Are you puzzled by the complex mating behaviors of the modern male? Stop winging it! Dating expert Lauren Frances’s hands-on research has proven time and again that men are like wild things. They’re easily startled by fast moves, are content to sing your praises until talk of commitment begins, and often flee in an attempt to resist (emotional) arrest! So, how best to catch and keep your Lovebird?
In Dating, Mating, and Manhandling, you’ll get the most up-to-date romantic research and learn essentials like:
• Flirtatious field techniques
• The best places to man catch
• How to decipher male sexual sign language
• How to tell the difference between the Marrying Man and the Hardened Bachelor
• How to get men eating out of the palm of your hand!
You’ll also learn guidelines for successful man selection. Find out if he’s a:
Nightingale. This smooth talker sings your praises but develops laryngitis when it comes to making a commitment. Are you being wooed or worked?
Chicken. This commitmentphobe would rather drown in the rain than get back in the barn. Learn how to spot a “flight risk.”
Pterodactyl. Is an extinct lover from your past ruining your present love life? Stop being hexed by your ex!
With Lauren Frances’s Romantic Rules and Manhandling Techniques under your (garter) belt, you’ll go from mere boy-watching to dating, mating, and manhandling in no time!
Has Your Love Life Gone To The Birds?
Dating, Mating, and Manhandling demystifies modern male courtship behavior and offers practical advice designed to help you catch and keep your Lovebird. Solve your dating dilemmas by learning:
• The power of Flock Appeal: Learn fabulous flirt techniques and the best ways to work the field.
• Date interrogation: How to assess whether he’s Mr. Wrong or if he’s flying right.
• The secret bargaining power of your exclusivity: How to have “the Talk” about monogamy, and when to give him a timely ultimatum.
• Manhandling Tips and Romantic Rules: Nip bad behavior in the bud by learning effective boundary-setting techniques.
• “Magic words” guaranteed to soothe your savage beast.
Whether you’re looking for a date or a mate, or just want to “get flocked,” dating expert Lauren Frances, Ph. Double D shares her up-to-date relationship research in this comprehensive guide to modern romance.
Chapter One
Get Flocked: Discovering the Fundamentals of Flirting
I was eleven and watching Gone With the Wind. I sported braces, freckles, and octagonal glasses. Mesmerized, I watched as Scarlett O'Hara clung to her bedpost as she was laced into her terrifically tiny corset. Then Atlanta burned and she survived the Civil War and made a fetching green dress from her living room drapes.
But it was the picnic scene at the Hamiltons' that would etch itself forever into my impressionable mind. There Scarlett stood, hooped-out and surrounded by a huge flock of men. And as she basked in the center of all that fabulous male attention, she looked just like the cat that ate the canary!
"Now how on earth did she manage that?" eleven-year-old me marveled. It would take some years before I would fully understand her man- catching secret.
Scarlett Deconstructed
Scarlett O'Hara possessed the mind-set of Flock Consciousness. By not focusing exclusively on any one suitor, she lured an entire flock of Lovebirds, and wisely kept her options open. Scarlett was flirtatiously multitasking!
She had every boy at TwelveOaks eating out of the palm of her hand. "Why yes, Mr. Hamilton, I'd love some more lemonade, with lots and lots of chipped ice." And she needed it because she was on fire.
Several years later, braces off and contacts in, I donned a halter- top and a little too much Bonne Bell blush and went to my first high school party. I intuitively practiced what Scarlett had taught me and allowed a flock of boys to gather around without making the silly mistake of getting romantic tunnel vision.
This would land me a date with Paul, the star quarterback, his scent an intoxicating blend of Ivory soap and cigarettes. And also Ross, a towheaded junior who walked me home the next day after soccer practice. His dazzling white teeth would leave a small hickey that my mother would notice and ground me for later that weekend.
My romantic career had officially begun!
What's Good for the Goose Is Good for the Gander
The most common mistake single women make is to prematurely take themselves off the market simply because "someone likes them" (otherwise known as the One-at-a-Time Man Plan).
This misstep can happen during any phase of dating, and is a genetic holdover from the millions of years that women spent picking berries on the tundra. It makes us want to quickly give up the hunt and become "instantaneously monogamous" to a viable suitor once he's been found.
Warning: The problem is that most men like to date women exactly the other way around.
man fact: Men, even the ones you think are really nice guys (like architects) believe that it's not only normal, but actually preferable, to have several sexual options (women) waiting for them in the wings.
Men don't think that this approach is wrong as long as they haven't stepped up and made a verbal commitment to any, some, or all of these women. On the contrary, most men subscribe to the Male String Theory of Dating.
Boys were learning much more than teamwork in Little League. They also learned the value of rotating the talent. When little boys grow up and become men, they'll apply this principle to their love lives, too. It's ingenious when you understand how it works . . .
The Male String Theory of Dating
A single male has his starting lineup of MVPs, then his Second String Girls, who like him just a little more than he likes them, and finally his Romantic Replacements, who are kept in a holding pattern on the bench.
His MVPs are usually the women he thinks he'll have mind-blowing sex with. The rest are put into romantic rotation.
Men don't feel one shred of guilt about it because, after all, they're not married, so they don't have to act like they are. Maybe they have a point!
The Male String Theory of Dating hinges upon the "If you're dumb enough not to ask me, I'm not gonna be stupid enough to tell you" policy.
Sidebar: It's amazing that more women don't ask the men they're dating if they're currently sexually involved with other women, or how many! If they did, they'd be shocked by the answer.
romantic rule: It's not prying or rude to ask the men you're sleeping with about the competition you're up against, to find out the real odds of contracting STDs--or actual commitments--from them.
The Solution!
The only way you'll find the right man is if you feel confident rejecting the wrong men fearlessly. When you're clear about your needs and know how to communicate and commit to them, you'll quickly assess the real value of the men who court you, and free yourself from the ones who need to be dropped from your flock.
The Good News: If you're one of the MILLIONS of women who've been lulled into thinking that you'll get what you want by passively wishing and waiting, or by throwing terrible fits, this is your lucky day.
romantic rule: Unless men take themselves out of the field for you, don't take yourself out of the game for them!
Please put your hand over your heart, slip into your sexiest stilettos, and repeat after me:
The Romantic Researchers Hippocratic Oath
I vow to never again give the precious gift of my exclusivity to any man, no matter how rich or how hot, until he steps up and offers me the kind of relationship that I truly want. Until then, I'll be free to fly at the apex of my own flock of suitors. They'll naturally fall into a pecking order over time, until one day I notice that someone has been happily flying right beside me, with no intention of flying south without me, and I'll have found my lovebird after all!
Now grab your keys and follow me. Let's get flocked!
Excerpted from Dating, Mating, and Manhandling by Lauren Frances, Ph. DD Founder of the Institute of Romantic Research Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
| Introduction | 1 | |
| Part i | Dating | |
| 1 | Get Flocked: Discovering the Fundamentals of Flirting | 7 |
| 2 | The Art of Flirting | 11 |
| 3 | Assembling Your Mantrap Pack | 21 |
| 4 | Sitting Ducks: The 18 Most Likely Places to Spot Your Bird | 25 |
| 5 | Flirting in the Field | 34 |
| 6 | Get Your Ducks in a Row | 39 |
| 7 | Male Courtship Displays | 44 |
| 8 | Strutting | 47 |
| 9 | Etiquette in the Aviary: First Date Dos and Don'ts | 51 |
| 10 | Bewitching Your Bird: Tools of the Trade for a Great First Date | 55 |
| 11 | Date Interrogation | 63 |
| 12 | Clay Pigeons | 71 |
| 13 | Lovebirds' Field Notes Checklist: Was He Winging It? | 77 |
| Part ii | Mating | |
| 14 | Bird Selection | 89 |
| 15 | Don't Count Your Chickens Before They Hatch! The Heartache Prevention Handbook | 99 |
| 16 | Flock Consciousness in the Field | 112 |
| 17 | The Birds and the Bees | 122 |
| 18 | Sex and the Single Bird | 131 |
| 19 | Male Breeding Displays | 134 |
| 20 | Flight Patterns | 144 |
| 21 | The Male Secret Language Decoder | 153 |
| 22 | Has Your Relationship Gone to the Birds? | 162 |
| 23 | Flipping the Bird | 171 |
| 24 | The Pterodactyl | 176 |
| Part iii | Manhandling | |
| 25 | Can You Train This Bird? | 185 |
| 26 | Birdshit | 188 |
| 27 | Talk to the Animals | 194 |
| 28 | Peckerheads | 205 |
| 29 | Putting All Your Eggs in One Basket | 214 |
| 30 | Swan Songs: Delivering the Timely Ultimatum | 221 |
| Appendix | An Index of Bird Types: The Aviary | 227 |
Anonymous
Posted September 14, 2006
This book is a wonderfully witty read, and in fact, quite brilliant in its analysis of men. The author obviously has had experience in this department. Women need this book to build up their confidence. We are sick of men's books telling us 'he's just not into us.' Why do we have to grovel, when the choice should be up to us?!
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted May 2, 2006
A friend gave me the galleys and I read them while hanging out in a Starbucks scoping women. Then I realized i was one of the 'birds' she was writing about. Laughed so hard i spit out my Half caf latte grande. Of course i did get a phone number
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted June 21, 2006
This woman is a GENIUS. I will buy a copy for every woman I know, Using her 'Ph Double D dating techniques' quickly transfomed me into the confident, in control, and best of all busy busy romantic researcher I always dreamed of being. I'm having the time of my life as a result of this book. When I'm not dating...I'm sleeping!
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted April 25, 2006
I am one of the lucky ones who have read an advance copy -- I HIGHLY recommend it to all women in the dating pool.
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Posted January 8, 2009
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Posted August 12, 2010
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Overview
Are you puzzled by the complex mating behaviors of the modern male? Stop winging it! Dating expert Lauren Frances’s hands-on research has proven time and again that men are like wild things. They’re easily startled by fast moves, are content to sing your praises until talk of commitment begins, and often flee in an attempt to resist (emotional) arrest! So, how best to catch and ...