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This book is written with the Jilted Wife in ...
This book is written with the Jilted Wife in mind--you and me. This is a self-help/how to/better-not-do-that/ book, which takes a fresh approach to the subject of divorce through humor. It is intended to show you that the light at the end of the tunnel isnt the train speeding down the tracks in your direction!
As a woman, a victim, an outcast, and the object of his evasive attitude and abusive temperament, I am a tad prejudice. If you are a woman who has been stung by her man's betrayal of life's promises, and are no longer the Queen Bee in his honeycomb, (or do you wish it was his catacomb?) this book will help you through the intense and debilitating smut of a divorce.
I will tell you my story, and you can log your own story right beside mine. We'll proceed down this bumpy avenue of life that is often gridlocked with his obstructions. Then, we'll trot uphill onto an elevated crest we never imagined we could reach, in light of a divorce.
This book will help you find purpose in life, laugh at the idiocy of his thinking, and put your confused feelings in perspective. Finally, you will learn how to validate your worth--not as his jilted wife--but as being your secure and confidential self. If you think you'll never be able to tolerate your divorce, think again. No one taught you how to breathe, or spit, or ovulate, but you managed to perform these activities without training in boot camp!
We'll go through this together. I'll explore my hurt feelings, and you will recognize them. And through it all, we'll discard the maniac who disassembled our lives, while we beam with confidence at the pure joy of independence. We'll nurture our souls and hearts by building a much better life for ourselves and our families.
We'll graduate from the whipped-wimp image of ourselves that he molded to suit himself. As we bring in the junior Red Cross to glue our clay-mation Gumby character back to her original formation, we'll give a new meaning to mutual bonds. Well explore all the avenues on which you may travel, but none will lead you to a dead-end. Also, I'll add a touch of humor. It's difficult, I know, but it is better to laugh at the truth that sometimes seems surreal.
At the conclusion of most chapters, I will give you perceptive perspectives, therapy thoughts, little life lessons, and jokes. I'll also include some husband-bashing, which should make you feel a lot better.
All those innuendoes, insults, and intrusive aspersions that we have unjustly suffered, will now be explored, swallowed, and eventually put to death. We'll make our heartaches turn into his headaches. We'll watch our dreams grow without him putting up obstacles and hurdles, for which we used to apologize and ultimately regurgitate. You'll share with me my thoughts, criticisms, opinions, and plots for revenge. And I know you'll come up with a few of your own. We'll explore, compare, and examine our divorce through alternative viewpoints: The Three Trimesters of Divorce, and the Five Stages of Grief. I'll even tell you my Secret for Happiness! And in the end, we'll be much better off without that speed bump we once called a husband.
DID HE SAY DIVORCE?D-D-Divorce. Okay, so I stuttered a little at the D word. Who wouldn't stutter if they had the rug pulled out from them, especially if that rug came off the top of his bald head?
So, here you are, tripping over that D word too. You may be left with financial burdens, emotional abandonment, and no more supplies of Haagen-Dazs ice cream. How dare he bail out of a marriage that promised you Chinese food every other Thursday? Why not tell the judge, "This is mental cruelty!"
It's not fair. You did everything for him. You bathed until you were squeaky clean, but when he came home from work, he brought his filthy problems inside for you to swallow and choke on, until you turned blue. Then, he scolded you for not paying enough attention to him when he walked through the door because you didn't take his pulse.
He cursed you for listening to old Johnny Mathis records when you had PMS. He lashed out at you for not being home when the UPS man was to deliver a trilogy of videotapes about Tammy-Sue's and Bambi-Bunny's adventures with Iron-man Playboy in Fantasy Island. You couldn't refute his accusations because you knew you would be laid to rest next to the goldfish he buried in your backyard, with ice cream sticks for a cross on your grave. Either way, you got blamed, right down to not sending his holy socks to psychotherapy.
Divorce is scary, no matter how old you are.
Divorce at 22, with two crawling-under-the-table-kids is frightening. Now, there is no man to piece together your tremors, or pick up little Tommy's toys. There is no money, no honey, and no alimony. Youre stuck, girl. Just like...
Divorce at 46. Your mind has gone to hell, and can't grasp the garbage he left for you to digest. Your knees creak, your eyes leak, and your sexual life stinks. Life in the 40+ years has no insurance policy, or warrantee that can keep your body from a meltdown. Your mind is fumbling around with all those foreign finances, while you feed it daily doses of Prozac.
Jump-starting a new life during a divorce is as frightening as Alice in Wonderland's diary. Why am I here? Where am I going? Who am I? Why did I grow smaller?
Now that you have decided to get out of your hellhole, you might need a reduction tablet to get your bloated brain through this bizarre labyrinth of divorce. If you feel those doors to your liberation are too small, and you don't have the key that unlocks his schemes of smoke rings, then maybe it's time for you to cut down those hedges that have blocked your view to freedom. If you are swimming in your tears, up to your ears, keep treading water, girl. Before you know it, you'll swim your way to freedom.
Whether you are 22 or 82; if your lifestyle--or life sentence--reminds you of that hellhole, life from now on will be better than when he painted you into that corner.
Divorce isn't easy, and it is important that you do what is right. I realize that word "right" is a generalization, so I will scale it down for you.
SCREW HIM...LOVE YOU!
Whether you have married a stupendous stud, or a wilting weasel, you don't deserve any abuse. Maybe by now, you have had enough.
Put on your lip-gloss girl, and let's get your life back in order.
And soon, you'll no longer be in Wonderland.
JUST WONDERING: I asked my newly divorced friend, What are you looking for in a man?
Her response: His absence!
Posted March 20, 2001
As a jilted wife, Joni Newman wrote her book, 'Did He Say Divorce?' with the jilted wife in mind. She sympathizes and empathizes with the reader, and somehow manages to make her laugh through the entire process. Jokes, witty therapeutic tips, and reality checks are at the end of most chapters. But it is her knack with language, and her touches of vitriol that are funny. From the misery of shame, rejection and a grinding sense of inferiority, she uses humor in her struggle through the morass of betrayal to reach the plateau of acceptance, serenity, and the realization of her own beautiful innner worth; a necessary soul-healing process. Imagine...all this healing...all couched in humor. What a delightful book! --Tarbelle Johnson Past President of 'The Professional Writers' League of Long Beach.'Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted March 24, 2001
When I read Joni Newman's 'Did He Say Divorce?' I felt like Joni was talking to me personally throughout the entire book. Although I had been divorced from my ex for over 30 years, (and raised nine little ones in spite of his absence) I still lived vicariously in Joni's humorous book on divorce. I related with her experiences, loved her style of always supporting the grieving wife, her 'Erma Bombeck' sense of humor, and her marvelous way with words. It is really the truth about laughter being the main ingredient to recovery. At the time, you can't recognize it, but Joni takes you down the road where the healing begins. And yes, laughter is the best medicine. Joni proves it in her book. So, read Joni's book, especially if you're going through a divorce, or know someone who has been jilted by her ex-man. You won't be sorry¿you'll be rolling on the floor!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted March 11, 2001
You will not be able to read this book without laughing, as you follow the crazy antics, and events of this woman's step inside the troubling world of 'divorce.' This is a very unique look throughout the whole process and progression, that this woman took to get over her man. Hopefully it will help you to shed some light on this troubling time When you ponder the question..'Did He Say Divorce?'Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.