a sitting-at-the-bar intimacy to the book’s first-person narrative, and his delivery of the laugh-out-loud dialogue is worth the price of admission. A Vintage paperback. (Nov.)
Kirkus Reviews
Walking an East Texas poultry plant as a security guard isn't the stuff of joie de vivre, and for some time Hap Collins has been experiencing a pervasive and debilitating lassitude. Life is tasteless until fate takes a turn in Hap's life when he's in the right place to save a young girl from being beaten to death, earning the gratitude of her rich father. He also earns for himself and his faithful sidekick Leonard Pine (Freezer Burn, 1999, etc.) what's billed as a Caribbean pleasure cruise. Alas, before the ship ever reaches the Caribbean, Leonard makes an enemy of an officious steward who thereupon arranges to have them both stranded in Mexico, where Leonard is beaten up and stabbed, and Hap becomes involved with a Mexican beauty of questionable character, a relationship leading to others ranging from dubious to deplorable. Somehow they manage to get out of Mexico alive, but just barely, and not permanently. When a close friend of Hap's is mistaken for him and brutally murdered, he and Leonard return south of the border once more, heading a small vigilante party intent on hunting down the venomous gangster-murderer headquartered there, with one object in mind: violent and bloody payback. Lansdale, winner of last year's best-novel Edgar for The Bottoms, which gave Collins and Pine some time off, has certainly written more engrossing tales for his picaresque pair. Still, the trademark raunchiness is present in full measure, and even those fans who aren't caught up in this adventure will probably find themselves grinning a lot.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780307455529
  • Publisher: Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group
  • Publication date: 11/10/2009
  • Series: Hap Collins and Leonard Pine Series, #6
  • Edition description: Reprint
  • Pages: 336
  • Sales rank: 862,266
  • Product dimensions: 5.10 (w) x 7.90 (h) x 0.80 (d)

Meet the Author

Joe R. Lansdale has written more than a dozen novels in the suspense, horror, and Western genres. He has also edited several anthologies. He has received the British Fantasy Award, the American Mystery Award, seven Bram Stoker Awards, and an Edgar Award. He lives in Nacogdoches, Texas, with his family.
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Table of Contents

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 5
( 9 )
Rating Distribution

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Sort by: Showing all of 9 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 19, 2014


    L O L good. As always a good read

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 10, 2001


    In CAPTAINS OUTRAGEOUS¿the newest in the ¿Hap Collins/Leonard Pine¿ series¿Joe R. Lansdale once again proves that he has no equal in the field of writing in the great state of Texas. He is to Texas what Stephen King is to Maine. Both authors have a particular style of writing that appeals to the ¿everyman¿ in its simplicity, yet forceful and soul-searching deliverance. If Mysterious Press/Warner Books put more money into promoting Mr. Lansdale¿s novels here in the United States, they would definitely have a New York Times best selling author on their hands. As it is, the world still hasn¿t discovered what a major storyteller and master craftsman this East Texas writer really is. In this novel, the hilarious, dysfunctional, butt-kicking duo of Hap and Leonard return for another outing of outrageous bantering, not to mention going the distance to help those who are in trouble. Hap and Leonard (think Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson) are now security guards in a chicken processing plant. One night after work, while walking to his truck, Hap hears a desperate cry for help. He sees a man stomping the living daylights out a girl near the trees that border the plant and quickly goes to her rescue. Jumping a chain-link fence like an avenging angel, Hap charges the guy and swiftly finds himself in a fight to the death, using everything he¿s been taught in the martial arts to put this psycho down. After Hap saves the life of the young girl, her father (he happens to be the owner of the chicken plant) rewards him with the gift of a hundred thousand dollars. Accepting the money against his better judgment, Hap decides to take a vacation with his buddy, Leonard. They sign on for a cheap cruise down to Mexico and the Caribbean. As usual, Leonard¿s mouth gets them into trouble on the boat, and they eventually find themselves stranded in a place called Playa Del Carmen. When a group of muggers from a bordering town attack our two heroes with knives and a machete, wounding Leonard in the process, an old fisherman comes to their rescue. The fisherman and his daughter, Beatrice, allow Hap and Leonard to recuperate at their home. While Leonard is recovering from his knife wound, the fisherman¿s daughter uses sex to lure Hap into helping her scam a local mobster. Things, however, don¿t go quite the way Beatrice expects. Her actions lead to death on a major scale, and it follows Hap and Leonard back to Texas in the form of a giant killer named Hammerhead, who likes to skin people alive and then cut their hands and feet off. A close friend of the duo will be murdered because of what happened in Mexico. From that point on the name of the game is revenge for our boys. Hap and Leonard, with the help of Jim Bob Luke, will return to Mexico to take out the mobster and his henchman. A lot of people are going to die before the ending of this novel is reached; and, if Hap has his way, he¿s going to be the one doing the killing! CAPTAINS OUTRAGEOUS had me laughing and crying. Never was a novel funnier; yet, at the same time, sadder. The violence is intense, and a lot of good people die this time around. Mr. Lansdale¿s prose is ¿mojo¿ writing at its best, capturing the pure essence that breathes life into Hap and Leonard, holding the reader within its tight grasp from the first page to the last. These are guys that will put their lives on the line time and time again to help others, risking everything to right a wrong and to bring a little justice into this mixed-up world. Even the secondary characters (Jim Bob Luke, Veil, Charlie Blank, Marvin Hanson, Beatrice and her father, Ferdinand, Brett Sawyer, and the Mexican mobster, Juan Miguel) are written with the same precise detail and strength as the primary ones. The twists and turns are more numerous than ever, offering surprises for the reader every few pages. CAPTAINS OUTRAGEOUS isn¿t just a novel; it¿s a grand adventure with two guys who love each other as brothers and

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 3, 2001

    Outrageous crime drama and suspense at your fingertips!

    This is another installment of the Hap/leonard saga. It is also an excellent addition to the detective series. Snap this one up and get your fill again of the famous hilarious detective duo as they traipse across a turbulent Pacific ocean in a dingy vacation cruise ship, hit dangerous skids inside Mexico, then get drop-kicked back inside their Texas digs. Real action yet gently humorous adventure makes this another Lansdale classic.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 29, 2001

    Hap and Leonard Return!

    Another fantastic, can't put down tale from the master, Joe R. Lansdale. Brothers to the end, Hap and Leonard go on a vacation and ponder advancing age, life and love. Being Hap and Leonard you know that mayhem will have to follow. All the favorites are back for this one; Charlie, Hanson, Jim Bob Luke, Brett and even Bob the armadillo, and the mix is explosive, hilarious and so uniquely Lansdale.

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  • Posted December 9, 2008

    more from this reviewer

    outrageous adventures of Hap and Leonard

    In East Texas, Hap Collins wonders how far the mighty has fallen as his life has taken a dangerous life-threatening turn from the worst disease known to humanity: boredom. Not only has his relationship including the sex with Brett turning deader than a eunuch¿s penis, he works the second shift as a security guard at a chicken processing plant. The only good part of that job is he shares his rounds with his friend Leonard Pine even if the Pinester has a hanging low hunk of a lover. Then again this is better than working at the other chicken plant where they wanted Hap to masturbate with the fowl. <P>However, everything changes when Hap rescues Sarah Bond from a maniac who fights like a robotic superman. Sarah¿s father offers Hap money for saving the life of his daughter. Hap and Leonard accept an all paid expense cruise to Mexico, but Leonard manages to show his class by getting them stranded south of the border. Soon one thing leads to another and the duo is fleeing for their lives with thugs chasing them with one thought in mind: killing the Americans. <P> CAPTAINS OUTRAGEOUS is the usual outrageous adventures of Hap and Leonard. The story line is amusing and always seems one paragraph away from being out of control, but somehow award winning Joe R Lansdale never loses his grip on the plot. The action is crazy and the lead duo remains as insane as ever. Though not the deepest work by Mr. Lansdale, fans will still have a good time following the vulgar pair wreck havoc in Mexico. <P>Harriet Klausner

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    Posted November 18, 2008

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    Posted January 31, 2010

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 29, 2011

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 11, 2010

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