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Thursday, May 23rd
BEATZ BEACHSIDE DANCE STUDIO
SAN DIEGO, 4:45 PM
Outfit: postman pants, black sleeveless tee with small but horrifying deodorant stain under left breast. (Was it there all day?)
Hair: a disaster. The roots aren't funny anymore.
Fortune: Signs can lie. (I'm getting fortunes from this website tito told me about. They send a newsletter to my email every day along with like 35 ads but whatever, I like the fortunes.)
I was seriously bored at work today. Manning the front desk of Beatz Beachside Dance Studio in San Diego can be totally mind-numbing, especially when the only class going on is a seniors swing class in the far studio, studio C. Old people seniors, not high school seniors.
Anyway, I was reading some gossip online about Darcy Barnes and Jesse Nixon, the reigning teen king and queen of the pop universe (as seen on (M)TV!), and how they're supposedly secretly dating or something. the article said something about a house they'd bought together in the Hollywood Hills or one of those places. seems weird that they're dating even though they've known each other since they were like seven and on that Please Don't Do That on Television show or whatever it was called. I don't know if they're going out or not, but I guess it's kind of fun to think about. and I know one thing, if she's not dating him, she's a fool cause he is FINE.
I was so bored I read the article three times and was starting in on a fourth when the lovely Tito, my best friend in the universe who works at We Bop! the super-expensive tween boutique next door, threw open the front door and rescued me.
"hey girl!" he yelled. "look what I found in the back of the boutique! go try this on." he held out a baby tee with a cowboys and Indians scene on the front.
I go, "Tito I'm gonna look like a waitress at some goofy western-themed bar where the waitresses wear daisy dukes." Tito just goes, "Go try it on. it costs $85."
I was like, "what idiot spends $85 on a baby tee?" then I asked tito to watch the desk for a sec so I could go try it on. I ducked into this empty practice room, slipped off my sleeveless shirt, and pulled the new t-shirt over my head. with mirrors on three sides, I could see immediately that it fit perfectly.
perfectly, that is, if I was, for example, Darcy Barnes.
I mean, this t-shirt fit. Tight. My boobs never looked bigger. they weren't darcy barnes's size, of course, because all I got is a b-cup. ok, b-minus. ok, fine, I'm an a.
I stared at my reflection for a while, humming that old-school Darcy Barnes song "Love You Like a Lollipop," which happened to be drifting in from the lobby. swaying, watching my belly button swoop and drop and twist. it was riveting.
it took a moment before I realized I'd actually started doing the steps to "Lollipop," which I'd learned from watching the video about 400 million times. (I have the DVD, so sue me.) Anyway, before I knew it, I was totally going for it. my feet were racing, my head swinging, my hips shaking. the beat was constant but irregular...each verse had a bar where the tempo dropped, but I knew when those passages were coming and was ready for them. my body was cruising from beat to beat. I was becoming darcy herself.
I'd done it — I'd entered that zone you reach when you're dancing and you're completely consumed by the music, and your feet bypass your brain and carry your body weightlessly. That place where you stop thinking and start feeling. it doesn't happen every day, in fact it's pretty rare. I guess every dancer probably calls it something different. But Tito and I call it going THERE.
I was two bars away from the part in the video where the guy lifts darcy by one foot and tosses her into a backflip, and I realized I needed a guy. without warning, tito slipped in behind me. I never thought, "Where did he come from?" because Tito's just like that...always there when you need him. And THERE when I needed him. His hands came out, my foot went up, and I executed a flawless backflip.
Then, just like in the video, Tito faded into the background and I took the last few bars of the song solo. I spun, ground, whirled, and writhed, tito squealing the whole time. "WORK! WORK!"
I guess that means he liked it.
the music changed to some totally stupid Jewel song or something and tito and I went back into the lobby.
he goes, "that was flawless, Kel...seriously flawless. you are way better than any of those hooches in the darcy video."
tito is my total positive-feedback support-system best friend, and there's nothing I wouldn't do for him. but this fact sometimes makes me distrust comments like that. like, he's supposed to say that. he's my best friend, you know?
I go, "shut up! besides you could easily be one of the boys in the video. especially the one in the hockey jersey."
he goes shut up. he handed me a Twizzler and goes, "Listen Kelly I know I've got a lot to offer, but you're, like, on another level with the dancing. you're really GOOD. when you dance it feels so REAL. everyone's always talking about REALNESS all the time but you've got it." he goes, "Even Darcy Barnes is plastic. but you, Kelly Kimball are not. You're the real thing. REAL, girl!! Da real thang, G!!"
it cracks me up when tito gets all ghetto on me.
"Besides," he goes, "you're an aries and you were born in the year of the tiger. what do you expect? you're a BORN superstar. you need to believe that. do you believe it?" I was like whatever. and he goes, "No, not WHATEVER. do you believe it or not?"
the way he was staring at me, boring into my eyes, was almost freaky and it made me believe him for a second. I go, ok yes. I believe it!
without taking his eyes off of mine or even blinking, he goes, ok, I think we're ready.
I was like, ready for what?
he goes, "Kelly, that t-shirt I brought you is special. it's for your audition tomorrow." then he reached into his cargo pocket, pulled out a flyer, and handed it to me. "You're going to be famous. Stop one on the fame train is tomorrow."
I looked down at the flyer. on one side was a silhouette of a girl who was like jamming in front of a bunch of bright stage lights. her hair was flying, and she looked like she was going THERE, too.
I flipped it over.
How REAL are you?
Wanted: FUTURE POP STARS!
Copyright © 2004 by 17th Street Productions, an Alloy company
BEST BOOK EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! READ IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted November 8, 2011
Posted February 28, 2008
This is the absolute best book EVA! Although my 4th grade English is rolling over in his grave due to the butchering of grammar and syntax in this book 'God rest his soul'. The character development is primarily focused on KK Kimbell who drew me in from the first email chat convo and never let me go! This is the real dirt on Britney people, why look at her chonch on the web when you can read about it in this book! I read this with my girlfriend in bed and we did the voices and fell in love while reading it but lost control of the use of 'like' and now use terms like 'million billion dollars'. I recommend this for couples who are having marital problems.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted February 14, 2008
some parts were good, but it was hard to get into, overall, It was just okay. I want to know who wrote it though!Some parts were good, but the overall book was okay.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted July 5, 2007
Posted November 26, 2006
Okay so this book was absoluty amazing! My friend bought me this book for christmas last year and I loved it because it was about a dancer and I am a dancer and I love reading books about the thing I love most... dance. I am a very slow reader but I finished this book during a whole day of school. It was a very good book! Everyone should have the chance to read it. So good! I couldn't put it down!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted June 29, 2005
I absolutely loved this book! It was great from beginning to end and you can really relate to the main character. I reccomend this for anyone that is a dancer or not!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted June 20, 2005
Posted March 9, 2005
I really loved this book. It was an interesting way to describe the music business. At first I didn't think it would interest me, but the second I started reading it I was enticed by the plotWas this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted December 8, 2004
man this book was soooooooo freakin good man.....i luved it...man i agree wit every one about darcey bein britney and pashmina bein christina....and stuff this book is a MUST read..it was so good..its the kinda book that NEEDS to be made into a movie..but must have an awsome director, producer,lighting,costume,set,sound,make-up,prop designers.......and real great actors would be helpful.....that can dance....that would also be nice....overall this is one of my favorite books i loved it i think it was really really good....it was horribly good!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted September 18, 2004
Posted June 25, 2004
this book was great.....i think darcey barnes is really britney spears....pashmina has to be christina aguliera.....everything lyke all of the lil detais in the book point 2 this..............Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted July 21, 2004
Posted June 14, 2004
Omigosh this book was so far out. I loved this book. Everyone who wants to become a star should read it. I wish there was a series. Man I loved it. It's BRILLIANT !!!!!!!!!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted June 17, 2004
This book has all that you need. The whole plot of the story is typical. Many books that are written for teens now are about fame and how it is not all it's cracked-up to be. Great, but getting a little OLD. By the way, I think it is a fun beach read!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted June 23, 2004
OK if you are taking a plane trip this summer, or sitting by the pool, or going to the beach, you NEED this book by your side. It's so funny. I snagged a copy from my friends house and I refuse to give it back. All the names are fake so you have to keep guessing who's who cause everyone in the book is based on someone famous. I think most of it is true but who knows. It's about Kelly Kimball this totally bored teenage girl working at a dance studio in San Diego who auditions for this big famous singer named Darcy Barnes (I think it's really Britney Spears) and goes with them on tour. You will not believe the stuff she finds out and the craziness she puts up with. She is so funny. You have to Get this book ASAP!!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted June 18, 2004
omigod this book is so funny. its like funny and gossipy and totally makes me wonder who it's about. is it britney or christina or what? you have to get this book. i read it in like two days, because it moves sooo fast!! its got a great new lead character who could kick those gossipygirl's butts any day of the week! KELLY KIMBALL RULES! when is the movie coming out? I have to see it!!!!!!!!!!!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted June 19, 2004
Posted June 21, 2004
I picked up this book and couldnt put it down. Its an amazing behind-the-scenes story about a girl who becomes a backup dancer for a huge popstar. It's like all the best behind the scenes gossip... like a book version of celebrities uncensored or something. But it's also pretty real.. Kelly Kimball, the fake name of the girl in the book, has a lot of smart and snarky things to say about the pop life. If you love popstars, or if you HATE them, this is the book for you. You should read it with your friends so you can laugh about it together. You'll finish it FAST.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted June 21, 2004
THE BEST BOOK THIS SUMMER FOR SURE.......If you havent read this book yet, get your hands on a copy immediately. You are seriously NOT going to believe how crazy it is! I'm not sure if it's true or not but I read it in like two days and I was laughing hysterically. SO FUNNY... and SO true... is it really about Britney SPears or Christina Aguilera? all your friends are definitely going to be talking about this book so GET IT now!!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.