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Connecting with your wife
By Barbara Rosberg
Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.Copyright © 2003 Barbara Rosberg
All right reserved.
Men and women sure are different.
When a guy needs encouragement, he typically goes for the slap on the back from the guys on the court. When a woman needs encouragement, she wants hugs from her supportive friends. Men look to their friends to be just company. A woman wants emotional connection in friendships. For her, it hasn't been a good time if she hasn't had a good laugh or a good cry.
Typically, a man wants a friend with whom he can share activities and hobbies. A woman wants someone with whom she can share words. Author and relationship expert Gary Smalley has said that a woman needs to speak twenty-five thousand words in a day-and a man needs to speak only half that number. The problem is that generally a man's words are spent by the time he reaches home at the end of a day, and a woman still has half her words left to say.
Now, I know there are times when you marvel at your wife's talents, abilities, and insights. You wonder, How does she do it all? Many women have a tremendous ability to do a wide assortment of things-all at the same time! Like the way your wife can make dinner, grade the kids' homework, give the dog a bath, talk on the phone, and know when there's been way too much silence from the kids-alerting her to a disaster that's about to take place in the basement! On the other hand, there are times when your wife marvels at your ability to focus on one thing at a time. You're probably better able to focus intensely on the project at hand and shut everything else out.
We can laugh about our many differences, but when you look closely, they boil down to just a few simple principles. Obviously, these are generalities, but on the whole, men replenish by having someone listen to their ideas; women replenish by having someone listen to their heart. Men are more likely to share just the facts, while women love to share their feelings and all the details-conversations, the setting, what people were wearing. Men compete; women connect.
From the bathroom to the bedroom, it is essential for a man to understand the way his wife thinks. The truth is, God made us different so we could complement each other. If your wife were the same as you, one of you would be unnecessary! So God designed you to pick up the slack where your wife falls short-and he designed your wife to pick up the slack where you fall short. He designed you and your wife to combine your unique qualities to become one. (Read Genesis 2:24-"This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.") But have no fear! God can help you in making that "oneness" a great thing for your marriage. After all, that's what he had in mind when he first created men and women way back in the Garden of Eden. Yes, marriage takes work, but it's one of the most joyful, fulfilling relationships you can have.
So let's address some hot topics every man needs to study in order to really understand a woman-and in turn have a great marriage. He needs to understand:
* how a woman is wired differently
* how to listen without fixing
* how women respond sexually
* how a woman's hormones affect her
Ready to tackle these top four topics? Let's go!
Excerpted from Connecting with your wife by Barbara Rosberg Copyright © 2003 by Barbara Rosberg
Excerpted by permission. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.