Daring to Trust: Opening Ourselves to Real Love and Intimacy

Daring to Trust: Opening Ourselves to Real Love and Intimacy

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by David Richo
     
 

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Most relationship problems are essentially trust issues, explains psychotherapist David Richo. Whether it’s fear of commitment, insecurity, jealousy, or a tendency to be controlling, the real obstacle is a fundamental lack of trust—both in ourselves and in our partner.

Daring to Trust offers key insights and practical exercises for

Overview

Most relationship problems are essentially trust issues, explains psychotherapist David Richo. Whether it’s fear of commitment, insecurity, jealousy, or a tendency to be controlling, the real obstacle is a fundamental lack of trust—both in ourselves and in our partner.

Daring to Trust offers key insights and practical exercises for exploring and addressing our trust issues in relationships. Topics include:


  • How we learn early in life to trust others (or not to trust them)
  • Why we fear trusting
  • Developing greater trust in ourselves as the basis for trusting others
  • How to know if someone is trustworthy
  • Naïve trust vs. healthy, adult trust
  • What to do when trust is broken


Ultimately, Richo explains, we must develop trust in four directions: toward ourselves, toward others, toward life as it is, and toward a higher power or spiritual path. These four types of trust are not only the basis of healthy relationships, they are also the foundation of emotional well-being and freedom from fear

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly
"Trust is not a feeling. It begins as a belief about the other," explains Richo (When the Past Is Present), a longtime therapist and author who transforms his kindly advice into an easy-to-understand "bible" of trust. The author introduces the concept of the "Five A's" he deems pivotal to trust in any adult relationship: Attention, Acceptance, Appreciation, Affection, and Allowing. Especially helpful is a point-by-point checklist to aid readers in determining if someone can be trusted. While some guiding principals may seem self-evident ("Does not lie or have a secret life") others are more nuanced, such as "May operate on the basis of self-interest but never at my expense or at the expense of others." Filled with informative quizzes and fact-based assessments, the slim book offers a great deal of real-world advice governing adult relations, especially regarding modern romance in a shifting world. Richo's greatest ambition focuses on readers' ability to self-nurture, and he devotes the book's most enjoyable chapters to this subject. The take-away? The most important person to trust is yourself. (Dec.)
From the Publisher
"Combining profound insights and practical techniques, this important new book walks us step-by-step through our trust issues and, in so doing, opens the gate held shut by our deepest fears so that we can finally, fearlessly, love and be loved."—Susan Piver, author of The Wisdom of a Broken Heart

"Beautifully wise, straightforward, and helpful."—Jack Kornfield, author of The Wise Heart

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9780834822078
Publisher:
Shambhala Publications, Inc.
Publication date:
01/11/2011
Series:
Shambhala Publications
Sold by:
Barnes & Noble
Format:
NOOK Book
Pages:
192
Sales rank:
460,523
File size:
449 KB

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Read an Excerpt

Our first life task was to trust. We may have been gratified to notice it was wisely placed. Or we may have been let down as we found out it was not. When trust happens with our parents or with any person, we are launched into an assurance that the world and others have what it takes to fulfill us. Trusting later in life will come easy.

The opposite of trust is not mistrust. It is despair because we have given up on believing that safety and fulfillment are possible. We have lost our hope in fellow humans. Trusting was our first need. Perhaps it became our worst fear. In the venture of growing as adults in relationship, it is our finest risk.

One of the first things we notice when we enter an intimate relationship is that trust is required if it is to work. If we never learned to trust others to begin with, we will be bewildered and notice that we are in over our heads. We will feel powerless because we did not make the preparations required to take a course this complex.

A healthy adult learns to trust himself first. We trust ourselves to receive trustworthiness with appreciation and to handle untrustworthiness with strength but without retaliation. We shall be seeing clearly in this book that trust can grow with practice, especially that of choosing to be trustworthy, whether or not others may be.

Meet the Author

David Richo, PhD, is a psychotherapist, teacher, writer, and workshop leader whose work emphasizes the benefits of mindfulness and loving-kindness in personal growth and emotional well-being. He is the author of numerous books, including How to Be an Adult in Relationships and The Five Things We Cannot Change. He lives in Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California.

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