Destined for Destiny: The Unauthorized Autobiography of George W. Bush [NOOK Book]

Overview

In Destined for Destiny, George W. Bush offers readers an intimate, plainspoken, and often readable look at the character-shaping achievements that led to his inevitable rise to the office of President of the United States.

Written from the heart, not from the brain, this definitive autobiography takes readers on a journey through the 43rd President's life, including his hardscrabble beginnings as the child of West Texas oil millionaires, the...
See more details below
Destined for Destiny: The Unauthorized Autobiography of George W. Bush

Available on NOOK devices and apps  
  • NOOK Devices
  • NOOK HD/HD+ Tablet
  • NOOK
  • NOOK Color
  • NOOK Tablet
  • Tablet/Phone
  • NOOK for Windows 8 Tablet
  • NOOK for iOS
  • NOOK for Android
  • NOOK Kids for iPad
  • PC/Mac
  • NOOK for Windows 8
  • NOOK for PC
  • NOOK for Mac
  • NOOK Study
  • NOOK for Web

Want a NOOK? Explore Now

NOOK Book (eBook)
$10.19
BN.com price

Overview

In Destined for Destiny, George W. Bush offers readers an intimate, plainspoken, and often readable look at the character-shaping achievements that led to his inevitable rise to the office of President of the United States.

Written from the heart, not from the brain, this definitive autobiography takes readers on a journey through the 43rd President's life, including his hardscrabble beginnings as the child of West Texas oil millionaires, the remarkable academic performance that earned him entry into the finest East Coast schools, and his proud service to the country as an occasional member of the National Guard sometime around 1972 or 1973.

He proudly recounts his years as a successful oil-business failure and the owner of a baseball team. He even dares to dream the ultimate dream: to become Commissioner of Baseball.

The great man we meet here displays his mother's steely resolve and vindictive temper, his father's keen mastery of language, and his own unique gift of deciding.

His gripping life story deepens when a faith in God hits him one day "like a bottle of Jack on an empty stomach," and he has an encounter with the Prince of Peace that sets George W. Bush on a path to become the greatest War President in history.

To help craft this lasting account of his life and leadership, George W. Bush turned to two writers who have earned not only his trust but his deep friendship: Scott Dikkers, editor-in-chief of The Onion and coauthor of the #1 bestseller Our Dumb Century, and Peter Hilleren, former producer for public radio and some of the nation's finest public-access cable-television stations. Dikkers and Hilleren call on their finely honed journalism expertise every week to write and record the President's weekly radio address on WeeklyRadioAddress.com. Their work on such stirring addresses as "June Terror Update" and "The Pope Is Dead" made them the ideal choice to meet the challenge of chronicling the visionary mark left on history by its shining light, President George W. Bush.

* * *

Free from all the filters, handlers, and facts . . .

I tell the untold story of my inspirational life. You will struggle with me in my strugglesome youth. During the Vietnam War, you will be right there at my side as I face down the terrible enemy of my sinful partying. Together, we will meet and fall head over heels for the love of my life -- Jesus. And through me you will become a beloved, terror-fighting hero in the greatest hour of my presidency, September 11, 2001.

I embarked upon this important and historical work against the advice of my advisors. Come what may, I wanted you to hear my story from me, in my own talking.

God bless,
George W. Bush
Read More Show Less

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly

The authors maintain the satirical Web site WeeklyRadioAddress. com, which presents bogus audio clips, press releases and public policy directives in an uncannily official manner. In this "unauthorized autobiography" of George W. Bush (with Dikkers, editor-in-chief of the Onion, portraying W), the distinguished pair of pranksters manages to serve up consistently entertaining and well-engineered—if not particularly inventive—political humor. Many of the recurring gags (sheltered prep-school privilege, a spotty résumé, a dogmatic worldview, lack of cultural sophistication) will no doubt generate hearty chuckles among listeners, especially those outside the committed GOP partisan tent. Yet, in today's bold new era of "fake journalism" led by Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, it somehow fails to deliver a stinging knockout blow against the neo-con orthodoxy of the White House inner sanctum. Dikkers, Hilleren and S&S Audio do merit special recognition for innovation in the multimedia format of the bonus fifth disk, which offers iPod-ready MP3 files for easy downloading. The disk also contains documents and photos from the hardcover edition, a video retrospective and ersatz "noted presidential speeches and addresses." Simultaneous release with the Scribner hardcover (Reviews, Oct. 23). (Nov.)

Copyright 2006 Reed Business Information.
From the Publisher
"An inspired send-up." - Newsweek
Read More Show Less

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781416542407
  • Publisher: Scribner
  • Publication date: 10/17/2006
  • Sold by: SIMON & SCHUSTER
  • Format: eBook
  • Pages: 224
  • Sales rank: 1,302,112
  • File size: 2 MB

Meet the Author

Cartoonist, filmmaker, and founder and former editor-in-chief of The Onion, Scott Dikkers has written or co-written several New York Times best-sellers including Our Dumb World and The Onion's Our Dumb Century, which has sold more than a half-million copies and was awarded the Thurber Prize for American Humor. His other books include The Onion's Finest News Reporting and the self-help parody You Are Worthless, and the "unauthorized autobiography" of George W. Bush, Destined for Destiny.

Online:
dikkers.com

To help craft this lasting account of his life and leadership, George W. Bush turned to two writers who have earned not only his trust but his deep friendship: Scott Dikkers, editor-in-chief of The Onion and coauthor of the #1 bestseller Our Dumb Century, and Peter Hilleren, former producer for public radio and some of the nation's finest public-access cable-television stations. Dikkers and Hilleren call on their finely honed journalism expertise every week to write and record the President's weekly radio address on WeeklyRadioAddress.com. Their work on such stirring addresses as "June Terror Update" and "The Pope Is Dead" made them the ideal choice to meet the challenge of chronicling the visionary mark left on history by its shining light, President George W. Bush.

Read More Show Less

Read an Excerpt


1

LIKE "ROOTS" ONLY WHITE

In the great American TV program "Roots," author Kunta Kinte traced his ancestry back to the early times in our history.

My heart was touched by this great drama of history. That is why I intend to embark upon the same journey in this chapter. It may not be as interesting as "Roots," since it will not be filled with the rich tapestry of culture enjoyed by our blacks, and it will not feature all of the wonderfully colorful slave names which are so entertaining to listen to when the old-time blacks say them with their funny accents. But it will reveal the history of the Bush family, from the pre-historical times of my grandfather all the way to the present times.

To understand a leader, one need not necessarily look into the past to that particular leader's noble forebears to gain insight into that leader's qualities and the "stuff" that he is made of. History has no bearing on the present. One must only look at the kind of man he has grown up to be. Is he likened to the great oak, which will not waiver in the face of the winds of the opposers? Or is he like the mighty rock, which steadfastly governs his fellow man with immobile resolve and the wisdom of the stones?

In this first chapter of my autobiography, we will take a momentous ancestral journey through my life in which new facts may come to light, creating a context to understand the man who leads our nation.

But let there be no misunderstanding. I will not do any research for this book. That is not the kind of journey I am talking about. I believe that if a book is to be an accurate account of a man's life and times, it must come from the heart, and not from dusty old volumes with a lot of complicated words and pages yellowed by the eons.

What I know is this: In the beginning, the universe was a formless void. Then on the first day, God created Adam. Next there were a series of generations that came and went upon the Earth. Finally, some 100 years ago, my grandfather, Prescott Bush was born.

Prescott Bush served with distinction as a United States Senator, I am told. His son, George H. W. Bush, also heeded the call of public service and was elected President in the last century, serving one term in which a Great War was begun with a bold code name and determined theme music.

In contrast, I am now a two-term President. Will there be a third? It is a hypotheoretical question to which only the prophets can know the answer.

It is worth noting that each new generation of the Bush family achieves more accomplishments than the last.

Who knows where it all will lead? Will my brother Jeb follow my success with an accomplished administration of his own? Will my daughters serve as twin Presidents who will reign for eight years after that? Or perhaps, one of my daughters will be President, and the other will be Vice President, and then the Vice President will become the President, and vice versa, so that there will be a Bush in the White House for seven generations. Would the constitutional lawyers allow such a scenario? No one can say. The sheer number of possibilities are enough to confuse the mind.

One thing is clear. There will always be members of the Bush family ready to answer the call to serve their country and steer it off the cliff of greatness.

But that is not what this first chapter is about. This is not a chapter about future-times. It is one about the times of history. The history of the Bush name.

As I have said, Prescott Bush lived in an ancient and simpler time, a time when we were not fighting a global war against the enemies of freedom like today. It was a long-ago time of peace and tranquility, the 1930s and 40s.

My grandfather demonstrated my family's high ideals and business sense in the area of entrepreneuring. He was a successful banker and merchant who made his fortune by wisely investing in a promising foreign country. It was a country whose fortunes were changing for the better, and who had a promising future under the steady hand of an inspirational leader.

The proud troops of this country marched through the streets of the cities in gleaming uniforms and shiny black boots that would goose-step high and proud. The great leader was hailed by his people with outstretched arms of awe and wonder.

It took a savvy investor like my grandfather to see that this was an excellent business opportunity -- a country that was going places. An industrious nation that operated with military-like precision, tolerating nothing but pure perfection in all of its undertakings and citizenry.

This strong and patriotic country grew to become one of the leading economic and political powers in all of Europe, eventually surpassing all the world in its manufacture of fine automobiles and electric shavers.

Prescott Bush also was a devoted family man, passing along his talent for business and politics on to his eldest son, George H. W. Bush, who would become my father.

My father met my mother at a debutante party when she was 30. He was immediately enchanted by her horse-like beauty, her forceful nature, and her immense stature. She loved his gangly limbs, and his rugged, upper-crust Connecticut standing.

Barbara Bush, who my mother is also known as, was a good-hearted and strict woman, descended from hardy stock. She was sired and fed to an impressive girth by a wealthy family, led by her father, whose hard work had built a fortune in the doily business.

Life was not easy in Doily Country. Many families worked all day to create the fine doilies, often suffering from frillyitis of the forearms and fingers. This of course is caused by the repetitious and exacting movements required to manipulate the tiny threads into one-of-a-kind doily patterns.

My mother narrowly escaped this fate, as her stump-like fingers were unsuited for doily weaving. She found a place in the family business, not as a mill worker, sewing the lacy, ornamental napkins and coasters, but in the parlors of customers, placing the doilies on armchairs and Victorian fainting couches throughout the land.

It was a hard life, but a dainty one. My mother would survive the great trial of her doily-placing toil, inherit a great doily legacy, and live her life surrounded by doilies. She would be consumed by the lacy ornaments, wearing them around her neck and her face. During lean times, she would be forced to boil doily remnants in water to make doily soup, or put them on stale bread with doilyonnaise to make sandwiches to feed her children.

My mother wears doilies to this day, and insists they cover every surface she touches. The doily is the proud symbol of her family's history.

Yet it conflicted with her inner nature, her true heritage of eons past.

Family legend tells that Barbara Bush's genealogy goes back to the Visigoth hordes, a strong and unwavering clan of warriors who laid siege to the Lands of the Ancient Kings. With their battle-axes and lances, they would leave nothing but ruin and blood in their wake, taking donkeys as their brides.

Apart from my mother, my father, George H. W. Bush, is the finest man I ever knew. He was born in a mud hut, in Kennebunkport, Maine. His father, the modest state senator and landowner of whom I have already written a great deal (see preceding pages), taught him the value of hard work.

My father hauled bank notes and securities by hand through the New England snow, carrying buckets of money from his father's banks all the way to the family's makeshift estate in the Kennebunkport, Maine territory. His spirits refused to be daunted by the hard work, and as the sun set, you could often hear his lyrical and beautiful money-hauling song float across the countryside.

My father's humble beginnings would eventually lead him to the highest office in the land. But to get there, he would have to make the ultimate sacrifice, and give his life during the Great War.

It was a sad loss for our family, but a proud loss, for he had died fighting for America's freedom against the feared Burmese.

After the war, his death would be commemorated by a grateful nation, who proudly elected him to the House of Representatives in Texas -- the first corpse to ever attain such a high honor. He served with distinction, fighting for the rights of all undead Texans during the turbulent Civil Rights era of the 1950s and 60s.

He would be offered the Chairmanship of the Republican Party, the first-ever Zombie to hold that post, and a singular honor for a dead man in the years of the Nixon administration. He was the standard bearer of Republican virtue during this time, and looked on proudly with his dead, black eyes.

My father would hold many important posts in public life in the coming years, and in some, I would play modest parts.

We will get to such achievements in due time, but for now, we move to the next phase of my life, the part where it begins.

Copyright ©2006 by DH News Service, LLC

Read More Show Less

Table of Contents


CONTENTS

Acknowledgments

Introduction, by Vice President Dick Cheney

1. Like "Roots" Only White

2. A Legacy of Destiny

3. No Bush Child Left Behind

4. Teacher's Pest

5. Campus Radical

6. Flying High!

7. Then I Ran Some Companies into the Ground

8. The Clown-Faced Zombie I Call My Wife

9. George W. Bush, Congressman from Texas's 19th District -- Got a Nice Ring to It!

10. My Name Is George W. Bush and I Am Not an Alcoholic

11. The Greatest Love of My Life: Jesus

12. George Walker, Texas Ranger

13. Bush for President: Champion of the Little Guy

14. I Won! Or Lost, Whatever

15. 9-11: My Finest Hour

16. It's a Wonderful War

17. 2004: Another Mandate

18. My Enduring Legacy: Mount Rushmore?

Read More Show Less

Customer Reviews

Be the first to write a review
( 0 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(0)

4 Star

(0)

3 Star

(0)

2 Star

(0)

1 Star

(0)

Your Rating:

Your Name: Create a Pen Name or

Barnes & Noble.com Review Rules

Our reader reviews allow you to share your comments on titles you liked, or didn't, with others. By submitting an online review, you are representing to Barnes & Noble.com that all information contained in your review is original and accurate in all respects, and that the submission of such content by you and the posting of such content by Barnes & Noble.com does not and will not violate the rights of any third party. Please follow the rules below to help ensure that your review can be posted.

Reviews by Our Customers Under the Age of 13

We highly value and respect everyone's opinion concerning the titles we offer. However, we cannot allow persons under the age of 13 to have accounts at BN.com or to post customer reviews. Please see our Terms of Use for more details.

What to exclude from your review:

Please do not write about reviews, commentary, or information posted on the product page. If you see any errors in the information on the product page, please send us an email.

Reviews should not contain any of the following:

  • - HTML tags, profanity, obscenities, vulgarities, or comments that defame anyone
  • - Time-sensitive information such as tour dates, signings, lectures, etc.
  • - Single-word reviews. Other people will read your review to discover why you liked or didn't like the title. Be descriptive.
  • - Comments focusing on the author or that may ruin the ending for others
  • - Phone numbers, addresses, URLs
  • - Pricing and availability information or alternative ordering information
  • - Advertisements or commercial solicitation

Reminder:

  • - By submitting a review, you grant to Barnes & Noble.com and its sublicensees the royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable right and license to use the review in accordance with the Barnes & Noble.com Terms of Use.
  • - Barnes & Noble.com reserves the right not to post any review -- particularly those that do not follow the terms and conditions of these Rules. Barnes & Noble.com also reserves the right to remove any review at any time without notice.
  • - See Terms of Use for other conditions and disclaimers.
Search for Products You'd Like to Recommend

Recommend other products that relate to your review. Just search for them below and share!

Create a Pen Name

Your Pen Name is your unique identity on BN.com. It will appear on the reviews you write and other website activities. Your Pen Name cannot be edited, changed or deleted once submitted.

 
Your Pen Name can be any combination of alphanumeric characters (plus - and _), and must be at least two characters long.

Continue Anonymously
Sort by: Showing 1 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 7, 2006

    Love him or hate him this book is hilarious

    I am neither a democrat or republican, I don't hate bush nor do I love him. I do think he has made a mess of Iraq but I don't blame just him I blame all of us in general. This book is for every one. It's a good ribbing, it pokes fun at him with out becoming overly vicious or flat out mean spirited. It is probably the funniest book I have read in a while.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
Sort by: Showing 1 Customer Reviews

If you find inappropriate content, please report it to Barnes & Noble
Why is this product inappropriate?
Comments (optional)