Table of Contents
Foreword xiii
Preface xv
"Who's in Charge?" xvi
Onward xviii
Chapter 1 Biology Has Plans for Your Love Life 1
The Coolidge Effect 4
How Did That Work Out? 7
Mating and Bonding, the Two Pedals 10
Why Now? 11
Why Me? 13
Wisdom of the Ages: Taoism 17
Chapter 2 Elephants in the Living Room 21
"Be Careful What You Ask For ... You May Get It" 22
Doña Quixote Sets Out 25
A Subtle Sense of Lack 27
"Objects in Mirror May Be Closer than They Appear" 30
"But I Feel Great after Orgasm!" 34
Rowing in the Same Leaky Boat 37
Telltale Signs? 38
The Pitfalls of Self-Sufficiency 39
Wisdom of the Ages: Christianity 43
Chapter 3 A Whale's Tail 49
"But What about Happy Marriages?" 51
The Bermuda Triangle of Relationships 53
"You Just Have to Find the Right Person" 55
More Awkward Questions 56
Wakeup Call 58
The Glamour Hook 58
Beyond Resentment 60
Mating versus Bonding 62
Teaming Up 63
A Tough Lesson 66
Where Had We Erred? 66
Wisdom of the Ages: Hinduism 69
Chapter 4 At the Heart of the Separation Virus 73
Planned Obsolescence 75
Meet Your Mammalian Brain 76
Ruthless Eugenics-Our Mating Program 79
More on the Monogamy Challenge 82
Faithful but Irritable 84
Questioning Commitment 86
The Link between Body and Mind 86
Urges Are Signals 89
Your Inner Compass 92
Dopamine-The Sharpest Arrow in Cupid's Quiver 92
Enter Cupid 93
Wisdom of the Ages: Cortezia 97
Chapter 5 The Passion Cycle 101
The Anti-Love Potion 102
What Goes Up Must Come Down 105
Dopamine-The Lynchpin 108
Addiction-Quest for More Misery 111
Balance and Bonding 112
Scientific Evidence of Lingering Changes after Orgasm113
Prolactin 114
Testosterone and Friends 119
What about Men? 120
The Perception Game 122
Tainting Love with Fear 125
Wisdom of the Ages: Male Continence 129
Chapter 6 The Road to Excess 133
Yesterday's Genes 134
Memories That Pack a Punch 136
"Where's My Tribe?" 137
The Agony of Excess 139
Sacharin and the Shakes 140
Porn's Surprising Lesson 143
"Too Much of a Good Thing ... Is Even Better!" 145
Cross-Tolerances 147
The Plastic Brain 148
In a Rut 150
Deceptive Cues 153
Dopamine and Distorted Perception 154
Jacking Up Dopamine 155
Reward Circuity Overload 159
Brain Training 160
How Does It Feel to Be a Guinea Pig? 165
Wisdom of the Ages: Karezza Alice B. Stockham 167
Chapter 7 Learning To Steer 171
The Surprising Gifts of Bonds 175
The Loophole in Our Genes' Plan 176
Bonding Cues 178
Selfless Touch versus Hungry Touch 179
Back Up When Necessary 180
Tears in the Nursery 182
Mates Can Strengthen Each Other 183
The Other Way of Easing Sexual Tension 184
Balance First 186
Relaxation versus Performance 188
Birth of the Ecstatic Exchanges 191
Intercourse 193
Tender Tango 195
Is History Repeating Itself? 197
Wisdom of the Ages: Karezza J. William Lloyd 199
Chapter 8 Science That Binds 203
The Neurochemistry of Monogamy 204
Warding Off the Habituation Blues 206
How Does Companionship Protect Health? 209
Old Brains + Modern Relationship Stress = Ill Health 209
"Attention-Activated Amygdala" 212
Oxytocin to the Rescue 214
Is the "Big O" Oxytocin? 215
Oxytocin Isn't a "Love Drug" 219
Is It Love, Is It Orgasm, or Is It Intercourse? 220
A "Catch-22" 221
What Do We Really Need from Sex? 223
Prostate Health 225
Unlimited Bonding versus Unlimited Mating 226
Wisdom of the Ages: Buddhism 231
Chapter 9 Bridging the Gap 235
Mammalian Brain Pain and the Case for Karezza 237
New Lifestyle, New Compulsions 238
From Frying Pan to Fire 240
Addiction and Civilization 243
The Ideal Mood Medicine 244
Pair-Bonding Mandate 246
Karezza and Monogamy 249
What to Do? 251
Be Straightforward 253
Know Thyself While Free of the Passion Cycle 254
Know Thyself During the Passion Cycle 257
"What Do I Do with This Surplus?" 259
Treasure Your Partner, Encourage Your Friends, Be Slow to Judge 263
Look Beneath the Froggy Costume 265
The Myth of Self-Sufficiency 267
Inner Work 269
Evolutionary Collision 269
Wisdom of the Ages: Rainbow Serpent Traditions 271
Chapter 10 The Path of Harmony 273
Innocent Errors 274
No Wonder Things Are Crazy 275
Karezza Revisited 278
Taking It Easy 279
Subtle Harmony 281
Maximizing Pleasure 284
Fleas in a Jar 285
Wisdom of the Ages: Transorgasmic Sex 287
"How Do I Explain This Book to My Friends?" -A Synopsis of Key Ideas 291
Mating-The "Habituation Pedal" 291
Bonding-The "Harmony Pedal" 293
The Ecstatic Exchanges 297
Structure 300
Details 301
Orgasms 301
Learning Is Learning, However It Occurs 303
Suggestions 304
Exchange 1 Recalibrating 305
Exchange 2 From Habit to Harmony 307
Exchange 3 Where Is Your Attention? 309
Exchange 4 Shaky Compromises 311
Exchange 5 Relaxation 313
Exchange 6 To Have All, Give All 315
Exchange 7 Rule Bending 317
Exchange 8 Vision 319
Exchange 9 "Harmless" Activities 321
Exchange 10 Biology's Rules 323
Exchange 11 It Isn't Easy Being Green 326
Exchange 12 Thinking Ahead 328
Exchange 13 Saboteurs 331
Exchange 14 Intention 333
Exchange 15 Not Yet 335
Exchange 16 Clarity (Intercourse) 338
Exchange 17 Virginity 341
Exchange 18 Consistency 343
Exchange 19 Questions (Intercourse) 345
Exchange 20 Self-Observation 348
Exchange 21 Bravo! 351
Notes 355
Index 375
About the Author 391