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Instead of being merely the receiver of the parents' psychological and spiritual legacy, children function as ushers of the parents' development. Parents unwittingly pass on an inheritance of psychological pain and emotional shallowness. To handle the behavior that results, traditional books on parenting abound with clever techniques for control and quick fixes for dysfunction. In Dr. Shefali Tsabary's conscious approach to parenting, however, children serve as mirrors of their parents' forgotten self. Those ...
Instead of being merely the receiver of the parents' psychological and spiritual legacy, children function as ushers of the parents' development. Parents unwittingly pass on an inheritance of psychological pain and emotional shallowness. To handle the behavior that results, traditional books on parenting abound with clever techniques for control and quick fixes for dysfunction. In Dr. Shefali Tsabary's conscious approach to parenting, however, children serve as mirrors of their parents' forgotten self. Those willing to look in the mirror have an opportunity to establish a relationship with their own inner state of wholeness. Once they find their way back to their essence, parents enter into communion with their children, shifting away from the traditional parent-to-child "know it all" approach and more towards a mutual parent-with-child relationship. The pillars of the parental ego crumble as the parents awaken to the ability of their children to transport them into a state of presence.
1 A Real Person Like Myself 1
You Are Raising a Spirit Throbbing with Its Own Signature 2
Parenting Unconsciously Is Where We All Begin 4
To Connect with Your Children, First Connect with Yourself 6
You Can Build a Feeling of Kinship in Your Family 9
How Consciousness Changes How We Parent 10
2 The Spiritual Reason We Birth Our Children 13
How Can a Child Awaken an Adult" 15
How Conscious Parenting Is Learned 19
A Conscious Parent Doesn't Emerge Overnight 21
3 Release Your Children From the Need for Your Approval 25
Acceptance Is Key 28
There's Nothing Passive About Acceptance 30
Don't Parent with a Cookie-Cutter Approach 31
You Will Only Accept Your Child to the Degree You Accept Yourself 35
4 A Blow to Our Ego 39
How Does Ego Function" 40
The Ego of Image 43
The Ego of Perfection 44
The Ego of Status 47
The Ego of Conformity 48
The Ego of Being "In Control" 50
You Can Transition Out of Ego 53
5 Is Your Child Growing You Up" 56
Face Up to Your Reactivity 58
Discover Your Emotional Inheritance 61
How Can You Integrate Your Pain" 64
How to Handle Your Child's Pain 65
Take One Step at a Time 68
What It Takes to Tame Your Anxiety 74
6 Life Is Wise 77
Life Itself Teaches Us 78
Is It Possible to Trust Life" 80
Your Child Doesn't Need to Earn Your Trust 81
How You Draw Many of Your Circumstances to You 83
You Can Break Free of Your Unconsciousness 86
It's All in the Interpretation We Give it 89
7 The Challenge of a Lifetime 95
Infancy and the "Terrible Two's"
The Lessons of Infancy for the Parent 96
A Journey of Self-discovery 98
A Chance to Recover Your Rhythm 100
Toddlerhood: A Planet All Its Own 102
Toddlerhood Is the Time to Sow the Seeds of Containment 105
8 From Center Stage to Supportiang Cast 109
A Parent's Opportunity for Spiritual
Growth in the School Years
Middle School: the Challenge of "Being There" for Our Children 110
High School: the Need for Unequivocal Acceptance 113
Why It's Important to Resist the Temptation to Control 115
9 The Insanity of Parenthood 117
The Particular Role of the Mother 118
Raising a Child Is an Invitation to Surrender to a Different Pace 122
10 Parent From Wholeness Instead of Your Wounds 125
If You Grew Up Feeling You Weren't Good Enough 127
If You Learned to Please Others to Earn Their Approval 130
Were You Unable to Be Yourself" 134
"Bad" Behavior Is Really a Search for Our Inherent Goodness 137
Your Brokenness Doesn't Reflect Your True Being 139
11 A Household Built on Being 141
Are You Aware that Anxiety Is a Form of "Doing"" 144
What's the Source of Our Fear of the Present" 147
Beyond Living by "Doing" 149
The Moment Is Now 151
12 The Wonder of the Ordinary 155
Do You Revel In Your Child's Ordinariness" 156
The Fallacy of the Overproduction of Life 158
Surrender the Urgency to "Do" 161
Back to Basics 162
A Life that Mirrors Who Your Child Is 165
13 Shelve Those Great Expectations 167
Honor Who Your Child Is 168
How to Set the Bar for Your Child 169
What Can You Realistically Expect of Your Child" 172
Focus on the Process, Not the Outcome 174
Use the Right Kind of Praise 178
Realize that Your Children Imitate You 179
14 Create a Conscious Space In Your Child's Life 183
Allow Room for Stillness in Your Child's Schedule 184
Create a Meaningful Narrative for Your Child 186
Why Expressing Gratitude to Your Child Is a Powerful Parenting Tool 188
15 Connect to Your Child with Engaged Presence 193
How We Undermine Our Attempts to Connect with Our Children 195
Do You Validate Your Children's Behavior, or Their Being" 197
Just Be There 200
16 How to Handle Your Child's Mistakes 205
Do You Really Know Why They Did What They Did" 206
How You Can Transform Mistakes into Spiritual Gold 208
Celebrate Your Child's Mistakes 210
17 The Two Wings of the Eagle 213
A Child Can't Soar Without Containment 214
The Spiritual Approach to Discipline 218
Don't Avoid Conflict-Value It 221
How to Discipline in a Manner that Works 223
The Rule about Rules 226
Why Teaching Is More Effective Than Punishment 229
Acting Out Reflects Unmet Emotional Needs 232
Do You Own Your Part in Your Children's Behavior" 234
Why Delightful Children Turn into Defiant Teens 238
Heavy-handed Tactics Backfire 241
How to Execute the "No" 245
Timing Is Crucial 249
Understanding Our Shared Unconsciousness 253
We're All in This Together 254
Becoming a Parent Who Is Present 256
The Consciousness Compass 259
Questions to Ask Ourselves
Some Highlights From the Conscious Parent 263
This book is empowering for any parent, new, facing the terrible twos and trying to connect with your teenager child. This has been very helpful.
5 out of 5 people found this review helpful.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted March 29, 2011
My 17 yr. old daughter mentioned to a friend the other day. "I don't know why but my mom and I don't fight as much as we used to" I smile. She knows that I have been less reactive and more responsive, less constricted and less stressed. Since reading the Conscious Parent the question is not- why read it? but when? Since this profound book has entered my life it has turned it around.
Now I approach this life from a better place and that changes the whole dynamic of my family. Instead of coming from fear and control and parent that way I am becoming better at listening to the needs of what my child is saying and operating from a deeper place. Like Einstein said if you keep doing what your doing and expect different results that is the definition of insanity. So now when things "Go wrong" and they go wrong quite often I find myself operating from a more attentive responsive place. So if you are in the market to empower your child and transform yourself I would ask you to carefully consider Dr. Tsabarry's book. I assure you to become the better person & parent you long to be.
4 out of 4 people found this review helpful.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted November 8, 2010
If you're seeking quick and easy ways to change your children's behavior, or get them to do what you say, this book is not for you. Becoming a conscious parent requires looking deeply and honestly within oneself, delving into one's own fears and shortcomings.
The Conscious Parent invites parents to become more mindful of their daily interactions with their children so that rather than seeing children's actions as "misbehavior," parents can recognize an opportunity to be kinder and more open themselves. The central premise of The Conscious Parent is that children provide parents with mirrors of their own subconscious issues, and parents who understand this can enter into a state of heart-to-heart communion with their children, learning and growing alongside their children, rather than continuing habitual reactive patterns that tend to perpetuate family cycles of power, control and dominance. As author Shefali Tsabary points out, this shift from an egoic state of mind to one of authentic being "... isn't an easy one for a parent to make."
While much of the Conscious Parent contains the kinds of tips and pointers Tsabary provides for her clients, this book really shines when Tsabary shares her first-hand experiences as a mother. Parents seeking ways to bridge the gap from parenting similarly to how they've been raised and achieving a Zen-like state of mindfulness in parenting will delight in the examples and suggestions Tsabary shares for how they might actually manage to incorporate some of the lofty ideals of mindfulness to parenting, and how it feels as a parent to deal with one's own internal doubt, fear, and resistance.
Tsabary discourages parents from using praise and scolding to mold children into doing and being what most pleases the parents, and recommends that parents grant their children the freedom to become the best they can be at who they truly are. Tsabary suggests that parents can set high standards in some areas, such as for: speaking from their authentic voice, being kind, expressing feelings directly, helping others, and engaging in daily dialogue and conversation with them.
The Conscious Parent is highly recommended for readers dedicated to living their lives mindfully who are eager to have functional, rather than dysfunctional families. This book inspires parents to set examples for children by embracing imperfections, and staying open-hearted, open-minded, and truly present and engaged. If all families adopted just some of the ideas from this book, it seems clear that the world would be a much better place.
2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted September 7, 2014
I love this book! It is a must for any parent. It is not only helpful for your relationship with your children but can be applied to all of your relationships. It has transformed me not only as a parent but personally as well. By chapter two, I could tell it was already making a difference and I was feeling more at peace and parenting in a more conscious way. My relationship with all of my family has changed for the better. :)Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted July 25, 2014
This is one of the BEST books for parents I have read. Dr. Tsabary helps parents understand themselves and their children in a way that is so important and key to improving their relationships. It was very meaningful and helped me understand where I am as a parent and guided me to where I want to be.Her understanding of the parent-child dynamic and how it creates and contributes to the frustrations we experience is absolutely on target.I HIGHLY recommend this book to ALL parents!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted June 13, 2014
As a mother of five (oldest is 26, youngest is 9) when I saw Dr. Shefali on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday I was immediately drawn to her work. I ordered this book right after the show and literally devoured it once it arrived on my doorstep. Almost every page is written on, or high-lighted in some way. If we choose to embrace the ideals and methods Dr. Shefali is proposing, I believe it could literally revolutionize the role of parent! And, let's face it, we really need to make some serious changes in raising our youth (and ourselves) TODAY! I am continuing to read through and work towards implementing her theory about our children really raising US in my everyday parenting life with my children who still live under our roof. Like yoga, this is a "practice" not a destination. Terrific read, very worth your time!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted December 14, 2011
The Conscious Parent is a recipient of the prestigious Mom's Choice Award. The Mom's Choice Awards honors excellence in family-friendly media, products and services. An esteemed panel of judges includes education, media and other experts as well as parents, children, librarians, performing artists, producers, medical and business professionals, authors, scientists and others. A sampling of the panel members includes: Dr. Twila C. Liggett, ten-time Emmy-winner, professor and founder of PBS's Reading Rainbow; Julie Aigner-Clark, Creator of Baby Einstein and The Safe Side Project; Jodee Blanco, and New York Times best-selling Author; LeAnn Thieman, motivational speaker and coauthor of seven Chicken Soup For The Soul books. Parents and educators look for the Mom's Choice Awards seal in selecting quality materials and products for children and families.
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Posted October 17, 2014
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