DEAD(ish) [NOOK Book]

Overview

Linda’s had a bad day. First her boyfriend killed her. Then she woke up, still on this boring plane of existence, and with an odd obsession about her missing body. Mike won’t tell her what he did with her body and she can’t find the stupid thing herself. There’s only one thing she can do - torment the bastard until he coughs up the ...

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DEAD(ish)

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Overview

Linda’s had a bad day. First her boyfriend killed her. Then she woke up, still on this boring plane of existence, and with an odd obsession about her missing body. Mike won’t tell her what he did with her body and she can’t find the stupid thing herself. There’s only one thing she can do - torment the bastard until he coughs up the information.

Warning: Contains adult themes and frequent profanity. The DEAD(ish) series is not suitable for children.

This is a very short book - novelette length.

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EXCERPTS

Mike says:
"It was accidental. Just believe me, OK? We were arguing, she told me I #### like a jellyfish (what the ####?), and I slapped her. ####, wouldn't you? Nothin' much, if she'd been a bloke she'da laughed in my face. But she fell off her stupid stilettos. That's all she was wearing, see, just stilettos and a coating of oil. ######, she stank like a #####house. But she said that, and she smirked. It was the smirk what did for me, but it was the high heels what did for Linda. She went sideways and lost her balance on the tall, stupid spiky things and went down, smacking her head on that fancy 'occasional table' with a nice meaty thump.

"She died 12 or so hours later. In her sleep. We'd called a truce and gone to bed and ####ed and fell asleep. I woke up clutching a dead-cold cadaver that wouldn't move so I could take a pulse."

Linda says:
My name's Linda. I'm dead. It sucks, OK? Especially because I'm dead for no good reason. I'm dead because my dumb#### boyfriend shot me and it hurt like hell and that's all I remember, to be honest. Until I woke up without a body. Now I know from books and movies that that's not the way it's supposed to happen. Well, in a way it is, right. But the ghost is always anchored by their bod, and they can't move too far away from it. Which implies that they know WHERE THE #### IT IS. Whereas, me? I don't know where my body is, and I'm not limited to any location. And for some reason, this is really important to me. I need to find my body. Maybe I need closure, or some ####. I don't know. I just need to. So I hired Trent. He'll find my body for me. I hope. If he doesn't, I'll fire his #### and haunt him in between haunting my ex-beloved and hiring someone with a clue.

Trent says:
Everybody's lying their #### off, and it's really starting to get annoying.

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Product Details

  • BN ID: 2940000693940
  • Publisher: Naomi Kramer
  • Publication date: 6/30/2009
  • Series: DEAD(ish) , #1
  • Sold by: Smashwords
  • Format: eBook
  • Sales rank: 22,909
  • File size: 131 KB

Meet the Author

Naomi Kramer is an Australian author living on Macleay Island in Queensland. She's addicted to coffee, dyes her hair odd colours, and looks a little like a corporate hippy on weekdays. She loves the beach, and her dream is to own a world-class barista.
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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 3
( 3870 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(766)

4 Star

(526)

3 Star

(789)

2 Star

(641)

1 Star

(1148)

Your Rating:

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 3880 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 10, 2010

    Too Funny

    My first free ebook. I thought this book was extremely funny. Kept me laughing all the way through.

    88 out of 120 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted July 6, 2010

    keep an open mind!

    this book is entertaining but random! its cute and i would of never guess the ending.

    68 out of 99 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted October 9, 2010

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    Pretty darn good... If a bit flawed

    This is well worth reading, let me just say that upfront. Everything bad I say simply kept me from giving it more stars, not from enjoying the story. First off, the author has to clean up the language a bit. I am not a prude or anything, but I'm sorry - when every other word is swearing it takes one out of the dialogue a bit. Second, the author has to slow down just a bit. i know that this is really just a short story and all... But let us get to know the characters a bit more. As it is the story moves just a bit too fast. Third, I saw the end coming halfway through the story - it was not exactly a surprise. And the characters reacted to the end in wildly inconsistent ways. I won't spoil it, but you will understand what I mean when you get to the end. All that said, this is still a good, fast read that goes down easy.

    57 out of 75 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted October 13, 2010

    I Also Recommend:

    Pure crap, avoid at all costs.

    It's like a college freshman's Creative Writing project/draft, but not as good. Very cool concept... poor execution.

    26 out of 52 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted September 19, 2010

    Horrible

    This could have been a great book but it turned out to be a complete waste of time. The story line was interesting but it read like a third grader with a foul mouth. I don't think I'll ever read another book from this "writer" (using writer very loosly).

    23 out of 44 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted February 13, 2010

    I Also Recommend:

    A quick, amusing read but not for the feint of heart!

    I downloaded this for my nook and it didn't disappoint. The overall storyline was funny and unusual and it's a shame it's so short. I feel like this could easily be made into a full length book if not an entire series. My only word of caution is that the language is truly horrible with the f-bomb being dropped about every other sentance. If you can get past that then you're in for a quick, quirky story about a women whose life was cut tragically short and lengths she goes to as a ghost to punish her guilty ex-boyfriend and find her MIA body. Because as she finds out, being dead isn't all it's cracked up to be.

    22 out of 29 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted September 18, 2010

    Do not waste your time...

    I'm sure that if you could sit and make yourself read this it may have been funny. But it was soooooooooo badly written I could not even make myself read it!

    15 out of 28 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted April 11, 2010

    All I can say is wow.

    Okay, I admit I only made it (almost) through page three. But even that was excruciating. The dialogue was horrible, it was hard to tell who he was talking to, especially since no one seems to be answering back. The story starts with a prologue that is actually more of an afterword. My eleven year grandson has written more cohesive and infinitely more entertaining stories. I am not sure this was worth the time it took to download it.

    15 out of 25 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 19, 2011

    Waste of Time

    I really hate to give a bad review on a book, but this book was terrible. There is no start, no plot, confusing middle and I didn't even bother to read the end.

    13 out of 19 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted September 1, 2010

    Bad(ish)

    This book was so poorly written and very unenjoyable. It jumped around a lot and there was never really a connection to any of the characters. I read the whole thing and wasn't that impressed.

    13 out of 18 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 28, 2010

    i enjoyed it

    it was a fast and simple read
    it was worth the free download
    :D

    12 out of 23 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 17, 2012

    !,,,

    Im 14, so im obviously not prude. But i really hated this book. The f word doesnt need to be used that much, and i couldnt understand it? I was so lost. It was like somthing some goth wanna-be wrote it while as high as a kite! ( no offense to the auther) just wasnt that great. And i actully read it because the reveiws were so bad, i wanted to see if they were really right. They were

    11 out of 15 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted March 30, 2010

    Interesting concept, writing falls flat.

    Ms. Kramer has a very interesting idea here, and it's one that could be very funny in the hands of a better author. Unfortunately, her skills need a significant amount of polish before they're ready to stand up to the plot. Dialogue is flat, listless, and riddled with "wit", with an overall sound like what you'd expect from a seventh grader. Her characters are cardboard stereotypes and their motivations are never really explored or explained. The "twist" is so far out of left field that it's unfair to call it a surprise- it's more as though she discovered the book she was writing was incredibly dull and needed a sudden shock, so she threw in something and pretended to have foreshadowed it. Give Ms. Kramer a few years and see if she matures well, but don't bother with this book.

    11 out of 18 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted November 29, 2011

    Uuuuummmm

    There is alot of cursing in like two senteces. DONT GET IT IF ONLY THERE WAS A ZERO STAR RATING

    9 out of 14 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted January 29, 2010

    more from this reviewer

    Cute Trifle of a Story

    This short story has some pretty silly parts, and almost every character is dislikable. And yet... you finish it mostly to see if the author will pull the pieces together in a satisfying way. While that never really happens, this thin story does show promise in places and give you hope that the author might try harder next time. In the meantime, it's worth the quick read as a free story.

    9 out of 15 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted May 6, 2012

    Dead(ish) is about a woman named Linda that gets kills by her bo

    Dead(ish) is about a woman named Linda that gets kills by her boyfriend. She stays to haunt him and to find out where her body is. She gets a private detective to find out what happened and haunts him as well, even though not as cruel as to her boyfriend.

    This story is quite interesting and I never would have guess the ending. I recommend this story to any that like stories on the odd side.

    8 out of 10 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 29, 2010

    Fun Quick Read

    This is definitely a quick one. Not a very original plot but still very fun to read with an unexpected ending.

    8 out of 13 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 9, 2012

    Inappropiate

    Nothing but foul language used

    7 out of 10 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 29, 2012

    Horrible book

    Did not like the content of this book horrible word choice poor book

    7 out of 10 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 9, 2012

    Not a childrens book!

    Cover is decieving....my child thought it was a Monster High Book.....so not. Parents beware.!!!!!!!

    6 out of 10 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
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