DEAD(ish)

DEAD(ish)

2.8 3890
by Naomi Kramer
     
 

Linda’s had a bad day. First her boyfriend killed her. Then she woke up, still on this boring plane of existence, and with an odd obsession about her missing body. Mike won’t tell her what he did with her body and she can’t find the stupid thing herself. There’s only one thing she can do - torment the bastard until he coughs up the

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Overview

Linda’s had a bad day. First her boyfriend killed her. Then she woke up, still on this boring plane of existence, and with an odd obsession about her missing body. Mike won’t tell her what he did with her body and she can’t find the stupid thing herself. There’s only one thing she can do - torment the bastard until he coughs up the information.

Warning: Contains adult themes and frequent profanity. The DEAD(ish) series is not suitable for children.

This is a very short book - novelette length.

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EXCERPTS

Mike says:
"It was accidental. Just believe me, OK? We were arguing, she told me I #### like a jellyfish (what the ####?), and I slapped her. ####, wouldn't you? Nothin' much, if she'd been a bloke she'da laughed in my face. But she fell off her stupid stilettos. That's all she was wearing, see, just stilettos and a coating of oil. ######, she stank like a #####house. But she said that, and she smirked. It was the smirk what did for me, but it was the high heels what did for Linda. She went sideways and lost her balance on the tall, stupid spiky things and went down, smacking her head on that fancy 'occasional table' with a nice meaty thump.

"She died 12 or so hours later. In her sleep. We'd called a truce and gone to bed and ####ed and fell asleep. I woke up clutching a dead-cold cadaver that wouldn't move so I could take a pulse."

Linda says:
My name's Linda. I'm dead. It sucks, OK? Especially because I'm dead for no good reason. I'm dead because my dumb#### boyfriend shot me and it hurt like hell and that's all I remember, to be honest. Until I woke up without a body. Now I know from books and movies that that's not the way it's supposed to happen. Well, in a way it is, right. But the ghost is always anchored by their bod, and they can't move too far away from it. Which implies that they know WHERE THE #### IT IS. Whereas, me? I don't know where my body is, and I'm not limited to any location. And for some reason, this is really important to me. I need to find my body. Maybe I need closure, or some ####. I don't know. I just need to. So I hired Trent. He'll find my body for me. I hope. If he doesn't, I'll fire his #### and haunt him in between haunting my ex-beloved and hiring someone with a clue.

Trent says:
Everybody's lying their #### off, and it's really starting to get annoying.

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Product Details

ISBN-13:
2940000693940
Publisher:
Naomi Kramer
Publication date:
06/30/2009
Series:
DEAD(ish) , #1
Sold by:
Smashwords
Format:
NOOK Book
Sales rank:
43,369
File size:
133 KB
Age Range:
18 Years

Meet the Author

Naomi Kramer is an Australian author living on Macleay Island in Queensland. She's addicted to coffee, dyes her hair odd colours, and looks a little like a corporate hippy on weekdays. She loves the beach, and her dream is to own a world-class barista.

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DEADish 2.8 out of 5 based on 1 ratings. 3890 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
My first free ebook. I thought this book was extremely funny. Kept me laughing all the way through.
wookietim More than 1 year ago
This is well worth reading, let me just say that upfront. Everything bad I say simply kept me from giving it more stars, not from enjoying the story. First off, the author has to clean up the language a bit. I am not a prude or anything, but I'm sorry - when every other word is swearing it takes one out of the dialogue a bit. Second, the author has to slow down just a bit. i know that this is really just a short story and all... But let us get to know the characters a bit more. As it is the story moves just a bit too fast. Third, I saw the end coming halfway through the story - it was not exactly a surprise. And the characters reacted to the end in wildly inconsistent ways. I won't spoil it, but you will understand what I mean when you get to the end. All that said, this is still a good, fast read that goes down easy.
LeenSkeez More than 1 year ago
this book is entertaining but random! its cute and i would of never guess the ending.
Writers_Block More than 1 year ago
I downloaded this for my nook and it didn't disappoint. The overall storyline was funny and unusual and it's a shame it's so short. I feel like this could easily be made into a full length book if not an entire series. My only word of caution is that the language is truly horrible with the f-bomb being dropped about every other sentance. If you can get past that then you're in for a quick, quirky story about a women whose life was cut tragically short and lengths she goes to as a ghost to punish her guilty ex-boyfriend and find her MIA body. Because as she finds out, being dead isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Sleepy_Reader More than 1 year ago
This book was so poorly written and very unenjoyable. It jumped around a lot and there was never really a connection to any of the characters. I read the whole thing and wasn't that impressed.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Im 14, so im obviously not prude. But i really hated this book. The f word doesnt need to be used that much, and i couldnt understand it? I was so lost. It was like somthing some goth wanna-be wrote it while as high as a kite! ( no offense to the auther) just wasnt that great. And i actully read it because the reveiws were so bad, i wanted to see if they were really right. They were
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I really hate to give a bad review on a book, but this book was terrible. There is no start, no plot, confusing middle and I didn't even bother to read the end.
bcarak More than 1 year ago
Dead(ish) is about a woman named Linda that gets kills by her boyfriend. She stays to haunt him and to find out where her body is. She gets a private detective to find out what happened and haunts him as well, even though not as cruel as to her boyfriend. This story is quite interesting and I never would have guess the ending. I recommend this story to any that like stories on the odd side.
alaskangirl More than 1 year ago
Okay, I admit I only made it (almost) through page three. But even that was excruciating. The dialogue was horrible, it was hard to tell who he was talking to, especially since no one seems to be answering back. The story starts with a prologue that is actually more of an afterword. My eleven year grandson has written more cohesive and infinitely more entertaining stories. I am not sure this was worth the time it took to download it.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Not only does the overview say it contains profanity, it also says its adult themed...parents, never judge a book by its cover...PAY ATTENTION TO THE INFO..
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Nothing but foul language used
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Did not like the content of this book horrible word choice poor book
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
There is alot of cursing in like two senteces. DONT GET IT IF ONLY THERE WAS A ZERO STAR RATING
TMHerron More than 1 year ago
This could have been a great book but it turned out to be a complete waste of time. The story line was interesting but it read like a third grader with a foul mouth. I don't think I'll ever read another book from this "writer" (using writer very loosly).
PunctualRabbit More than 1 year ago
Ms. Kramer has a very interesting idea here, and it's one that could be very funny in the hands of a better author. Unfortunately, her skills need a significant amount of polish before they're ready to stand up to the plot. Dialogue is flat, listless, and riddled with "wit", with an overall sound like what you'd expect from a seventh grader. Her characters are cardboard stereotypes and their motivations are never really explored or explained. The "twist" is so far out of left field that it's unfair to call it a surprise- it's more as though she discovered the book she was writing was incredibly dull and needed a sudden shock, so she threw in something and pretended to have foreshadowed it. Give Ms. Kramer a few years and see if she matures well, but don't bother with this book.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Seems confusing.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I have to say this was a funny book. As an independant comic artist/creator, i have to say this story series would make a nice little graphic novel to read.
G L More than 1 year ago
Though the formatis a little odd it was easy to pick up foe me. this little gem of a book was like a wooden roller coaster, ultimately fun but rough to start. highly recomended for anyone who enjoys a short, quirky, not shy, mysteryesque story.
HRGApoIIo More than 1 year ago
It's like a college freshman's Creative Writing project/draft, but not as good. Very cool concept... poor execution.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is definitely a quick one. Not a very original plot but still very fun to read with an unexpected ending.
mwexler More than 1 year ago
This short story has some pretty silly parts, and almost every character is dislikable. And yet... you finish it mostly to see if the author will pull the pieces together in a satisfying way. While that never really happens, this thin story does show promise in places and give you hope that the author might try harder next time. In the meantime, it's worth the quick read as a free story.
j_c83 More than 1 year ago
Such a fun read. Even worth a second reading in the future. Sad that it was so short because I wanted more of the characters. Look forward to future works by Naomi Kramer!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
The author apparently has no imagination because within the first five pages the f word is used over 15 times, three times in one sentence. I am not a prude but as a writer myself I feel when an author resorts to using language that way repeatedly it is because they do not have the skills and talent to produce a solid story with solid characters. I am deleting it without finishing it because I lost interest so quickly that I do not care what the plot is supposed to be or what happens to the characters.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Has to many cuss wordss,not for children,thats sure!!!!!!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Horrid book....really....I think was written by a mental patient.