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Overview
From juggling the demands her out-of-touch clients to trying her best to meet the capricious demands of an insensitive boss to the ups and downs of her own marriage to a Latin husband who doesn't think that she is 'domestic' enough, Marla writes with charm and self-effacement about the universal struggles that all women face in their lives.
Readers will laugh, cringe, and cry as they journey with her through outrageous stories about the indignities of dating in Los Angeles, dealing with overblown egos, vicariously hobnobbing with celebrities, and navigating the wannabe-land of Beverly Hills. In a city where perfection is almost a prerequisite, even Marla can't help but run for the Botox every once in a while.
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9780984308101 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Bettie Youngs Book Publishers |
| Publication date: | 04/20/2011 |
| Edition description: | Large Print |
| Pages: | 274 |
| Product dimensions: | 5.50(w) x 8.40(h) x 0.70(d) |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
ONE
Matchmaker, Matchmaker! Make Me a Match
A chichi decorator came up with the color of one of the walls in my Beverly Hills office by matching paint swatches to the silky dark chocolate Godiva heart-shaped ganaches that sit in a crystal dish alongside Teuscher Irish Cream truffles, and chocolate cordials of cherries soaked in black port and wrapped in gold foil. We do pamper our clients. I mention this so you'll know that there are many aspects of my job that I absolutely adore. Such niceties distract me from fantasies of . . . dismemberment.
Hi Marla, Scott, here. I'm so glad I joined your dating agency; I can see this is going to be verrrrry interesting. . . . Hey, the gal you lined me up with last evening was gorgeous, but I would really like my matches to be a 10 or, ideally, a 10+. And the gal needs to back up her beauty with an income of her own and her own living quarters. No roommate situations. I don't waste my time with someone who doesn't live up to my expectations-you know, long legs, firm small butt, double-D's, thin arms, blonde hair.
SCL
Ahem.
Dear Scott,
To paraphrase the deathless sentiments of Roseanne Barr, I'll get my wand. Oh, wait, it's in the repair shop, utterly depleted. I'm having to make do with our back-up magic lamp, but the genie keeps laughing and muttering about peace in the Middle East being an easier request as he disappears in a puff of smoke. He's such a joker. But since you have so much to offer, it shouldn't be too difficult to find the woman of your fantasies since all the 10+s in our database say that a man willing to plough up his bald scalp with those cute little tufts of implanted hair is a real turn-on. And most "gals" don't mind giving up their stilettos to avoid towering over a man of your stature.
Of course, I don't write this. This is my first e-mail of the day at Double D Dating Service here in Beverly Hills where I'm the head matchmaker. Double D is not the company's real name, as you may have guessed, just my own special pet name for it. I dash off a breezy professional response to Scott as if diplomacy were my mother tongue.
Dear Scott,
I'm so glad you enjoyed your evening with a gorgeous woman. A new and interesting experience, huh? Well, we do have an ever-growing list of many stunning women, eager to meet you. I'll get back to you later in the day with another name.
Marla
Something is nagging at me. Oh, my conscience. It's not bothering me at all about the direct lie: eager to meet you.
Table of Contents
Acknowledgments vii
Chapter 1 Matchmaker, Matchmaker! Make Me a Match 1
Chapter 2 Magnets 11
Chapter 3 How Dreams Change 21
Chapter 4 Scrambled Eggs 31
Chapter 5 Lucy and Ricky 41
Chapter 6 The Pig Party 47
Chapter 7 But I Look So Young for My Age 55
Chapter 8 You're Smooth, but Not That Smooth 65
Chapter 9 Cupid, Angels, and the Day from Hell 73
Chapter 10 "A Toast to Your Success…" 83
Chapter 11 "If Ya Think I'm Sexy…" 93
Chapter 12 Kiss My Botox 103
Chapter 13 Goddess Plan 111
Chapter 14 Darling, José Eber You're Not 121
Chapter 15 One Percent of the Population 129
Chapter 16 Two Life Lines 137
Chapter 17 Back at the Double D Ranch 147
Chapter 18 Women of Leisure 155
Chapter 19 Butterflies 165
Chapter 20 Baggage 175
Chapter 21 I Am Not Obsessed! 181
Chapter 22 The "H" Word 189
Chapter 23 The Glam Fix 195
Chapter 24 Law of Attraction 203
Chapter 25 Adolfo's Christmas Present 209
Chapter 26 Imagine My Surprise 215
Chapter 27 Shift Happens 225
Chapter 28 Volumptuous 233
Chapter 29 Slings and Arrows 237
Chapter 30 Rollercoaster Boogie 243
Chapter 31 Showtime 249
Chapter 32 "How It Ends and How It All Begins…" 257
What People are Saying About This
- A fun, wry, and truly eye-opening look into real-life world of matchmaking.—Joanne Rendell, The Professors' Wives' Club
Imagine this: a professional matchmaker giving us a witty,often hilarious, insight into the fascinating underbellies of dating and making it in Beverly Hills. Priceless.—F. G. Gerson, 21 Steps to Happiness - Sharper than a Louboutin stiletto,Martenson's book delivers!—Nadine Haobsh, Beauty Confidential and Confessions of a Beauty Addict
- I absolutely love this book! A witty, smart read for anyone who's ever wondered what the other half is really thinking.—Lisa Daily, DAYTIME TV dating coach and author of Stop Getting Dumped