The Cow in the Parking Lot: A Zen Approach to Overcoming Anger

by Leonard Scheff, Susan Edmiston

Overview

"One of the best books I've ever read on anger. It's lucid, comprehensive, and filled with valuable insights." —Dr. Howard C. Cutler, coauthor with the Dalai Lama of The Art of Happiness
Don't get mad. Get calm.
Using simple Buddhist principles and applying them in a way that is easy for non-Buddhists to understand and put into practice, Leonard Scheff and Susan Edmiston have created an interactive book that helps readers change perspective, step-by-step, so that they can replace the anger in their lives with newfound happiness. Based on the Transforming Anger workshop Scheff created, The Cow in the Parking Lot shows how anger is based on unmet demands, from the reasonable (we want love from our partner) to the irrational (we want respect from a total stranger) to the impossible (we want someone to fix everything in our life).
The authors show how, once we identify our real unmet demands, we can dissolve the anger.
We learn to laugh at ourselves, a critical early step in changing angry behavior. We learn how to deal with the anger of others, and ultimately how to transform anger into compassion.
And finally, we learn the liberating truth: Only you can make yourself angry.
"The Cow in the Parking Lot provides many insights and revelations about reducing anger and creating greater happiness in your life." —John Tarrant, author of Bring Me Rhinoceros and Other Zen Koans That Will Save Your Life
"One of the best titles available on anger management." —California Bookwatch
"A fresh approach to the perennial issue of anger." —Library Journal

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780761161981
Publisher:	Workman Publishing Company
Publication date:	09/24/2024
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	382
File size:	3 MB

About the Author

Susan Edmiston, a former editor at Redbook and Glamour, writes for New York, The New York Times Magazine and Book Review, Esquire, The San Francisco Chronicle, and Women's Day. She lives in Berkeley, California. 
Leonard Scheff, a successful trial lawyer in Tucson, Arizona, is also a practicing Buddhist who, for the last fifteen years, has conducted seminars on managing anger.

Table of Contents

Introduction 1

Chapter 1 A New Approach to Dealing with Anger 11

Chapter 2 A First Look at Anger How does it Feel? 28

Chapter 3 The Cause of Anger An Unmet Demand 39

Chapter 4 The Cost of Anger Who Pays? 54

Chapter 5 Anger and Awareness Who Me Angry? 70

Chapter 6 Pride, Honor, and Other Buttons Our Sore Spots 88

Chapter 7 Giving and Receiving Shifting the Emotional Balance 102

Chapter 8 The Mythology of Happiness Do we Really Know What's Good for Us? 116

Chapter 9 Unshakeable Calm Dealing with the Anger of Others 130

Chapter 10 To Be or Not to Be Angry You have a Choice 149

Chapter 11 Transforming Anger into Compassion Wielding the Flame of Fury 161

Chapter 12 Coming to a Conclusion What Happens When we Give Up Anger? 185

Further Reading 195

Editorial Reviews

“This little gem of a book is full of practical advice, illustrated by engaging stories of ways to recognize—then handle—episodes of anger in our lives. It is funny at moments, thoughtful and thoroughly eye-opening in others, and requires no adherence to a Zen lifestyle to gain its benefits.”? — Book Passage, San Francisco

Management Today

“Scheff, a lawyer and Buddhist who has conducted seminars on anger management, and journalist Edmiston take a fresh approach to the perennial issue of anger, which they identify as a way of responding to unmet needs or wishes. They show how, through the application of simple Buddhist ideas, readers can alter their responses to life's anger-inducing moments and move from anger toward compassion. VERDICT: This book is aptly pointed at those who are curious about Buddhist spiritual practice in today's world, with its many opportunities for rage and frustration; it should appeal to religious readers as well as mothers, business leaders, teachers, and others.”
— Library Journal



What do cows and parking spaces have to do with managing a third sector workforce?

Quite a lot, if your day-to-day life involves finding yourself in a situation where you might succumb to feelings of frustration or anger.
The Cow in the Parking Lot, by Leonard Scheff and Susan Edmiston, says you can manage your anger in a positive way through the power of Buddhism. So when a colleague screws up, a donor pulls out or a charity campaign misfires, reach for the yoga mat, assume the meditation position and chant your cares away ...

You may be wondering where the cow comes in. Well, imagine you're in a supermarket car park, circling for that elusive space. You find one, but before you can reverse in, someone else has swiped it. Now imagine that, instead of another driver, a cow has lumbered into the space and settled down. Your anger dissolves into bemusement.

Scheff and Edmiston explain that once we understand our anger "buttons", we can defuse a situation if they're pushed. Alternatively, just picture the cause of your frustration - be it a boss, colleague or donor - as a docile cow. That will soon have you smiling.
- Emma De Vita is books editor of Management Today





What do cows and parking spaces have to do with managing a third sector workforce?

Quite a lot, if your day-to-day life involves finding yourself in a situation where you might succumb to feelings of frustration or anger.
The Cow in the Parking Lot, by Leonard Scheff and Susan Edmiston, says you can manage your anger in a positive way through the power of Buddhism. So when a colleague screws up, a donor pulls out or a charity campaign misfires, reach for the yoga mat, assume the meditation position and chant your cares away ...

You may be wondering where the cow comes in. Well, imagine you're in a supermarket car park, circling for that elusive space. You find one, but before you can reverse in, someone else has swiped it. Now imagine that, instead of another driver, a cow has lumbered into the space and settled down. Your anger dissolves into bemusement.

Scheff and Edmiston explain that once we understand our anger "buttons", we can defuse a situation if they're pushed. Alternatively, just picture the cause of your frustration - be it a boss, colleague or donor - as a docile cow. That will soon have you smiling.
- Emma De Vita is books editor of Management Today

“The Cow in the Parking Lot: A Zen Approach to Overcoming Anger offers one of the best titles available on anger management. It's packed with insights and techniques that advocate getting calm instead of angry, and comes from a trial attorney who used anger to fuel his fiery courtroom presence. Buddhist wisdom permeates a powerful survey of what provokes anger and how to turn it aside.”

–California Bookwatch

From the Publisher