Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

Masterful Encouragement

This is the best book I've ever read about letting go of unhealthy attachments to people and the pain associated with it. I highly recommend it to anyone who has ever loved an addictive person, an abusive person, or lived in a family with dysfunctional behavior. To me, the best lessons explained in this book are 'you cannot change other people - they will only change when they are ready' and 'detaching from an unhealthy situation doesn't mean detaching from the love you feel for a person, it means setting yourself free from the pain of your involvement with them.'

13 out of 13 people found this review helpful.

Helpful

This is the book that started it all. I know it is cliché but, this book has changed my life and my thinking¿

I was talking to my father on the phone one day and I was explaining to him how I have no problem exercising and eating right when Otty is gone but I can¿t seem to keep it up when he is home. My father then asked me if I wanted to know what that was called¿he told me it was called co-dependence and that I should start learning about this by reading a book called Co-dependent No More. I pretty much ran out right away and purchased the book.

Now, I have never been a big advocate for self-improvement books, but I have to say that this book was very enlightening. Co-dependency has a different definition for everyone. This book made me delve into my own retched thoughts and confront them head on.

This book made me realize that I have a voice and an opinion and both matter just as much as the next person. I realized that I can make decisions and not have to worry if my opinion is what other people may think or want. My opinion is exactly that¿my opinion. It is okay to have an opinion that is different than someone else¿s.

I also learned that I need to detach myself from the people in my life that cause me harm¿emotionally, physically, doesn¿t matter¿

Though I may not struggle with an abusive alcoholic, I still struggle with the internal doubts and feelings of self worthlessness. I have learned that I do not need to immerse myself so deeply in someone else¿s life that I lose myself. I can keep my individuality while sharing my life with another. If we have conflicting views¿that¿s alright.

When I first read this book, I figure that I would not post my feelings about it because they were too personal. However, now having some distance from the book and being able to employ the lessons I have learned, I am able to share myself with others.

I am not perfect and it is absolutely acceptable for me to let other people know this. Maybe, by sharing these thoughts, someone else might be inspired to read this book and better themselves as well.

9 out of 10 people found this review helpful.

One of the best on Codependence

For many years, I was in a completely codependent relationship and did not know how to break out of it. Then I figure a way out on my own. At least I thought I did... but what happened was that I just changed the people around me and the relationships were essentially the same. After reading this great book, I finally stopped blaming other people for my relatioship problems and began looking into myself. It was then that my life really began to make a positive change. I then read another excellent book called, 'The Ever-Transcending Spirit' by Toru Sato and I began seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. It provided me the motivation to move on from my codependent relationships. It is a tough thing to deal with your own issues inside but it is the only way out and the only way to real happiness. Are you ready to do some real work and step out of your own misery? If your answer is yes, I recommend these books to you.

4 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

I like this book, which does not make it easy to read. It is written clearly, and is straightforward, yet it is at times difficult to maintain focus. The stories are paramount, though none will identify will them all. Read it. Find the pearls.

A Very Personal Perspective: I finally launched (well, compared to the tentative perusal I previously managed) into Codependent No More today. The initial pages of conversations with codependents are as expected in that they are generally about partners of alcoholics. Not only do I not identify with this, but despite my intellectual understanding of the fact that it isn't about the alcoholism, I dread each story. When you see nothing in common with the stories, it is difficult to find motivation to continue. By page 32, I am most thoroughly disenchanted with the conversations, although the "brief history" of the concept and naming of codependence is mildly interesting, based on the minimal description. And then on page 36, the author inks a single sentence definition of codependency. And I begin to pay attention.

"A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior."

By page 37, I am interested when the author acknowledges that she is not an expert on codependence, and does not know for a fact if it is an illness. And as she offers to continue the "brief history", it is evident that she is passionate about what is and is not real with regard to this apparently self-destructive predisposition. As she goes on to describe codependence, I am struck by the thought that she is describing every compassionate human being that ever lived, every humanitarian that made a difference, and every individual who ever reached out a hand to a person in need. I am reminded of a quote that has personified me and haunted me for most of my adult life."your greatest strength can become your greatest weakness." And I am compelled to read on, for how can something so purely benevolent become something so utterly self-destructive? I know that I am looking for an answer, and yet it is unlikely that I will find one. For if I have learned anything in this world, it is that there are no silver bullets, no ultimate solutions to end human mistakes, discomfort and error, to end human suffering and stagnation, or to remove roadblocks to human progress. There are only conversations and possibilities. Ultimately, we must choose our conversations, opt to expand our thoughts, and fearlessly open up to the possibilities. And so I read on.

3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

Long winded rant

This book could have been about 200 pages shorter if written properly. The subject matter and terms are just redundant, redundant and redundant. It's the same thing, page after page. It's reads more like a scorned woman's long winded tirade. It's not enjoyable to read and if you put the book down after the first twenty five pages, you're not missing anything new. She's a modern day Herman Melville. Same material over and over.

2 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

I really love this book!

I was in a bad relationship and this book really helped us straighten it out. It was not easy but it helped us figure out why it wasn't working and what we can do about it. I think the author has important insights that all of us can learn from regardless of how healthy our relationships are. If you are interested in improving relationships, I would also recommend Rhythm, Relationships, and Transcendence by Toru Sato. It is a fabulous book that will take you closer to enlightenment.

2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

Life Changing

This book was perscribed while I was going through a divorce I did not want. It's written for everyone. If the title puts you off buy two copies! Keep a copy for reference. You'll want to share this book with people who feel bad about a relationship that doesn't work. Fantastic, a rare find and important peice of work.

2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

Great book!

This book opened my eyes to alot! Would definitely recommend it to anyone who's lived with an alcoholic or someone controlling, and who's in need of putting things in the right perspective.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

Great book to help establish if you are CoDependent

Helped me understand what codependancy is all about. Opened up my eyes to a new world. Good reading for anyone that believes they need help with the following traits: depression, dependancy, always attracting the wrong people,and enabling everyone.

This book has helped me to identfy the things I can not change and the ability to change things that I can.

Great Read.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

This is one of the best books i have ever read

This is one of the best books that i have ever read. I could not believe how much i could relate to it. I think that everyone should read this book even if they don't have addictions in there life. This book has made me under stand that i am inportant and i do not have to live a life that someone else has chosen. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Pat

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

CoDependent No More; How to Stop Controlling Others and Care for Yourself

Excellent book.
The quizes in the book are very enlightening and the questions at the end of the chapters are very probing and thought provoking.
My counseler recommeded this book and it has been extremely helpful.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

This is indeed a great book for codependent individuals. The principles learned in the book got me started on the right path. I learned even more about these prinicples from the book An Encounter With A Prophet.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

This book helped me to see my problem was me. I have been in therapy for years; however, my therapists seem to accept that my husband was my problem. This book opened my eyes.

1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

It's a very helpful book.

Gave me a whole new way to see my life and enjoy it. I found freedom to be myself,something that I have never experienced it before.

1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

An inspiring book

This book was recommended to me and reading it was like discovering a hidden treasure chest on an island. The wealth of information and practical exercises offered were very effective in my life...they changed my life for the better. This is an inspiring book! Another excellent book that I highly recommend and goes hand in hand with this one, and is also very helpful is Dietmar Scherf's 'Depression: Avoiding and Overcoming: I Love Me' also available at bn.com

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

This Book Is On The Money!

This book offers a powerful insight into why we do the things we do and more importantly, suggestions on how to deal with those very things. It's a great book. I'd also suggest that you buy another book called "When God Stopped Keeping Score." It's an intimate look at the power of God and forgiveness. Given the chance, it too will change your life.

Fantastic resource - gave me a whole new perspective

This was a phenomenal book. It really changed my life. I didn't realize that I was taking on co-dependent tendencies, and didn't even know what that meant, until I read this book. The checklist was so valuable, and I could relate to many of the case studies outlined by the author. I can't enough good things about this book.

For anyone who is experiencing co-dependency in their life-a must-read

From the expert on co-dependency, a must-read to understand the mechanism of, and solutions for living with an addict, alcoholic or other problem loved-one without dragging yourself into their abyss. Everyone deserves a life of their own, on their own terms, and Ms. Beattie tells us how to achieve it.

Don't even think this book doesn't apply to you

Every one would benefit from reading this book

Book is great: B& N Customer Service Stinks!

I ordered this book for a friend, who I was going to visit the next Sunday in a nearby state. I ordered on a Monday with expedited delivery. After placing the order, it was moved to a Sparks, Nevada warehouse for fulfillment, and without any special handling, leaving it with not enough time to get here by the weekend. I wrote B & N's on line customer service, was logged and received a confirmation and a commitment to respond within 24 hours, but now, two months later, have yet to receive any response. I also called B & N customer service on Thursday, before the order shipped and while there was time to rectify the issue and still get the book to me. The customer service rep lied and said it would still get to me by Friday, which was per the contracted time for my order. Of course the order never arrived on time- it actually arrived on Tuesday and I had to pay to re-mail it to my friend. I spoke with a customer service manager about their disengenuous communication and she accepted no responsibility for B & N and put the blame completely on UPS. B & N needs to rethink the purpose of their customer service department and revamp their culture. Until then, I won't be ordering from here.

0 out of 5 people found this review helpful.