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Close friends and former college roommates, Hilary Liftin and Kate Montgomery promised to write when Kate's Peace Corps assignment took her to Africa. Over the course of a single year, they exchanged an offbeat and moving series of letters from rural Kenya to New York City and back again.
Kate, an idealistic teacher, meets unexpected realities ranging from poisonous snakes and vengeful cows to more serious hazards: a lack of money for education; a student body in revolt. Hilary, braving the singles scene in Manhattan, confronts her own realities, from unworthy suitors to job anxiety and first apartment woes. Their correspondence tells--with humor, warmth, and vivid personal detail--the story of two young women navigating their twenties in very different ways, and of the very special friendships we are sometimes lucky enough to find.
In the small Kenyan town where she and her husband are spending 12 months as Peace Corps volunteers, Montgomery realizes that, although she can gamely adjust to eating rancid goat stew, living with fist-sized spiders and having her house exorcised of genies, the tasks of caning students until they bleed and teaching them to "sit down and shut up" while their headmaster uses their textbook money to buy himself a new pickup truck are beyond her limits of cultural assimilation. Meanwhile, back in New York City, Liftin tackles her own obstacles, including finding an apartment in Manhattan, surviving the embarrassing loss of her "cybervirginity," enduring the threats of a paranoid neighbor and recovering from the pain of unreciprocated love. Though Liftin's problems can pale in comparison to Montgomery's, the duo's correspondence makes it clear that their relationship has thrived precisely because of their unconditional recognition of the immediacy and importance of each other's travails.
Many women readers will be reminded of their own intense college and postcollege friendships, and may be inspired to try to reconnect with lost friends. This is a smoothly sewn book that appeals on several levels: as engaging travel literature, as a witty exploration of modern women's lives and as a testament to the power and blessing of friendship.
Dear Hilary,
This business of having to write letters to keep up friendships definitely separates the wheat from the chaff. You are the wheat. (That would be the good part?)
Our new neighbor, Mwanamisi, came over last night to show me how to make coconut rice, wali wa nazi. Kate, you say, but you already know how to make coconut rice! Yes, I say, but I don't know how to make friends. So David and I were rushing around trying to make reality match what we had probably said in Kiswahili. (I think we said we'd 'already' cleaned the rice and we 'were doing' laundry.) Mwanamisi arrived midway through the coconut-milk-making process and was chatting with us about how to cook it really well, soft and sweet. As far as I could tell, she was complimenting me on what I had done so far, except there was one little part that I didn't catch, and her tone was less spunky, so I figured I probably didn't put enough salt in or something. But, all in all, I was pretty excited at not being totally incompetent at cooking.
Later, I checked on that verb to figure out what I'd done wrong. Here's what my dictionary said about it. (I mean, I just "haribu"-ed it--how bad could it be, right?) "kuharibu: v. injure, destroy, spoil, damage, ruin, demoralize, spoil work, break up an expedition, devastate a country, cause miscarriage, pervert, corrupt." That's what I did to the rice. Good thing we like potatoes, eh?
Love, Kate
New York City, December 19th
Dear Kate,
I have obeyed my rules and leapt empty-handed into the void. Much as I try to explain to myself that I am in transition and that everything will turn out fine, I'm hardly the happy camper we remember. I'm living at my dad's now. My eyelid has had a twitch ever since I moved in here. It's a delicate fluttering twitch that others don't seem to see, but to me it feels like there's a bird in my head beating itself against the window of my eye. So right now I hardly recognize myself. I wake up in a strange apartment. I hide away my bed and all signs of me.
I commute out of the city--away from all my friends and the places I know--to work at a sterile office at an ill-defined new job in a big, generic office building on a highway in Westchester. I'm just waiting: waiting to accumulate a foundation of knowledge that will get me the right job; waiting to get my own apartment so I can make noise and be a person; waiting to hail a cab and smile at the person getting out and see that stranger again and again.
Most of all right now, I can't wait to live alone. The finances of buying an apartment are impossible, but I'm willing to make adjustments. No long distance service, for example, no food on weekdays, drugstore makeup, factory-second panty hose, found art. I can't wait to acquire "homeowner's insurance." I want to have my stereo going when I fall asleep. I want all the messages to be for me. I want to bring home strangers and store their body parts in my freezer. I want to polyurethane floors and leave the toilet seat up (Oh wait, I'm a girl.) and throw away all the plastic grocery bags, which wouldn't even accumulate anyway since I don't shop. I want the shower to be a hundred percent available. I want to have parties and not clean up.
Oh, and how much do I miss you? Let me count the ways: I miss you like the plague; I miss you because you understand everything I say and because for all I know when I say I see blue everyone else might see green but I'm pretty sure you see blue; I miss you because when you get back you're going to be really different and dirty; I miss you because you are not coming to my Christmas party; I miss you because you are speaking Kiswahili and I can't and I'm afraid you'll never come home; I miss you as often as I check my voice mail (which is like every minute); I miss you because I don't trust anyone else's sanity (except maybe my brother's); I miss you more than I miss all my stored belongings and with a force that is just a tiny bit less than my desire to find a lifetime companion; I miss you because the park is covered in snow and I haven't been there yet; I miss you because I think you love me unconditionally and I definitely do you. This turned into a love letter, is that so wrong?
Goodbye my dirty friend, goodbye,
Hilary
1. In Dear Exile, Kate's and Hilary's stories unfold in their letters to
one another. How does the immediacy of letters, in contrast to a straight
narrative, affect your experience as a reader? Did you empathize with one woman
more than the other? Did your feelings change during the course of the book?
2. Hilary says she "was afraid that Kate would disappear into married life, and
she actually did disappear, almost right away . . . when the newlyweds joined the
Peace Corps and went to Kenya" [p. 5]. Is Hilary only concerned about the
physical separation? Are her fears about losing Kate realized to any extent, or
do the friends maintain the closeness they enjoyed before Kate married? Would
their relationship have been different if Hilary had not been so fond of Dave?
3. During her first weeks in Kenya, Kate writes, "I'm beginning to feel
generally disoriented" [p. 16]. Are Kate's feelings an inevitable reaction to
being in a foreign environment? How do the perceptions of the local people affect
her perception of herself? In response, Hilary writes about her new job, saying,
"So right now I hardly recognize myself" [p. 18]. Is Hilary's feeling of
disorientation as understandable as Kate's?
4. Hilary feels like a guest in her father's house, admitting, "I would never
feel the need to be so cautious and polite and adult if I were staying with my
mother" [p. 20]. Kate is taken under the wings of older women in the villages she
and Dave live in during their stay in Kenya. Discuss the role that bonds between
women play in Dear Exile, comparing and contrasting their importance in Kenyan
culture andAmerican culture. In what ways are the lives of women in Kenya
similar to the lives of women in America?
5. Except for Dave's short notes at the end of Kate's letters, the men in Dear
Exile are seen only through the eyes of two women. What are your impressions of
the men Hilary discusses in her letters: her close friend, Josh Stack; her
brother, Steven; Jason, her old boyfriend; and William Strong, the doctor she
falls in love with? How do Hilary's romantic notions influence her reactions to
men?
6. When she arrives in Ramisi, Kate writes, "For the time being, Kenya has
totally kicked both of our butts" [p. 40]. What adjustments--both practical and
psychological--help her feel more at home? What does she mean when she says "my
feeling of independence is really not from deprivation but actually from
privilege and wealth. I can feel lighter, relieved of the load of a life of
luxury" [p. 45]?
7. In several letters, Hilary makes wry observations about the differences
between her life as a single woman [p. 52] and the lives of couples [p. 64]. In
your opinion, do her assessments reflect only her personal experiences or are
they valid in a more universal sense? To what extent do they stem from her
admiration and even envy for Kate's and her brother's marriages?
8. Kate is very unsettled by the atmosphere in Kenyan schools--from the rigid
style of teaching to the acceptance of harsh physical punishment. Are Kate's
expectations about what she can accomplish as a Peace Corps teacher unrealistic?
Is her idealism a privilege that only can be enjoyed by well-educated,
"comfortable" people? Do you think her unwillingness to accept local standards of
behavior is right or wrong? How do you feel about her statement that "it's all
about what a person is raised to believe, it could all be called culture, but I
wasn't raised to believe this, and I can't be open-minded about it" [p. 73]?
9. When the Peace Corps reports that the drinking water in Ramisi is unfit for
human consumption, only Kate and Dave take the news seriously. Kate says, "It's
tricky to be telling people that their ways aren't good enough. I don't know if
they don't want to hear it from us whites, if they don't want to contest 'God's
will, ' or if they just don't care" [p. 69]. Do Kate and Dave--and Peace Corps
volunteers in general--have an obligation to teach basic rules of sanitation
which would lessen the incidence of disease and death despite the resistance of
the local people?
10. Hilary worries that she is caving in to the standards of American office and
beauty cultures. Is renouncing the promises she made in college--"never to wear
panty hose or painful shoes, never to have manicures . . . or pay more than
twenty dollars for a haircut or carry a purse" [p. 78]--a necessary part of
becoming a "grown-up"? Do these outward signs of change mean that she is being
untrue to herself?
11. What was your reaction to Hilary's sexual adventures in cyberspace? Do
you think she should have continued the virtual affair once she discovered that
she knew her chat-room lover? Do you think they should have pursued their
relationship in real life?
12. At Kwale High, the second village school Kate and Dave are sent to,
conditions are just as bad as the conditions in Ramisi schools. Have Kate's
attitudes about the canings and verbal assaults--integral parts of African
education--changed in any way during her nine months in Kenya? Do you think that
her fellow teachers' image of "American schools full of weapons, violence, and
disrespect for authority" [p. 119] justifies their dismissal of Kate's teaching
style? How would you respond to their claims that treating children severely in
school is a natural, necessary extension of the traditions set at home?
13. Kate and Dave meet a volunteer who has thoroughly assimilated to the Kenyan
way of life [p. 120]. Is his approach to living in a foreign country more
appropriate than Kate's and Dave's? Is his willingness to embrace the negative
aspects of the culture morally reprehensible?
14. Kate compares the exorcism in Kwale to the Salem witch trials, yet the witch
doctor's rituals do cure the "curse" on the young girls. How do you explain the
success of these ancient rites? How would similar problems with adolescent girls
be treated in this country?
15. What do Hilary's weird neighbors--the woman upstairs who moves furniture in
the middle of the night and the man downstairs who screams frightening
threats--as well as some of her less successful dates, represent in the context
of the book? What insights do Hilary's reactions to them reveal about her ability
to cope with the real world? Do you sympathize with Hilary's fears and
uncertainties, or do they seem trivial in comparison to Kate's? Why yes or no?
16. Kate remains on the sidelines as the tensions at school mount and eventually
escalate into violence. Should she have taken a more active role--either in
dealing with the "powers that be" or with the students themselves? As part of the
community, was it really possible for her to be an "innocent bystander"?
17. Kate and Dave decide to leave Kenya because they don't have the spirit and
energy to move to another village. Do you think they could have adapted by
drawing lessons from their experiences and developing new attitudes? What
experiences have you had with culture clashes? Discuss how--and if--it is
possible to adjust to another culture without betraying personal values.
18. Dear Exile ends with a postscript and an epilogue by the letter
writers. How do these finishing touches enhance the impressions you formed of
each woman through their letters? Which woman changed more during their year
apart?
19. Do you think the intimacy Kate and Hilary developed as correspondents will be
sustained now that they live in the same city? Does writing letters offer
opportunities for introspection and honesty that can't be matched in telephone
conversations and face-to-face encounters?
Anonymous
Posted June 23, 2007
I could not put this book down!! It was wonderful. It really inspires one to jump back into writing real letters. Letters filled with hope, sadness and joy as these women did. I felt like I was living their respective lives!! READ THIS!
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Posted March 27, 2007
I thought that this book was good. It wats a good book for me to read because I like to reading peoples notes and letters to each other, cause I like to find out what is going on in there life. I also like to learn how diffrent there life is compared to mine and how they are similer. I would recomend this book to people that like to read letters a
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted June 10, 2005
I liked this wonderfully presented book, especilally the fact that the story is told in the form of letters. It reminded me of Dostoyevsky¿s POOR FOLD, Janvier Tisi¿s THE USURPER and Mariama Ba¿s SO LONG A LETTER. It is easy for a reader to relate to the story. Above all, it showed the strength of genuine friendship. Afterall, is it not written somewhere that ¿Heavens send us friendship so that we can find relief from the mysteries that oppress us.¿?
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted August 3, 2000
This book was not as great as I thought it was going to be. I wished it could have been longer or that Kate could have written more about her experiences. But it did show a wonderful contrast between the two lives of these friends!
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted February 3, 2000
Not only did this book illustrate just how special frienships are between women, but it was a 'fun' read! It was fun to read the correspondence between these two warm, funny, and interesting women. I am going to tell all my friends about this book! :) Enjoy!
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Posted December 20, 1999
I can't say enough about this gem of a book. I trusted the reviews on this one and boy am I glad I did. I actually have a waiting list of co-workers who want to read it because I raved about it so much. So far their reviews match mine. (A great gift for your best girlfriend) Makes you want to get back to writing letters instead of all this email. I was inspired to write an old neighbor of mine. Now we are in touch agian.
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Overview
Close friends and former college roommates, Hilary Liftin and Kate Montgomery promised to write when Kate's Peace Corps assignment took her to Africa. Over the course of a single year, they exchanged an offbeat and moving series of letters from rural Kenya to New York City and back again.
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