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Cindy Bokma "Conversations" review: http://cindyreads.wordpress.com/2010/05/31/diary-of-a-beverly-hills-matchmaker/
— Marla Martenson
Cindy Bokma "Conversations" review: http://cindyreads.wordpress.com/2010/05/31/diary-of-a-beverly-hills-matchmaker/
— Marla Martenson
"Sharper than a Louboutin stiletto!" -- Nadine Haobsh, Confessions of a Beauty Addict
Matchmaker, Matchmaker! Make Me a Match
A chichi decorator came up with the color of one of the walls in my Beverly Hills office by matching paint swatches to the silky dark chocolate Godiva heart-shaped ganaches that sit in a crystal dish alongside Teuscher Irish Cream truffles, and chocolate cordials of cherries soaked in black port and wrapped in gold foil. We do pamper our clients. I mention this so you'll know that there are many aspects of my job that I absolutely adore. Such niceties distract me from fantasies of . . . dismemberment.
Hi Marla, Scott, here. I'm so glad I joined your dating agency; I can see this is going to be verrrrry interesting. . . . Hey, the gal you lined me up with last evening was gorgeous, but I would really like my matches to be a 10 or, ideally, a 10+. And the gal needs to back up her beauty with an income of her own and her own living quarters. No roommate situations. I don't waste my time with someone who doesn't live up to my expectations—you know, long legs, firm small butt, double-D's, thin arms, blonde hair.
To paraphrase the deathless sentiments of Roseanne Barr, I'll get my wand. Oh, wait, it's in the repair shop, utterly depleted. I'm having to makedo with our back-up magic lamp, but the genie keeps laughing and muttering about peace in the Middle East being an easier request as he disappears in a puff of smoke. He's such a joker. But since you have so much to offer, it shouldn't be too difficult to find the woman of your fantasies since all the 10+s in our database say that a man willing to plough up his bald scalp with those cute little tufts of implanted hair is a real turn-on. And most "gals" don't mind giving up their stilettos to avoid towering over a man of your stature.
Of course, I don't write this. This is my first e-mail of the day at Double D Dating Service here in Beverly Hills where I'm the head matchmaker. Double D is not the company's real name, as you may have guessed, just my own special pet name for it. I dash off a breezy professional response to Scott as if diplomacy were my mother tongue.
I'm so glad you enjoyed your evening with a gorgeous woman. A new and interesting experience, huh? Well, we do have an ever-growing list of many stunning women, eager to meet you. I'll get back to you later in the day with another name.
Something is nagging at me. Oh, my conscience. It's not bothering me at all about the direct lie: eager to meet you. I've left in a little dig. I change that one snarky line about dating gorgeous women being a new experience to simply "An interesting experience indeed," and hit send. Next e-mail.
I really found Sandy to be attractive, fun, intelligent, and cultured. We had a great time. The only thing is, I am wondering if she has a big butt. She was wearing one of those puffy dresses.
She says that she does all kinds of activities like dance classes, working out at the gym, and hiking, but I just can't be sure how big her butt is. Is there any way you can let me know if it's big or if the dress she was wearing just gave that illusion?
Joe, don't you know that when we bring a woman into our service, it means that we have carefully inspected her butt from every angle and therefore certify it is also a 10 along with the rest of her? I'm so glad you asked though, because you must never ever consider dating a woman with flesh on her butt. Oversized curves belong above the waist only. Makes perfect sense. How could nature have created such a serious design flaw?
Sigh. I find it so comforting to type out what I truly want to say to some of these clowns before writing the response I must write. God forbid Gary should ever see this stuff. I am, after all, good at what I do. Pictures of my successes hang on the chocolate colored wall above fresh pale pink hydrangeas: two of happy couples at their respective posh wedding receptions, and several more couples on honeymoons at places like Bellagio on Lake Como in Italy, or snorkeling with humpback whales off Vava'u, Tonga in the South Pacific, or skiing in Aspen. I do still believe in love—the soul-mate kind of love. I think deep down, the Scotts and Josephs do too. They just rarely know it.
Sandy's dress probably created the wrong illusion. Call her for another date; I think you will be pleased to find that in addition to being beautiful, intelligent, and a most remarkable woman, she's also fit and trim.
I polish off my vanilla soy latte, ready for the next e-mail, when I hear Gary, my boss barking at Charlotte, the other matchmaker in the office. She hangs her head as she follows him into his office. He doesn't usually come in on Thursdays, so this isn't looking good for Charlotte.
I step outside the artistically etched glass double doors of my office to check with Alana at the front desk. "What's going on?" I ask in a stage whisper.
Alana, a petite brunette in her twenties with big blue eyes and a gorgeous smile, is just about to say something when Gary strides over. "Back to work!" he tells me. Then to Alana he says, "Find the Harrison file. . . . And never wear those shoes here again. If you want to look like Peter Pan, work somewhere else."
I can't help but turn to check out Alana's shoes. Ohh, they're darling: green flats with little cut-outs of stars.
"Marla, I hope you have some make-up in your bag," Gary says. "You're looking washed out again. Do you go to the gym before work or something? Don't you two get it that we're all about glamour and sex appeal here? Our clients don't want Peter Pan and Miss Grundy lining up their matches."
"Right," I say, feeling my face redden to the roots of my already red hair. "I'll touch up." Gary can be a nice guy, but he does go on rampages.
Back in my office, I pile all my black matchmaking catalogues on my desk to hide from Gary's view. I eat a chocolate. Then another. One more. Call it an early lunch. Mmmmm. Better. Deep breaths, a few affirmations. I am young and hot-looking; I am a terrific matchmaker. I am lucky to have this job.
Back to work. Next e-mail.
Denise looks like she's pushing forty. Not to say there's anything wrong with that. I live in Newport, so I can't help but date forty-year-olds occasionally, but when it comes to being set up with someone through an exclusive agency such as yours, I don't want to waste "matches." And we
need to talk about Natasha, the last gal you lined me up with—a bit low-brow, don't you think? I will send you a few photos of females that I find attractive so hopefully that will help you see the caliber of beauty I'm seeking. I want to date ONLY beautiful women, and I just won't settle for anything less.
Let me know if anyone in your stable meets my criteria.
I had matched him with Natasha because of the astonishing bounty of her bosom. But as to Denise—she's nowhere near the accursed four-oh. But if she were, how could any man in his fifties possibly be expected to tolerate a crone of such advanced years?
His comment reminds me that I haven't "touched up" yet. I pull out my compact and scrutinize time's deepening etch in the tiny lines around my eyes. I pat them over with mineral powder, add a dusting of blush to my cheeks, a brighter lipstick, and heavy gloss.
I sit back and ponder the photo of Denise, a gorgeous twenty-eight-year-old woman, and all I can do is shake my head. This beautiful young woman is Dave's fourth reject. Before I worked in the matchmaking field, I honestly had no idea how shallow, picky, selfish, and entitled some clients could be. After six years of feedback, demands, and expectations, I'm still thrown for a loop now and then. I don't want to pass judgment on people; I want to keep an open heart, but geeze--
It's times like this when I need an anchor, a sane voice, someone who lives far away from the zany nuttiness of Beverly Hills. I call my friend Shelly in Federal Way, Washington where we both grew up—it's a little suburb of Seattle, a land far away from this town's obsession with age, looks, and perfection.
"Listen to this," I tell her and then read her Dave's e-mail—anonymously, of course.
I hear a gasp on the other end of the line.
"My reaction exactly," I tell her.
"What is he? Some rich stud?"
"Well, rich anyway. I'm supposed to find matches for these guys. They all want perfect tens—even if they're dweebs who'd be lucky to rate a five!"
"What about the women?"
"Yeah, some days the gold-diggers and airheads get to me too."
"Guess I don't have to envy you anymore, thinking that you have the perfect life in Los Angeles," Shelly teases. "At least you're not still a waitress in Chicago."
Shelly is referring to my life seven years ago. Memories of my fourteen years spent waiting on tables jolt my sense of perspective, spurring me to work ever harder and continue with the exasperating e-mails,.
I see Charlotte walk past my door, head held high, but I can tell she's gotten the ax. She starts cleaning out her office. We weren't close, so I won't be going over and chatting. I'll get the scoop later from Alana. After Charlotte leaves, Gary sticks his nose in my door.
"You look better," he says. "You'll have to meet Charlotte's noon appointment. I'm not replacing her, so you'll be taking her people." He closes the door and leaves before I can say anything.
In other words, double the work, same pay. Oh boy!
Dutifully, I meet Andy and take him into the "selling office" with its stunning wall fountain sheeting water over pink-veined slabs of granite and pooling in a pink copper basin beneath two spotlights angled to form a soft heart-shape. The arty painting on the opposite wall captures dancers, hungry with passion, a slash of pink light falling on the woman's tan face and cleavage. Its subtle eroticism is designed to inspire rich guys to pay top dollar for what they imagine will be the world's classiest women. I offer the new client something to drink, and we settle in to chat about what he is looking for in a lady and what his lifestyle is like.
Andy has just flown in for the day to buy a sex-life, I mean meet someone, and then he'll jet back to Dallas. He has the most charming Southern accent.
He's forty-six years old with three kids: aged eight, ten, and twelve. He explains that he would like to meet women under thirty because he'd like the option of having another child.
Uh-huh. Right. He's eager to go through diapers and babysitters and soccer games for the fourth time. I've found that men usually claim to want one more kid as an excuse to date younger women.
I learn that Andy likes riding horses, racing cars, playing golf, working out at the gym, and traveling. He says that although he isn't a red neck, he's a red neck at heart—whatever that means. "Do you prefer a fresh-faced girl-next-door look, or more of a Pamela Anderson type of look?" I ask him.
He mentions blonde hair and nice legs, then pulls on his goatee and says, "Well, now I'll tell you, my ex-wife wears a C-cup, but she has nice nipples."
I stop taking notes. And so . . . ?
Then I get it. This guy expects me to know what a woman's nipples are like! I focus on my clipboard and remind myself that he will be paying $40,000 to find the right woman. Maybe more. I manage not to hiss at him.
After the meeting, I walk Andy down to the taxi stand. He turns to me and says, "I want you to be honest. Do you think that I have a chance to meet the right girl? Am I going to be too difficult to match up?"
"Not at all Andy! You're a great catch with a wonderful lifestyle." Lots of gorgeous L.A. women are closet rednecks. "I'll start looking for matches for you this week. Have a safe trip." I want to add: and I'll be investigating nipple potential for you, sir!
I'm also remembering a recent client who broke up with a thirty-two-year-old woman he really liked because he said that she had big areolas. Yes, big areolas! She was perfect in every way: sweet, charming, financially secure, intelligent, cute as a posy with a rockin' body, but he said that he dreaded when she took off her blouse. After dating him she felt so insecure that she called a plastic surgeon to see if he'd take a look at her areolas. Yikes!
I guess I should change our questionnaire to include nipple preferences. I could put in something subtle like, "How do you feel about headlights on a Duesenberg?" I've seen older guys fall over themselves laughing at this line. I had to look it up. Fabulously snazzy old car with, you know, big headlights, wink, wink.
Something has gone too far though.
I don't mind telling you that when I first took this job, I considered myself young and hot-looking, but after working with some of these guys and hearing their smug criticism over every aspect of a woman's body, I'm a bit crestfallen. Getting bombarded with male mating preferences is very disconcerting. Now that I'm fortyish, I look in the mirror, and I see someone who looks pretty darn good looking back at me. So why are so many men obsessing over the extra ounce of flesh, the telltale frown line, and nipple perfection? Gimme a flippin' break!
I push past the clueless effrontery of these men every day, but once in a while, I catch myself judging my most intimate anatomy by their standards. I get so many of these e-mails every week, they slither around in my head nagging at me about how I'm officially "undesirable"—according to what most of my male clients think they want and must have. How could these idiots close themselves off to the wonders of love for something so damn insignificant?
I take a deep breath or two. I'm already a little wired with caffeine, but I cannot get through the rest of this day without another soy latte. 'Bucks is just down the street and I still have a few minutes left of my lunch break.
I need this job, I remind myself while in line for my midday fix. And, I mean, who doesn't want an ideal mate? A dream lover is the stuff of fantasies. Yet, who among us is ideal? The pain of being dumped or disappointed is what keeps people going to shrinks, getting religion, buying self-help books, bravely enduring elective surgery—and hiring us.
Bolstered by another caffeine infusion, I slog through the rest of the day, interviewing men who are willing to spend up to $100,000 to get the woman of their fantasies. (The women do not pay. This figures: If
you're a gorgeous woman, it is unlikely you are going to need to pay anyone to find you a date.) I keep current on the feedback. Both the man and woman are to report on how they found their date: strong mate potential? Problems? Did everyone "behave" themselves? I think you know what I mean.
Gary has left for the day, and Alana comes into my office with the scoop. "Charlotte was fired because two clients complained she didn't pay attention to what they were looking for. You know what that means!"
"Yeah. They'll now be my problem," I say.
At six o'clock, I still have an hour to go before quitting time. I grab my cell phone and call my friend Bobbie in Del Mar. I'm not going to whine, I just want to hear her upbeat stuff. Her life is exciting. She usually picks up on the first call. I love that. Hate phone tag.
"Hi, it's Marla."
We chat a bit and Bobbie invites me to an upcoming social event—something to do with farm animals?
I'm so tired, I just say, "Sounds wonderful."
"Are you at home yet?" she asks.
"No. Everyone else in our building gets off at five, but I still have another hour of work."
"You work till seven? Marla, honestly, you deserve combat pay! Especially with the bizarro demands from some of your clients! Do something fun tonight!"
"I should finish chapter four of my new book, but I just don't have the juice. Maybe I'll do some window-shopping down on Rodeo. That's always good for a lift."
"Is Adolfo working?"
"Of course. My nights are pathetic, I know."
"Marla, you should just open your own matchmaking service. You'd be fabulous and then you could make your own hours!"
"Thanks. People have suggested I do that, but honestly, I like being able to hand over the big problems to Gary."
There is a pause. "Sweetie, something's wrong. I can tell. I'm a little worried about you," Bobbie says. "I mean, excuse me, your soul is limping."
I chuckle. She's doing a little riff off the title of my first book, Excuse Me, Your Soul Mate is Waiting.
The office line is ringing, and Alana is long gone.
"I gotta go," I say. "I love you. Talk to you soon."
I pick up the office phone, schedule an appointment, and get back to the e-mails, back to the guys who are looking for gorgeous, starving waifs with double D cups—"tits on a stick," as Bobbie calls them.
Excerpted from Diary of a Beverly Hills Matchmaker by Marla Martenson Copyright © 2010 by Marla Martenson. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Book Club Discussion Questions
1. What were the most poignant lessons that Toby taught his owners, Charmaine and Christopher? What is the most profound lesson you learned from your own pet?
2. Clearly this dog is a handful—and on occasion, the couple come close to surrendering him to the local shelter. But they stick it out and then fall in love with him. How did this couple grow, both individually and in their marriage, as a result of their life with Toby? In what way did this couple enhance Toby's emotional and physical health? How would you have dealt with a dog like Toby?
3. Charmaine discusses her tendency toward being a perfectionist and all-or-nothing thinking—a trait that is also shared to some degree by her husband, Chris. How did this trait affect their relationship and marriage? How did it impact their relationship with Toby? Do you think that you are a perfectionist? Why or why not?
4. The author and her husband survive a life-threatening experience. How did this incident impact them, and in what ways did it change their lives? In what way did bringing Toby into their lives allow them relive the lessons learned that day? Do you think you would have responded the same way or differently?
5. The couple are told by a behaviorist that Toby 'lacks purpose' and clarity on his role in the family. In what ways did helping Toby discover his purpose modify his behavior? How would you define your 'purpose' and in what way do you deem it necessary to living with passion?
6. 'Letting go' is a theme throughout the story. What is the relevance of 'letting go' and in what way does doing so change the author's life? Have you ever had to 'let go' of something? How did that affect you?
7. In what way is Toby an inspiration? In this story, who inspired you the most and for what reason? Who or what inspires you?
8. Charmaine alludes to the axiom, 'When the student is ready, the teacher appears.' Who was the teacher—the author or Toby? Of the lessons each learned, what was the most significant? Are you a teacher, student, or both? Explain.
9. When Toby tips over the keepsake box, what hidden treasures surprise Charmaine? How do these discoveries impact Chris and Charmaine's future with Toby? Do you have a box of 'hidden treasures'? What memories do they evoke?
10. What kept Christopher from all but giving up on Toby? How did this decision affect the couple's marriage and their plans for their future? Facing the same sort of situation, would you have given up or stuck with it? Why?
11. Charmaine comes off as an optimist, seeing the good in situations. How does this mindset both help and hinder her? Do you consider yourself optimistic or pessimistic? How does this view affect your life? Do you think you should change?
12. As Charmaine and Chris became the 'pack leaders' in Toby's life, his behavior improved. Had they accepted this sooner, would the outcome have been different? What qualities do pack leaders emulate? When have you been a pack leader in your life? How did being a pack leader change a situation for you?
Posted October 5, 2011
Have you ever wondered what it's like to be the head matchmaker of a high-class Beverly Hills dating service? In this her candid and witty memoir, Marla Martenson takes you on a humorous ride through the ups and downs of her life working for such a place, as she struggles with the often unreasonable demands of her wealthy clientele.
"I honestly had no idea how shallow, picky, selfish, and entitled some clients could be. After six years of feedback, demands, and expectations, I'm still thrown for a loop now and then," says Martenson. But what can you do when her clients pay $40,000 and up to find the right woman?
The author starts off by showing us what a regular day for her is like, answering annoying emails and trying to understand her clients' often incredible and unreasonable requests, as they continually find faults with their gorgeous, perfect Barbie-doll dates.
After this initial glimpse into her 'regular day,' Martenson goes back in time to recount how she got started, working at restaurant jobs and waiting on rude celebrities such as Joan Collins, who once barked at her for forgetting a fork. "For all my work, she left me a $2 tip on a $120 tab. The woman was clearly typecast as Alexis, right?" says the author.
She also talks about her dreams of becoming an actress, her marriage, divorce and remarriage to the perfect guy, her father's death and, finally, taking charge of her life. Eventually all fell into place and she started earning good money making commercials and getting small parts in films and print modeling work. She even got a couple of lines in the Mel Gibson film, What Women Want. Then, finally, how she got started as a recruiter for the dating service, on the lookout for what she calls "a fresh supply of goddesses" and her life as an author-a calling she never suspected she had.
The book is full of interesting anecdotes about Martenson's work in Hollywood with the stars. The writing is simple, straight forward, witty and honest. This is the perfect fun, beach read. I like the author's satiric slant on beauty and the mystery of dating and relationships, as well as the shallowness of Hollywood and the pressure put on women to look good. The book, though a light read, makes you think about society and the role of women and men in it, and explores interesting issues of gender.
Martenson is the author of two best selling relationship books: Excuse Me, Your Soul Mate Is Waiting and Good Date, Bad Date.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted February 16, 2014
Have you ever ran into an old friend and immediately one of your friends, acquaintances or co- workers popped into your mind like the two would find like Cinderella and a slipper? Well imagine doing that for countless hours a day; where only the exclusive and wealthy princes order up a bodacious, smart, and worldly princess ( oh lets not forget big hooters are a bonus). Poof! You are about to enter the world of a Beverly Hills Matchmaker who rolls out the red carpet for you and takes you into the world of high income, high maintenance and high strung where her job is to walk around putting out fires and polishing stones into diamonds all done in style and 4 inch heels.
Marla Martenson has done a fabulous job not only entertaining her audience by providing a birds eye view into this life changing field of matchmaking. She does a beautiful job of taking us into the life of a real time high end matchmaking business pulling the reader into what feels like you are sharing her body. You experience the triumphs, disasters, and emotional toll it takes on her and the ones she cares about. Marla does such a magnificent job of walking you through her thinking process that you actually want to bring her a bottle of wine at the end of the day so she can relax. The most interesting part of this book as a reader is that throughout it Martenson never forgets her values and the strong foundation from her mother to"do the right thing". Some of her clients may seem very demanding, emotionally draining and not in the least bit concerned about anyone else s happiness but their own. Actually that is the point; they all are her priority and each and every demand is taken seriously not because the client is paying mega bucks for a service, but the author cares more about the end product. The reader is introduced to a small sampling of her clients ; and their personalities: rude, genuine, liars, cheaters, users and posers all to find they have one common denominator --------true love. The age old dilemma is that every person defines what love is quite differently and it only takes one person with the same answer to create that magic......and boy by the end of this book you will either a) put on your Chanel stilettos, open a bottle of vino and dance around your house happy your are in love, or b)open a bottle of vino and pray these souls find love.
As an avid reader who has little time to spend actually reading, this book was a quick, easy, entertaining and refreshing book that I had a difficult time putting down. Actually the only time I put it down was to charge my Kindle and once when I felt piercing eyes gazing at me and I realized it was my children looking at me with forks in their hands and drooling that I gave it a break. If you want a wonderful read and a glimpse into this wonderful world high power mega wealthy hormone dancing ........pull up a chair and get ready to be taken on a ride of your life! Just a word of caution---make sure you charge your kindle and order in take out because you won't want to put this book down.
Posted December 5, 2011
"This is a fun and quirky read, it's based on the authors own personal journey and you get an inside, behind the scenes look at what actually happens in the life of a Beverly Hills matchmaker. You're privy to e-mails, conversations with clients, handling of sticky situations and happily ever afters!
And, if that's not enough to keep you entertained, you'll also read all about Marla's marriage to her Latin lover and her everyday struggles with her job, home, friendships and relationships.
I thought, Diary of a Beverly Hills Matchmaker was charming; the perfect book for the holidays or for any time you just want to escape your "real" world!"
Posted September 16, 2011
Reviewed by Lynn F. for Readers Favorite
Diary Of A Beverly Hills Matchmaker by Marla Martenso is a hilarious memoir of her job and marriage, a behind-the-scenes look at real life situations in the world of matchmaking. Even though the author portrays life in a humorous way, she also presents a serious side, at times, to show the world that life is not all fun and games. Wanting to be an actress, she does manage to get a few bit parts. When her husband tells her she should become a writer, she begins writing a book. But to pay bills, you need money; hence, the job at the Double D Matchmaking Service in Beverly Hills. It has become a life, now, where she tries to please her husband, her boss, and her clients, as well as keep up with promoting the books she has written.
This is such a fun book to read and very hard to put down. A lot of memoirs are very down to earth, serious type books, that show the despair of a person's life. Ms. Martenso has shown us the wit and the humor involved in the ups and downs of her daily life, from her first marriage to her second, to the idea of having children at the age of forty. When I first started reading, I did not expect the book to be as humorous as it was; I enjoyed reading her little affirmations at the end of each chapter. The first page with the email from a potential client showed me that this was not a book that was going to be a slow read. I really enjoyed reading about all the different, unique and fascinating cast of characters that have passed in and out of Marla's life. This is just the ideal book to read if you have had a hard day at work; just come home, put your feet up, grab a cup of coffee and settle in for a hilarious journey with a Beverly Hills matchmaker.
Posted June 28, 2011
Diary of Beverly Hills Matchmaker is a hilarious story about Marla Martenson, a matchmaker to the rich and demanding! The book is filled with uproarious antidotes about matchmaking Beverly Hills style, from demanding men to perfect women. I couldn't wait to get to the next page to see what happened next!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
The Diary of a Beverly Hills Matchmaker is a great read... funny,charming and intriguing. Marla's writing style allowed me to picture this story unfolding, and her character descriptions made for a very enjoyable read. Her sense of humour was sprinkled througout the book, as was her human-ness! This was a funny, and charming book! - Charmaine Hammond, author On Toby's TermsWas this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted July 21, 2010
Marla the matchmaker has made a name for herself pairing up singles in Beverly Hills. In a city where everyone looks perfect, Marla can't help but compare herself to celebrities. Her job to match up potential mates can be exhausting but no one seems to understand that. Between Marla's boss and her husband, she can't win.
Marla has a refreshing voice and by the time I finished this book, I felt more like her friend than just some average reader. Pick up this book, you won't regret it.
Posted July 21, 2010
Marla Martenson has, let's face it, an extremely strange and somewhat "cool" job. Her daily grind is made up of power-broker men who are usually short, chubby, and bald, looking for that ultimate Double DD, blonde-haired goddess to marry and have children with. Of course, they all say that what they're looking for is "smart with a great personality," but we all know better.
On a daily basis, Marla has to hobnob at parties and recruit women to join her ranks of the "beautiful" people. The egos that she has to deal with - including that of her boss - are so large, that it's surprising they can all fit in such a small area of the country. Perfection, of course, in Beverly Hills is a prerequisite, so even Marla has a hard time not running to the local "plastic-man" for her injection of Botox.
In this book, Marla begins by letting us know about her own background, and how she came across and fell madly in love with her Latin-lover Adolfo. They are absolutely hysterical when they're together, calling each other "Lucy & Ricky" when they speak, yell, or play. He is a man with an extremely wonderful musical talent, and plays the piano at a local club. He loves Marla and wants nothing more than for her to keep her job during the bad economy, and make sure she never cuts her long, beautiful red hair.
Marla goes into her office and revels in the fact that the décor is certainly beautiful. She's a woman who can boast about a lot of success stories, as she has many pictures on her wall of couples who are now happily married simply because Marla introduced them way back when. Now, her boss is a bit on the difficult side. At the beginning of the book, he fires a young woman from her matchmaker position, and saddles Marla with most all of the work that the company currently has. She spends her days reading and writing emails (which are absolutely hysterical, by the way) between herself and her "girls," as well as the men who are longing for their soul mates; some customers even do book-length "write-ups" about what type of woman they're looking to spend their life with. When Marla originally moved to L.A. she wanted to be an actress, and still sometimes goes out on calls, but matchmaking seems to be her innate gift, so whether she likes it or not, she's stuck with her position.
The amount of stupidity and egomaniacal speech that she has to put up with from some of her clients would make most women turn away and go get a job at Walmart, just for the peace and quiet. Not to mention, some of the girls are extremely upfront with her about only wanting one of these old, rich men so that they can buy the latest Gucci bag, and they can't see why the millionaires don't understand that they have to "shell it out" in order to get someone as beautiful as they are to even talk to them, let alone score a second date.
The back and forth banter in this book is absolutely hysterical, and mind-blowing all at the same time. It certainly does show that these types of things are not exaggerated - there are really men out there who think Double DD is part of a woman's SAT score; and, there are women out there who couldn't get any higher than a Double DD on the test if they tried.
Quill Says: These stories of the beautiful, not to mention extremely rich, people, that these "matchmakers" meet on a daily basis, will keep you laughing until the very last page. They'll make you want to quit your boring ho-hum job and head to the coast ASAP!
I wish it didn't end! I read thru the book in just a couple days reading it every chance I got. Every time I had to put it down I couldn't wait to pick it up again! Marla certainly delivers. This memoir is a wonderfully comic tale about a woman rolling with the imperfections of life, while the demands in her life (not to mention her client's fantasies) require constant perfection. I particularly love the part about her marriage, as it was so honest about the daily ups and downs. Yet through it all, Marla maintains a positive attitude; complete with daily affirmations. I truly enjoyed this book. Thank you, Marla! Keep them coming!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted June 30, 2010
Enchanted by Books Review
Marla Martenson works as a matchmaker in Beverly Hills by day and writes self help books about love by night. Beverly Hills is an extremely superficial place to be with rich, bald, fat men only wanting gorgeous stick thin women with big breasts who are 20 years younger then them.
It is Marla's job to find true love for two complete strangers and hope that the matches she makes work out. But her clients never make it easy on her. They have crazy demands such as only wanting women with a certain type of breasts (specifically no one with large areolas!), no one older then 35 even if they are 60 years old themselves, dictating exactly what the woman's past should be, what hobbies she should have, and worst of all, calling anyone over 110 pounds fat and anyone under 5'3 too short.
Marla herself is a beautiful woman but with living in Beverly Hills, she can't help but to feel fat (at only 120 pounds) or not perfect enough at times. She recites affirmations at the end of every chapter of things she wants to be true because she believes if you speak it out loud you will speak it into existence. Marla's positive attitude and upbeat personality shine through the pages of this book and you can't help but read with a smile on your face.
Diary of a Beverly Hills Matchmaker reads like a fiction novel told in first person point of view, but is a memoir. The emails scattered throughout the book from Marla's clients are a lot of fun to read and always hilarious. Marla's interactions with her Latin musician husband Adolfo, are so funny that I had to bookmark certain parts. They call each other Lucy and Ricky and you can definitely see why. Marla has red hair but more brains then Lucy and Adolfo is Latin and a musician just like Ricky Ricardo!
My favorite part of this book was the part where Marla would sneakily run to the garbage shoot to throw her husband's unpaired socks away behind his back so he wouldn't know about them. I read Diary of a Beverly Hills Matchmaker in two days and couldn't put this book down for a second.
I felt completely satisfied upon finishing this book since Marla's great energy can't help but rub off on you! Overall, I would highly recommend this book to readers who enjoy a humorous memoir that will keep them laughing and entertained. I look forward to reading anything and everything else Marla Martenson writes since I am now hooked on her writing. I would love for her to write a fiction novel since she definitely has the talent to write a great story.
Posted May 19, 2010
I got this book and started reading it with great interest and was immediately hooked. The story about Marla's adventures in Los Angeles trying to balance her job as a professional matchmaker,her marriage and her start as a published author is very funny, touching and insightful.
It starts out on a fast paced route and never lets you down. I was astounded at Marla's whirlwind lifestyle where alot of things are going on at once, and more. That she is surviving this pace is beyond me; but the merrier for the reader.
Don't brush this off as another chick-lit book a la so-and-so's diary; because there is so much more to this wonderful gem of a book.
I highly reccommend this book and cannot wait to read her other two previous novels now.
Marla, you really nailed this one; and yes you are smokin'.
Posted April 30, 2010
Marla's book is the truest depiction of Los Angeles men I've ever read. The book is deliciously funny and heart warming. Every single woman in America can relate to her and her book. Don't miss it.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted April 6, 2010
This is a truly eye opening look into the world of upscale matchmaking. Even though matchmaking services are becoming more and more popular, the general public doesn't know what really goes on behind the scenes. I was laughing so hard reading some of the e-mails that her clients sent her after they had gone on a date. I found the book to be very funny but also touching as she talks about her family and personal struggles and losses. Marla makes no bones about how hard it can be to keep it all together while trying to have it all. It is a wonderful book. I can't wait to read the sequel.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted April 4, 2010
Diary of a Beverly Hills Matchmaker is a fun and exciting book that I started reading on a flight. I was hooked from the beginning; so much so that I hoped the plane would be delayed just so I could keep reading!!! I've recommended this book to several of my friends who have enjoyed it as well.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted March 31, 2010
An absolutely wonderful book! Entertaining, funny and introspective! Couldn't put it down!!! Tremendous insight into the age-old question: what do men and women WANT from one another. This book delivers!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted March 6, 2010
Marla's memoir is a hit! I think that you will see a bit of yourself in this book as the author navigates through working a high pressure job, to carving out time to write and go on a book tour to making futile attempts at being a domestic goddess for her loving husband. I loved this book, and I think you will too.
Aura Imbarus, author of "Out of the Transylvania Night"
Posted March 5, 2010
I just love Marla's books. Whether it is giving relationship advice, or writing her memoirs, she always does it with humor. Keep them coming MarlaWas this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted March 2, 2010
Marla gives the inside scoop on what it's like to be a Beverly Hills matchmaker. She takes the reader on a wild ride with stories of how she juggles her home life with a stressful full time job and trying to make it as a best selling author. I laughed until I cried at some of the hilarious situations that she navigates through trying to make the perfect match in imperfect Los Angeles.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted March 2, 2010
Diary Of A Beverly Hills Matchmaker is hilarious. The subject is unique, I had no idea what goes on at a matchmaking service. Marla takes the reader through her days at the office and dealing with crazy requests and entertaining characters. I highly recommend this book for anyone who wants a good laugh!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.