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The Conception Chronicles: The Uncensored Truth About Sex, Love & Marriage When You're Trying to Get Pregnant

Overview

When we first started down the baby-making path, we thought we'd be pregnant in no time. We'd just toss out our birth control pills and before we knew it, we'd be rocking our little one to sleep. Little did we know what was in store for us, or the energy it would take to face all of the crazy, unpredictable and (sometimes) irrational emotions we felt along the way. Neither did our husbands. Sound familiar?

  • If your idea of foreplay is ...
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Overview

When we first started down the baby-making path, we thought we'd be pregnant in no time. We'd just toss out our birth control pills and before we knew it, we'd be rocking our little one to sleep. Little did we know what was in store for us, or the energy it would take to face all of the crazy, unpredictable and (sometimes) irrational emotions we felt along the way. Neither did our husbands. Sound familiar?

  • If your idea of foreplay is screaming, "I'm ovulating; it's time!!!" to your oblivious husband...
  • If your ovulation schedule is ruling your life and every trip to the drug store includes a bulk purchase of pregnancy sticks...
  • If you're running out of answers to the chronic questioning from the pregnancy paparazzi about your plans for parenthood ...

Then this is the book for you. Whether it's been three months or three years since you've been trying, the more complicated and overwhelming the process becomes.

The Conception Chronicles shares candid humor, hold-nothing-back banter and practical advice on everything that goes along with trying to start a family: from dealing with your fertile friends to the battery of tests you may have to face; from surviving "sex on demand" to navigating the ins and outs of high-tech fertility treatments. This book will guide you through the emotional journey to motherhood, offering compassion and laughter like only your best girlfriends can. And we promise you'll never hear us say, "Relax and you'll be pregnant in no time."

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780757302381
  • Publisher: Health Communications, Incorporated
  • Publication date: 6/28/2005
  • Pages: 284
  • Sales rank: 638,459
  • Product dimensions: 5.58 (w) x 8.44 (h) x 0.70 (d)

Meet the Author

After battling infertility for three years, Patty Doyle Debano just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She lives in Connecticut with her husband Scott and their slightly overweight golden retriever.

Courtney Edgerton Menzel is the mother of a daughter, five and a son, three. She lives in Chicago with her husband Dan and manages to balance the demands of motherhood and a full time career - thanks to a variety of take-out menus.

Shelly Dicken Sutphen is the mother of a "spirited" three year old daughter. She lives in San Diego with her husband Bruce and surprisingly has the energy to try for number two.

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Read an Excerpt

When you first started down the baby-making road, you were in a dead sprint and filled with optimism. Not realizing you were getting a bit ahead of yourself, you started making elaborate plans as to how you would announce your husbandÆs pending fatherhood. Trips to the mall included a special detour to check out the latest maternity fashions, and you secretly started making a list of the must-have items for spring for those sporting a bulging belly.

Now that youÆve dipped into the bag of ovulation tricks and are actively using your tool of choice but still have nothing to show for it, you are starting to feel winded. How much longer is this going to take? You flash back to ninth grade and hear the droning voice of your algebra teacher, ôIf you are thirty-five years old and ovulate once a month, what is the probability you will have a child by age thirty-seven?ö As if thatÆs not enough, you take your calculations to the next level to determine how quickly youÆll have to get pregnant again to have your second child before you hit forty.

The frazzled frenzy of age versus fertility can leave anyone feeling a bit overwhelmed. ItÆs time for a reality check. No, it doesnÆt look like youÆll be one of those lucky women whose pregnancy is a ôsurprise,ö but you are also a far cry from birthing the first human clone. From all your research, you know most doctors recommend a woman consult her physician after trying to conceive for a year (if sheÆs under thirty-five) or after six months (if sheÆs over thirtyfive). YouÆre not there yet, so donÆt panic. Dust yourself off, shake off the past monthsÆ disappointments and get back to businessùitÆs time for Operation Ovulation!

Preoperative Work: Getting the Goods

Operation Ovulation begins the minute the red flag of failure arrives. Once again, itÆs time for a trip to the pharmacy to pick up the monthly care package: one large box of tampons, two boxes of ovulation kits, two boxes of pregnancy tests.

In the early days of Operation Ovulation, you probably approached the checkout register rather sheepishly and tried to camouflage your conception care package by piling on all sorts of unnecessary merchandiseùPringles variety pack, every possible flavor of Twizzlers, mango body scrub and a veritable collection of celebrity rags. Buying junk food and junk journalism is probably no less embarrassing, but somehow it manages to mask the awkwardness.

Now that you are a more seasoned veteran, you have mapped out a strategy for each month. Selecting the proper retail outlet is the crucial first step. In the old days, you loved the small local pharmacy because everyone knew your name, and more than once the pharmacist questioned your choice of over-the-counter cough medicine. When it comes to Operation Ovulation, however, anonymity is key! YouÆve scouted out the county and found one of those superstores that could double as an airport terminal with the most apathetic, disinterested, least customer-friendly pharmacy within a twenty-mile radius. Perfect!

Once all the goods are collected, itÆs time to check out. Not too fast! Take a moment to scan all the cashiers. YouÆre looking for the most disgruntled (preferably male) cashier. Your ideal checker will have a dirty, rumpled uniformùa sure sign his probation officer made him take the job. Jackpot! Now just slink through the line without making eye contact or starting any small talk, and youÆre home free, at least for another month.

There was a month Patty was certain she was pregnant. Unfortunately, this happened almost every month, but this one month in particular she was really convinced, so she decided it was time to take a pregnancy test. She didnÆt have any in the house, so she ran out to the local pharmacy. Patty grabbed a pregnancy test and headed straight for the checkout line without any thought. Ironically, there was a five-foot poster declaring the storeÆs commitment to the ôPrivacy Actö posted at the register. It turned out her cashier was a sweet older immigrant woman. With a thick Polish accent, she screamed, "CongratulationsùBaby!ö Humiliated and terrified that she may actually know someone in the long line behind her, Patty tried to explain she wasnÆt sure if she was pregnant, which is why she needed the test. Unfortunately, her explanation was lost in translation, and the cashier sadly replied, ôYou no happy with baby?ö Patty didnÆt have the energy to explain she would be out of her mind with happiness if she were in fact pregnant, but she had been taking these tests for months and not one had been positive. Instead, she just said, ôYes, IÆm very happy to be pregnant,ö and never went back to that store again.


¬ 2005. All rights reserved. Reprinted from The Conception Chronicles: The Uncensored Truth About Sex, Love & Marriage When YouÆre Trying to Get Pregnant Patty Doyle Debano, Courtney Edgerton Menzel, Shelly Dicken Sutphen. No part of this publication may be reproduced,
stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, without the written permission of the publisher. Publisher: Health Communications, Inc.,
3201 SW 15th Street, Deerfield Beach, FL 33442.

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Sort by: Showing all of 11 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 27, 2012

    Like reading pages from my TTC diary!

    My husband and I have been TTC for about 6 months and I feel like I could have taken part in writing this book! I recommend this book to anyone that has been trying like crazy to get pregnant and has been going through the ups and downs of each negative ovulation test, negative pregnancy test, each new period that comes and every 'it happened so fast' pregnant friend you have around you that breaks your TTC spirit.
    When my husband and I first started TTC we were excited and happy. Now, after 6 months of trying, I began to feel incredibly discouraged and depressed that nothing happened. I feel like everyone around me is falling into their next step in life by accident while my husband and I have been making plans and seeing little to no results.
    This book SAVED my mind! I don't have many close girlfriends that I can turn to and my mom has been the only confidant besides my husband this entire time. I stumbled upon it at the bookstore at the perfect moment. Two of the people I know from back home had just given birth to their SECOND child, while I am trying so hard to have my first. Reading this book has made me feel like I bonded with these authors and they have been with me every step of the way. I believe this book touched base on everything along the TTC journey. Your happiness, your sadness, your angry and frustration. This book will lift your spirits and give you a few laughs along the way.
    I have bought every book about pregnancy that I have come across; What To Expect When You're Expecting, The Pregnancy Bible, Your Pregnancy Week By Week, Pregnancy Do's and Don'ts, and out of all of them, this one has given me the most comfort and encouragement.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 18, 2005

    I loved this book!

    This book was given to me when I was in the depths of despair about TTC. My husband and I had been TTC for a year and were just beginning to see a specialist. We had found out that we were both biologically fine and that it was time to start Clomid. The book was given to me by my best friend right after I found out my sister and brother-in-law were pregnant after very, very little effort. The friend who had given it to me had never tried to have a baby and had NO idea what I was going through. I was enraged and insulted when I read the title. I was thinking, 'What business is this of hers' and, 'How dare she'. After a few hours of staring at it and contemplating burning it, I decided that I would give it a try. After reading the first page I was hooked. I felt like I could have written the book. I had no idea that other women have felt the same way that I have. It was so refreshing to hear it from someone else. I laughed and cried and stayed up all night reading it. It gave me renewed hope in our journey and a new outlook. I would recommend this book to every woman who is having difficult time conceiving. I even had my husband read parts of it, especially about the ¿Angry Ovulator¿. Thanks for writing this book. It has made me a stronger woman and a happier one. I¿m ready to start my infertility treatment with strength. If other women can go through it so bravely, then so can I. I will regret it forever if I don¿t try everything I can to have a baby. Or two¿

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted February 9, 2009

    Informative

    This book is very entertaining and informative. If you have recently decided to start a family, wait until you have been trying for a year or so before reading this book.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 24, 2006

    Best book I have read!

    This is by far the best fetility book I have found! After 16 months of trying, this book offered me the information I was looking for, and also the humor I needed :)! I have honestly laughed out loud quite a few times while reading this book. I have read so many excerpts to my husband because he wanted to know what was so funny. I would definately recommend this book to anyone who has been trying to get pregnant!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 26, 2012

    Infertility Humor

    Adding humor to infertility makes living with it it a little more bearable!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 20, 2010

    Highly Recommended

    Great book! You can read this book through it all. I read it as things were happening to my husband and I through IUI and soon IVF. It was as if I was experiencing the same things the writer was. The book gave me a positive outlook and kept it light and on the funny side. During this trying time in my life, I really needed something to pick me up and this book helped do that.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 25, 2010

    I Also Recommend:

    I'm not the only crazy one!

    LOVE this book! I read it in a couple of days, as it was so funny and touching, exactly the mood lifter I needed as I go through the drama of TTC. My husband and I have been TTC for 4 mos now and so far no luck. I completely understood everything the authors covered: foolishly thinking getting pregnant would be a cinch; the lengths we'll go to to get pregnant; the role sex takes on in your life w/ your partner; the anxious hoping every month; the disappointment of another month w/o getting pregnant; etc. I didn't need another clinical book full of mumbo-jumbo. It was comforting knowing that I'm not alone and other women have experienced exactly what I'm experiencing right now--and lived to tell of it w/ their sanity intact...and a baby as the great reward!

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 25, 2009

    EXCELLENT

    I felt like I wrote this book...and how everything they said pertained to me in my struggles to conceive. Very well written, and very informative!! I recommend this to anyone!!!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 5, 2008

    Women are truly strong

    I went through a couple of the procedures mentioned in the book. I am married for nine years now. I cried at work when I read the last chapter. My husband and I still don't have kids and we are both 35. Women do understand each other and after reading it, I don't feel so alone anymore.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 16, 2006

    Awesome book!

    I absolutely loved this book. The nurse at the infertility center I go to gave it to me. I read through it so quickly because I enjoyed it so much and I could relate to it so easily. I recommend this book very highly! It has just the right amount of humor which really made it fun to read and learn about.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 3, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

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