Change: The Tools You Need for the Life You Want at Work and Home

by Gary Bradt

Overview

How do you deal with nonstop change at work? Leading others through change? Personal loss? How do you cope with a sudden and unexpected shift in your life, at work or at home? Change can be hard.

Author Gary Bradt can help. In this book, he weaves relatable stories with nine practical tools to help you manage the change in your life. With strategic advice like keeping a ToWho list and empathetic guidance about when to let go or latch on, Change explores Bradt's proven secrets for turning adversity into opportunity. Learn how to adapt and advance whenever change hits and turns your life upside down.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781632991140
Publisher:	River Grove Books
Publication date:	12/06/2016
Pages:	164
Product dimensions:	5.00(w) x 8.00(h) x 0.35(d)

Read an Excerpt

Change

The Tools You Need for the Life You Want at Work and Home

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By Gary Bradt

River Grove Books

Copyright © 2016 Gary Bradt
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-63299-114-0

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CHAPTER 1

Choose Your Response to Change

JUSTIN WONDERED HOW HE would break the news to his wife and kids. He was still trying to digest it himself. After twenty-two years at Carson-Co, it was over. Just like that. He was called to a meeting and told his services were no longer needed.

A corporate exec named Ken was in the front of the room trying to explain it to Justin and the others. Something about market consolidation and the need to reduce expenses and duplicate services. It was hard to focus. Justin's mind raced. He hadn't seen this coming.

Oh, he knew changes were taking place in his industry. Competitors had been quicker to pick up on newer technologies than Carson-Co had. Carson-Co's products and services had fallen behind as a result.

But Justin had felt secure when the notice came that the company was being acquired. His division had been profitable. His department had been immune from the periodic layoffs — until now.

Justin blinked and tried to refocus. Ken was saying something about the severance package and going on about outplacement and extended benefits. Anger cracked through Justin like lightning.

It's not fair! Twenty-two years, and for what? He got up and walked quickly to the door. I don't need this!

Justin brushed past the Carson-Co HR rep and went straight to his office. He packed hastily. Thirty minutes later he was gone.

The following days passed in a blur. Justin refused outplacement, where career counselors could help him prepare a resume and look for a new job. Instead, he spent time talking with others who had been let go. Many were angry like him. The more they talked, the angrier they got.

A few, like his friend and colleague Brandon, were philosophical. They saw this as a chance for a fresh start. Justin thought they were naïve. Getting fired for no good reason was not his idea of a fresh start.

Justin eventually began looking for a new job on his own. He didn't expect any trouble. After all, his record was strong and his skills were up-to-date. Or so he thought.

Justin had kept up with his technical training at Carson-Co, but he hadn't bothered to take any of the soft-skills courses they offered. He was always too busy for something like that. Why waste my time? he thought.

As a result, Justin's technical skills were up-to-date, but his people skills lagged. His old-school mentality of "command and control" was out of synch with a business world that was increasingly relying on teamwork and collaboration.

When Justin interviewed, he made little effort to mask his attitude toward Carson-Co. They were foolish for letting him and the others go. They rid the company of too much experience. They were relying on kids and would pay a price for that down the line.

Justin thought his analysis demonstrated his experience and business savvy. But interviewers believed he had a negative attitude they did not want to bring into their company.

Justin did not get many second interviews and he received no offers. He was determined to never let a company get the best of him again. They didn't. No company wanted a piece of Justin at all.

It's a tough economy, he thought.

Time went by and nothing happened. Justin went on fewer interviews. He spent more time in his home office or tried to stay busy doing projects around the house. After a while it was hard to find enough to do.

The idleness began to gnaw at him. He began to worry. He had his kids' college tuition coming up and a mortgage to pay. His severance package was time limited. He hated to dip into savings, but it was beginning to look like he might have to.

Unwittingly, Justin began taking his frustrations out on his wife, Donna, and his kids. His temper was short. His sense of humor, gone. One day, after another major blowup over a minor violation, his youngest son ran from the room.

"I want my old dad back!" he cried, slamming the door behind him.

The sound of the slamming door hung in the air. A lone clock ticked in the corner. Justin stared at the closed door for a long time. Then he rubbed his eyes and wearily rested his head in his hands.

Where do I go from here?

DIG A LITTLE DEEPER:

You Don't Always Get to Choose Change, but You Always Get to Choose Your Response

Like Justin's, many people's initial reactions to change are predictable. I can't believe this is happening. How can they do this? It's not fair. I'm going to fight it.

These reactions are understandable. Our safe and predictable world has disappeared. Our routines are disrupted. We feel threatened, angry, and afraid.

Out of our feelings, we may begin acting against our own best interests.

When this happens, the critical question to ask is —

Is my reaction to change getting me the results I want?1

If so, great. Keep it up. But if you find yourself in a place you'd rather not be (like Justin), perhaps it's time to make a change.

THE ROADMAP:

A Simple Tool to Help You Change

The Roadmap is a tool to help you change at work and in life. Like all maps, it helps you understand how you got to where you are and, more importantly, how to get to where you want to go next. We will refer to the Roadmap frequently as a tool for helping you adapt to and advance through change throughout the rest of this book.

The Roadmap may help you understand why you do what you do, and it can help you change what you do to get better results. You read the Roadmap like a clock, starting at twelve o'clock, then moving clockwise.

The journey to results goes like this —

• Thinking triggers feelings.

• Feelings fuel behavior.

• Behavior determines results.

It's a circular process, therefore:

The road to better results always begins with better thinking.

For example, let's look at Justin's Roadmap:

• Thinking: Carson-Co was wrong to let me go; this is unfair; I got a raw deal

• Feelings: Anger and betrayal

• Behavior: Refusing outplacement services; being negative in interviews; taking it out emotionally on my family

• Results: No job offers; frayed family relationships; a creeping sense of desperation

How might Justin change his thinking to get different results? A few possible answers come to mind. What if Justin adjusted his Roadmap to something like this?

• Thinking: Change is my opportunity to try something new; yes, this is hard, but I have gotten through tough changes before and I can do it again

• Feelings: A sense of hope and determination

• Behavior: Putting all my energy into finding a new job versus lamenting [right arrow] the one I lost

• Results: Discovering new opportunities

What other kinds of thoughts might he choose that could lead to better results? Perhaps you can write your answers down.

Change in Real Life: Using the Roadmap to Change Results

One time, when my teenage son did something that really set me off — I don't even remember now what it was — I was ready to go upstairs and tell him what I thought he needed to know in no uncertain terms. Then, my wife, Peggy, intervened.

"What are you going to say to him?" she asked.

"I'm going to tell him what he did wrong and what he needs to know!" I barked.

Peggy asked, "If you go up there and say what you want to say, as angry as you are now, what will he hear? What will he think?"

I paused and took a deep breath.

"He'll hear and think that Dad is a jerk," I said with a sigh. "And he will have no clue that he did anything wrong."

This was clearly not the result that I wanted.

• My Thinking: He's not doing it right

• My Feelings: Anger

• My Behavior: Angry outburst

• My Results: Dad is a jerk

If I wanted to change my results, I needed to change my thinking.

So after calming down, I changed my thinking to —

• New Thinking: I love my son and want to help him make better choices

• New Feelings: Love and concern

• New Behavior: A calm talk where I shared my concerns with him

• New Results: A productive outcome where we both felt heard and supported

To be clear, I wasn't immediately successful utilizing this approach consistently going forward. Sometimes I let my negative thinking and feelings in the moment overwhelm me, and I reverted to my old patterns. Changing behavior takes time, as we'll explore more in chapter seven. But I stuck with it and eventually the results I got with my son were closer to my intentions.

Choosing "Want to" over "Have to"

With my son, I changed my behavior because I wanted to, not because I had to. Wanting to do something often produces better results than feeling like you have to.

The Power of Choosing a Want-To Roadmap

There are two basic types of Roadmaps: Want-To and Have-To. Want-To Roadmaps encourage you to run toward something you want. Have-To Roadmaps encourage you to run away from something you don't. Want-To Roadmaps give you better results than Have-To Roadmaps.

For example, let's say your goal is to make change happen: You want to lose weight.

A Have-To Roadmap may be filled with Shoulds and Oughts and might look something like this:

• Thinking: I have to lose weight; I ought to eat better; I should exercise more

• Feelings: Resentment and frustration

• Behavior: Grudging compliance for a while, perhaps, followed by more and more "cheating," or eating and doing as you please

• Results: Falling short of your goals

Have-To Roadmaps are hard to sustain because they create internal mental barriers. It's like arm wrestling with yourself. A Want-To Roadmap creates no such barriers.

A Want-To Roadmap for losing weight might look like this:

• Thinking: I want to lose weight; I want to feel better and be healthier

• Feelings: Confidence and a determined commitment

• Behavior: Eating and exercising more in alignment with my goals, and not giving up the first time I slip up

• Results: A much better chance of hitting my target

Of course, choosing a Want-To Roadmap over a Have-To Roadmap doesn't guarantee results. But it may stack the odds in your favor, because it does not create unnecessary and self-defeating mental barriers.

Another common Roadmap for making change happen is the All or Nothing Roadmap, which falls into the Have-To Roadmap camp.

The All or Nothing Roadmap

The All or Nothing Roadmap is a variation of a Have-To Roadmap. It's a "grind it out" mentality. True, good things can come from thinking this way. It sounds determined and feels powerful. But if you're not careful, exclusive use of this Roadmap can grind you up too.

For example, let's say you want to get ahead at work. Your All or Nothing Roadmap may look like this:

• Thinking: I am going to do whatever it takes to get ahead; I'll take every project, work harder and longer than everyone else; I'll never let up

• Feelings: Dogged determination followed by exhaustion or burnout

• Behavior: Running all out, every time, all the time

• Results: Hitting your goals? Maybe. But usually at a price, which often includes things like poor personal health or neglected relationships.

An alternative for attacking your goals might be an All or Something Roadmap that may go something like this:

• Thinking: I want to get ahead and will do whatever it takes, but not at the expense of my health or relationships

• Feelings: Confident determination and resolve

• Behavior: Hard work balanced by timeouts for you and time with those you care about

• Results: Gradual and sustainable success

No Roadmap can guarantee that you will reach your goals every time, but where you start impacts where you finish. You always get to determine where you start.

QUESTIONS AND TIPS FOR APPLICATION

Now think about a change in your life that you are struggling with. Consider the following questions regarding that change. You may want to write your answers down.

• My thoughts about this change are —

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

• My feelings about this change are —

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

• What I have been doing in response to my feelings is —

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

• What I am getting as a result is —

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

Are you getting the results you want? If so, great. If not, to get a better result, try answering the questions below:

• How might I think differently about this change to get better results? (For example, if the change is at work, is this an opportunity to try something new or learn something new? If it is a personal change, is this an opportunity to support someone or allow others to support you? Either at home or at work, is this an opportunity to take a chance you've always wanted to take but have been too afraid to try before? Give yourself permission to dream!)

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

• How would I like to feel about this change? How might I use an All or Something mentality to help me feel that way?

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

• How might I change what I do as a result of changing how I think and feel?

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

• How might that behavior lead to better results?

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

Write down your answers to these questions and perhaps discuss them with a trusted friend or colleague. Then, act on what you wrote.

CHOOSE YOUR RESPONSE TO CHANGE

• Better results start with better thinking.

• Changing how I think changes how I feel.

• Changing how I feel changes what I do.

• Changing what I do changes my results.

• I can't always control what happens, but I can always choose my response.

CHAPTER 2

Change Relationships by Changing Yourself

KIMBERLY'S MIND ROCKED BACK and forth like the wheels of the train she was riding home from work. How did I end up here?

Kimberly had joined Carson-Co right out of grad school. At first, coworkers experienced her as a breath of fresh air. She brought innovative ideas to a stagnating business. When given her own business unit to run, Kimberly succeeded beyond her wildest expectations. Her numbers exploded and customers loved her.

When it was announced that Carson-Co was being acquired, most assumed Kimberly would be a success in the new combined company too. After all, her reputation in the industry was golden.

Inside Carson-Co, however, it had become a different story, as her boss Ken had just shared with her.

"Your hyperfocus on your objectives means you sometimes ignore the needs of others," Ken had told her. "You can be abrupt when communicating with your team. Too often, you talk more than listen. It's as if you're speeding down the highway with blinders on, and you don't notice the other cars on the road. You can run your colleagues over without realizing it."

Ken said that over time, Kimberly's attitude had grated on her team and many of her colleagues, and she had begun to pay the price.

"Too many people see you now as only out for yourself, Kimberly. Some of your peers don't want to work with you anymore, and some talented people on your team are starting to ask for transfers or are exploring their options outside the company. This simply can't continue."

As they discussed it, Ken admitted that he was part of the problem too.

"At first, I overlooked some of this because your results in the market were too good. That's on me. Now I realize we have to address it. Listen, I want you to succeed. You are a talented executive," Ken said. "But you need to change how people view you, or it will be hard for you to continue being successful inside our company."

All of this had come as a shock, and Kimberly had walked out of Ken's office feeling numb.

The more she thought about it riding home on the train now, however, Kimberly felt relieved to get these issues on the table. She had been puzzled by her colleagues' recent reactions to her success.

She had noticed that people who used to be in her corner now took potshots at her in meetings. Word got around that some were talking about her behind her back.

(Continues...)

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Excerpted from Change by Gary Bradt. Copyright © 2016 Gary Bradt. Excerpted by permission of River Grove Books.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Contents

Foreword,
Introduction,
PART 1 Managing Your Relationships Through Change,
1. Choose Your Response to Change,
2. Change Relationships by Changing Yourself,
3. Make a To Who List,
PART 2 Managing Yourself Through Change,
4. Adapt First and Fast,
5. Let Go,
6. Latch On,
PART 3 Managing Change to Create the Life You Want,
7. Imagine the Life You Want,
8. Grow Where You're Planted,
9. Write Your Story,
Afterword,
About the Author,