Children Are from Heaven: Positive Parenting Skills for Raising Cooperative, Confident, and Compassionate Children

Overview

This brilliantly original and practical system for parenting children is the brainchild of John Gray, whose Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus books and seminars have helped millions of adults communicate more effectively and lovingly with each other. Based on this idea that children respond better to positive rather than negative reinforcement, the Children Are from Heaven program concentrates on rewarding, not punishing, children and fostering their innate desire to ...

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Children Are from Heaven: Positive Parenting Skills for Raising Cooperative, Confident, and Compassionate Children

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Overview

This brilliantly original and practical system for parenting children is the brainchild of John Gray, whose Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus books and seminars have helped millions of adults communicate more effectively and lovingly with each other. Based on this idea that children respond better to positive rather than negative reinforcement, the Children Are from Heaven program concentrates on rewarding, not punishing, children and fostering their innate desire to please their parents.

Central to this approach are the five positive messages your children need to learn again and again:

It's okay to be different.
It's okay to make mistakes.
It's okay to express negative emotions.
It's okay to want more.
It's okay to say no, but remember Mom and Dad are the bosses.

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Editorial Reviews

From Barnes & Noble
They're Not from Mars or Venus

Any parent will tell you that raising a child is the hardest job in the world. How does one prepare a young person for the challenge of living in today's society? How do we teach them to cope with the violence and chaos of the end of a millennium? Is there a healthy alternative to punishment? More importantly, how can we manage a trip to the grocery store without a tantrum?

Relationship expert John Gray believes parenthood today requires a different set of skills than it has in past generations. In Children Are from Heaven, Gray asserts that children are more sensitive to violence and other negative acts pervasive in our culture today. Fear-based parenting techniques such as spanking, threats, intimidation, and disapproval are no longer useful; we must adopt more peaceful and nurturing methods if we want our children to grow up with their wills and spirits intact.

Granted, most of us weren't raised this way. Learning to use time-outs instead of spanking for younger children and what Gray calls "adjustments" instead of punishment for teenagers is like trying to learn a difficult foreign language. Renowned for his bestselling Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, Gray uses easy-to-understand analogues that describe complicated emotions and deeply ingrained behaviors such as helping women understand that men need to go "into their caves." And has simple yet compelling advice to men that they don't always have to "fix things" for women. Now, mothers and fathers will find the same candor in Children Are from Heaven with its five messages of positive parenting that will enable them to stay calm and collected for their kids.

The first of these messages, "it's okay to be different" requires parents to recognize what is special about their child and nurture it. Not all children learn at the same pace and it's important not to criticize a child for simply being who they are. "Every child, regardless of gender, has special needs associated with his or her particular challenges and gifts," Gray writes. Some of the other messages like "it's okay to make mistakes" and "it's okay to express negative emotions" may bring up a parent's own issues surrounding mistakes and emotions, and mothers and fathers must be careful not to project their emotions onto their child.

Gray bases his advice on the idea that every child is born perfectly innocent, a gift from heaven. They are already perfect; a parent's job is to provide a safe place for them to grow and should refrain from projecting their own ideas of a child's future. "Our most important role is to recognize, honor, and nurture our child's natural and unique growth process," writes Gray in Chapter One. "We are not required in any way to mold them into who we think they should be."

This approach is so different from past generations, when the ideal child was one seen and not heard and expected to perform adult tasks even while still under the age of ten. Up until the age of nine, Gray believes, children should be protected from the outside world. They should not be criticized for mistakes or made to feel as if they have done anything wrong, even if their behavior would have a elicited some sort of punishment 20 years ago. Until children are ten years old, according to Gray, their behavior is the responsibility of the parent and should not be blamed for anything. Many parents might find this hard to stomach, but Gray provides tools that help a parent stay in control without damaging the fragile psyche of the child.

Although fear-based parenting is too harsh for children today, Gray warns against permissive parenting. Many parents feel that the old ways don't work but because they haven't replaced it with another, more positive form of control, their children run willy-nilly all over them. We have all witnessed a child going out of control in public, a sign that there is not enough structure at home. Children want us to be in control, Gray says. Even teenagers secretly appreciate firm rules and commands because it gives them a safe structure in which they can safely explore the world.

Children Are from Heaven is literally loaded with useful skills, stories, and educational principles that will surely inspire parents to adopt Gray's philosophy. He assures that it will work for any child at any age, no matter what has happened in the home in the past. Any parent willing to give up the old ways can follow his instructions. Fear doesn't work, but love does. But Gray also points out that love isn't enough: parenting takes time. Taking time to listen means everything in the world to a child; your positive attention is sometimes all it takes to bring a child back in control; this kind of attention is vital to your child and can't be replaced with anything else.

—Jessica Leigh Lebos

Publishers Weekly - Publisher's Weekly
"All children are born innocent and good," asserts Gray, author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. Getting them to cooperate is merely a matter of arousing their natural desire to please their parents, without breaking their fragile will in the process. Five skills of positive parenting induce cooperation, supported by their five underlying messages, one of which is the author's mantra: "It's o.k. to say no, but remember Mom and Dad are the bosses." In a synthesis of old-fashioned authoritarianism and modern psychological sensitivity ("soft love"), parents are urged to view a child's resistance as natural and healthy, and to listen, empathize and finally assert their authority firmly and unemotionally. If this approach sounds unrealistic, it certainly feels right in the context of Gray's penetrating (and often historically minded) psychological explanations. In the hypnotic style of a therapist, Gray gradually replaces parental advice with empathy, and an emphasis on obedience with an emphaisis on cooperation, supplying a new repertoire of one-liners and age-, gender- and temperament-specific suggestions along the way. While placing the entire responsibility for children's behavior on their parents' shoulders, this book essentially simplifies the business of parenting in order to enable children to grow into their strongest, most responsible selves. (Oct.) Copyright 1999 Cahners Business Information.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780060930998
  • Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
  • Publication date: 1/1/2001
  • Edition description: Reprint
  • Pages: 400
  • Sales rank: 362,425
  • Product dimensions: 5.31 (w) x 8.00 (h) x 0.90 (d)

Meet the Author

John  Gray, Ph.D.

John Gray, Ph.D., is one of the world’s leading relationship experts, and an authority on improving communication styles for couples, companies, and communities. His many books have sold more than fifty million copies in fifty different languages worldwide. John lives with his wife and children in northern California.

Biography

To those well versed in therapy-speak and the self-help world, the name John Gray can provoke some eye-rolling and sarcasm: Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We genders need to "learn" to "communicate."

What's remarkable is Gray's role in making this concept so well known. In 1992, when Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus was published, the idea was anything but pedestrian. Indeed, Gray sparked both revolution and debate in the world of gender politics.

His case is simple: "Men mistakenly expect women to think, communicate, and react the way men do; women mistakenly expect men to feel, communicate, and respond the way women do. We have forgotten that men and women are supposed to be different. As a result our relationships are filled with unnecessary friction and conflict," he wrote in the first chapter of Men Are from Mars. Though the idea is not radical, the implication met with criticism from feminists who said that it tried to reinforce stereotypes; and with accolades from stricken couples who found that Gray did, in fact, help them communicate and understand each other better.

Though naysayers have called into question both Gray's message and his credentials, his appeal is undeniable. Word-of-mouth has proved strong enough to drive sales of Gray's book and its companions -- targeted at everyone from dating singles to coworkers -- into bestsellerdom, with the first title alone selling more than 15 million copies. He has also become a cottage industry of gender relations, with seminars, media appearances, and audio titles bolstering his books.

Gray's style tends to be simple and direct, with analogies along the lines of the title: "Men Are like Blowtorches, Women Are like Ovens" and "Men Pursue and Women Flirt" are typical chapter headers. For those mired in the tricky morass of dealing with the opposite sex, the author's no-nonsense approach is appealing.

In 1999, Gray departed from his relationships milieu to the broader palette of life fulfillment with the parenting guide Children Are from Heaven and How to Get What You Want and Want What You Have, a guide to achieving success while bolstering one's spiritual life via meditation and awareness of worldly challenges. It's a strong statement coming from someone who lived for several years as a monk, but Gray's strong suit with readers remains his relationship tomes. Since the original Mars/Venus title, he has created a franchise that now straddles the realms of love and personal success. His advice obviously rings true with millions of readers.

Good To Know

Gray lives with his wife and three children. He was formerly married to self-help author Barbara De Angelis; the two divorced in 1984.

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus was made into a musical stage comedy that opened in Las Vegas. It has also been translated into more than 40 languages.

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    1. Hometown:
      San Francisco, California
    1. Date of Birth:
      1951
    2. Place of Birth:
      Houston, Texas
    1. Education:
      B.A., M.A., Maharishi European Research University; Ph.D., Columbia Pacific University, 1982
    2. Website:

Read an Excerpt

Chapter One
Children Are from Heaven


All children are born innocent and good. In this sense our children are from heaven. Each and every child is already unique and special. They enter this world with their own particular destiny. An apple seed naturally becomes an apple tree. It cannot produce pears or oranges.

 As parents, our most important role is to recognize, honor, and then nurture our child's natural and unique growth process. We are not required in any way to mold them into who we think they should be. Yet we are responsible to support them wisely in ways that draw out their individual gifts and strengths.

Our children do not need us to fix them or make them better, but they are dependent on our support to grow. We provide the fertile ground for their seeds of greatness to sprout. They have the power to do the rest. Within an apple seed is the perfect blueprint for its growth and development. Likewise, within the developing mind, heart, and body of every child is the perfect blueprint for that child's development. Instead of thinking that we must do something to make our children good, we must recognize that our children are already good.

Within the developing mind, heart, and body of every child is the perfect blueprint for that child's development.

As parents we must remember that Mother Nature is always responsible for our children's growth and development. Once, when I asked my mother the secret of her parenting approach, she responded this way: "While raising six boys and one girl, I eventually discovered there was little that I could do to alter them. I realized it was all in God's hands. Idid my best and God did the rest." This realization allowed her to trust the natural growth process. It not only made the process easier for her, but also helped her to not get in the way. This insight is important for every parent. If one doesn't believe in God, one can just substitute "genes" -- It's all in the genes.

By applying positive-parenting skills, parents can learn to support their children's natural growth process and to avoid interfering. Without an understanding of how children naturally develop, parents commonly experience unnecessary frustration, disappointment, worry, and guilt and unknowingly block or inhibit parts of their children's development. For example, when a parent doesn't understand a child's unique sensitivity, not only is the parent more frustrated, but the child gets the message something is wrong with him. This mistaken belief, "something is wrong with me," becomes imprinted in the child and the gifts that come from increased sensitivity are restricted.

Every Child Has His or Her Own Unique Problems
Besides being born innocent and good, every child comes into this world with his or her own unique problems. As parents, our role is to help children face their unique challenges. I grew up in a family of seven children and, although we had the same parents and the same opportunities, all seven children turned out completely different. I now have three daughters ages twenty-five, twenty-two, and thirteen. Each one is, and has always been, completely different, with a different set of strengths and weaknesses.

As parents, we can help our children, but we cannot take away their unique problems and challenges. With this insight, we can worry less, instead of focusing on changing them or solving their problems. Trusting more helps the parent as well as the child. We can let our children be themselves and focus more on helping them grow in reaction to life's challenges. When parents respond to their children from a more relaxed and trusting place, children have a greater opportunity to trust in themselves, their parents, and the unknown future.

Each child has his or her own personal destiny. Accepting this reality reassures parents and helps them to relax and not take responsibility for every problem a child has. Too much time and energy is wasted trying to figure out what we could have done wrong or what our children should have done instead of accepting that all children have issues, problems, and challenges. Our job as parents is to help our children face and cope with them successfully. Always remember that our children have their own set of challenges and gifts, and there is nothing we can do to alter who they are. Yet we can make sure that we give them the opportunities to become the best they can be.

Children have their own set of challenges and gifts, and there is nothing we can do to alter who they are.

At difficult times, when we begin to think something is wrong with our children, we must come back to remembering that they are from heaven. They are perfect the way they are and have their own unique challenges in life. They not only need our compassion and help, but they also need their challenges. Their unique obstacles to overcome are actually necessary for them to become all that they can become. The problems they face will assist them in finding the support they need and in developing their special character.

Children need compassion and help, but they also need their unique challenges to grow.

For every child, the healthy process of growing up means there will be challenging times. By learning to accept and embrace the limitations imposed by their parents and the world, children can learn such essential life skills as forgiveness, delayed gratification, acceptance, cooperation, creativity, compassion, courage, persistence, self-correction, self-esteem, self-sufficiency, and self-direction. For example:
* Children cannot learn to be forgiving unless there is someone to forgive.


* Children cannot develop patience or learn to delay gratification if everything comes their way when they want it.


* Children cannot learn to accept their own imperfections if everyone around them is perfect.


* Children cannot learn to cooperate if everything always goes their way.


* Children cannot learn to be creative if everything is done for them.

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, Children Are from Heaven. Copyright © by Ph.D., John Gray. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.
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Table of Contents

Acknowledgments XV
Introduction xvii
1 Children Are from Heaven 1
Every Child Has His or Her Own Unique Problems 2
The Five Messages of Positive Parenting 6
A Vision of Possibilities 18
2 What Makes the Five Messages Work 21
The Pressure of Parenting 22
Reinventing Parenting 23
A Short History of Parenting 25
Violence in, Violence out 27
Why Children Become Unruly and Disruptive 31
A Global Shift in Consciousness 34
3 New Skills to Create Cooperation 38
Ask, but Don't Order or Demand 38
Use "Would You" And Not "Could You" 39
Give up Rhetorical Questions 43
Be Direct 45
Give up Explanations 46
Give up Giving Lectures 48
Don't Use Feelings to Manipulate 49
The Magic Word to Create Cooperation 51
A Short Review and Practice 52
What to Do When Children Resist 54
4 New Skills to Minimize Resistance 55
Four Skills to Minimize Resistance 56
The Four Temperaments 57
Sensitive Children Need Listening and Understanding 58
Active Children Need Preparation and Structure 61
Responsive Children Need Distraction and Direction 66
The Gift of Singing 68
Making Chores Fun 69
The Gift of Reading 71
Using Distraction to Redirect 72
Receptive Children Need Ritual and Rhythm 75
Loving Rituals 78
Practical Rituals 81
Giving Our Children What They Need 82
5 New Skills for Improving Communication 83
Why Children Resist 84
Taking Time to Listen 86
The Two Conditions 88
Hard-Love Parenting 90
Soft-Love Parenting 94
Learning to Delay Gratification 98
Meeting Your Children's Needs 100
6 New Skills for Increasing Motivation 102
A Short Update on Punishment 103
Why and When Punishment Worked 104
The Positive Side of Punishment 106
The Simple Proof 108
The Alternative to Punishment Is Reward 110
The Two Reasons a Child Misbehaves 112
Why Giving Rewards Works 112
Negative Acknowledgments 114
Catching Your Child Being Good or Doing the Right Thing 117
The Magic of Rewards 119
Why Children Resist Our Direction 120
Understanding Rewards 122
Rewards According to Temperaments 125
Sample Rewards 126
Always Have Something up Your Sleeve 127
A List of Rewards 129
Recurring Patterns 131
Rewarding Teenagers 132
Dealing with a Demanding Child in Public 133
Rewards Are Like Dessert 134
Learning from Natural Consequences 135
The Fear of Rewards 138
7 New Skills for Asserting Leadership 140
Learning How to Command 141
Don't Use Emotions to Command 142
It's Okay to Make Mistakes 143
When Emotions Are not Helpful 144
Yelling Doesn't Work 145
Make Your Commands Positive 146
Command but Don't Explain 149
Commanding Teenagers 151
Reasons and Resistance 153
A Better Way of Commanding 155
Increasing Cooperation 156
Choosing Your Battles 157
8 New Skills for Maintaining Control 159
The Need for Time Out 160
How Negative Feelings Get Released 163
The Ideal Time Out 164
Explaining Time Outs 165
Four Common Mistakes 167
Too Much Time Out 167
Not Enough Time Out 168
Expecting Your Child to Sit Quietly 170
Using Time Out as Punishment 171
Hugging Dad 172
Adjusting Your Will Versus Caving In 173
When to Give Time Out 174
Three Strikes and You Are Out 175
When Time Out Doesn't Work 176
What Makes the Five Skills Work 177
9 It's Okay to Be Different 180
Gender Differences 182
Different Needs for Trust and Caring 183
Continuing to Trust and Care 185
Boys Are from Mars, Girls Are from Venus 188
Mr. Fix-It 190
Mrs. Home Improvement 192
When Advice Is Good 194
Boys Forget and Girls Remember 195
Different Generations 197
The Culture of Violence 198
Different Temperaments 200
How Temperaments Transform 201
Afternoon Activities 203
Different Body Types 204
Different Intelligence 206
Academic Intelligence 207
Emotional Intelligence 207
Physical Intelligence 208
Creative Intelligence 208
Artistic Intelligence 209
Common Sense Intelligence 210
Intuitive Intelligence 210
Gifted Intelligence 211
Different Speeds of Learning 213
Good Here but Not Good There 214
Comparing Children 215
10 It's Okay to Make Mistakes 217
From Innocence to Responsibility 218
Whose Fault Is it Anyway? 223
Learning Responsibility 224
Hardwired to Self-Correct 226
Your Child's Learning Curve 226
Understanding Repetition 228
Learning from Mistakes 229
Learning to Make Amends 231
Don't Punish, Make Adjustments 234
How to React When Children Make a Mistake 236
Doing Your Best Is Good Enough 242
When it Is Not Okay to Make Mistakes 246
Hiding Mistakes and Not Telling the Truth 247
Children of Divorced Parents 249
Not Setting High Standards or Taking Risks 250
Justifying Mistakes or Blaming Others 252
Teens at Risk 254
Low Self-Esteem and Self-Punishment 256
Making it Okay to Make Mistakes 259
11 It's Okay to Express Negative Emotions 261
The Importance of Managing Feelings 262
Learning to Manage Feelings 264
Coping with Loss 266
Why Expressing Emotion Helps 267
The Power of Empathy 269
The Five Second Pause 271
When Children Resist Empathy 274
When Parents Express Negative Emotions 275
The Mistake of Sharing Feelings 278
Asking Children How They Feel 280
What You Suppress, Your Children Will Express 281
The Black Sheep of the Family 284
Making Negative Emotions Okay 285
12 It's Okay to Want More 286
The Fears About Desire 287
The Virtues of Gratitude 289
Permission to Negotiate 291
Learning to Say No 292
Ten Ways to Say No 294
Asking for More 295
Modeling How to Ask 296
The Power of Asking 297
Giving Too Much 299
Children Will Always Want More 300
Children of Divorced Parents 301
The Longing of the Human Spirit 303
13 It's Okay to Say No, but Mom and Dad Are the Bosses 304
How Parents Affect Their Children 306
Coping with Negative Emotions 307
The Development of Cognitive Abilities 309
Children's Need for Reassurance 310
Children Have a Different Memory 312
Coping with Increased Will 312
Balancing Freedom and Control 314
Two Problems of Losing Control 316
The Nine-Year Stages of Maturity 317
The Development of Responsibility 319
Understanding the Generation Line 320
Divorce and the Generation Line 323
Controlling Your Preteens and Teens 324
Using the Internet to Improve Communication 326
Getting Support from Other Parents 328
14 Putting the Five Messages into Practice 330
Mothers and Daughters 331
Fathers and Daughters 331
Mothers and Sons 332
Fathers and Sons 333
Teens Secretly Appreciate Limits 334
What to Do When Your Child Takes Drugs 337
Dealing with Disrespectful Language 338
Permission to Speak Freely 340
Making Decisions 342
The Cycles of Seven 343
Why Teens Rebel 345
Improving Communication with Teens 346
Respect Your Teen's Opinions 348
Sending Your Teen Away 351
Instead of "Don't" Use "I Want" 352
Asking Your Children What They Think 353
The Challenge of Parenting 355
The Gifts of Greatness 356
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First Chapter

Chapter 1

All children are born innocent and good. In this sense our children are from heaven. Each and every child is already unique and special. They enter this world with their own particular destiny. An apple seed naturally becomes an apple tree. It cannot produce pears or oranges. As parents, our most important role is to recognize, honor, and then nurture our child's natural and unique growth process. We are not required in any way to mold them into who we think they should be. Yet we are responsible to support them wisely in ways that draw out their individual gifts and strengths.

Our children do not need us to fix them or make them better, but they are dependent on our support to grow. We provide the fertile ground for their seeds of greatness to sprout. They have the power to do the rest. Within an apple seed is the perfect blueprint for its growth and development. Likewise, within the developing mind, heart, and body of every child is the perfect blueprint for that child's development. Instead of thinking that we must do something to make our children good, we must recognize that our children are already good.

Within the developing heart, mind, and body of every child is the perfect blueprint for that child's development.

As parents we must remember that Mother Nature is always responsible for our children's growth and development. Once, when I asked my mother the secret of her parenting approach, she responded this way: "While raising six boys and one girl, I eventually discovered there was little that I could do to alter them. I realized it was all in God's hands. I did my best and God did the rest." This realization allowed her to trust the natural growth process. It not only made the process easier for her but also helped her not to get in the way. This insight is important for every parent. If one doesn't believe in God, one can just substitute 'Genes' -- It's all in the genes.

By applying positive parenting skills, parents can learn to support their children's natural growth process and to avoid interfering. Without an understanding of how children naturally develop, parents commonly experience unnecessary frustration, disappointment, worry and guilt, and unknowingly block or inhibit parts of their children's development. For example, when a parent doesn't understand a child's unique sensitivity, not only is the parent more frustrated, but the child gets the message something is wrong with him. This mistaken belief, "something is wrong with me", becomes imprinted in the child and the gifts that come from increased sensitivity are restricted.

Every Child Has His or Her Own Unique Problems

Besides being born innocent and good, every child comes into this world with his or her own unique problems. As parents, our role is to help children face their unique challenges. I grew up in a family of seven children and, although we had the same parents and the same opportunities, all seven children turned out completely different. I now have three daughters ages twenty-five, twenty-two, and thirteen. Each has been completely different, with a different set of strengths and weaknesses.

As parents, we can help our children, but we cannot take away their unique problems and challenges. With this insight, we can worry less instead of focusing on changing them or solving their problems. Trusting more helps the parent as well as the child. We can let our children be themselves and focus more on helping them grow in reaction to life's challenges. When parents respond to their children from a more relaxed and trusting place, children have a greater opportunity to trust themselves, their parents, and the unknown future.

Each child has his or her own personal destiny. Accepting this reality reassures parents and helps them to relax and not take responsibility for every problem a child has. Too much time and energy is wasted trying to figure out what we could have done wrong or what our child should have done instead of accepting that all children have issues, problems, and challenges and our job as parents is to help them face and cope with them successfully. Always remember that our children have their own set of challenges and gifts, and there is nothing we can do to alter who they are. Yet we can make sure that we give them the opportunities to become the best they can be.

Children have their own set of challenges and gifts, and there is nothing we can do to alter who they are.

At difficult times, when we begin to think something is wrong with our children we must come back to remembering that they are from heaven. They are perfect the way they are. They have their own unique challenges in life. They not only need our compassion and help, but they also need their challenges. Their unique obstacles to overcome are actually necessary for them to become all that they can become. The problems they face will assist them in finding the support they need and developing their special character.

Children need compassion and help, but they also need their unique challenges to grow.

For every child, the healthy process of growing up demands challenging times. By learning to accept and embrace the limitations of their parents and the world, children can learn such essential life skills as forgiveness, delayed gratification, acceptance, cooperation, creativity, compassion, courage, persistence, self-correction, self-esteem, self-sufficiency, and self-direction. For example:

Children cannot learn to be forgiving unless there is someone to forgive.
Children cannot develop patience or learn to delay gratification if everything comes their way when they want it.
Children cannot learn to accept their own imperfections if everyone around them is perfect.
Children cannot learn to cooperate if everything always goes their way.
Children cannot learn to be creative if everything is done for them.
Children cannot learn compassion and respect unless they also feel pain and loss.
Children cannot learn courage and optimism unless they are faced with adversity.
Children cannot develop persistence and strength if everything is easy.
Children cannot learn to self-correct unless they experience difficulty, failure or mistakes.
Children cannot feel self-esteem or healthy pride unless they overcome obstacles to achieve something.
Children cannot develop self-sufficiency unless they experience exclusion or rejection.
Children cannot be self-directed unless they have opportunities to resist authority and/or not get what they want.

In a variety of ways, challenge and growing pains are not only inevitable, but also necessary. As parents, our job is not to protect our children from life's challenges but to help them successfully overcome them and grow from them. Throughout Children Are From Heaven you will learn new positive parenting skills to assist your children in responding to life's challenges and setbacks. If you are always solving their problems, they do not find within themselves their innate abilities and skills.

Life's obstacles can occur to strengthen your children in unique ways and draw out the best in them. When a butterfly emerges from its cocoon, there is a great struggle. If you were to cut open the cocoon in order to spare the new butterfly this struggle, it would soon die. The struggle to get out is needed to build the wing muscles. Without the struggle, the butterfly will never fly, but will die instead. In a similar way, for our children to grow strong and fly free in this world, they need particular kinds of struggle and a particular kind of support.

To overcome their unique challenges, every child needs a particular kind of love and support. Without this support, their problems will become magnified and distorted, sometimes to the point of mental disease and criminal behavior. Our job as parents is to support our children in special ways so that our children become stronger and healthier. If we interfere and make it too easy, we weaken children, but, if we make it too tough and don't help enough, then we deprive them of what they need to grow. Children cannot do it alone. A child cannot grow up and develop all the skills for successful living without the help of his or her parents.

The Five Messages of Positive Parenting

There are five important positive messages to help your children find within themselves the power to meet life's challenges and develop their full inner potential. Throughout Children Are From Heaven, we will explore a variety of new parenting skills based on communicating each of these five messages. The five messages are:

  • It's okay to be different.
  • It's okay to make mistakes.
  • It's okay to express negative emotions.
  • It's okay to want more.
  • It's okay to say no, but remember mom and dad are the bosses.
Let's explore each of these messages in greater detail.
1. It's okay to be different. All children are unique. They have their own special gifts, challenges and needs. As parents our job is to be able to recognize what their special needs are and to nurture them. Boys in general will have special needs that are not as important for girls. Likewise, girls will have special needs that may not be that important for boys. In addition, every child regardless of gender has special needs associated with his or her particular challenges and gifts.

Children are also different in the way they learn. It is essential for parents to understand this difference, otherwise they may begin comparing children and become unnecessarily frustrated. When it comes to learning a task, there are three kinds of children: runners, walkers, and jumpers. Runners learn very quickly. Walkers learn in a steady manner and give clear feedback that they are making progress. Finally, there are the jumpers. Jumpers tend to be more difficult to raise. They don't seem to be learning anything or making any progress, and then one day they make one jump and have it. Jumpers are like late bloomers. Learning takes more time for them.

Parents learn the importance of expressing love in gender specific ways. For example, girls often need more caring, but too much caring can make a boy feel as if you don't trust him. Boys need more trust, though too much trust for a girl may be interpreted as not caring enough. Fathers mistakenly tend to give their daughters what boys need, while mothers mistakenly tend to give boys the support girls would need. Understanding how boys and girls have different needs helps parents be more successful in nurturing their children. In addition, mothers and fathers argue less about each other's parenting style. Daddies Are from Mars and Mommies Are from Venus.

2. It's okay to make mistakes. All children make mistakes. It is perfectly normal and to be expected. Making a mistake does not mean something is wrong with you, unless your parents react as if you should not have made a mistake. Mistakes are natural, normal and to be expected. The way a child learns this is primarily by example. Parents can most effectively teach this principle by making sure they acknowledge their own mistakes in dealing with and supporting their children and each other.

When children see their parents apologizing on a regular basis, they gradually learn to be accountable for their own mistakes. Instead of teaching children to apologize, parents demonstrate. Children learn through role models not by lectures. Not only do children learn to be more responsible, but, by repeatedly forgiving their parents for their mistakes, children gradually learn the important skill of forgiveness.

Children come into this world with the ability to love their parents, but they cannot love or forgive themselves. They learn to love themselves by the way they are treated by their parents and how their parents react when they make mistakes. When children are not shamed or punished for their mistakes, they have a better chance to learn the most important skill: the ability to love themselves and accept their imperfections.

This skill is learned by repeatedly experiencing that their parents make mistakes and are still lovable. Shaming or punishing prevents a child from developing self-love or the ability to forgive themselves. Throughout Children Are From Heaven, parents learn effective alternatives to spanking, shaming, and punishing that involve new ways of asking instead of ordering, giving rewards instead of punishments, giving time outs instead of spanking. These new positive parenting skills are described in greater detail through chapters 3 through 8.

A time out, if given correctly and persistently, is just as powerful a deterrent as spanking and punishment. In later chapters we will explore the merits of both. When parents are too soft and give their children too much power and freedom, it will 'spoil a child.'

3. It's okay to have negative emotions. Such negative emotions as anger, sadness, sorrow, frustrations, disappointment, worry, embarrassment, jealousy, hurt, insecurity and shame are not only natural and normal, but an important part of growing up. Negative emotions are always okay and they need to be communicated.

Parents must learn to create appropriate opportunities for children to feel and express their negative emotions. Although negative emotions are always okay, how, when and where our children express them is not always appropriate. Tantrums are an important part of a child's development, but a child needs to learn the time and place. On the other hand, you must make sure that you are not placating a child to avoid a tantrum, otherwise tantrums will come out when you don't have the opportunity to give your child a time out and deal with it more effectively.

New communication skills must be learned and practiced to increase a child's awareness of what they are feeling, otherwise they will go out of control, resist your authority, and act out on pent up feelings. In this book, parents will learn to deal effectively with their own upset feelings. What parents suppress, their children will express in addition to their own upset feelings. This principle explains why children lose control at the most inconvenient times, particularly at stressful and overwhelming times when we are trying to keep a lid on our own feelings.

Positive parenting involves not making children responsible for how they feel. When children get the message that their feelings and the needs for understanding and affection underlying those feelings are an inconvenience, they will begin to suppress their feelings and disconnect from their true self and all the gifts that come from being authentic.

"Enlightened" parents, who recognize the importance of feelings, often make the mistake of teaching their children to feel by sharing their own emotions too much. The best way to teach awareness of feelings is to listen and to help identify feelings with empathy. Parents can best share their own negative feelings by telling stories of how they felt growing up in reaction to some of their challenges in life. The downside of sharing your own negative feelings with your children is that it makes children overly responsible. These children assume too much blame and disconnect from their own inner feelings. They eventually pull away and stop talking to you.

For example, telling a child, "When you climb that tree, I am afraid you will fall. I only want you to do it when I am watching" has the gradual effect of making a child feel manipulated and controlled by negative feelings. Instead, an adult should say, "Climbing trees is not completely safe. I only want you to climb when I am around." This is not only more effective, but it also teaches children not to make decisions based on negative emotions. The child cooperates not to protect the parent from the discomfort of feeling afraid, but because the parent has asked them to do something.

Parents can help their children develop an increased awareness of feelings by empathizing, acknowledging and listening, not by sharing their own feelings. Even directly asking children how they feel or what they want may give them too much power. New listening skills must be used to draw out feelings and to understand a young child's wants and needs. 'Permissive parents' will learn how not to be ruled by or manipulated by a child's wants and feelings. 'Demanding parents' will learn the many ways they unknowingly shame their children for having negative feelings.

By learning to feel and communicate negative emotions, children most effectively learn to individuate from their parents, developing a strong sense of self, and gradually discover within themselves a wealth of inner creativity, intuition, love, direction, confidence, joy, compassion, conscience, and the ability to self-correct after making a mistake. All these advanced life skills, which make a person shine out in this world and achieve great success and fulfillment, come from staying in touch with feelings and being able to let go of negative feelings. Successful people feel their losses, but they bounce back because they have the ability to let go of negative feelings. Most people who do not achieve personal success are either numb to their inner feelings, make decisions based on negative feelings, or just remain stuck in negative feelings and attitudes. In each case, they are held back from making their dreams come true.

4. It's okay to want more. Too often children get the message that they are wrong, selfish, or spoiled for wanting more or for getting upset when they don't get what they want. Parents are too quick to teach the virtue of gratitude instead of giving their children permission to want more. "Be grateful for what you have" is too quick a reply to a child's desire for more.

Children don't know how much is acceptable to ask for and should never be expected to know. Even as adults, we still have difficulty determining what we can and how much we can ask for without offending or appearing too demanding or ungrateful. If adults have difficulty, then clearly we should not expect our children to know.

Positive parenting skills teach children how to ask for what they want in ways that are respectful to others. At the same time, parents will learn how to say "no" without getting bent out of shape. Children will feel free to ask for what they want, knowing that they will not be shamed. They will recognize that just because they ask doesn't mean that they will get what they want.

Unless they are free to ask for what they want, children never clearly learn what they can get and what they can't. In addition, by asking for what they want, they quickly develop incredible negotiating skills. Most adults are very poor negotiators. They don't ask unless they expect a "yes." If they get a "no," they just accept the "no" and walk away either submissive, secretly resentful, or outwardly angry.

When given the freedom to ask for what they want, children's inner power to get what they want has a chance to blossom. They will not take "no" for an answer. They are quick to negotiate and will often manipulate you to give them what they want. There is a big difference between being manipulated by a whiny child and being motivated by a brilliant negotiator. Positive parents do maintain control throughout every negotiation and clearly set limits on how long it can go on.

By giving your child permission to ask for more, you give that child the gift of direction, purpose, and power in life. Too many women today feel powerless, because they were never given permission to ask for more. They were taught to care more about what others needed and shamed for getting upset when they didn't get what they wanted or needed.

One of the most important skills a father can teach a girl is how to ask for more. Most women did not learn this lesson as children. Instead of asking for more, they indirectly ask for more by giving more and hoping someone will give back to them without their having to ask. This inability to ask directly prevents them from getting what they want in life and in their relationships.

While girls need permission to want more, boys need a particular kind of support when they don't get more. Quite often a boy will set his goals really high, and parents will try to talk him out of his goals, because they want to protect him from being disappointed. They do not realize that more important than achieving goals is being able to cope with disappointment so that he can rise again to move towards his goals. Just as girls need a lot of support in asking for what they want, boys need extra support to identify their feelings and move through them. For boys, this is best accomplished by asking for details of what happened while being extremely careful not to offer any advice or 'help.' Even too much empathy 'to help him' can turn him off to talking about what happened.

Mothers often make the mistake of asking too many questions. When pushed to talk, many boys stop. When given suggestions on how to cope, boys particularly will back off. At a time when he already feels beaten, he doesn't need someone to make him feel worse by telling him how to solve the problem or what he did to contribute to the problem.

For example, he feels disappointed that he didn't score well and his mother says in a caring way, "I think that if you would have watched less TV and taken more time to study then you would have done better. You are really smart, you are just not giving yourself a chance." Clearly she thinks she is being loving, but in this context it becomes increasingly clear why he would stop revealing to her what is bothering him.

5. It's okay to say no, but remember that Mom and Dad are the bosses. Children need permission to say "no," but, just as important, they need to know that their parents are in charge. Besides giving a child permission to want more and to negotiate, the permission to say "no" really gives them power. Most parents are afraid of giving a child that much power because they may easily become spoiled. One of the biggest problems today with children is that they have been given too much freedom. Parents have sensed that their children deserve more power, but they have not learned how to remain the boss. Unless they employ other positive parenting techniques like consistent time outs to maintain cooperation, their children to become too demanding, selfish, and irritable. When parents remain in control, it is then effective to give their children more power.

Letting a child say "no" opens the door for them to express feelings and to discover what they want and then negotiate. It does not mean you will always do what the child wants. Even though the child can say "no," it doesn't mean he or she will get her way. What a child feels and wants will be heard and this in itself often makes a child much more cooperative. More importantly, it allows a child to be cooperative without having to suppress her true self.

There is a big difference between adjusting your wants and denying your wants. Adjusting your wants means shifting what you want to what your parents want. Denying means suppressing your wants and feelings and submitting to your parents' wants. Submission results in a 'breaking of the child's will.' After a horse is 'broken', it becomes submissive and thus cooperative, but loses a big part of its free spirit.

Analysis of parenting practices in pre-Hitler Germany revealed that children were severely shamed and punished for resisting authority. They had no permission to resist or say "no." In retrospect, we can see clearly on a much bigger scale how 'breaking the will of your children' can make them mindless and heartless followers of strong but maniacal authoritarian leaders. When a person does not have a strong sense of self he is easy prey for others to manipulate and abuse. Without a strong sense of self, a person will even be attracted to abusive relationships and situations, because of feelings of unworthiness and fear of asserting his own will.

Adjusting one's will and wish is called cooperation, submitting one's will and wish is obedience. Positive parenting practices seek to create cooperative children not obedient children. It is not healthy for children to follow their parents' will mindlessly or heartlessly. Giving children permission to feel and verbalize their resistance when it occurs not only helps children develop a sense of self, but also makes children more cooperative. Obedient children just follow orders; they do not think, feel, or contribute to the process. Cooperative children bring their full self to every interaction and thus are able to thrive.

Positive parenting practices seek to create cooperative children, not obedient children.

Cooperative children may still want what they want, but what they want most is to please their parents. Giving a child permission to say "no" does not mean giving him or her more control; it actually gives the parent more control. Each time a child resists and a parent maintains control, the child is able to experience that mom and dad are the bosses. This is the main reason that giving a child a time out is so valuable.

When children are misbehaving or not cooperating, they are simply out of control. They are out of your control. They are not in cooperation with your will and wish. To restore cooperation, a parent needs to regain control of them through picking up and moving them into a time out. God makes children little so that we can pick them up and move them.

In 'time out' a child has the freedom to resist and express all his feelings, but he is still restricted to a time out for a set time. Generally speaking, all that a child needs is one minute for every year of his or her life. A four-year-old only needs four minutes. The containment of a time out is all that is required for a child to feel once again the security of being under your control and connected to you as the boss. Automatically, the negative feelings lift off, and the child reconnects to the healthy desire to please and cooperate.

Parents who are too permissive or don't give their children enough time outs unknowingly make their children more insecure. The child begins to feel they have the power to control and, because they are not ready to be in charge although they like the power, they feel insecure. Imagine being given responsibility to hire 200 workers and build a building in six months. Or, imagine that you were handed a bleeding person recently shot with a gun and asked to operate on him and remove the bullet. If you were not trained for either of these jobs, you would suddenly feel very insecure. When children begin to feel the thrill of being the boss, they also begin to feel very insecure and demanding.

A demanding child or "spoiled child" generally needs more time outs. A spoiled teenager sometimes needs more than time in his or her room. Sometimes time spent with supervision in a developing country or in the woods with a guide will help teenagers regain their true self and their need for someone else to be boss. By feeling out of control and depending on someone else, a child or teenager can come back to feeling basic love for parents and the desire to please them.

To be secure, children should feel heard, but always know that they are not the boss.

Children are basically programmed to one prime directive. Deep inside they only want to please their parents. Positive parenting communication skills strengthen this prime directive so that children are more willing to follow a parent's will and wish. To balance this yielding tendency, a child needs permission to resist and say "no." This resistance allows them to develop a healthy sense of self.

Children who don't get this opportunity go through unnecessary rebellion around puberty. Although a teenager still needs guidance in life, they feel huge urges just to do the opposite of whatever is your will and wish, if they have not developed a sense of self.

As other experts confirm, your children need to pull away from you at this time and rebellion is perfectly normal. It is the normal reaction for a child who did not get the support needed at an earlier stage. When children experience the permission to say "no", but then cooperate with their parents, they have a healthy sense of self and don't need to rebel at puberty. They still pull away, but they don't rebel and they keep coming back for love and support.

Positive parenting also explores ways of improving communications with teenagers, who were raised with these five positive parenting messages. It is never too late to be a great parent and inspire cooperation from your children. No matter when you start, by applying the five messages of positive parenting, you will hold the power to improve communication, create cooperation, and draw from your children the best they can be.

A Vision of Possibilities

Even with a greater understanding of the five messages of positive parenting, being a good parent is not easy. It is a learn-as-you-go process. Parenting pushes you beyond your limits of how much you thought you could give. Yet, no matter how good you get, you always find yourself once again in uncharted territory wondering: "What do I do now?" A clear vision of possibilities is needed. Fortunately, you can return to this guide again and again. When something doesn't seem to be working, or you don't know what to do, review the different messages of positive parenting. You will discover what is missing and be better equipped to do the right thing.

As parents, we don't get a lot of practice to prepare ourselves or to perfect our parenting abilities. Suddenly we are faced with the awesome responsibility of caring for a vulnerable child, and we are not always certain what is best for them. Even though we remind ourselves that children are from heaven, and, that they have their own unique potential destiny, their future is literally in our hands. How we hold and care for them greatly influences their ability to succeed in manifesting their full abilities.

Parenting requires a tremendous commitment on our part but our children are certainly worth it. Parents only 'back off' or withdraw from parenting when they don't know what to do or when what they do seems to make matters worse. Studying the easy-to-understand but not always easy-to-remember principles of positive parenting will always remind you that you are needed and that by making a few adjustments you can succeed in giving your children what they need.

Always remember that no one can do it better than you can. Although your children come from heaven, they also come from you and they need you. Learning how to parent is the most worthwhile study a person can make if planning to have a family. Without the understanding of positive parenting, most parents have no idea how important they are to their children and their future. Not only do their children miss out, but they do as well.

Parenting is a difficult job, but it is also the most rewarding. To be a parent is an awesome responsibility and a great honor. Now with an awareness of what our children really need from us, parents can fully understand how much their help is needed. This clear insight into our responsibility allows us to feel the true dignity of being a parent and to take pride in doing what is required in caring for our family.

By fully committing yourself to the new principles of positive parenting, you are a courageous pioneer exploring new territory, a brave hero creating a new world and, most important, you are giving your children the opportunities for greatness that you never had.

Even with this guide by your side, you will still make mistakes, but then you will be able to use your mistakes to teach your children the important skill of forgiveness. We can't always give our children what they need or want, but we can help them respond to their disappointments in healthy ways that make them stronger and more confident. You will still be unable always to be there when they need you, but you will know how to react to their feelings and unmet needs in a way that heals their emotional wounds and makes them feel loved and supported once again. By using the five messages of positive parenting and remembering that children are from heaven, your children will have the best preparation they could have to make all their dreams come true, which is what every parent wants for their children.

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Sort by: Showing all of 14 Customer Reviews
  • Posted September 26, 2011

    more from this reviewer

    I don't love this book

    This book is easy to read, informative, and enjoyable. However, I do not agree with his philosophy. Children need love, empathy and validation absolutely. Parenting should be proactive rather than reactive, and emotional parenting is not good for the child. However, I do not feel that Gray's parenting model offers enough structure, guidance, or discipline to raise a confident, competent child.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 13, 2004

    This does work...but it takes a LOT of time!

    This is a must have book for strong willed childern and their strong willed parents...just like me and my son. I read this book before my son was old enough to have dicipline issues. However, by the time he was 2, almost 3, I did not put it into practice. Now he is the worst case of 'terrible twos' I have ever seen. I took a very deep breath and gave John Gray's advice on getting a child to do what you need him to do. I used the 'command but don't explain' section first (p149 in the book)...without me yelling, to MY surprise. The first time was the worst. It took almost an hour before he would take his nap (my goal). Eventually (and there too, very slowly) all I have to tell him is I need him to take his nap now and he does it. Of all people who needed this book, I did. I grew up being a tamtrum thrower myself. I know how a strong willed child can be because I was one and am still very strong willed. So here was 2 strong willed people battling it out. At two years old, I did not want to think of another 16 years of this battle of the wills. I had to nip it in the bud. Believe me it is VERY DIFFICULT. But, with a lot of patience you can sharpen your parenting skills and you will really believe your child did come right from heaven. We still have issues and I suspect we always will, so I am nowhere near perfect. It is just that now I can breath and not feel tense when dealing with my child.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 15, 2001

    THE BEST PARENTING BOOK EVER

    THIS BOOK REALLY TELLS IT LIKE IT IS. IF YOU DO WHAT IT SAYS YOUR CHILDREN WILL COOPERATE AND YOUR HOME WILL BECOME A HAPPY FRIENDLY HAVEN FOR YOUR FAMILY. BEFORE WE READ THIS BOOK OUR HOME WAS FILLED WITH FIGHTING, YELLING, AND CRYING. NOW WE ARE MUCH HAPPIER AND OUR HOME IS FILLED WITH HAPPY SOUNDS LIKE LAUGHTER AND CONVERSATION. THIS IS A MUST READ AND DO FOR ANY PARENT!!!!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 4, 2001

    The Best Parenting Book Ever!

    If you are looking for another way to get your children to cooperate and become confident people in life, this is it. I really loved this book. It's techniques are easy and effective as soon as you start applying them in your children's life. LOVE IT, LOVE IT!!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 25, 2001

    Great Book but not for every child

    I loved this book and for my oldest child it works wonderful. It is also wonderful for those moments when I lose it as a parent. However, it did nothing for the personality type of my second child. He is a little more challenging. So for the text book child this is great. If your looking for a book to help guide you with a problem child, this is NOT the one.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 3, 2001

    THE FUN AND EASY WAY TO RAISE CHILDREN

    I love this book. I thought that there was something better than punishment, shame and guilt. I just didn't know what it was. Reading this book was like a revelation. All of my concerns were addressed. This book aligns perfectly with my own goals and ideals for raising my son. The techniques really do work right away. As an added bonus, this book is gentle on parents too. No more worrying about having to be perfect all the time.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 1, 2000

    Good but wordy

    I liked the concept of the book as it makes sense that we need to adapt our parenting ways to the times but it seemed that the same lesson was told way too many times which made the book lengthy.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 8, 2000

    ARE CHILDREN FROM HEAVEN?

    I AM READING THE BOOK NOW, AND WORKING ON USING IT DAILY. I HAVE TO ADMIT I STILL LOOSE CONTROL SOMETIMES. MY KIDS NEVER WANT TO COOPERATE WITHOUT SAYING SOMETHING BACK. BUT I HAVE NOT GIVING UP YET. I HAVE TO ADMIT THE BOOK DOES MAKE A LOT OF SINCE. I ONLY WISH I HAD READ THIS BOOK YEARS AGO. THE REASON FOR ME PURCHASING THIS BOOK IS I HAVE THREE TEENAGERS AND ONE EIGHT YEAR OLD. I AM SCARED SOMETIME IF THEY WILL BE THE ONE SHOT OR THE ONE DOING THE SHOOTING,BECAUSE OF ALL YOU HEAR ON THE NEWS TODAY. THEY SAY THAT SOME OF THESE CHILDREN ARE STRAIGHT A STUDENTS THAT ARE NEVER IN TROUBLE AND COME FROM GREAT HOMES. TO ME THIS IS SCAREY. I WANTED TO FIND A WAY TO GET RESPECT AND COOPERATION FROM MY CHILDREN WITHOUT PHYSICAL ABUSE. I FEEL THAT THIS BOOK I EXACTLY WHAT I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR IT WILL JUST TAKE TIME AND ALOT OF ME COOPERATING AS WELL.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 13, 2000

    Children Are from Heaven: Positive Parenting Skills for Raising Cooperative, Confident, and Compassionate Children

    I asked for several parenting books as gifts. I found this book to be nothing new to a mom - maybe to a dad who is reading a book of this sorts for the first time - it would give some common knowledge. I did find it rather confusing and heavily overlayed with 'repeating, repeating, repeating.' I'm a mom of 5 and need answers now. Another book my husband and I both liked, with quick easy solutions, is 'Mommy-CEO.' Not in the least bit complicated and gives many tips from other parents - now!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 4, 2000

    Children Are from Heaven: Positive Parenting Skills for Raising Cooperative, Confident, and Compassionate Children

    I agree, as a mom of five, it just doesn't cut the mustard on daily parenting tasks. It is most common to see the same old implementation dressed up in fancy words throughout the book. Which in many opinions, will equal up to confusing terms. Maybe my hubby will like it better? We do both agree on the other book we got for Christmas: 'Mommy-CEO.' It has the same flavor , but in much more basic and appealing mothering terms.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 3, 2000

    Not completely positive parenting

    This book allows for punitive discipline, which is NOT considered a part of positive parenting. For example, the author says 'Parents who ... don't give their children enough time outs unknowingly make their children more insecure.' ???!!! A child needs to be banished 'enough' times in order to feel secure? I think this is backwards. While there are some good ideas in this book, my main objection is that advice given is called 'positive parenting' when clearly it is not. Also, the need to 'control' a child is highly overrated. This sounds quite like authoritarian parenting which has been shown to be detrimental to children. I would advise to handle this book with care, taking what good it offers and dismissing the negative. It is not on my list of recommended reading.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 15, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted February 4, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted December 30, 2008

    No text was provided for this review.

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