Chocolate, Please: My Adventures in Food, Fat, and Freaks

( 24 )

Overview

An inside look at the life of Comedy's Lovable Queen of Mean, Lisa Lampanelli, as she dishes on everything from relationships to food, fat, and rehab.

In her jaw-droppingly hilarious, gloriously, and unabashedly politically incorrect memoir, Lisa reveals all-including her dysfunctional childhood and her struggles with addictions to food and hot guys. By telling her story in a very real, very candid way, Lisa shows her audience that it's okay to...

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Chocolate, Please

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Overview

An inside look at the life of Comedy's Lovable Queen of Mean, Lisa Lampanelli, as she dishes on everything from relationships to food, fat, and rehab.

In her jaw-droppingly hilarious, gloriously, and unabashedly politically incorrect memoir, Lisa reveals all-including her dysfunctional childhood and her struggles with addictions to food and hot guys. By telling her story in a very real, very candid way, Lisa shows her audience that it's okay to be yourself, even if it's just one rehab stint at a time.

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Editorial Reviews

Jay Leno
“Lisa is the most outrageous comic we have ever had on the Tonight Show.”
Sarah Silverman
“Jesus--this book is filthy.”
LL Cool J
“Lisa can tie me down to a bed any time!”
Carlos Mencia
“Every generation has a female comic that destroys the conventional wisdom that only men can be raunchy and funny. Lisa Lampanelli is this generation’s choice.”
Publishers Weekly
Only a few pages into the first chapter, the reader becomes aware that the title does not indicate a collection of dessert recipes but instead refers to comedian Lampanelli's past experiences having sex with black men, which she recalls as her “chocolate diet”: “As I lost more than 60 pounds, I ran an Underground Railroad through my apartment.” After more than 30 pages on her search for the “perfect black man,” Lampanelli moves on to outline her standup career, from handling hecklers to doing the Tonight Show. Her breakthrough came with a 2002 Friars Club roast of Chevy Chase, and since then, as an insult comic, she has become a familiar face at numerous roasts, billing herself as “Comedy's Lovable Queen of Mean.” Seeking the roots of her humor, she recalls her childhood as an “attention whore”: “Eating to get attention is a behavior that I continued into my high school days.” She follows her memories of “fat rehab” with a variety of topics, from the Virgin Mary to vegans. Much is quite funny, and Lampanelli never pulls her punches. Despite her raw language and raucous writing, honest reflections and stark self-insights emerge as she probes her past. (Sept.)
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780061733161
  • Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
  • Publication date: 9/14/2010
  • Pages: 292
  • Sales rank: 688,712
  • Product dimensions: 5.30 (w) x 7.90 (h) x 0.80 (d)

Meet the Author

Lisa Lampanelli

Lisa Lampanelli skyrocketed to comedy fame thanks to her stellar performances on the Comedy Central roasts of Jeff Foxworthy, Pamela Anderson, William Shatner, and Flavor Flav, among others. A regular guest on The Tonight Show and The Howard Stern Show, Lisa continues to sell out theaters across the country with her sweetly served but acerbic stand-up wit. Her CD/DVD Dirty Girl was nominated for a Grammy for Best Comedy Album in 2007 and her first HBO special, Long Live the Queen, premiered to spectacular numbers in 2009. This fall, she will shoot a one-hour stand-up special for Comedy Central, scheduled for release in early 2011.

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Table of Contents

part 1 What I'm Known For

Chapter 1 Once You Go Black… 3

Chapter 2 Chocolate, Please 19

Chapter 3 Popping My Cherry: Important Firsts in the Life of Comedy's Lovable Queen of Mean 37

Chapter 4 Mixed Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire 67

part 2 How the Hell I Turned Out This Way

Chapter 5 Macy's and Hamburger's 91

Chapter 6 Sit, Kneel, Stand 103

Chapter 7 School Daze, or I'll Have an Honor Roll with Extra Jelly, Please 115

part 3 Comedian, Heal Thyself!

Chapter 8 My Big Fat Italian Bottom-Tommy and the Crash of 2007 131

Chapter 9 Comedy's Lovable Queen of Denial 147

Chapter 10 Fat Girl, Interrupted 167

Chapter 11 Porkers, Pukers, and Purgers 183

Chapter 12 Escape from Wickenburg 199

part 4 It's Only Upward from Here! The Future of Lisa Lampanelli 221

part 5 Lisa's Rules to Live By 229

Acknowledgments 291

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4
( 24 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(15)

4 Star

(2)

3 Star

(4)

2 Star

(3)

1 Star

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 24 Customer Reviews
  • Posted September 20, 2009

    Hilarious

    In her memoir "Chocolate, Please: My Adventures in Food, Fat, and Freaks," Lisa Lampanelli hilariously explores her time in the limelight as the "Lovable Queen of Mean," her addiction for black men (whom she endearingly refers to as "chocolate" in the title), several stints in rehab, almost-too-funny-to-be-true relationship encounters (that must be the "freaks" part), as well as issues with food and co-dependence. The writing is very conversational and not chronological. Indeed, this felt more like a stand up comedy routine than a memoir as Lampanelli skips around telling stories about her career, men, personal problems, and childhood. She includes a whole section dedicated to her career firsts such as appearing on "The Howard Stern Show," being driven in a limo, going on Comedy Central, and etc. One of my favorite sections in the book focused on Lampanelli's past celebrity roasts for people like Donald Trump, Pamela Anderson, and Chevy Chase (favorite jokes and backstage gossip included). At the end of Lampanelli's memoir there's also a long section dedicated to her hilarious musings on life's issues, like pregnant women in the work force, family vacations, odd names given to children, and distracted dates among other things. Through it all, Lampanelli is bold, politically incorrect, sassy, and-just being herself. She's not afraid to assess her own imperfections and mistakes, taking the time to candidly reflect on various obstacles. In the end, she reminds me of a modern-day Bridget Jones-a middle-aged woman battling weight issues, suffering through numerous unlucky relationships, and putting down her issues in a book closer to a diary than a formal bio. Despite her various obstacles, however, there's no doubt that Grammy-nominated Lampanelli achieved more during her eighteen-year comedy career than some people do during their entire lives, which certainly provides a happy ending like no other.

    6 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 28, 2011

    I love this book!!

    This book is hilarious.
    Not only is Lisa an amazing comedian, she's a very talented writer. She writes with such honesty and the book is so funny I found myself laughing through the whole thing.
    I recommend this to everyone who can use a good laugh.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 27, 2010

    MY ears are still ringing!

    Obscene, vulgar, honest & darn funny; you hate yourself for laughing.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 16, 2010

    I liked it, but.....

    What I enjoyed about the book:

    - Her brutally honest take on men
    - Her insights into her huge Italian family
    - Her visits to rehab
    - Her interactions with Howard Stern
    - Her views on Race Relations

    What I hated about the book

    - Her views on Race Relations

    Don't get me wrong - I am a pretty liberal person when it comes to a lot of things. The way the world works lately, if I didn't have a sense of humor about ignorance I would never leave my house. With that being said, I think she spent too much time on embracing the racial stereotypes that exist. Don't get me wrong - I laughed really hard during the 1st half of the book; but it got truly tired after a while. I get it. She loves sleeping with Black Men. She owns it. It's great. But I know that's not her only shtick. I hope in her next book, I'll get to see more sides of her.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted October 25, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    Bridget's Review

    For those of you that don't know, I love to laugh! I will laugh at almost anything and everything and I especially love to laugh at myself. I'm the type of person that will trip in the middle of a crowded mall and burst with hyena laughter until I can't breathe. I learned early on to laugh at myself and not take life too seriously. That being said, it shouldn't come as a shock that I adore comedians. I'm a huge fan of Dane Cook, Katt Williams, Dave Chappelle and of course, my all time favorite - Lisa Lampanelli. She's my favorite because she has boobs and a foul mouth and she's not afraid to use either.

    She's Comedy's Lovable Queen of Mean and she sure knows how to tell a story. I learned a lot about Lisa from her book and I learned that she and I actually share a lot in common. She is a genuinely funny person and I'm so glad she allowed me to peek into her life and laugh with her. (Truth be told, I laughed at her a few times too, but shhh, don't tell her.)

    I would recommend this book to anyone who doesn't take life too seriously. If you're easily offended, do not pick up this book!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 14, 2013

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 9, 2013

    Haiden

    I love you to kisses u bye

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 18, 2012

    Love it!!!

    Not too serious, but isnt all jokes. Lisa Lampanelli seems very real and honest! Not to mention shes F*@#in' Hilarious!!! Great book!! I'm looking forward to a 2nd!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted October 5, 2011

    Yes!!

    So f-ing funny So great

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted March 28, 2010

    She writes exactly like she talks...

    I love her stand-up routines and her off-the-cuff remarks during the Comedy Central Roasts, and was really looking forward to this book. It did not disappoint! Most comedians are truly disfunctional in real life and have very sordid pasts and Lisa is no exception. I laughed all the way thru the book. What is most hilarious is her lust for "the chocolate men" which turned into being engaged to a large white Italian man. She truly does not discriminate!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
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    Posted July 10, 2010

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    Posted July 10, 2010

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    Posted May 5, 2010

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    Posted February 26, 2012

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    Posted May 17, 2011

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    Posted January 15, 2010

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    Posted July 3, 2011

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