Chicken Poop For The Soul

Chicken Poop For The Soul

4.0 7
by David Fisher
Is "Chicken SOup" Too Sweet for Your Soul?

When you take the road less traveled, do you get lost? When bad things happen to other people, do you feel good? Do self-help books make you feel selfish and helpless? Congratulations, you're one of us. Welcome to the farthest side of reality -- and the first collection of stories sure to harden your heart and dampen your


Is "Chicken SOup" Too Sweet for Your Soul?

When you take the road less traveled, do you get lost? When bad things happen to other people, do you feel good? Do self-help books make you feel selfish and helpless? Congratulations, you're one of us. Welcome to the farthest side of reality -- and the first collection of stories sure to harden your heart and dampen your spirit.

Chicken Poop for the Soul

Here is the story of "Step-Mother Teresa" who turned an orphanage in Calcutta into a sweatshop...and "The True Meaning of Love," romance as seen from a stalker's point of view. Explore the positive side of feeling bad in "The Joys of Depression." Learn the code of the urban teacher who vows "I will never respond to a student's demands, no matter how outrageous, with the phase 'Over my dead body.'" Read the multimillion-dollar government study that discovered that the primary cause of anxiety in America is government studies. And, finally, learn the true secret of happiness.

Ruthlessly hilarious, this is the world's first "sinspirational" book, a guide absolutley guaranteed never to be a selection of Oprah's Book Club.

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Gallery Books
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0.37(w) x 5.50(h) x 8.50(d)

Read an Excerpt

From: Dad's Lessons

Sometimes late at night, when the house is so quiet, I can hear the familiar complaints of the friendly old floorboards stretching their limbs, and the house is warmed by love, I tiptoe into my four-year-old son's room and sit on the floor in a corner, and I just watch him sleep. His clothes are always strewn around the room, while his baseball cap hangs proudly on the doorknob. I always have to be careful not to trip over his "Big League Football," which I know to be lying somewhere in the dark. He sleeps so peacefully, so securely, I could sit there all night. And as I watch him, in these quiet moments, I can't help but remember my old man and the lessons he taught me about life.

While once I thought my dad was just about the biggest man in the whole wide world, in fact he was quite small, and thin, and his face was as cracked and pockmarked as the old leather seats of his beloved '52 Pontiac.

Dad had grown up dirt-poor on the great American plains. As a boy he had watched the once fertile farmland turn into the infamous Dustbowl. He often told me, "They called it the Dustbowl 'cause every night my momma would take me and my brother outside with our wooden bowls and fill 'em to the top with dust. 'That's it, boys,' she'd tell us. 'Eat up.'"

My old man never forgot his hardscrabble days, even long after he grew up and could afford the nice things in life. By the time I was born he knew he'd never have to worry where his next meal was coming from, but it was important to him that his sons learn the hard lessons life teaches. He wanted to make sure that I would be tough enough to survive and prosper as he had done. To him, life was one big hard lesson.

I guess the first important lesson my dad taught me was to be independent. I was just four years old when he took me out to the shopping center and left me there. I'll never forget that feeling as I watched him drive away, with just that little loving wave. A few days later, when that nice policeman brought me home, my dad and I both knew I'd learned a very important lesson.

Life on the plains, where twisters seem to spring right out of the good earth, had taught my dad how to deal with emergencies. "When you have to react real quick," he always said, "you learn the stuff you're made of." In the small town where I was raised there weren't too many opportunities to test how I would respond to unexpected problems, so he tried to help.

I'll never forget the day of my ninth birthday. Dad was driving and I was next to him in the passenger seat. Suddenly he screamed, "Think fast!" and leaped right out of the car.

I had to learn how to drive right there on the spot. But as long as I live, I'll never forget that broad, proud smile on his face when I pulled that old car up the driveway. That was my old man.

My dad also understood the value of a good sense of humor. "Back in the old days," he often told me, "we were so poor we had to beg for jokes." So sometimes, when I was fast asleep, dreaming of the home runs I would hit, he would gently lean over my bed and shout into my ear, "Russian bombers! Russian bombers! Run! Run!" And then he would laugh and laugh.

But as Dad got older and that cough became worse, he knew he wasn't going to always be there for me, and he wanted to make sure I could handle the real tough times. I was fourteen years old, I remember, when the police came to the high school to arrest me. As they booked me, they explained that "an anonymous caller" had informed them that I had held up a convenience store. I smiled. That was my old man, I knew, teaching me how to deal with adversity. But two days later he was right there to bail me out.

Oh, sometimes the lessons were hard. I sure did miss my little brother after that tragic "accident." And when my dad spent all the money I'd saved for college, it helped me learn that I could survive on almost nothing. But there wasn't one single day when I doubted his love for me.

My old man isn't here anymore, but I've never forgotten the lessons he taught me. So sometimes, late at night, when I'm sitting there on the floor, I look at my son, sleeping like an angel, and I know that one day soon I'll be taking him to the mall. Just like my old man.

William Garvey

Copyright © 1997 by David Fisher

Meet the Author

David Fisher has dedicated his life to eliminating hypocrisy at a profit. He is a man of intrigue and mystery. He is the author of the prize winning novella Conversations with my Cat, Hard Evidence: Inside th FBI's Sci-Crime Lab, as well as the best-sellers Gracie with George Burns, The Empire Strikes Back with Ron Luciano, and the reference book What's What he lives in New York City with his fantasies.

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Chicken Poop For The Soul 4 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 7 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
not very entertaining.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Guest More than 1 year ago
I have just finished a four-week stay in the hospital after a disastrous accident. A friend brought me this book as my first get-well present. This book should be distributed at hospitals to all incoming patients. By the end of the week all the nurses wanted copies. Terminal patients roared with laughter as they and I recalled some of the wickeder stories. My cracked ribs hurt when I laughed but this book was better than painkillers. And I want to state that it is great for the morale--and certain other conditions one has in hospital. This book is better than flowers or candy! My mother was redfaced and in hysterics when reading the 'True Meaning of Love' my personal fave along with the tale of the Dear Old Dad. Thank you thank you dear author, for offering an antidote to the sweetsie neatsie stuff that does no good at all when you are really ill...
Guest More than 1 year ago
My boyfriend reads a few stories out of each Chicken Soup book, then complains about how stupid they are and picks them apart until I am finished the book. When we found Chicken Poop, I knew it was much more up his alley. It turns out that I loved it, too! I've never laughed so hard. You can enjoy the stories again and again, on different levels. Well worth a read.
Guest More than 1 year ago
this book has the greatest stories and it will keep u wanting to read it more and more, so come on what are you waitng for, buy this book now!
Guest More than 1 year ago
This was a great and funny book I expesaily like the name I encorage everyone to read this book
Guest More than 1 year ago
But it was still great! Very funny-- just what I thought this parody would be! The outlines of the stories were hilarious. But before I go, I should tell you that you shouldn't read this review, for I did not read this book for various good reasons.