Coach Hyatt Is a Riot! (My Weird School Daze Series #4)by Dan Gutman, Jim Paillot
The weirdness never stops!
It's Pee Wee Football season, and A.J.'s new coach is crazy. She wants the boys to do push-ups in the mud. She wants them to pick up a car. And worst of all, she wants to put girls on the team! You'll never believe in a million hundred years what happens in the big game.See more details below
The weirdness never stops!
It's Pee Wee Football season, and A.J.'s new coach is crazy. She wants the boys to do push-ups in the mud. She wants them to pick up a car. And worst of all, she wants to put girls on the team! You'll never believe in a million hundred years what happens in the big game.
A.J. loves Pee Wee Football, but he is the first to admit that his team "stinks." He's hoping that a new coach will lead them to a few wins this season. His enthusiasm dims when he learns that Coach Hyatt is a woman. She calls them ragamuffins, a term none of the boys understands, and has them tackling an Elvis dummy who sings, "Don't Be Cruel." Can this motley team really win Saturday's big game with the Sharks? The sentences are simple, there is vocabulary repetition with a smattering of challenging words, and the humor is very broad. The politically correct cheerleaders are a scream: "Winning! Losing! It depends!/Why can't we just all be friends?" There is even a "win one for the Gipper" reference that will go over the heads of third graders, but is funny nonetheless. With the team down 77-0, Coach Hyatt brings in a secret weapon. It is cheerleader Andrea, who almost singlehandedly wins the game, while A.J. saves his coach with his knowledge of the Heimlich maneuver. There is some graphic support for younger readers in the kooky black-and-white cartoon illustrations scattered throughout. Even the most reluctant reader will be drawn in by the humor and repetitive silliness. Add where beginning chapter books are needed.-Elaine Lesh Morgan, Multnomah County Library, Portland, OR
Read an Excerpt
My Weird School Daze #4: Coach Hyatt Is a Riot!
The Thing I Love
My name is A.J. and I love school.
Going to school is just so much fun! I wish we could go to school at night. I wish we could go to school on the weekend. I wish we never had vacations.
I hate school! Do you know what I would rather do than go to school? I would rather eat a dead-bug sandwich. No, I would rather eat a live-bug sandwich. That would be even worse than a dead-bug sandwich, because the bugs would still be moving around in the sandwich while I was eating it. Ugh, disgusting! But even more disgusting than eating a live-bug sandwich is going to school.
I don't hate everything, you know. Some stuff I love. Like video games. And skateboarding. And trick biking.
I'll tell you the one thing that I really love more than anything in the world. And it's not Andrea Young, this annoying girl in my class with curly brown hair.
I love Pee Wee Football.
In the fall I play football every Saturday. Football is cool because you get to push and shove and yell and knock kids on their butts. And the best part is, you don't even get punished!
At school, if you push and shove and yell and knock kids on their butts, you have to go to the principal's office. But in football you're supposed to push and shove and yell and knock kids on their butts.
That's why I hate school and love Pee Wee Football. If you ask me, the world would be a better place if they closed all the schools and turned them into Pee Wee Football camps.
The only problem is, my team stinks! We're called the Moose, and we lost every game last season. Every game!
The good news is, we're getting a new coach this year named Coach Hyatt. I bet he'll be a lot better than our old coach, Mr. Boozer. Mr. Boozer was a loser.
I put on my uniform and shoulder pads to get ready for our first practice. Shoulder pads are cool because they make it look like you have big muscles. Our uniform is red, and we have red helmets with a lightning bolt down the middle.
Mom drove me to practice at the high school field. We got out of the car and looked around until we found the other guys in the seventy-pound league.
"Give me a good-bye hug, A.J.," my mom said.
Mom is always trying to hug me, especially in front of other kids. Moms are weird.
"Not now, Mom."
"Hug me, A.J.," my mom said.
"I want a hug, A.J.," my mom said.
"I don't think so."
Mom reached out to grab me. But I faked left. Then I faked right. Then I faked left again. Ha-ha! I totally faked out my mom! She can't play football to save her life. Eat my dust, Mom!
There were around twenty kids with red uniforms like mine. Some of them were in my class, and some others I didn't know.
"I can't wait to meet Coach Hyatt," said my friend Michael, who never ties his shoes.
"I hope he lets me be the kicker," said Ryan, who will eat anything, even stuff that isn't food.
"I hope he lets me play fullback," said Neil, who we call the nude kid even though he wears clothes.
"I hope he lets me be the quarterback because—"
I didn't get the chance to finish my sentence, because that's when a cool car pulled up. It looked just like a real car, only smaller. Michael knows all about cars. He said it was a Mini Cooper.
Coach Hyatt and some kid got out of the little car. They were coming over to us. The coach had on a red shirt and a red hat, and wore a whistle around his neck.
But there was something really strange about him.
He wasn't a him at all!
Coach Hyatt was . . . a lady!My Weird School Daze #4: Coach Hyatt Is a Riot!. Copyright © by Dan Gutman. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.
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