Read an Excerpt
From the Introduction:
It is difficult knowing who is right for you and who is wasting your time, who is trustworthy and who is unstable, unscrupulous, or even dangerous. We try to apply logic to the situation, and that helps. But most of us in the dating world find that we are perfectly capable of making terrible mistakes and of caring quite deeply about someone who has few redeeming features or who just isn't a good fit for us.
Friends can tell you what they believe about the situation and what they find is true for them; a therapist can tell you guidelines about relationships in general. Family members can tell you what they hope you will find in life.
What you need, though, is someone who knows your secrets, your emotional nature, your history of sabotage, your fear of intimacy, and your fear of winding up alone. You need someone who is absolutely and unreservedly on your side, who agrees that a solid, loving relationship is worth the quest.
In the pursuit of finding and nourishing love, you should take advantage of all the advocates, advisers, and supporters you can find, but the one resource you absolutely must take advantage of is your deeper mind. This part of your psyche takes in volumes of information, even subtle or subliminal clues; it recognizes patterns sometimes in an instant; and it knows and understands your personality without judgment and the ways your quirks and your strengths impact your style of relating and your approach to love.
The bottom line is that the deeper mind is one of your most accurate and potent advisers, and it tends to speak to you through your dreams and your intuition.
How Dreams Work
From the 1950s through the 1970s, a psychiatrist named Montague Ullman rocked the comfort zone of his colleagues by starting a worldwide movement that significantly changed the way people view their dreams. Known today as peer dreamwork, Ullman's technique is used to explore the feelings and potential meaning of a dream. Before the movement, dreams were considered diagnostic tools that therapists used to reveal what types of problems their patients might have. Ullman believed that, though dreams may be useful in that regard, they are far more than diagnostic tools. In a nutshell, here are his three main concepts that opened the door to the modern exploration of how dreams work:
1. Dreams focus on the present in an attempt to make sense of current challenges, to preserve well-being, and to process information and stimulation. Dreams are simply the product of your mind constantly sorting through information and stimulation, and often presenting a distilled version of events in story form. Even when the past is woven into our dreams, it is because the deeper mind is trying to make sense of questions and goals we face in the present.
2. Dreams belong to the dreamer. Anyone who remembers and thoughtfully considers the meaning of a dream may perceive its implications and benefit from it. There is nothing inherently clinical or dangerous about attempting to discover the meaning in a dream.
3. Exploring dreams with friends or in a peer dream group can be an enriching process in which mutual support and exploration can benefit the entire group. Ullman encouraged people to form groups to share and discuss their dreams in a thoughtful, respectful style, so that individuals could explore their dreams among friends and peers, draw conclusions, and consider the implications for themselves.