Dance with Jesus: From Grief to Grace

by Susan B. Mead

Overview

A woman grieving the loss of her family finds God's grace in this inspiring memoir of grief, faith, and renewal.
 
Susan B. Mead knows a lot about grief and loss. She lost her brilliant sister to suicide, her youngest son to drugs and alcohol, and—on the four-year anniversary of her son's death—she lost her sister-in-law to cancer. After so many trials, Susan was left broken and bewildered. Then she learned a powerful lesson: When we are lost in the storms of grief, only God can pierce the darkness.
 
In Dance with Jesus, Susan shares her personal story of how God came to her in the midst of profound grief with a display of love, insight, and comfort far beyond anything she thought possible. In her inspiring and intimate style, Susan freely shares how her encounters with God at her lowest moments led her to a deeper relationship with Him that truly restored her soul.
 
10 percent of the profit from Dance with Jesus will benefit Water for LIFE to help dig water wells in remote locations around the world.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781630473082
Publisher:	Morgan James Faith
Publication date:	09/10/2019
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	130
File size:	2 MB

About the Author

Susan B. Mead, a medical technologist with an MBA, spent 22-plus years in the diabetes sector with Johnson & Johnson prior to founding the blog Agog4God.com, A Gathering of Girlfriends and Guys for God. After Susan lost her youngest son, she came to realize that even when things get broken, discarded, or replaced, people matter most. Susan is a Charter Blogger on the Bible Gateway Blogger's Grid, has been published in Medical Laboratory Observer (MLO), and has been described as a solid, comforting voice in a messy world.

Read an Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

Where is Matt?

* * *

1 Peter 3:13-15 (NIV)

Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened." But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect ...

* * *

Lafayette, Louisiana.

That's the answer to "Where is Matt?" He's my oldest son. Next time you are in Lafayette, Louisiana, go eat at 2Paul's Radically Urban Barbeque on Johnston in the Albertson's shopping center. It's near the University of Louisiana Lafayette (ULL). Or head to their second location in Broussard, just south of Lafayette. Tell the blue-eyed guy in the kitchen, "Hey, your momma said to get the pulled pork salad." You'll be glad you did!

Dancing with Jesus.

That's the answer to the next question, "Where is Kyle?" He's my youngest son. Now and forever twenty.

I'm so blessed.

Did you expect that to be the next sentence? No? Yes!

Let me share why I can say that I'm blessed — and mean it from the very bottom of my heart.

Personal Reflection

First, let me ask you a question — do you know that you are blessed?

CHAPTER 2

GOD GETS HIS MONEY

Psalm 25:6-10 (NIV)

Remember, LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old. Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, Lord, are good. Good and upright is the LORD; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways. He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way. All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful toward those who keep the demands of his covenant.

* * *

I've known Jesus Christ my entire life.

My cousin Susan came down from Northern Virginia to Texas to be my godmother when I was baptized as an infant in the Episcopal Church of the Good Shepherd in Terrell, Texas. I heard stories about how Susan asked "What did they put in the dirt to make it so black?" every time we drove from home in Wills Point, Texas, to Dallas. We loved our trips there, whether it was to shop, go to a movie or pick up a friend from the airport, it was ALWAYS a fun outing. Susan was familiar with red clay and we were blessed to live where the sandy East Texas soil met the edge of the black dirt belt that runs through North Central Texas. That soil simply looks rich to me!

We were in that church every Sunday for church services and Wednesday for choir practice with my parents. When I was about three or four years old, I heard something one Sunday that got my little mind busy. The offering was blessed and what I recall hearing was, "This is God's money to use as He wills."

So what was my young mind busy with? How does God get His money? Literally. HOW? They said He uses it, so He had to get it. Right? Doesn't that make sense — when you are three or four?

I thought about it for days. And days. (That's forever when you are that age!) We did all kinds of typical errands with Mom that week: grocery store, post office to mail a package, drug store, airport to take Daddy somewhere. Just a regular week.

And then, during the service the following Sunday morning, sitting on the front row (yes indeed, that's where Daddy lined up his crew each week), they blessed the offering to God's use once again — and I got it! I saw how God got His money.

God's money To use as He wills Post office Brown paper wrapping AIR MAIL STAMP BIG JET

Here's what I saw:

Father Flagg wrapped up God's money — oh, so carefully.

Wrapped THAT package in plain brown paper wrapping (disguised — so cleverly disguised, I thought).

Addressed that package:

GOD

HEAVEN STAMPED that wrapping paper with AIR MAIL And flew it — in a BIG JET Up as close to heaven as possible And threw it out

For God to reach down from heaven with His powerful hands to GET HIS MONEY.

To use as He wills.

Tada! There I sat with arms crossed and a satisfied nod as I figured out that puzzle. Can't you just see that smug little grin? I still laugh when I recall how absolutely sure and totally satisfied I felt when I figured that one out.

I got to sing in the choir with the adults from the time I was about seven years old. Would you like to know that I need a bucket to carry a tune? Sure do! There were a few folks I remember from my childhood time at this lovely old church. Harry Madgwick sang in the choir and he was simply regal to me! Strong British name, beautiful voice, and quite the handsome gentleman to this little girl from East Texas. Another member I recall was May — a beautiful British lady. Her son drove a Jaguar — in Texas — in the early 1960s. Wow! Big stretch Jaguar — like the car the Big Bad Wolf drove in Little Red Riding Hood cartoons. LONG hood. Seemed to literally stretch into space as he drove around a corner. COOL CAR. Very cool. You know what? That car may have been one of a handful of Jaguar's in all of Texas at that time — I was smitten!

When I was confirmed, the bishop who confirmed me had his mitered hat on and I promise you he must have been the proverbial "ten feet tall." At least that's what he looked like to this twelve-year-old kid! I have such fond memories of the wonderful people in that lovely old church, the beautiful stained glass, and the historic pipe organ. And God's money. And that cool car.

As a child, my mom taught me that I was never alone as Jesus is love and is always with us. She even said, "Hold His hand when you pray. He will hold your hand too. And you will feel His presence and power." Oh, yes! When I pray — to this very day — my hands are typically clasped — and I feel Him, squeezing my hand back! Jesus' power and presence is real, tangible, and comforting.

Imagine:

You are fifteen years old.

Remember how you felt as a teenager?

Oh, but Jesus was there, whenever I prayed.

COMFORT JOY PEACE Holding my hand.

Didn't get me to be perfect — but that's a different story!

His presence got me through every day. How blessed is that?

Personal Reflection

[??] Remember your teen years — were they filled with rebellion or reverence?

[??] Have you ever held the hand of God, or felt his presence with you? Would you like to feel God's presence in your life?

CHAPTER 3

CAN'T SHOOT 'TIL NOON

Psalm 139:13-16 (NIV)

For you created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made: Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me Were written in your book Before one of them came to be.

* * *

I met the love of my life at college in Monroe, Louisiana. It was called Northeast Louisiana University then. Now it's the University of Louisiana Monroe.

Holt Mead simply stole my heart at nineteen. We married at the ripe old age of twenty-two — and thought we were so grown up! Holt's dad was a retired Methodist minister in the Louisiana Conference, so he performed the wedding ceremony.

We married. At one o'clock on Saturday afternoon, September 1, 1979. Holt wanted his parents home safe and sound before dark. Remember, retired minister.

My dad simply said, "Can't shoot 'til noon."

You see, September first is opening day for dove season. Dad and I had a tradition of going dove hunting on opening day — until September 1, 1979! Do you think my dad would have liked an evening wedding?!

We joke that we had about one hundred ladies and ten gentlemen (the ones in the ceremony mostly!) at the service. Dad said all the other guys were out huntin' ...

Five and a half years later, we were blessed with Matthew Alexander Mead. His name means "gift from God, defender of man." He truly is my gift! He looks just like me and acts just like Holt. Great combination, if I do say so myself.

When Matt was born, he cried loudly, like babies do as they are cleaned up. The nurse handed Matt to Holt. Matt quit crying. Hmmm. The nurse took Matt back — he cried. She handed Matt to me — and he quit crying. He knew us! Praise God, Matt knew us! He totally wrapped himself around my heart at that moment. I had been in love with Matt ever since I learned we were expecting him. And I always will be. Even when boys will be boys ...

Two years and five months later, we were blessed with Kyle Wilson Mead. We found out we were expecting him three days after I gave away all my maternity clothes and were in the midst of a move from Dallas to Tampa, Florida.

We were at my parents' house in North Louisiana and by then I suspected I might be pregnant. My sister, Margaret, and I are both medical technologists, and she was headed to work on Christmas Eve, where she would be able to perform the test for me — if we could get a blood sample for her to take to work with her. We scrambled around the house until we found one of Dad's 1 mL allergy shot syringes — which she used to draw my blood for a pregnancy test. This was way before the days of heading to the grocery store or pharmacy for your own kit. She called early the next morning saying, "Merry Christmas."

When Kyle was born, he looked just like Holt. I fell head over heels in love with that little guy, right then and there. And Matt adored his little brother. Soft hands. Matt had such soft hands with Kyle —'til they were older and wrestlin'.

Life took us from Tampa, to North Carolina, to Dallas, up to New Jersey, south to Shreveport, Louisiana, and then back to the Dallas area.

Holt told me when we got married that he never wanted to move again as he had moved too many times growing up as a preacher's kid. I have a question.

Are we done moving yet?

Personal Reflection

[??] Do you have any children or godchildren?

[??] Were you present for the birth of your child, niece or nephew, or godchild?

[??] What about when you found out you were pregnant — were there any memorable moments?

[??] What is memorable about the birth of your first child, niece, nephew, or godchild? What was heartwarming? Blessed? Beautiful?

[??] If you had any subsequent children, what was memorable about their births?

[??] What warms your heart to share with them and others about the day?

[??] What makes you smile when you recall it? Does it bring tears of joy to your eyes?

CHAPTER 4

JOANIE'S IN THAT BOX

* * *

1 John 4:4 (NIV)

You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.

* * *

While we were living in Shreveport, we had most of the family over one sunny summer weekend. Oh, what a game of canasta we played! I bet it was one for the record books. My sister Bettehad a hand the likes of which none of us had ever seen — before or since. Her score was 5,700 points — for a single hand!

Bette's six-year-old daughter Kathryn was also there with us. She was very intrigued by a beautiful carved box on my mantle. You see, Joanie was in that box.

Huh? Who was Joanie?

Joanie was Kyle's black lab. Jersey Joan Jett. Joanie.

Joanie died of cancer earlier that year, when she was only about five years old. We had not figured out where to bury a big black lab in the muddy red clay of Shreveport, Louisiana, so we had her cremated, and her ashes were in that lovely carved box. We still had not decided where to bury her ashes, so the gorgeous box was on the mantle in the hearth room.

Kathryn simply wanted to open the box — to see Joanie!

Can you just imagine it? What a mess it would be if the box was pried open — dust and ashes all over everywhere, instead of a bubbly black lab to lick that cute six-year-old girl. It took some convincing to keep that box up high on the mantle and sealed!

Personal Reflection

[??] Out of the mouths of babes comes such delight! What have you heard from a little one that you will remember forever?

[??] Who said it, how old were they, and why did it strike a chord with you?

[??] Did it make you laugh — or cry — or laugh so hard you cried?

CHAPTER 5

She's Mine

* * *

Psalm 109:26-27 (NIV)

Help me, O LORD my God; save me in accordance with your love. Let them know that it is your hand, that you, O Lord, have done it.

* * *

The following month, Mom called on a Tuesday morning. Early.

It had been an odd day for me on Monday, the afternoon before. I had a migraine headache that sent me to bed for a couple of hours. That was unusual for me. I rarely got headaches. Rarely.

Mom asked, "Did Holt tell you that I called last night?" No. It was not unusual, as we sometimes forgot to share when folks called. She had simply asked him to have me call her back. I thought nothing of it.

Until Mom said, "Bette killed herself. Yesterday afternoon."

Oh, God.

How?

She bought a gun ...

My precious middle sister, Bette, was dead. She was a brilliant PhD nurse, and everyone at her hospital called her sunshine. Oh, God!

And it had happened while I was suffering from a rare, debilitating migraine. Empathy? She was two inches shorter than me, but she looked and sounded just like me when we talked.

Then I felt it. "It" can only be described as an angel wing ... or the hand of God.

It stroked my heart. (I felt Your hand stroke my broken heart, Lord.)

And I heard — out loud —"I've got her. She's mine." Possessive — mine.

The peace that passes all understanding enveloped me. I went from believing to knowing that God not only had, but still has, Bette wrapped in His loving arms.

He told me so. And I believe God. Then chaos ensued.

Personal Reflection

[??] Have you felt God's hand in your life?

[??] Have you heard Him speak to you?

[??] Have you heard Him speak out loud to you?

[??] Have you moved from believing in God to knowing that God is real?

CHAPTER 6

Big Old Ugly Hairy Spider

* * *

Psalm 103:13-17 (NIV)

As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD'S love is with those who fear him. And his righteousness with their children's children ...

* * *

Robert, Bette's husband, wanted to bury her next to his dad up in their family cemetery in St. Joe, Arkansas. Bette called this area near the Buffalo River "God's country." Robert's dad was a surgeon who loved Bette dearly and treasured the nursing skills that she lavished upon him. She loved being able to nurse him in his later life and final days. We all thought that that was the perfect place for Bette to be laid to rest.

Kathryn, my niece, and Bobby, my nephew, were helping me plant daffodil bulbs in their mom's grave after the service was over, folks had left and the dirt was being placed back into the grave. We were pitching bulbs in one by one, when, to our surprise, a huge tarantula crawled out of the dirt pile next to us. We flung all the rest of the bulbs into the grave with one big heave, and off we flew! At that point, we (or more accurately, I) did not care where they landed.

The kids burst out laughing at the antics of their hysterical aunt, as I scrambled away from that big old ugly hairy spider! God certainly has a sense of humor — what a memory to seal that day.

The following Christmas, six-year-old Kathryn asked me if I had her mom in a box like Joanie. We all hooted with laughter and reminded her, "Oh no honey, we buried your mom — remember the spider?"

Oh yeah. That's right!

Bless those precious children, Lord, as they grow into young adulthood. May you continue to find favor in them, their dad, Robert, and his beautiful new bride, Myriam, whom we love.

Personal Reflection

[??] Have you ever had a moment of pure hilarity on an otherwise somber day?

[??] Did the humor brighten everyone's heavy spirits?

[??] Does it make you smile when you recall or share that precious, sacred moment?

[??] Did you feel like God wanted you to experience His joy?

CHAPTER 7

Tattoo Taboo

* * *

Leviticus 19:28 (NIV)

Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD.

James 4:12 (NIV)

There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy.

* * *

Financial support ceases.

That was the rule about a tattoo showing up on one of our boy's bodies — until the day that Kyle walked in with a huge tattoo covering his arm from shoulder to elbow.

Only God can judge me

Yep, superimposed on a cross, sunbeams, and clouds.

Hmmm. Okay, God. Your name is carved on Kyle's arm. Your name is proudly sported for the world to see Kyle's belief in You.

Financial support ceases with a tattoo. That's the rule. Right?

It seems we reevaluated our stance on the "tattoo taboo," as God's name was etched on our son's arm — even in light of the scripture prohibiting tattoos.

Did I mention that we are very much a work in progress, in walking closer with God — and obeying Him and His Word?

Personal Reflection

[??] Do you have a tattoo or know someone who does?

[??] Does it honor someone or something?

[??] Is there meaning or significance in the tattoo?

(Continues…)

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Excerpted from "Dance with Jesus"
by .
Copyright © 2015 SUSAN B. MEAD.
Excerpted by permission of Morgan James Publishing.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

People Matter – Join the Dance,
How to Use This Book,
Acknowledgements,
Chapter 1 Where is Matt?,
Chapter 2 God Gets His Money,
Chapter 3 Can't Shoot 'Til Noon,
Chapter 4 Joanie's In That Box,
Chapter 5 She's Mine,
Chapter 6 Big Old Ugly Hairy Spider,
Chapter 7 Tattoo Taboo,
Chapter 8 Living to Die At Home,
Chapter 9 Broken to Breathing,
Chapter 10 I Taught Him How ... To Dance,
Chapter 11 He's in My Presence,
Chapter 12 The Dark and Broken Places,
Chapter 13 Living And Loving After Losing,
Chapter 14 My Higher Power is Messing With Me,
Chapter 15 Carve His Name,
Chapter 16 Odd or God,
Chapter 17 That One's Right,
Chapter 18 Who's She Holding On For?,
Chapter 19 Big Date,
Chapter 20 Hold His Hand,
Chapter 21 You Show Up,
Chapter 22 A Boy and His Dog,
About the Author,