Table of Contents
part 1 What I'm Known For
Chapter 1 Once You Go Black… 3
Chapter 2 Chocolate, Please 19
Chapter 3 Popping My Cherry: Important Firsts in the Life of Comedy's Lovable Queen of Mean 37
Chapter 4 Mixed Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire 67
part 2 How the Hell I Turned Out This Way
Chapter 5 Macy's and Hamburger's 91
Chapter 6 Sit, Kneel, Stand 103
Chapter 7 School Daze, or I'll Have an Honor Roll with Extra Jelly, Please 115
part 3 Comedian, Heal Thyself!
Chapter 8 My Big Fat Italian Bottom-Tommy and the Crash of 2007 131
Chapter 9 Comedy's Lovable Queen of Denial 147
Chapter 10 Fat Girl, Interrupted 167
Chapter 11 Porkers, Pukers, and Purgers 183
Chapter 12 Escape from Wickenburg 199
part 4 It's Only Upward from Here! The Future of Lisa Lampanelli 221
part 5 Lisa's Rules to Live By 229
Acknowledgments 291