The Devious Book for Cats: A Parody

( 13 )

Overview

Cats have nine lives. Shouldn’t they be lived to the fullest?

“Domesticated” does not mean “docile.” The ho-hum routine of sleep, eat, eat, and sleep is no way for any creature who ruled Egypt for a millennium to spend her day. It’s high time felines everywhere woke up from their cat naps and grabbed life’s strings with both paws.

The Devious Book for Cats offers today’s discerning kitties words of wisdom and advice on everything they need to know, from in-depth guides on ...

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Devious Book for Cats: A Parody

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Overview

Cats have nine lives. Shouldn’t they be lived to the fullest?

“Domesticated” does not mean “docile.” The ho-hum routine of sleep, eat, eat, and sleep is no way for any creature who ruled Egypt for a millennium to spend her day. It’s high time felines everywhere woke up from their cat naps and grabbed life’s strings with both paws.

The Devious Book for Cats offers today’s discerning kitties words of wisdom and advice on everything they need to know, from in-depth guides on cardboard boxes and catnip to a brief history of the Felinism movement. It provides fail-safe tips on waking a human when you want to get fed, choosing the purr-fect gift, staring like a pro, and making the most of superstitions. It also explains the undeniable allure of the Window, the terrifying specter of the Vacuum, and how you can groom properly in just the scant twenty-four hours allotted each day.

Cats: Discover the devious fun you can have when you’re the one in charge!

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Editorial Reviews

From Barnes & Noble
First, it was The Dangerous Book for Boys; then The Daring Book for Girls. Then came a great silence. Apparently, no one imagined that cats, the most independent species of all, required any sort of primer. Fortunately, felines Fluffy and Bonkers have rushed to the rescue with this large hunk of catnip wisdom to help kitties in their difficult daily regimens of meals, pampering, naps, and more pampering.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780345508492
  • Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
  • Publication date: 10/28/2008
  • Pages: 224
  • Sales rank: 433,299
  • Product dimensions: 6.30 (w) x 8.20 (h) x 0.80 (d)

Read an Excerpt

Reasons You Meant to Do That

In the human world, there is a thing called a "mistake." There’s no exact translation in the feline language, but it basically means doing something you did not intend to do. The concept is quite confusing to cats since everything we do is done both correctly and on purpose. There are occasions, however, when our actions appear to resemble one of these so-called "mistakes" to humans, and this coincidence often produces accidental mis­communications. In the event of such a mix-up, you should have some prepared statements ready in order to avoid an incorrect interpretation of your actions.

"Mistake": Your head is stuck in a beer mug.
Reason: Bavarian cats have long known that sleeping in dewy beer steins can refresh and smooth the coat. The hops, malt, and barley also pro­vide an aromatic masking agent for mousing. Plus, there’s nothing wrong with a little nightcap.

"Mistake": You slammed head­first into a screen window.
Reason: There was a bug–a huge, megabug–right between your eyes that just wouldn’t get off. Well, it’s off now, isn’t it? What’s more, a powerful and graphic message that your face is strictly off-limits has been sent to the bug community.

"Mistake": You leapt from the loveseat to the television, but rather than landing on top, continued sliding off the set.
Reason: That "slip" was a symbolic act of civil disobedience. The grip multinational conglomerates have over the airwaves has reached a critical mass. Lack of competition in Big Media has made quality programming all but obsolete. Your slide was meant to be a physical representation of the slippery slope we tread when we permit the corporate monopolization of entertainment, which creates an uninformed, intellectually lazy, and generally apathetic populace. If your person didn’t get that, it just proves the point.

"Mistake": While stretching out on the couch, you rolled off the cushions and fell to the floor.
Reason: After spending all day licking your claws, you didn’t want to ruin their lus­ter by getting them caked in the thick layer of dust your person allowed to build up in the rug.

"Mistake": You slipped into the fish tank.
Reason: Those neon tetras, angelfish, and dopey zebrafish were taunting you all day. What appeared to your person as an unintentional dip was in fact a carefully choreographed move designed to instill shock and awe in your fishy foes. Now they know they’re not even safe in their castles and treasure chests; if pushed to the limit, you won’t hesitate to get wet.

"Mistake": You’re swinging around from a ceiling fan at 180 rpm.
Reason: Look, you’re a busy cat with better things to do than wait around and air-dry after your dip into the fish tank. Clinging to a fan blade allows you to dry quickly and get on with the day. Staying damp for any longer is tantamount to letting the fish win.

"Mistake": You played an un­structured, unmelodic scherzo on the piano.
Reason: That seemingly anarchic piece was actually the third movement of your free jazz symphony.

"Mistake": You’re trapped in the refrigerator.
Reason: Trapped? Hardly. You’ll come out once you’ve eaten, well, everything.

"Mistake": Rather than walk down a staircase, you tumbled down without your paws ever making stable contact with any one individual stair.
Reason: Oh, does your person still make sure to step on every stair? That’s so . . . quaint. Apparently the efficient practice of stair-sliding has not spread to the world’s more pedestrian species.

"Mistake": You wandered into the reptile house at the Topeka City Zoo and have been swallowed whole by a Burmese python.
Reason: You’re following up on a tip that the python ingested an awesome toy that was dropped in the exhibit. Once you retrieve it, you’ll just set off the firecrackers you brought along and stroll out of the serpent’s gullet without receiving so much as a scrape.

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4.5
( 13 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(9)

4 Star

(2)

3 Star

(1)

2 Star

(0)

1 Star

(1)

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Sort by: Showing all of 13 Customer Reviews
  • Posted January 26, 2009

    Best Book on Cats

    If you are looking for a factual, yet funny book about cats, then The Devious Book for Cats is the book for you. I got this book for Christmas from my sister, because I am getting a cat for my next birthday. This book is written by cats, for cats, tells funny tails about cats, suggestions for cats, and a glimps inside their private lives. As a ten year old I feel that it is an easy book to read and very funny. This Parody will overload your emotions with it's funny, sad, and exciting stories. I give this book two paws up!

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted July 28, 2012

    Response to:R

    Yes but like destroying couches "bad".

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted February 13, 2009

    Book for the owner to understand their cats.

    Great book. Funny and interesting perspective. A lot of accurate information but super funny coming from the cats. Great book to give anyone who loves their cat. Very entertaining!!!!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 31, 2013

    Ok listen

    This book is great

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 27, 2013

    I see...

    Very funny and seems like a lot of work has been put into it.good job!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted July 17, 2013

    Its about cats

    Duuuu

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 14, 2013

    The what is it about person

    CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT ITS ABOUT! ALL IM HEARING IS "THIS BOOK IS GREAT" WHAT THE IS IT ABOUT????????????????

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 21, 2011

    Best Book Ever!

    Oh my gosh, I loved this book so much! It was cute, and funny, and perfect for my cat!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 26, 2009

    this book is awesome

    this book is lol funny!!!!!:) it rocks

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 13, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted October 22, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted August 11, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted June 15, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

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