Did I Wake You?: Haikus for Modern Living
  • Did I Wake You?: Haikus for Modern Living
  • Did I Wake You?: Haikus for Modern Living

Did I Wake You?: Haikus for Modern Living

by Beth Lapides
     
 

Did I Wake You? takes an eclectic mix of genres — haiku, humor, self-help, and anti-self-help — and rolls them into one whimsical, slightly hostile, and strangely inspirational volume. The book grew out of the L.A. live comedy series “Say The Word” in which, at monthly readings, Emmy-winning authors like Cindy Chupack and Alan Zweibel

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Overview

Did I Wake You? takes an eclectic mix of genres — haiku, humor, self-help, and anti-self-help — and rolls them into one whimsical, slightly hostile, and strangely inspirational volume. The book grew out of the L.A. live comedy series “Say The Word” in which, at monthly readings, Emmy-winning authors like Cindy Chupack and Alan Zweibel read true stories about their amazing careers. In this rarefied company, Lapides wowed the audience with haiku about brand names and boyfriends, grocery stores and gynecologists.

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9781933368498
Publisher:
Soft Skull Press, Inc.
Publication date:
10/28/2006
Pages:
109
Sales rank:
1,413,535
Product dimensions:
5.10(w) x 6.54(h) x 0.38(d)

Read an Excerpt

DID I WAKE YOU?


By BETH LAPIDES

Soft Skull Press

Copyright © 2007 Beth Lapides
All right reserved.

ISBN: 1-933368-49-7


Chapter One

DIRTY OPTIMISM

It's like the best of times and the worst of times but without the best of.

* * *

"Did I wake you?" "No." "Are you sure?" "Well, kind of." "I'll call back." "I'm up now!"

Magical thinking's not thinking-or magic. But it's better than panic.

* * *

Finished a draft of "Best Case Scenario" on 9/10. Scratch that.

"I love," Tim said, "that you're thinking 'throw a party.' I'm thinking, 'xanax.'"

* * 8

"You're so negative for a positive person," he said. "No I'm not!"

A born optimist, I fell away. Got depressed. Came crawling back home.

* * *

Afternoon is tough. The hope of morning's spent, dark courage not yet here.

I stopped to smell the roses. But the roses did not smell. Tried again.

* * *

Slavery? Hitler? The plague? The Ice Age? When were those good old days?

The glass isn't half full. It is full. Half tainted water. Half bad air.

* * *

"Being number two is very under-rated," said sad number three.

There's no us and them. But still, we're not them. Are we? Are we even us?

* * *

Melting pot sounds: hum buzz, coo and cluck. Umlauted vowels, bring good luck.

Every snowflake's unique 'til it merges with the blanket. Then, slush.

* * *

No astrology in GQ. Well dressed men think: fate's in my own hands.

Fear keeps me awake.Gratitude puts me to sleep. Love says good morning.

Chapter Two

HOLLYWOOD MATH

When I said be more Liz Taylor-I meant diamonds, not back pain and pills.

* * *

The absence of yes, over time, is equal to no. Hollywood Math.

It's not what you know or who you know-it's who knows you and what they know.

* * *

Ben Affleck and I reach for the last coconut shrimp. And I get it!

Hollywood asks: How big's your name? Kabbalah asks: eat bread of shame? Same.

* * *

"Salma Hayek went behind my desk and ate all my Pirate Booty."

She was an artist, then an entertainer, then finally, product.

* * *

"If I don't get a job soon I might be forced to take an acting class."

Oscar Mania slows traffic, puts egos on fast track. Distracts me.

* * *

Good Thai dinner is ruined by table of Kevin Bacon film-namers.

One billion is a thousand millions. Bill Gates has ninety-nine of those.

* * *

Larry King asks Tom Cruise, "Any regrets?" "No, no! Larry, I'm Tom Cruise!"

Charlie Rose dresses down for Sean Penn, who dresses up for Charlie Rose.

* * *

Holy Hollywood- where God is in the details of your deal memo.

Jacqueline Suzanne. Mae West. Katherine Hepburn. Three ladies I like.

(Continues...)



Excerpted from DID I WAKE YOU? by BETH LAPIDES Copyright © 2007 by Beth Lapides. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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