Confessions of a Freelance Penmonkey [NOOK Book]


?No seriously, he?s not f**king around, you really don?t want to be a writer. But if you?re mad enough to decide that you do, Wendig will be your gonzo-esque guide, from the technical advice about structure, query letters and submissions, to dealing with agents and editors and how to make your characters do as they?re damn well told, he?s full of good advice. Like a cursing, booze-soaked Virgil to your Dante, ...
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Confessions of a Freelance Penmonkey

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“No seriously, he’s not f**king around, you really don’t want to be a writer. But if you’re mad enough to decide that you do, Wendig will be your gonzo-esque guide, from the technical advice about structure, query letters and submissions, to dealing with agents and editors and how to make your characters do as they’re damn well told, he’s full of good advice. Like a cursing, booze-soaked Virgil to your Dante, let him show you around.
Buy this book, your editor will thank you.”
-- Jenni Hill, Editor, Solaris Books

Want to become a novelist? A screenwriter? An all-around freelance penmonkey? Don’t know the difference between beats, scenes, sequences and acts? Not sure where to begin your edit, or how to query an agent, or what liquor goes best with the madness of being a writer? Then CONFESSIONS OF A FREELANCE PENMONKEY is all yours.

CONFESSIONS is a collection of 50+ essays on the subject of writing and the writing life. It covers a wide array of subjects, from technical advice to discussions of publishing versus self-publishing to what to do if you wake up pantsless and ink-stained in the basement of a Tijuana bookstore.

Equal parts hilarious, insane, profane, and profound, CONFESSIONS will take you through the many trials and tribulations of the penmonkey’s moonbat existence, offering advice every step of the way.

Features popular TERRIBLEMINDS essays:

…“Beware of Writer”
…“Drop That Pen, Grab A Hammer: Building The Writer’s Platform”
…”Exposing Yourself: Do You Write For Free?”
…“No, Seriously, I’m Not F**king Around, You Really Don’t Want To Be A Writer”
…“The Penmonkey’s Paean”
… “Why Your Novel Won’t Get Published”
…“Why You Won’t Finish That Novel”
And more!

(TERRIBLEMINDS has been named one of the top 101 websites for writers by WRITER’S DIGEST magazine!)

What others have said:

"Chuck Wendig has done what so many authors desperately need and will never admit: offered a phenomenal book about the real world of writing, and made it reachable and readable by anyone. An absolute must-read for anyone even thinking of dabbling with words for a living.”
-- Karina Cooper, Author of Blood of the Wicked

"Chuck Wendig's Confessions of a Freelance Penmonkey is full of the kind of writing advice I wish I'd gotten in school. Practical, brutally honest, and done with the kind of humor that will make it stick in your brain. Whether you're a veteran writer or new to the craft, you'll find something useful in here.
Plus he says ‘f**k’ a lot, so, you know, there's that."
-- Stephen Blackmoore, author of City of the Lost

"In Confessions of a Freelance Penmonkey, Chuck Wendig hammers out writing and career advice that's always brave, profane, creative, clever, and honest. And don't forget hilarious. You'll never laugh so hard learning so much."
-- Matt Forbeck, game designer and author of Vegas Knights

“When a writer hits cynical, drunken, mother-hugging rock bottom, that's when they need Chuck Wendig's raw, no-holds barred advice. This is not for the faint of heart. But then again, neither is writing.”
-- Mur Lafferty, host of ISBW (I Should Be Writing) podcast, editor of Escape Pod, author of Playing For Keeps

"Despite being irreverent, vulgar, and funny, Chuck Wendig is also surprisingly profound. From one wordslinger about another, Chuck is the real deal and every prospective or working writer should read Confessions of a Freelance Penmonkey. Hell, the ‘Writer's Prayer’ alone is worth the price of admission."
-- Jennifer Brozek, Author of The Little Finance Book That Could

“If you want to be a better writer, or just want to be inspired by one of the best takes on writing I’ve ever read, do yourself a favor and buy Confessions.”
-- Daniel Ames, author of Feasting at the Table of the Damned
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Product Details

  • BN ID: 2940012417572
  • Publisher: Terribleminds
  • Publication date: 5/18/2011
  • Sold by: Barnes & Noble
  • Format: eBook
  • Sales rank: 250,133
  • File size: 2 MB

Meet the Author

Chuck Wendig is a novelist, a screenwriter, and a freelance penmonkey.
He has contributed over two million words to the roleplaying game industry, and was the developer of the popular Hunter: The Vigil game line (White Wolf Game Studios / CCP).

He, along with writing partner Lance Weiler, is a fellow of the Sundance Film Festival Screenwriter's Lab (2010). Their short film, Pandemic, will show at the Sundance Film Festival 2011, and their feature film HiM is in development with producer Ted Hope.

Chuck's novel Double Dead will be out in November, 2011.

He's written too much. He should probably stop. Give him a wide berth, as he might be drunk and untrustworthy. He currently lives in the wilds of Pennsyltucky with a wonderful wife and two very stupid dogs. He is represented by Stacia Decker of the Donald Maass Literary Agency.

You can find him at his website,, where he acts as dispenser of dubious writing advice and so-called "publishing wisdom."
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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 5
( 6 )
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Sort by: Showing all of 6 Customer Reviews
  • Posted May 24, 2011

    more from this reviewer

    The Penmonkey on Your Back

    I've read the lion share of this book as posts on Chuck's blog, but picked up the nook version anyway as those posts are just that good. Chuck has added some additional notes and comments at the end of each section, updating them and or adding anecdotes. If you have any interest in writing for a portion of your living or want to see in to the worm ridden mind of someone who does already, you REALLY want to drop an Abe on this.

    You are warned, here there be profanity. I am sure you are strong enough to take it though. What you may have a problem with is the carnival barker like song Wendig sings. No that is too kind. More accurately, he is the heroin addict warning you not to try the schmack and then in the next breath shoots up right in front of you and drifts off into the bliss.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted June 26, 2011

    This book sucks unicorn! (That's a good thing)

    CONFESSIONS OF A FREELANCE PENMONKEY is a collection of hilarious and profane blog posts from writer Chuck Wendig, covering everything from first drafts to copy edits. This collection reads like pure id sometimes, but if you can keep up with Wendig's manic stream-of-consciousness, you will learn a lot while being entertained as h**l. Wendig has turned profanity into an art form, so don't read this if you're easily shocked. But then again, if you can't handle the mere mention of a cock waffle, you probably aren't much of a writer anyway.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
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    Posted November 25, 2011

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    Posted July 28, 2011

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    Posted December 28, 2011

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    Posted August 1, 2011

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