Read an Excerpt
Are You a Commitment-Phobe?
1. After the first date, your man leaves a message the next day telling you what a great time he had. You:
a. Assume the worst. It's obvious that this one wants you hitched up and shooting out babies by your next date.
b. Are flattered. It's refreshing to see he doesn't need to play hard to get.
c. Give him another chanceeven though he obviously has desperado written all over him.
2. You go out to lunch with a friend. After reading the menu you:
a. Are overwhelmed by the choices. You want the turkey club, then again, what if you get it and the pasta is better?
b. Ask the waiter to choose something for you. You couldn't live with yourself if your choice sucked.
c. Get the special. You're always up for a little adventure. Besides it is just food.
3. Your boyfriend asks you to go for a romantic retreat this weekend.You:
a. Refuse. What if something better comes up?
b. Agree, but keep an excuse on hand just in case you have to bail.
c. Pack your bags. You're overdue for some body-banging fun.
4. When it comes to the topic of marriage you:
a. Scoff at the mere suggestion. No man's going to put you in a headlock of matrimony.
b. Thivibrator can't mow a lawn.
c. Are receptive-once you find the right guy.
5. While rummaging through the sale racks you find the dress. The store specifies "no returns." You:
a. Quiz the clerk, mall security, passersby on the street, and anyone else on whether or not you should go for it.
b. Leave it on the rack. You might hate it once you get home.
c. Snap it up. You know a good find when you see it.
6. For your anniversary, your boyfriend buys you both matching sweaters. You:
a. Panic. What's next? Riding around town on a tandem bike?
b. Gush with excitement, then conveniently lose it-and him-at a later date.
c. Silently cringe, but graciously accept his argyled attempt at affection.
7. After an overnight session at your house, you notice your boyfriend leaves his toothbrush at your house. You:
a. Clean your grout with it. That'll teach him to fence you in.
b. Let him keep it there. After all, you don't want him to end up looking like Austin Powers.
c. On your next date, you return it to him.
8. Your new man takes you out with his hiends and ntroduces you as his girlfriend. You:
a. Are furious. Why doesn't he iust lift his leg and urinate on you?
b. Are a bit surprised, but flattered nonetheless.
c. Let it slide this time. Besides, it could have been worse. He could have called you his "woman."
9. Your parents keep needling you about when you're finally goin the same thing for breakfast every day when you can have the variety pack?"
b. 'Whenever the timing's right."
c. "If I get knocked up . . . maybe."
10. For Christmas, your boyfriend's parents get you a coffeemaker. You:
a. Fume. So that's what they seea filter-changing housewench ready to serve her man!
b. Accept their futile attempt to domesticate youand hope you don't conveniently mistake Drano for coffee crystals in the future.
c. Thank them. ft could have been socks.
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16 points or more: Track-Making Mama
You'd rather get a prescription filled by Jack Kevorkian than put down relationship roots. Skittish at even the slightest overtures of obligation, you equate settling down with being shackled down, thus leaving you on the lam from long-term love. Your "Escape from Alcatraz" attitude can even bleed over into your everyday decisions. But it's your one-on-one relationships that suffer from your self-governing gumption. "You may have had a mother with a subservient nature, which led to disastrous results," says Guy Corneau, psychologist and author of Lessons in Love: The Transformation of the Soul Through Intimacy (Holt). "You've become share your life without feeling a threat toward your independent spirit." How do you break free from your lone wolf instincts and catch up with the pack? "You may want to seek therapy to help you figure out why you run from relationships," says Corneau. "Or, try to step outside yourself and observe your own actions." The first step is finding out what's behind your "born free" mentality. "Promise yourself that you will take things one step at a time," says Mira Kirshenbaum, author of Our Love Is Too Good to Feel So Bad: The 10 Prescriptions to Heal Your Relationship (Avon Books). Once you get a handle on your "party of one" persona, you'll be able to cut those commitment killers off at the pass, and be that much closer to setting a table for two.
Copyright © 1999 by Hearst Communications, Inc.