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Looking back at history, Americans have begun to realize that things were a lot better a long time ago. Men worked all day, raised large families, and didn’t expect others to pay for their health care. Their wives stayed at home and cooked, cleaned, and made themselves look pretty, just as our gracious Creator intended. The children of these decent parents did what they were told, spoke only when spoken to, and didn’t pierce their body parts. They understood it was thier ...
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Looking back at history, Americans have begun to realize that things were a lot better a long time ago. Men worked all day, raised large families, and didn’t expect others to pay for their health care. Their wives stayed at home and cooked, cleaned, and made themselves look pretty, just as our gracious Creator intended. The children of these decent parents did what they were told, spoke only when spoken to, and didn’t pierce their body parts. They understood it was thier parents’ right and obligation to administer spankings.
Well, praise the government: Decency is back!
The USA DECENCY ACT was passed this year by an overwhelming majority. Its basic tenets seek to bring us back to a world where:
•Men are men
•Women are women
•Men and women are certainly not descended from apes
•Lunch is not free
•Nudity belongs at home...in the bedroom...in the dark
By abiding by the rules in this manual, the Department of Homeland Decency will soon have everyone marching proudly backwards to the future!
*This manual has been reviewed and approved for general distribution by an unqualified political appointee. As there never seems to be enough time to root out and document the seemingly endless variety of the inappropriate and the profane, we invite you to report any indecent behaviors we may have neglected to legislate to the appropriate authorities, namely us. Do not discuss your comments with others before submitting them to our official address, which, for reasons of national security, we are unable to publish in this document or any government directory or website. For now all such commentary may be submitted to www.homelanddecency.com, where comments will be processed and forwarded to our secure database. We apologize for our illusiveness. All communications with us, once submitted, should be promptly forgotten. If you need to refer to previous communications with our offices, please don’t. All communications become the property of the Department and cannot be returned or acknowledged in any way. In fact we reserve the right to deny receiving them at all, unless they contain material of a salacious or improper nature. In which case, they will be forwarded to our research and prosecution division where your name and your remarks will be entered into our database and cross-referenced with all other questionable statements made throughout history.
Excerpted from The Department of Homeland Decency by Frank Fuller Copyright © 2008 by Frank Fuller. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Posted February 26, 2008
I found this reading to be another typical neo-con art job discerting the weak for the strong and telling me more of what I can and cannot do in my life and heaven forbid your in an accident, or need anything at all you'll have to be shot and put out of your misery, sticking it's nose directly up your personal life and 'it' means sex so hah (singing) 'birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it lets fall in LOVE- with whoever you want, USA USA. next it will be that intermingling thing with all them colored folks, lol move on we're smarter than this.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted January 28, 2008
Anyone interested in avoiding the pitfalls of liberal attitudes should read this book. Detailed instructions on how to dress, do 'it', file a report on your neighbors and spot a homosexual will keep you in stitches. A delightful read.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted June 12, 2006
Department of Homeland Decency is funny. Not just ha- ha funny but laugh out loud hysterical. Hysterical because what else is there to do when there is W in the White House? This decency manual reads like something W actually did scheme up. I mean, it is good. G-O-O-D. Very good. Brilliant. The structure is concise and covers decency guidelines for home, work, TV, medical issues, and, of course, for doing ¿it.¿ Each section consists of snappy articles with goofy subtitles¿ ¿How to Prevent Insertion, ¿ ¿Frozen Embryos,¿ and ¿Abstinence Bake Sale.¿ At the end of each section there is an ¿Ask Yourself This!¿ which brings up tasty issues such as ¿ask yourself this: What could my children learn at the library that I don¿t know and that would make me feel stupid if I didn¿t know it before they did? Why wouldn¿t I rather have my children do research at home where parental locks have been placed on the internet and on the television?¿ There are many ways to tell a story, to get at the heart of an issue. Michael Moore goes for the jugular and leaves me feeling worked up, manipulated and annoyed. Susan and Frank Fuller¿s approach is also direct but not like I just got punched in the gut with political dogma. The writing is accurate, consistent, and direct. Although the writing is funny it¿s not like the Fuller¿s tip toe around charged issues. ¿Decency in the Lunchroom¿ snowballs into ¿Suddenly the workplace is filled with languages other than English, including Black, Spanish, Indian and the like. The workplace lunchroom is no longer a restful spot to consume a hamburger or doughnut instead, foods like hummus and salsa take up space in the company refrigerator.¿ This is so brilliantly written I feel as if I could give this book to any right winger and they would sanction it as Truth. The Truth. This book rings true. And the truth hurts. If I couldn¿t laugh about the Truth, I¿d cry. I¿ll take a good laugh any day. Buy this book NOW. It¿s the perfect size to tuck into a picnic basket, beach bag or carry on. Enjoy!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.