Table of Contents
Contents
Things That Are True
Southern-Fried Sex Kitten
Bending Spoons with Britney Spears
(This Happened in) October
Mysterious Days
Call me "Lizard King." No...really. I insist.
Crazy Things Seem Normal, Normal Things Seem Crazy
1,400 Mexican Moz Fans Can't Be (Totally) Wrong
Viva Morrissey!
Chomp Chomp
The Amazing McNugget Diet
McDiculous
My Second-Favorite Canadian
The Karl Marx of the Hardwood
Deep Blue Something
That '70s Cruise
"Deep Sabbath"
In the Beginning, There Was Zoso
Not a Whole Lotta Love
Disposable Heroes
Band on the Couch
Unbuttoning the Hardest Button to Button
Garage Days Unvisited
The Ice Planet Goth
Something Wicked This Way Comes
Fitter, Happier
No More Knives
The American Radiohead
Ghost Story
Bowling for the Future (and Possibly Horse Carcasses)
Local Clairvoyants Split Over Future
But I Still Think "All for Leyna" Is Awesome The Stranger
Someone Like You
Dude Rocks Like a Lady
Taking The Streets to the Music
Untitled Geezer Profile
Five Interesting Corpses
The Ratt Trap How Real Is Real
The Tenth Beatle
Here's "Johnny" 207
Fargo Rock City, for Real
To Be Scene, or Not to Be Seen
Things That Might Be True
The Grizzly Hypothetical
Nemesis
The Transformation Hypothetical
Advancement
The Unknown Companion Hypothetical
I Do Not Hate the Olympics
The Dress Code Hypothetical
Three Stories Involving Pants
The Court of Public Opinion Hypothetical
Don't Look Back in Anger
The Brain Pill Hypothetical
Not Guilty
The Life Plagiarist Hypothetical
Cultural Betrayal
The Universal Morality Hypothetical
Monogamy
The Joe Six-Pack Hypothetical
Certain Rock Bands You Probably Like
The Hitler Theft Hypothetical
Pirates
The Robot War Hypothetical
Robots
The Cannibal's Quandary
Super People
The Apocalypse Hypothetical
Television
The General Tso's Hypothetical
Singularity
Something That Isn't True at All
You Tell Me
Acknowledgments
Index