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Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships (2 Cassettes)

Overview

Of all the books that have been written about the personal relationships of women and what to do about them, this is the most sound. It contains an inspirational message for all women, regardless of their age, background, or life experience. Like a family heirloom, it can be passed from generation to generation, as it is based on profound and lasting truths.  ?Peggy Papp, M.S.W., The Ackerman Institute for Family Therapy
The Perennial Audio Bestseller from Harriet Lerner, Ph.D.

"Anger is a signal and one ...

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Overview

Of all the books that have been written about the personal relationships of women and what to do about them, this is the most sound. It contains an inspirational message for all women, regardless of their age, background, or life experience. Like a family heirloom, it can be passed from generation to generation, as it is based on profound and lasting truths.  —Peggy Papp, M.S.W., The Ackerman Institute for Family Therapy
The Perennial Audio Bestseller from Harriet Lerner, Ph.D.

"Anger is a signal and one worth listening to" writes Dr. Harriet Lerner, in her renowned classic that has transformed the lives of millions. While anger deserves our attention and respect, women still learn to silence our anger, to deny it entirely, or to vent it in a way that leaves us feeling helpless and powerless.

In this vivid, engaging and eminently wise work, Dr. Lerner teaches women to identify the true sources of anger and to use anger as a powerful vehicle for creating meaningful and lasting change. The challenge of anger is at the heart of our struggle with intimacy, self-esteem, and joy. The Dance of Anger has inspired more "You changed my life" stories from both women and men than perhaps any other bestseller on the American scene today.

Read by the author on two cassettes.

"...a primer for women about how to use anger for creating change and identify its true sources...this bestseller teaches women not to hide their anger, but to express it so it works to their benefit."

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780898457964
  • Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
  • Publication date: 5/28/1997
  • Format: Cassette
  • Edition description: Abridged, 2 Cassettes
  • Edition number: 1
  • Product dimensions: 4.42 (w) x 7.06 (h) x 0.78 (d)

Meet the Author

Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., is one of our nation’s most loved and respected relationship experts. Renowned for her work on the psychology of women and family relationships, she served as a staff psychologist at the Menninger Clinic for more than two decades. A distinguished lecturer, workshop leader, and psychotherapist, she is the author of The Dance of Anger and other bestselling books. She is also, with her sister, an award-winning children's book writer. She and her husband are therapists in Lawrence, Kansas, and have two sons.

Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., is one of our nation’s most loved and respected relationship experts. Renowned for her work on the psychology of women and family relationships, she served as a staff psychologist at the Menninger Clinic for more than two decades. A distinguished lecturer, workshop leader, and psychotherapist, she is the author of The Dance of Anger and other bestselling books. She is also, with her sister, an award-winning children's book writer. She and her husband are therapists in Lawrence, Kansas, and have two sons.

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Reading Group Guide

Plot Summary
Women have long been discouraged from discussing anger. We are the nurturers, the soothers, the peacemakers, the steadiers of rocked boats. We learn to fear our anger, because it not only brings about the disapproval of others but also signals the necessity for change.

The taboos against expressing anger are so powerful that we may not even know when we are angry. Or we may vent anger in a way that leaves us feeling helpless and powerless ensuring that change does not occur. Or we may wrap feelings of guilt and self-blame around ourselves like an old familiar blanket. Many of us feel guilty if we are anything less than an emotional service station to others.

The Dance of Anger shows readers how to identify the actual sources of anger and to use anger as a tool for change. Lerner illustrates how getting angry gets nowhere if we do not identify and change our own part in the pattern.

Questions for Discussion
1. What are the forces from family and culture that encourage us to deny our own legitimate anger? Why is women's anger threatening to others and ourselves?

2. What are the typical ways we manage anger (for example, venting, distancing, blaming) that don't work for us over the long haul? Discuss case examples from the book that illustrate "anger gone wrong" and see what you learn from them.

3. Discuss the following concepts and themes that are illustrated by case examples in The Dance of Anger. Move from the examples in the book to examples in your own life.

  • Emotional pursuer-- emotional distancer (Chapter 3)
  • Anger at our mothers (Chapter 4)
  • Triangles (Chapter 8)

Remember, there are important "howto" lessons contained in each woman's story throughout the book. A group situation is an ideal place to connect these with your own life and formulate new steps to move differently in relationships.

Quotes for Discussion

"Anger is a signal and one worth listening to." (Page 1)

"Those of us who are locked into ineffective expressions of anger suffer as deeply as those of us who dare not get angry at all." (Page 5)

"It is not just anger and fighting that we learn to fear; we avoid asking precise questions and making clear statements when we unconsciously suspect that doing so would expose our differences, make the other person feel uncomfortable, and leave us standing alone." (Page 93)

About the Author: Harriet Lerner Ph.D., is an internationally acclaimed expert on the psychology of women and family relationships. She is a staff psychologist and psychotherapist at the Menninger Clinic and a distinguished lecturer, consultant, and workshop leader. She has a monthly column in New Woman magazine. Her latest book is The Mother Dance: How Children Change Your Life

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