Read an Excerpt
"I know it's the last minute," Carl said timidly, "but I need a date for my company bowling party tonight."
Two years ago when Carl first joined our church singles group, I wanted to know this man.
Every week my heart fluttered at his warm,"Hello." We danced together and laughed like teenagers. We stood close together on my deck,watching the city lights flicker,
then, abruptly, he said, "I’ve really got to go now."
"I must be imagining things that just aren’t there," I told my best friend.
Carl was a popular guy in our group and in the next year he had his share of dates,but none with me.But then came the telephone call, and that "D" word.My emotional alarm clock started to go off.
Eleven months later we were married.During our wedding vows, Carl said,"Thank you for waiting for me." When it was my turn, I shared something I'd tucked away in my heart. It was from one of those dating seminars: "Love is a friendship that has caught fire."
Be patient. Timing is everything
When I first met Larry he came complete with a daughter, McKenna, and a son,
Lorin—on weekends. I was completely captivated by my new and charming "instant family," but the children's mother was a different story. I really liked Dia, but our positions seemed to dictate a certain grumpiness with each other that I did my best to squelch.
I watched the children grow, changing from toddlers to schoolkids. And their mother and I continued our civilized and awkward interactions, arranging for the children to come and go and negotiating vacations and holiday schedules.As the years went by, I noticed that our phone calls changed. I actually enjoyed talking to Dia about the kids.We began a slow but perceptible metamorphosis that was completed the year Dia sent me a Mother's Day card, thanking me for "co-mothering" her children.And while it hasn't always been perfect, I know it’s been extraordinary.
One year as we all sat around the Christmas tree, I looked around as the children delivered the gifts. There we were, Dia and her husband, Larry and me, the kids . . .
and surprisingly, I felt at home.
Focusing on the children can help create a feeling of family among the adults