Dead-End Lovers: How to Avoid Them and Find True Intimacy
Establishing and maintaining a meaningful, satisfying, and enduring intimate relationship can be elusive for many people. Time and again, they are drawn to lovers with whom the relationship is futile, ending with hurt feelings and regrets. In this work, Eminent Scholar Nina Brown shares her longtime experience as a professional counselor to help those with the question: "Why do I keep picking unsuitable lovers?" Brown calls them "Dead-End lovers," and in this work she shows us not only how to spot them early and avoid them, but also what it is - what psychological needs we have - that attract us to them. This work, guided by decades of counseling people with relationship problems, includes 17 clear signals of unsuitability, and how to spot the five types of unsuitable lovers - Hurting and Needy, Risk-Taking and Rebellious, Charming and Manipulative, Self-absorbed, or Exotic and Different. To help us understand why we are drawn to them, Brown explains the personal psychological lures and attractions we may have - from Being a Saver, to Searching for Excitement, Craving Attention and Admiration, Finding a Mirror, and Rebellion against Convention. She also details how we can move ahead and find true intimacy by pinpointing the components of a satisfying and meaningful intimate relationship, increasing interpersonal effectiveness, strengthening our psychological boundaries, resisting lures, managing emotions, and becoming aware of potential personal romantic illusions. She also explains why entering into a relationship expecting to change another person is most often just an exercise in futility.
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Dead-End Lovers: How to Avoid Them and Find True Intimacy
Establishing and maintaining a meaningful, satisfying, and enduring intimate relationship can be elusive for many people. Time and again, they are drawn to lovers with whom the relationship is futile, ending with hurt feelings and regrets. In this work, Eminent Scholar Nina Brown shares her longtime experience as a professional counselor to help those with the question: "Why do I keep picking unsuitable lovers?" Brown calls them "Dead-End lovers," and in this work she shows us not only how to spot them early and avoid them, but also what it is - what psychological needs we have - that attract us to them. This work, guided by decades of counseling people with relationship problems, includes 17 clear signals of unsuitability, and how to spot the five types of unsuitable lovers - Hurting and Needy, Risk-Taking and Rebellious, Charming and Manipulative, Self-absorbed, or Exotic and Different. To help us understand why we are drawn to them, Brown explains the personal psychological lures and attractions we may have - from Being a Saver, to Searching for Excitement, Craving Attention and Admiration, Finding a Mirror, and Rebellion against Convention. She also details how we can move ahead and find true intimacy by pinpointing the components of a satisfying and meaningful intimate relationship, increasing interpersonal effectiveness, strengthening our psychological boundaries, resisting lures, managing emotions, and becoming aware of potential personal romantic illusions. She also explains why entering into a relationship expecting to change another person is most often just an exercise in futility.
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Dead-End Lovers: How to Avoid Them and Find True Intimacy

Dead-End Lovers: How to Avoid Them and Find True Intimacy

by Nina W. Brown
Dead-End Lovers: How to Avoid Them and Find True Intimacy

Dead-End Lovers: How to Avoid Them and Find True Intimacy

by Nina W. Brown

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Overview

Establishing and maintaining a meaningful, satisfying, and enduring intimate relationship can be elusive for many people. Time and again, they are drawn to lovers with whom the relationship is futile, ending with hurt feelings and regrets. In this work, Eminent Scholar Nina Brown shares her longtime experience as a professional counselor to help those with the question: "Why do I keep picking unsuitable lovers?" Brown calls them "Dead-End lovers," and in this work she shows us not only how to spot them early and avoid them, but also what it is - what psychological needs we have - that attract us to them. This work, guided by decades of counseling people with relationship problems, includes 17 clear signals of unsuitability, and how to spot the five types of unsuitable lovers - Hurting and Needy, Risk-Taking and Rebellious, Charming and Manipulative, Self-absorbed, or Exotic and Different. To help us understand why we are drawn to them, Brown explains the personal psychological lures and attractions we may have - from Being a Saver, to Searching for Excitement, Craving Attention and Admiration, Finding a Mirror, and Rebellion against Convention. She also details how we can move ahead and find true intimacy by pinpointing the components of a satisfying and meaningful intimate relationship, increasing interpersonal effectiveness, strengthening our psychological boundaries, resisting lures, managing emotions, and becoming aware of potential personal romantic illusions. She also explains why entering into a relationship expecting to change another person is most often just an exercise in futility.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780313355974
Publisher: ABC-CLIO, LLC
Publication date: 07/30/2008
Sold by: Barnes & Noble
Format: eBook
File size: 268 KB

About the Author

Nina W. Brown is Professor and Eminent Scholar of Counseling at Old Dominion University in Norfolk, Virginia. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, a Nationally Certified Counselor, and a Fellow of the American Group Psychotherapy Association. She obtained her Doctorate in Counseling from The College of William and Mary, and is the author of 17 published books, including Coping with Infuriating, Mean, Critical People (Praeger, 2006) and The Unfolding Life (Praeger, 2003).

Table of Contents


Preface     ix
Acknowledgments     xi
What Is a Meaningful Relationship, and How Do I Get One?     1
Unproductive Relationships and Dead-End Lovers     16
Clear Signs of Unsuitability     29
The Helper and the Hurting and Needy Lover     45
The Saver and the Risk-Taking and Rebellious Unsuitable Lover     60
The Believer, and the Charming and Manipulative Unsuitable Lover     74
The Mirror and the Self-Absorbed Unsuitable Lover     90
The Curious Rebel and the Exotic, Different, Unsuitable Lover     105
Reduce Susceptibility and Build Resistance     119
Increase Your Interpersonal Effectiveness     135
Become a Winner and Choose Winners     152
Bibliography     167
Index     169
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